Saying those three little words

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My girlfriend and I have been officially dating for a little over a month now. I’m contemplating saying the L-word. I don’t know if I’m ready to say those words yet, and wanted to get some (name removed by moderator)ut first.

  1. *]How long had you been dating before one of you said “I love you?”
    *]Who said it first, the man or the woman?
    *]How did you first know that you loved him/her? How long after you knew did you actually tell him/her?
    *]How did you deal with the uneasy question of whether the other person will reciprocate?
    *]Just the general circumstances in the relationship at which point those 3 words were uttered. Any kind of context would help.

    Thank you in advance!
 
A month? You might feel that way but let me tell you that’s a gigantic risk my friend.

I felt the same way after a month dating my wife but I kept it in for awhile knowing that I risked a massive trainwreck. Only you can know if the circumstances warrant delivering that message without being seen as overly needy or something.
 
“I love you” ?

I thought the three little words would be “I was wrong.”

😉

Meh, its been a long time so my memory is fuzzy, but as I recall she was the first to say it. I wasn’t totally onboard, but felt I needed to reciprocate or else I would make her feel embarrassed. I don’t recommend what I did, however the word “love” does have many levels of meaning which could, I suppose, provide wriggle room.
 
AllSeasons said:
I’m contemplating saying the L-word. I don’t know if I’m ready to say those words yet,
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Then don’t. Wait until you feel like you can no longer keep it from her. Wait, so that it really means something. Don’t say it because you think it is time, or expected, or to keep her around. (Not saying you are, just saying the only reason should be that it is real.) 🙂
 
Wait 'til you’ve had a couple of strong disagreements and then see how you feel;)
 
Irishmom2 said:
Then don’t. Wait until you feel like you can no longer keep it from her. Wait, so that it really means something. Don’t say it because you think it is time, or expected, or to keep her around. (Not saying you are, just saying the only reason should be that it is real.) 🙂
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I agree, if the OP isn’t sure, then don’t say those words you may regret later. In fact, I would let her make the first move when it comes to saying those three words.
 
I can’t remember who said it first, but my wife and I were together for two weeks before we started telling each other ‘i love you’.

I really believe that you just KNOW.

I think your post is evidence that you are over thinking and over analyzing the situation. This is one of those times when you need to tell your head to SHUT UP and go forward by feel.
 
The best advice I ever heard about this was when I was young by a priest, and I never forgot it. In a romantic relationship, you should only say I Love You when you have a sincere desire for permanency. That does not mean you have fully discerned marriage or decided to propose or such. But it does mean that you are presently content with the other person and only have plans on trying to make it work out.
 
AllSeasons said:
My girlfriend and I have been officially dating for a little over a month now. I’m contemplating saying the L-word. I don’t know if I’m ready to say those words yet, and wanted to get some (name removed by moderator)ut first.

  1. *]How long had you been dating before one of you said “I love you?”
    *]Who said it first, the man or the woman?
    *]How did you first know that you loved him/her? How long after you knew did you actually tell him/her?
    *]How did you deal with the uneasy question of whether the other person will reciprocate?
    *]Just the general circumstances in the relationship at which point those 3 words were uttered. Any kind of context would help.

    Thank you in advance!
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  1. You’ve been dating a month? Okay, tell her that you love her, but prepare yourself in advance that she might run for the hills.

    I’ve been in love twice in my life. Exactly twice. The first man and I didn’t exchange L words until we’d been dating for six months. The second man I married, and I’d been dating him for a little more than a year before we professed our love for one another.

    Every couple is different, but a month seems an awfully short amount of time to me. Guys who have told me they cared deeply for me right out of the gate always scared me a little. “Why so intense so soon?” “This guy hardly knows me, how does he know he can’t live without me?” “Why is this dude so anxious to take this further?”

    My advice: slow down. You may think you love her, and you very well may, but wait at least a month or two more before you tell her this.

    Luna
 
Luna_Lovecraft said:
My advice: slow down. You may think you love her, and you very well may, but wait at least a month or two more before you tell her this.
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This. Especially if, as other posters have noted, you don’t know if you’re ready. I knew I loved my wife but I didn’t know if she was ready to hear it. That plays a huge role too. When I finally did say it, I was 100% confident she would return the sentiment and I just couldn’t stand dancing around the issue anymore.

Honestly, it was the same thing when it came to proposing. We kept talking around the issue without ever saying the words. Real and tangible future planning without saying “when we’re married” or something to that effect. When it got to the point of being ridiculous, I asked her dad for permission and proposed a month after that. I had the ring for awhile at that point though…
 
Those are life altering words. We are going on 3 months and I have never said it although I feel it. One reason being I don’t want to be the first to say it, but whatever. I did sign Love N on his birthday card last week but just my name on his Easter card a few days later. I have never been in love before so I am easing my way into this and silently praying he says it first. If you are not ready I wouldn’t rush it and don’t go in expecting her to say it back right away. I know I may end up saying thank you or okay or something equally wrong when he says it even though I want him to, my brain may freeze. I am still learning to just say thank you when he pays me a compliment.
 
When the relationship is absolutely right for both of you, then you can probably get away with making mistakes, but still the advice of Luna above and others is worth paying attention to!

In the past, I had one girl start saying it to me by text, I once said it to a girl after about a month and she ran for the hills, and now with my wife I said it at the end of a phone conversation, also after about a month or so, totally by accident. It was like, “see you, I love you, bye” hang up before she had a chance to reply and before I had realized what I had actually said because it had seemed so natural. I remember then feeling so nervous about that, because I had been burned before by coming on too strong! I guess I was always in hope of love in relationships, but my wife’s response was perfect (in that she soon started reciprocating) and we decided very early on that we wanted to get married. That situation might be rare, I’m not sure, but it depends on how open you are and she is and how much you have both been prepared to share with each other.

In my experience, it’s quite easy to say I love you once you’ve said it the first time, and it’s also possible to be mistaken. But taking the leap of faith, and then embracing what may follow is part of the journey of love beyond those three words. God willing, sooner or later the journey will include a marriage with ‘the one’.
 
AllSeasons said:
My girlfriend and I have been officially dating for a little over a month now. I’m contemplating saying the L-word. I don’t know if I’m ready to say those words yet, and wanted to get some (name removed by moderator)ut first.

  1. *]How long had you been dating before one of you said “I love you?”
    *]Who said it first, the man or the woman?
    *]How did you first know that you loved him/her? How long after you knew did you actually tell him/her?
    *]How did you deal with the uneasy question of whether the other person will reciprocate?
    *]Just the general circumstances in the relationship at which point those 3 words were uttered. Any kind of context would help.

    Thank you in advance!
Click to expand...

  1. A month is a bit short in time to really “know”, though I believe it’s possible for some to know. However, my advice since you don’t think you are “ready” is that you are not ready to say the words.

    When you say it make sure it’s you saying it and not all the happy little endorphins that run around your brain when dating is new and exciting.
 
If you aren’t sure if you should say it, don’t. You are only ready to say “I love you” when it is so full in your heart that your ready to sacrifice everything, even your life to be one with that person. When she means so much to you that your heart will burst if you don’t tell her those three words, then say them. When your love for her is more important than her response, when you are willing to sacrifice your own feelings, when rejection is not a concern… when you’ve given yourself completely to her without wanting it in return… then is when you are in love.
 
*]How long had you been dating before one of you said “I love you?” 7 months

*]Who said it first, the man or the woman? Man

*]How did you first know that you loved him/her? I knew pretty quickly but there was no rush to say the actual words, I just enjoyed our time together

*]How did you deal with the uneasy question of whether the other person will reciprocate? If you feel unsure maybe you wait until you know they will?
 
How long had you been dating before one of you said “I love you?”
I knew I loved my husband before we were even in a relationship. We were hanging out as friends for the summer, and I was head over heels. I have no idea when I said it. I know our relationship went from friends to boyfriend and girlfriend over a kiss, and I Love You must have come some time in the next two weeks?
Who said it first, the man or the woman?
No idea.
How did you first know that you loved him/her? How long after you knew did you actually tell him/her?
I knew I was in love after less than two months of being friends. I was a girl who got annoyed when her boyfriend called everyday, and felt claustrophobic in most of my relationships. With DH it was the opposite. I couldn’t see my life without him. I was worried for my life long happiness. I wanted to spend every second with him. It was a night and day experience.
How did you deal with the uneasy question of whether the other person will reciprocate?
Just the general circumstances in the relationship at which point those 3 words were uttered. Any kind of context would help.
I let my DH make the first move. I had left enough clues (and I think my friends filled him in as well) that I liked him. He took his time before making his move because he didn’t want to enter a relationship unless he was sure he could commit, and not just to me, but to the area we lived in. He had just moved to the state and wasn’t keen on it. It was a big decision. I think he just knew at some level, if he said yes to anything, he was saying yes to everything and for the rest of his life.

Timeline:
Friends, Doing stuff together but not really dating (4 months)
Committed relationship (dating, spending every second with each other, first "I Love You"s would be within this time) (3.5 months)
Engaged: (3.5 months)
Married: 7 years and going strong
 
I’m pretty sure my boy told me that he loved me within a few weeks of just starting to date. But he told me he loved me before we were dating (we’ve known each other forever, as friends and had started hanging out a lot the month and a half before we started dating). I had trust issues and wasn’t sure about love, but he made me promise him not tell him unless I actually meant it, for sure. He KNEW he loved me straight off and told me two months into dating that he was going to do everything in his power to marry me someday. That was March of 2008…still not married, but we’re still going strong and will hopefully get married soon! (He was 15 1/2 at the time…

I don’t think I told him that I loved him for almost a year after he told me. I did, though, I just didn’t understand love.
 
bearkatjen said:
How long had you been dating before one of you said “I love you?”
I knew I loved my husband before we were even in a relationship. We were hanging out as friends for the summer, and I was head over heels. I have no idea when I said it. I know our relationship went from friends to boyfriend and girlfriend over a kiss, and I Love You must have come some time in the next two weeks?
Who said it first, the man or the woman?
No idea.
How did you first know that you loved him/her? How long after you knew did you actually tell him/her?
I knew I was in love after less than two months of being friends. I was a girl who got annoyed when her boyfriend called everyday, and felt claustrophobic in most of my relationships. With DH it was the opposite. I couldn’t see my life without him. I was worried for my life long happiness. I wanted to spend every second with him. It was a night and day experience.
How did you deal with the uneasy question of whether the other person will reciprocate?
Just the general circumstances in the relationship at which point those 3 words were uttered. Any kind of context would help.
I let my DH make the first move. I had left enough clues (and I think my friends filled him in as well) that I liked him. He took his time before making his move because he didn’t want to enter a relationship unless he was sure he could commit, and not just to me, but to the area we lived in. He had just moved to the state and wasn’t keen on it. It was a big decision. I think he just knew at some level, if he said yes to anything, he was saying yes to everything and for the rest of his life.

Timeline:
Friends, Doing stuff together but not really dating (4 months)
Committed relationship (dating, spending every second with each other, first "I Love You"s would be within this time) (3.5 months)
Engaged: (3.5 months)
Married: 7 years and going strong
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I think this is a very good story,I like the timeline a lot. Long relationships and engagements are a mistake. 3.5 months might be a little short for the engagement (not for dating, IMO), but a total time of 7 months beats the heck out of 7 years.
Fish or cut bait. People need to remember that saying.
 
Thank you for the responses so far. I do have strong feelings for her, but the thought of saying the L-word still scares me a bit. So I think I will hold off for the time being.

What are the chances that she’ll say it first?
 
AllSeasons said:
Thank you for the responses so far. I do have strong feelings for her, but the thought of saying the L-word still scares me a bit. So I think I will hold off for the time being.

What are the chances that she’ll say it first?
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I think it is 41.16663%

Sorry. As most of these pointed out, this is an issue that you may ponder a lot before it happens, but a lot of these people don’t remember who said it first. But while some people may know at a month, it can be pretty scary being on the receiving of an “I love you”, when you aren’t sure how you feel. And that is why it can cause people to “run for the hills”.

Let the relationship take its course. Live through good and bad. See how each of you responds when something great or bad happens to the other. Who says it first? Who cares?

It can mean very different things in different settings - and from different people - and how you say it. I’ve known people who would say “I love you” to everyone that they know. I’ve known people who spent a decade trying to say “I love you” to their dad before he died.

But in a serious relationship - it adds the element of permanency. Someone hearing that for the first time may be thinking you have now bound your lives together.
 
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