scandal?!?!

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lenni

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yeah thought that would get your attention…
mm…well im in a bit of a pickle. one of my good friends is moving house and she wants me to help her move her stuff. plus, she is having a bbq after. BUT thing is - she lives with her fiance. and so it would technically be helping her and her fiance move house. i was wondering, would it technically be wrong for me to help her move?? (i mean, does it sound like im supporting her and her fiance living together??)or at least go for the bbq??
advice please!!!
  • Lenni
 
My guess is you have many friends that might be doing stuff you don’t approve of. You gonna stop helping them also? Through the years I’ve had several good friends that had live ins, but that has no effect on how I live my life. Now, I wished it for it to be different, but I’m not gonna write them off by not going to their BBQ. They knew I didn’t approve by the way I try to live my life, I didn’t have paint it out by boycotting their BBQ.

If you’re gonna withhold friendship to sinners because of what they do, gonna get lonely for ya.

Now if my son wanted me help him move a live in I’d probably skip it, a different set of circumstances.
 
Do they already live together, or is this moving her in with him in the first place? That would matter to me, were I in your shoes. If they already (unfortunately) live together, I would view it more as helping my friend move. If this was moving her in with the guy, I personally couldn’t help her in that circumstance.
Also agree w/Bama’s post.
 
I too agree with Bama’s post… Most of my friend’s lived in with their fiances before they were married. Of course they knew how I felt but really couldn’t say anything because technically I wasn’t “married” either, since my exhusband wouldn’t wed through the church…

BUT I still tried to live a Christian life and since most of my friends are Catholic, they knew what they were doing and it was their choice to do what they were doing… I didn’t stop celebrating events with them I am not their judge nor can tell them what to do… I love them dearly and I couldn’t live without them… They are my soulmates and we know everything about each other, when I look back it cracks me up to know how much we were like each other and even now that most are married through the church how great parents they are and how they learned their mistake…and are now living well Christian lives…thank God!! 😉

I don’t think you are showing your friend you really support her decision, but a friend is a friend, and you are just helping a friend out…Let God’s will be done upon them, if you are able to just you know try to remind her of the Christian way and let her decide when it’s the right time to finally live correctly!

God bless and take care!
 
SarahR said:
Do they already live together, or is this moving her in with him in the first place? That would matter to me, were I in your shoes. If they already (unfortunately) live together, I would view it more as helping my friend move. If this was moving her in with the guy, I personally couldn’t help her in that circumstance.
Also agree w/Bama’s post.
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yeah they already live together…
 
mmmm…
wait it seems like im getting a heap of opinions but not really solid facts. would it be considered morally wrong??
because i always had the idea that helping them move would be sending them the wrong message. like i thought it would be morally wrong. because i dont support their arrangements.
but yes, they are my close friends. so i want to help them but it seems this would not be the incorrect sort of apostolate.
ok, now im beginning to think this could have gone in the morals section.mmm…

mm…i mean, would it even be suitable to really even go to there house because of their living arrangements??
mm…iv heard way to many sides on this…
 
I don’t think there’s anything intrinsically wrong with helping your friend move even though she lives with her fiance. Presumably she already knows you disapprove, and helping with a move doesn’t change that.

Now, if the move is somehow related to the premarital cohabitation (they just bought a house together, or they moved in together so they could rent a bigger place after a few months, or something like that), I might have second thoughts.

If it makes you uncomfortable, though, don’t do it. You’re not required to help this friend move. If I felt inclined not to help and thought she had plenty of others to assist, I might decide to get ‘smart’ with her and tell her I’d be happy to help when she or the fiance decide to live apart until married. 👍
 
vluvski said:
I don’t think there’s anything intrinsically wrong with helping your friend move even though she lives with her fiance. Presumably she already knows you disapprove, and helping with a move doesn’t change that.

I don’t think there is anything INTRINSICALLY wrong with it, but it is still prolly the wrong thing to do, since you seem to be directly helping her with an evil. But hey, this contradicts what most people are saying…maybe you should ask an orthodox priest?? That’s what I would ideally do. Congrats for thinking ahead. 🙂
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I agree with asking your confessor.

You know, when I was in a place and time in my life in which I wasn’t living right, no one cared enough to tell me. I guess they all thought I wouldn’t listen…

Ironically, I would have…I’m sure of it. I was just confused by life and standards and not really understanding God’s laws. I had a horrible catechesis and everyone and everything in my life was telling me that it was all personal choice and as long as I was a “good” person, none of my lifestyle choices mattered.

I think it is incredibly brave of you to care more about your friend’s soul than being a buddy. I don’t know if it is a sin to help your friend move, but I think it would make a serious impression if you refused and told her why.

That’s just my opinion…
 
dakotagirl said:
but it is still prolly the wrong thing to do, since you seem to be directly helping her with an evil. But hey, this contradicts what most people are saying…maybe you should ask an orthodox priest?? That’s what I would ideally do. Congrats for thinking ahead. 🙂
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yeah…i was thinking along these lines too…
i thought that my actions would be sending the vibe that i want them to live together…
i mean she is only ‘catholic’ by name but yeah…i just dont want to set a bad example. mm…
but would it also be considered wrong if i did just go for the bbq to their place?? or if they have another gathering. o gee…if only life was simple…lolz
 
BamaRider said:
My guess is you have many friends that might be doing stuff you don’t approve of. You gonna stop helping them also? Through the years I’ve had several good friends that had live ins, but that has no effect on how I live my life. Now, I wished it for it to be different, but I’m not gonna write them off by not going to their BBQ. They knew I didn’t approve by the way I try to live my life, I didn’t have paint it out by boycotting their BBQ.

If you’re gonna withhold friendship to sinners because of what they do, gonna get lonely for ya.

Now if my son wanted me help him move a live in I’d probably skip it, a different set of circumstances.
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Second and Third this advice. 👍
 
fannypanny said:
yeah…i was thinking along these lines too…
i thought that my actions would be sending the vibe that i want them to live together…
i mean she is only ‘catholic’ by name but yeah…i just dont want to set a bad example. mm…
but would it also be considered wrong if i did just go for the bbq to their place?? or if they have another gathering. o gee…if only life was simple…lolz
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I think that your conscience is letting you know what’s what. If you think that your friendship would be ruined if you don’t attend the bbq, then by all means attend. And yes, sometimes the best thing a friend can do for another is to “admonish the sinner”. Seems like I heard that somewhere…:newidea:
 
You should def. submit your question to the AAA. I would adore to see their answer. 😃
 
dakotagirl said:
You should def. submit your question to the AAA. I would adore to see their answer. 😃
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oopps…i kept posting under my friends name…hehe…fannypanny!!lolz, i’m using her comp (since mine crashed)…mm…

anyways…AAA??
alchoholics anonymous??..hehe…lolz
yeah yeah…i know what you mean, il give that a go…
i mean…iv seen soo many similar questions like - would it be right to attend a house warming if the 2 people are live ins. thats why i thought the situation would be morally incorrect. because alot of people did not support going for the house warming. mmm…
 
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