Saying a Catholic prayer?

[sherryjune]

I am dating a guy that is Catholic, and his family is as well. Needless to say I am not. Every sunday we go to his parents for lunch with the whole family. When the sit down to eat the pray and I am not Catholic so I dont pray the way they do. We arew getting very serious and I love him and his family and I dont want them to think I am disrespecting them in any way. Should I learn the prayer and just do it. Or should I do as I have been doing and just not do it. I havent talked to my boyfriend about this because it makes me really uncomfortable. I just dont know what to do…

 

[Leopard]

Is it a form of Grace that goes:

Bless us, O Lord, and these Your gifts
Which we are about to receive from Your bounty
Through Christ our Lord, Amen.

If so, is there anything in the prayer that goes against your conscience?

If not, I would learn the prayer and pray it together when you eat together.

Or if it is not this prayer, can you tell us what it is?

Also if you really are getting serious with him, I think you should talk to him about this and other things that make you uncomfortable, and find out the same about him. The better you understand each other, the better your relationship will be.

 

[Linda_Marie]

Saying a Catholic prayer will not make you a Catholic and I highly doubt there is anything in saying Grace before meals that you would find offensive. You have not told us whether you are even a Christian so it makes it hard to know where you are coming from. I advise that you go ahead and learn it and pray it with them as a gesture of solidarity since you are getting serious about this man. Since he is Catholic, you will need to learn what that means to him and to his family, and what it would mean for you, if you are going to be staying together.

You really need to sit down and talk about this with your boyfriend, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel. It can be the difference between staying together and parting your ways.

When I first got married, my dh was Catholic and I was no religion. He was not practicing at the time so it made no difference practically. Still, he had vestiges of his Catholic upbringing that coloured his actions, his words. It did cause some problems for us before God knocked me upside the head with a spiritual 2x4 and made me a Catholic.

This will be the same with your boyfirend, even if he does not practice his faith. His Catholic upbringing will affect your relationship. If you are truly getting serious about this man, it is time to bite the bullet and bring this up for discussion.

 

[MissMichal]

I am dating a guy that is Catholic, and his family is as well. Needless to say I am not. Every sunday we go to his parents for lunch with the whole family. When the sit down to eat the pray and I am not Catholic so I dont pray the way they do. We arew getting very serious and I love him and his family and I dont want them to think I am disrespecting them in any way. Should I learn the prayer and just do it. Or should I do as I have been doing and just not do it. I havent talked to my boyfriend about this because it makes me really uncomfortable. I just dont know what to do…

My son had a problem with praying for a while, and I told him that he didn’t have to pray if it made him uncomfortable, he just needed to be respectful while those who choose to pray do so. If you disagree with the prayer, there is no need to say it with them (from your post it sounds like they’re praying in unison, though I might be wrong). If the prayer agrees with your sensibilities, though, I think the family will be flattered if you asked them to teach it to you. It might be a way to open dialogue about your religious traditions, which you should definitely do with your boyfriend if you see any possibility of marriage in your future.

God Bless,
-S-

 

[Lead_Me_Home]

I’m assuming you’re protestant. If so what denomination?

My family is protestant and I’m a Closet Catholic so when they say grace I say a protestant grace, really a bible verse. While in my heart I say a Catholic grace: Bless us O Lord and these thy gifts…Amen This does not go against either faith I just do this to keep peace. I assume this is the same for you. Say which ever grace you feel comfortable with but make sure they understand it is in a good spirit. I actually found the Catholic grace in a general/protestant grace book without the sign of the cross.

 

[sherryjune]

I am Christian but I do not practice the religion. The family does say it in unison and I am always quiet and bow my head. Before I met him I was thinking of converting for my son(From a previous marriage) he is six months old and I would like him to grow up with a sense of good values. I would love to talk to my boyfriend about this but neither of us are good with words. We just know how we feel and understand each other. I guess my problem is I dont know how to bring it up or start the conversation

 

[MissMichal]

I would love to talk to my boyfriend about this but neither of us are good with words. We just know how we feel and understand each other. I guess my problem is I dont know how to bring it up or start the conversation

You could start by asking him what he thinks about being Catholic. If you’re discussing marriage, you could ask him if he wants to have a Catholic wedding. If he goes to mass, ask to accompany him (Easter would be an excellent time to do this). Ask him questions about his faith and make faith a “safe” topic for daily discussion. You don’t have to have a huge, solemn conversation, just bring the subject up. As I said, this prayer may be a good entry point for talking to him and his family.

If you are thinking of converting, then first of all congratulations and welcome. God used a great way to choose you. I would invite you to go to Easter Vigil to see adults who have been preparing as they are welcomed into the faith by baptism. It’s very inspiring. Also, talk to people about it. Your BF, his family, your family, priests, people at church and all of us at this forum are thrilled to talk to you. The call comes from God and works in your heart, but then you have to find out what to do about it

God Bless, and message me if you would like to talk.
-S-

 

[Leopard]

…I was thinking of converting for my son(From a previous marriage) he is six months old and I would like him to grow up with a sense of good values. I would love to talk to my boyfriend about this but neither of us are good with words…

Sherryjune,

If you think there is some chance that you and your boyfriend might want to marry someday, then you need to have a serious talk with him, and the two of you together need to talk with a priest, and it might be best to do so before you are too emotionally connected to each other.

The thing is, if you were previously married and divorced, you and your boyfriend may not be free to marry each other. The Catholic Church seriously teaches that marriage validly contracted is permanent. Divorce may be permissible in extreme cases if the couple later are unable to live together in peace, but if the marriage is valid the former spouses are not free to marry others while both former spouses live.

Now it is possible for a marriage to be defective in some way from the beginning, in which case it can be annulled and both spouses may be free to marry others as recognized by the Catholic Church. You need to have your former marriage investigated to see if this applies to you. And as I said, it may be best if you do this before you and your boyfriend get too involved, because if you are not free to marry each other, your boyfriend may find himself in a position where he has to choose between his Church and you. That could lead to heartbreak.

I’ll pray for you.

 

[rolltidefan]

Sherryjune,

I married into a Catholic family. As a protestant I had always said a prayer before meals. I had never heard that particular prayer until I married into this family. When we go to eat, they say their prayer and I still say my prayer silently. It is not because I think anything is wrong with that prayer because there is nothing wrong with it at all. It is I just always prayed before and I saw no need to change what I had done since I am not Catholic and have no plans at this time of becoming Catholic. Not that that particular prayer makes you Catholic because it doesn’t…it is just giving thanks. Again, it is just because I had always said my own prayer and so I just continued doing it. However, you said you were Christian and that you wanted to raise your son in church but it sounds like you don’t attend anywhere regular at this time. I think this would be a great way to start him out learning that we do need to be thankful for what God gives us. So if you were not praying your own prayer before, I say learn it and go for it. It is not wrong to learn to pray this way and it sure is better to teach your child something and also for you to do it also.

As far as having a talk with your boyfriend. I would definately talk to him about religion before you got much more involved. If you have plans of converting it probably will not be a problem but I can tell you now if you have no plans of becoming Catholic or having problems with some of the teachings you need to discuss them now. It is extremely hard to be married anyway, but add the added stress of a mixed marriage and it can be rough. I don’t regret marrying my husband at all, but boy do I wish there had been things discussed before hand. So this is one time, I wouldn’t be shy at all about asking questions, stating your concerns and also letting him do the same. Communication is the key to a good marriage and that needs to start in dating.

Other than that, I think it is great that you are wanting to do what is best for you and your son by getting into some type of Christian church. I hope all works out for you.

 

[sherryjune]

Its not that I dont want to pray the same way they do. I dont think there is anything wrong with the way they pray. I just do it differently and have been in front of them. I wouldnt mind praying the same way they do its just I know they had to have noticed that I pray differently and I dont know how they would re-act if I started praying their way

 

[LilyM]

Its not that I dont want to pray the same way they do. I dont think there is anything wrong with the way they pray. I just do it differently and have been in front of them. I wouldnt mind praying the same way they do its just I know they had to have noticed that I pray differently and I dont know how they would re-act if I started praying their way

They’d get real mad and beat you around the head with their rosaries … (joking!)

I’m sure they wouldn’t assume you were about to become Catholic or anything - I’ve prayed with people of different denominations before, no-one assumes another is going to change their faith just by saying a prayer!

Other than that, they’d be pleased that you decided to pray with them - that’s about it.

 

[LindaS]

Hi, Sherry! Have you thought about writing out your thoughts/questions, and asking your bf to read it, with you there, of course. It can be a great way to start a discussion you feel uncomfortable with.

Peace, Linda

 

[1ke]

Its not that I dont want to pray the same way they do. I dont think there is anything wrong with the way they pray. I just do it differently and have been in front of them. I wouldnt mind praying the same way they do its just I know they had to have noticed that I pray differently and I dont know how they would re-act if I started praying their way

I don’t think they’d think anything, good, bad, or otherwise.

When in Rome, do as the Romans… the old saying goes. If I am with Protestant friends and they are leading the prayer, I pray along with them. If I am with Catholics, we pray the meal prayer. I had one Catholic friend when I was in high school-- I was not Catholic then-- and they did a novena to Mary at the dinner table every night! It was a long prayer, they actually had cards they passed out to visitors to follow along. It had lots of Hail Marys and etc. I followed along on the card whenever I had dinner at their house.

So I guess I’m saying there is nothing odd about joining in with whomever is your host in whatever form of prayer they are doing-- if you have no objection to it. If you don’t feel comfortable making the sign of the cross, you don’t have to. It is just a rememberance of our baptism-- in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

 

[idrum677]

They’d get real mad and beat you around the head with their rosaries … (joking!)

Don’t forget about about all that “praying to dead people” stuff.

You may want to learn more about Catholicism as well, just for your own sake. There are a lot of micsonceptions out there about the Church. You can find a lot of helpful info at Catholicscomehome.org.
It seems that faith is important to your boyfriend and his family. If you are indeed serious and ready to make a commitment, I second waht the other posters said, you ned to be able to openly discuss that together.

God bless.

 

[sherryjune]

Thank you all so much. I just needed to talk about this before I went in blind and might have put my foot in my mouth. I am planning to talk to him on Sunday before Easter. In between that time Im going to come up with exactly how I am going to ask him about everything. But again thank you all, you gave me really great advice and help

 

[Peacefulwishes]

Sherryjune, I was a non-practicing christian (fallen away Mormon, really) when I met my Catholic husband. The entire time we dated, and for 2 years after we were married (I didn’t convert until we had been married over 2 years!) I would just sit silent during prayers, and during mass, if I went with him. I didn’t like it though, I felt disconnected and left out. Even if I said my own inner prayer, it wasn’t the same. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to participate in their prayers, regardless if you’ve never prayed that way before. I’m sure more than anything, he and his family will regard it as a sign of kindness and respect if you do! In other words, brownie points! LOL But seriously, it couldn’t hurt, and if you want to - then do it!

If you are considering joining the Catholic Church because of your son (I joined because of my kids, too! But I’m SO glad I did!!) I do highly recommend start attending mass on Sundays, talk with a Priest and inquire about RCIA. I loved going to my RCIA classes because I learned so much, and I had the opportunity to have every question I’d ever had about Catholicism answered, one on one.

Also, if you were married before, don’t stress out too much over the red tape. I was married before too, but thankfully our parish priest didn’t require me to get an annulment, maybe because at the time we were married I was not a Catholic, and my previous marriage had taken place at a JOP and not “under God”. It’s just a good idea to ask about these things now so you know what to expect.

Good luck!