Saying Things Without Thinking

[pianistclare]

I don’t watch the news. I read it online. TV news is all very biased.

I try to respect her, but sometimes I feel she doesn’t respect my opinions. I really don’t like arguing, but she often brings up topics that we both know we disagree on.

Does she have friends? Does she do things with other women in her church? Neighbors? Other people to interact with? Does she feel like your father gives her time and good conversation?

Please don’t post answers, these are just things to think about.
Perhaps she has no one else to talk to.
Be kind to her. "Mom, you know how I feel about this, can we talk about something else please? " Remember to smile.

 

[EmeraldOak]

The next time you pray your rosary ask Mother Mary for a special grace for you to grow in the theological virtue of prudence. This has helped me tremendously with the virtues that I personally struggle with. Also, consider reading up on it by googling “Catholic cardinal virtues”. If we have never been instructed properly it is no wonder we struggle with how to conduct ourselves. Let the Church guide you and teach you and form you in the virtues. It will help you throughout your life when alone, at work, with friends, not just with your mother.

Mother Mary is a mother and she wants you to have a healthy relationship with your earthly mother. You can’t change your mother or her reactions so invite Mother Mary to help you. She is able to mediate special graces, so ask for them!

 

[pianistclare]

The next time you pray your rosary ask Mother Mary for a special grace for you to grow in the theological virtue of prudence. This has helped me tremendously with the virtues that I personally struggle with. Also, consider reading up on it by googling “Catholic cardinal virtues”.

Mother Mary is a mother and she wants you to have a healthy relationship with your earthly mother. You can’t change your mother or her reactions so invite Mother Mary to help you. She is able to mediate special graces, so ask for them!

 

[robertmidwest]

You can practice by saying-- I don’t know, maybe, I have to think about it, and other key phrases that are vague.

In life you will run into sonepeople who try and bait you into reacting verbally. You need to practice how not to fall for this bait.

You have to take a look at your own behavior too.

 

[Melodeonist]

Does she have friends? Does she do things with other women in her church? Neighbors? Other people to interact with? Does she feel like your father gives her time and good conversation?

Please don’t post answers, these are just things to think about.
Perhaps she has no one else to talk to.
Be kind to her. "Mom, you know how I feel about this, can we talk about something else please? " Remember to smile.

My mother isn’t religious.

We don’t really have all that much to talk about besides politics. My mother doesn’t leave the house all that much, so the only things she really ever brings up is politics.

I suppose I could try bringing up topics involving my job, college, or something of a similar nature.

 

[truetofaith]

We just got into an argument over guns. I just went down to get some lunch and my mother was reading the newspaper. She started saying something along the lines of how open carry is bad. I told her I disagreed. I did, however, try the counting trick. It helped somewhat, but it didn’t help me avoid getting into the argument. The counting trick helped me make more thoughtful points and yell less. I guess you could say it’s a bit of an improvement.

Did you tell her why you thought open carry is better? Instead of arguing, just calmly give a reason for your position.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I can relate actually. My mother is the master at passive aggressive comments to try to egg me on. However my mom and I have zero in common so there is an awkward silence I always try to break and then I say something stupid.
My advice. Have several topics ready to talk about that are nuetral but you mom enjoys.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

My mother isn’t religious.

We don’t really have all that much to talk about besides politics. My mother doesn’t leave the house all that much, so the only things she really ever brings up is politics.

I suppose I could try bringing up topics involving my job, college, or something of a similar nature.

When are you going to get out of your mothers house. It seems to be the biggest problem in your life.

 

[truetofaith]

and then I say something stupid.
.

Frank Sinatra…“I say something stupid like, I love you.” Good song & advice!

 

[pianistclare]

When are you going to get out of your mothers house. It seems to be the biggest problem in your life.

Bingo.

 

[njlisa]

When I was in my early twenties and thought I knew everything, I used to fight with my dad hammer and tong. It didn’t matter what the issue was, I never backed down from a fight and threw fuel on the fire.

Based on a therapist’s advice, I stopped fighting with my father. Anytime that my temper started to flare, I calmly left the room.

When I started withdrawing rather than fighting, guess what? The fighting stopped. I learned that I didn’t need to “win” anything. I just needed to stop making myself and my father miserable.

It took some humility, but I did exactly what the therapist said to do.

Is your life working out well when you fight with your mother? Does it make you happy?

Stop what you are doing. Change your behavior.

I hope you stop fighting against the wonderful advice you are being given. Stop fighting with the other posters. If you do, I think your life will improve.

God bless you and don’t forget to pray for your mother.

 

[GEddie]

When pushed to lash out at her, just tell her you love her and offer her a hug.

God Bless

+1.

And post on the back of your forehead: Guns and abortion are not worth arguing with mum over; as neither will change the other’s mind nor the law.

You can’t escape being provoked, but you can avoid picking up an argument that will bear no fruit.

ICXC NIKA

 

[pensmama87]

When are you going to get out of your mothers house. It seems to be the biggest problem in your life.

I don’t mean this to be harsh to the OP, but going by the posts here I do not think at all that he would be prepared to do this.

I agree the home situation is not good, but I don’t see a workable alternative, at least at present.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I don’t mean this to be harsh to the OP, but going by the posts here I do not think at all that he would be prepared to do this.

I agree the home situation is not good, but I don’t see a workable alternative, at least at present.

The op should be working to that end. And fast.

 

[pensmama87]

The op should be working to that end. And fast.

No disagreement there. Melo, what are you doing right now to prepare for living on your own?

 

[Melodeonist]

No disagreement there. Melo, what are you doing right now to prepare for living on your own?

I’m going for an associates degree. When I get out of community college I will probably look for a job in the computer field. After I get a job in the field I’ll look to move out.

I don’t see what’s the rush to move out. Sure, me and my mother do argue every now and then; Other than that, I don’t really have any issues living at home.

 

[pensmama87]

I’m going for an associates degree. When I get out of community college I will probably look for a job in the computer field. After I get a job in the field I’ll look to move out.

I don’t see what’s the rush to move out. Sure, me and my mother do argue every now and then; Other than that, I don’t really have any issues living at home.

That’s a very good start!

Besides career, here are some other suggestions I would have for various life skills if you aren’t already working on them: budgeting and planning for the expenses of living on your own, grocery shopping and cooking/food prep, driving and/or learning the public transit system, and building solid friendships. Having a job would also be a great experience even if it isn’t full-time or in your desired field. It can teach a lot of people skills.

Again, I don’t mean to be harsh or overly critical, but I read your posts and can’t help but think you’ve led a very sheltered life and have not had the opportunity to develop some important skills. You clearly want to do the right thing and that’s great, but at least based on what you’ve said here, I don’t think your home environment is going to help you get there. The fact that you lack awareness of this mostly confirms my suspicions.

I’m trying to be delicate here and please know I am praying for you as I do for many posters on CAF. I know that behind the screen name is a real person. I don’t want to call you out or make you feel bad. I just worry (maybe it’s a mom thing.) My sister recently left school (not completing her degree) and I see a couple parallels. One of my biggest fears will be that she just moves back home (right now she’s with other family who are much better for her.) Regardless, please be assured of my prayers.

 

[e_c]

Try diffusion. “That view has some really good arguments to support it. I can see how a reasonable person would believe it. Pass the salt.”

OP - Do you think that it’s possible your lack of a filter might have anything to do with other compulsive behaviors that have been pointed out to you?

 

[Lou2U]

Try diffusion. “That view has some really good arguments to support it. I can see how a reasonable person would believe it. Pass the salt.”

OP - Do you think that it’s possible your lack of a filter might have anything to do with other compulsive behaviors that have been pointed out to you?

I agree that having a few stock phrases will really benefit you and stop things getting so heated with your mother. Remember, you do not have to respond in the way she begins. If she says something you disagree with in anger, you do not have to respond with anger.

One thing though - don’t assume your position is correct because you have heard the information from a different source. Talk to your mother in a way that gets her to share what she heard instead of in defence. If your mother assumes you are wrong because you have seen it from a different source, you do not have to respond in kind. Be respectful in both words and attitude and hopefully you will see the same back. Remember you can diffuse and disengage. You have more options than escalation and arguing.

Lou

 

[Melodeonist]

That’s a very good start!

Besides career, here are some other suggestions I would have for various life skills if you aren’t already working on them: budgeting and planning for the expenses of living on your own, grocery shopping and cooking/food prep, driving and/or learning the public transit system, and building solid friendships. Having a job would also be a great experience even if it isn’t full-time or in your desired field. It can teach a lot of people skills.

Again, I don’t mean to be harsh or overly critical, but I read your posts and can’t help but think you’ve led a very sheltered life and have not had the opportunity to develop some important skills. You clearly want to do the right thing and that’s great, but at least based on what you’ve said here, I don’t think your home environment is going to help you get there. The fact that you lack awareness of this mostly confirms my suspicions.

I’m trying to be delicate here and please know I am praying for you as I do for many posters on CAF. I know that behind the screen name is a real person. I don’t want to call you out or make you feel bad. I just worry (maybe it’s a mom thing.) My sister recently left school (not completing her degree) and I see a couple parallels. One of my biggest fears will be that she just moves back home (right now she’s with other family who are much better for her.) Regardless, please be assured of my prayers.

I don’t lead a sheltered life. I’m a bit confused where you got that from. I am quite extroverted and I love talking and interacting with people.

I recently got a job at a local supermarket, and I have been greatly enjoying it! I get to talk to people all day.

Thank you for the prayers. One can never get enough of them!