Saying Things Without Thinking

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Melodeonist

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While I have made other threads about me and my Mother arguing, this one is a bit different. I have noticed that most of the time I just say things without thinking. This causes me and my Mother to get into arguments. I am having a difficult time trying to start thinking before saying things because I seem to have a habit of saying things without thinking.

What are some tips on how to start thinking before talking/doing something?
 
Count to ten before opening your mouth, in that 10 seconds decide if it is worth it or if what you are going to say will start a fight. Then don’t say it if it will. Ten seconds is plenty of time to let the urge to snap back pass.
 
You just described my personality,hahaha,
It’s really hard to think before you speak ,
But it can be done,I Really struggle with it,
Try to count before you speak,good luck ,
 
Take a second or two to breathe before speaking. It may feel like a long time and therefore strange in the conversational flow, but really it isn’t. Plus, you can take that time to discern if you really should say something or not.
 
Melodeonist said:
While I have made other threads about me and my Mother arguing, this one is a bit different. I have noticed that most of the time I just say things without thinking. This causes me and my Mother to get into arguments. I am having a difficult time trying to start thinking before saying things because I seem to have a habit of saying things without thinking.

What are some tips on how to start thinking before talking/doing something?
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First, keep practicing. You’re trying to retrain a bad habit, and change is not usually immediate. It may take some time to learn to catch yourself before saying something, but the more you do it, the quicker you’ll get at it. Be patient with yourself and focus on those times when you do better (and try not to tear yourself down when you aren’t doing as well as you want to do). When you do mess up, remind yourself what you plan to do next time.

When you say something without thinking, as soon as you realize that you spoke without thinking and it upset your mother, apologize. You might tell her, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that (or didn’t mean that the way it sounded); I just wasn’t thinking. I’m trying to work on that, and I hope you’ll be patient with me while I try to break that habit. Will you please forgive me?”

One thing to try is taking just a moment before you verbally respond to nearly anything that’s not an emergency–even easy questions. It gets you in the habit of taking just that moment, and that gives you a second to think before speaking.

Will also pray for you! :gopray2:
 
Hi Melodeonist,

I think that it’s good that you’re recognizing this in yourself. 🙂

You’re not alone in this, as I too, am guilty of doing this.

I try to “count to ten–or even higher if necessary,” or just pause long enough in my thinking, to stop long enough to really think before I start talking.

Another thing that you can do, is to pray for yourself, and ask God to help you with the faults that you find in yourself–that you recognize them–and that you are asking for God’s help with them, too. 🙂

May God bless you in your journey of faith.
 
You can practice by saying-- I don’t know, maybe, I have to think about it, and other key phrases that are vague. Sometimes people will also push harder after you respond like this, so just repeat it as many times as necessary, if these disagreements are a result from you answering her.

In life you will run into sonepeople who try and bait you into reacting verbally. You need to practice how not to fall for this bait.

If you are initiating the conversation, just don’t talk about things that are hot button issues between you. Talk about positive things.
 
Practice in your head before hand.

I bet a lot of the fights with your mother follow the same pattern. Practice in your head “when she says ABC, I will respond with XYZ”.
 
Frank Sinatra asked Luciano Pavarotti how he got those beautiful tones…Pavarotti said: “just open your mouth.”

In your case, just close your mouth! 😉
 
Thanks for the replies! I will try the counting trick as it sounds quite useful. 🙂

One other issue is that we really have nothing else to discuss. My mother really only watches the news and the Food Network (I really don’t watch TV at all, so we don’t discuss the Food Network.) Sometimes I absentmindedly bring up something vaguely related to politics, and we wind up arguing. Other times my mother brings up something political. Yet even more times I just walk in to a room and my mother is watching the news or a very vulgar and blasphemous “comedian” named Bill Maher. In these cases, arguments are inevitable.

For example, me and my mother are complete opposites on guns. I am very pro-gun, while my mother is very anti-gun. As guns are often in the news, my mother often brings up news stories with her anti-gun twist on it. Another one would be abortion. My mother is very pro-choice, while I am very pro-life. She sometimes brings up stuff that leads to arguments here. We know that we will never change each others minds, but we still argue politics pointlessly. 😦
 
We just got into an argument over guns. I just went down to get some lunch and my mother was reading the newspaper. She started saying something along the lines of how open carry is bad. I told her I disagreed. I did, however, try the counting trick. It helped somewhat, but it didn’t help me avoid getting into the argument. The counting trick helped me make more thoughtful points and yell less. I guess you could say it’s a bit of an improvement.
 
Melodeonist said:
It helped somewhat, but it didn’t help me avoid getting into the argument.
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Not counting isn’t the problem.

You sound to me like you have a judgmental attitude with regard to your mother, and you likewise don’t respect her sufficiently to keep your opinions to yourself.

You live at home. What you need to worry about is honoring your mother, no matter the faults you think she might have. Don’t worry about what your mother is doing or saying or not doing or not saying.

Frankly, those things are none of your business, and neither is sticking your nose in to correct her. 😉
 
When pushed to lash out at her, just tell her you love her and offer her a hug.

God Bless
 
You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to. Or crash the ones you’re not invited to.

If your mom comments on something you disagree with, you don’t have to respond. I’m sure she’s very much aware of your views as you are of hers.

Perhaps you could respond with something else that is neutral ground and redirect the conversation.

Mom: I think open-carry is bad.
You: That ham sandwich looks good. I think I’ll have that for lunch, too.
 
bluerose said:
You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to. Or crash the ones you’re not invited to.

If your mom comments on something you disagree with, you don’t have to respond. I’m sure she’s very much aware of your views as you are of hers.

Perhaps you could respond with something else that is neutral ground and redirect the conversation.

Mom: I think open-carry is bad.
You: That ham sandwich looks good. I think I’ll have that for lunch, too.
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I have tried doing similar things in the past, and my mother usually tells me to either not change the subject or that how her mother always changed the subject of conversations that were controversial.

I suppose I shall try ignoring her next time. That should work, although I might be like a tea pot inside whistling with distress. :o
 
Practice the virtue of patience and try to be aware of yourself. Spend time in front of the blessed Eucharist in silent adoration and ask the Lord to give you the virtue of knowing when to speak and when not to.

I also have found that if you spend time trying to be a better listener it naturally reduces the more irrelevant things you say.
 
Maturity.

If you don’t watch the news or involve yourself in current affairs I don’t see how you can justify “schooling” your mother.
She is putting a roof over your head and paying fro your school.
Maturity. Respect. LOVE. It doesn’t mean you have to agree on everything, but you have no right to hound her about things you think you know a lot about.
She didn’t stand in the way of your conversion…right?

Maybe some gratitude and respect is in order.
 
pianistclare said:
Maturity.

If you don’t watch the news or involve yourself in current affairs I don’t see how you can justify “schooling” your mother.
She is putting a roof over your head and paying fro your school.
Maturity. Respect. LOVE. It doesn’t mean you have to agree on everything, but you have no right to hound her about things you think you know a lot about.
She didn’t stand in the way of your conversion…right?

Maybe some gratitude and respect is in order.
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I don’t watch the news. I read it online. TV news is all very biased.

I try to respect her, but sometimes I feel she doesn’t respect my opinions. I really don’t like arguing, but she often brings up topics that we both know we disagree on. 🤷
 
Melodeonist said:
I don’t watch the news. I read it online. TV news is all very biased.

I try to respect her, but sometimes I feel she doesn’t respect my opinions. I really don’t like arguing, but she often brings up topics that we both know we disagree on. 🤷
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So disengage. Always speak respectfully and apologise if you say something before you think about it.

Lou
 
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