R
Rose71
Guest
Since I began to look on this forum, I’ve seen a lot of posters use the argument of, “this kind of behaviour is likely to cause scandal” as a reason for advising OPs to refrain from a particular course of action.
A few recent examples have been a married lady who was wondering about her friendship with an ex; a question about a gay couple who share a home but are committed to celibacy and having housemates / room-mates of the opposite sex.
I have to admit to being confused here, because surely what really matters is what the intention and resolve of the people involved is - not what people ‘might’ think? Maybe it’s a cultural thing, but to me, worrying about ‘scandal’ is tantamount to saying that gossiping, jumping to conclusions and rumour-mongering are fine and good, if the instigators are adopting the moral ‘high ground’.
Personally, as a single woman, I find this a very sad state of affairs. I was brought up to believe that fundamentally, I was born with Free Will: to me, this means there is allways a choice. Therefore - I can for example, develop a close, platonic friendship with a person of the opposite sex and I can choose to be honest about my beliefs and intentions. If somebody chose to draw attention to the friendship and speculate as to its nature with other people, surely this person is the one at fault and the one responsible for any ‘scandal’ that might ensue?
To me, there is a world of difference between, say, deliberately acting in a way that will alert the concern of those around you - for example maybe, teenagers who brag about sexual experience when actually they haven’t done a thing
and in doing so, lead their more gullible peers to consider ‘catching up’. Even in this case though - the responsibility ultimatley lies with the individual, does it not?
If we say ‘no’, then where do we draw the line? Can I say that if I decided to marry a divorced man then cheat on him with a married man I would be somehow less culpable because Liz Hurley did it first, miss?
I find the readiness of people to condemn on the basis of ‘might’ cause scandal to be quite scary and more than a little patronising and lacking in faith. Going back to the post about the same-sex-but-celibate couple; if they have the Faith to attend Mass and the desire to participate in the sacraments and are committed to one another’s beliefs by undertaking to have a celibate relationship - but choose to live together because (let’s be honest here) it’s actually much nicer to share one’s life with someone you find good company than to live alone - who are we to suggest that their faith will not be strong enough to see them right? Who are we to speculate and this generate scrutiny of their relationship?
Likewise, as has been said before, as Christians, we should be ‘out there’ in the world (unless called to a contemplative life) and this means putting ourselves ‘at risk’ - our sword and shield are our Faith and the concept of Free Will.
To me, the concepts of ‘near occasion of sin’ and ‘likely to cause scandal’ are used in a way to undermine this
Did Jesus turn his back on Mary Magdalen in case people thought his intentions were dodgy? In the Good Samaritan, did the Samaritan walk on by because picking another man up, bandaging him up and booking him into an inn for the night might give a few Biblical curtain-twitchers the wrong idea?
I know, Jesus was the Son of God, but surely one of the most wonderful things about the Gospels is to bring us the Good News that Jesus came to Earth to live as one of us - and subject himself to all the feelings of temptation and pain and suffering and confusion that all of us go through?
A few recent examples have been a married lady who was wondering about her friendship with an ex; a question about a gay couple who share a home but are committed to celibacy and having housemates / room-mates of the opposite sex.
I have to admit to being confused here, because surely what really matters is what the intention and resolve of the people involved is - not what people ‘might’ think? Maybe it’s a cultural thing, but to me, worrying about ‘scandal’ is tantamount to saying that gossiping, jumping to conclusions and rumour-mongering are fine and good, if the instigators are adopting the moral ‘high ground’.
Personally, as a single woman, I find this a very sad state of affairs. I was brought up to believe that fundamentally, I was born with Free Will: to me, this means there is allways a choice. Therefore - I can for example, develop a close, platonic friendship with a person of the opposite sex and I can choose to be honest about my beliefs and intentions. If somebody chose to draw attention to the friendship and speculate as to its nature with other people, surely this person is the one at fault and the one responsible for any ‘scandal’ that might ensue?
To me, there is a world of difference between, say, deliberately acting in a way that will alert the concern of those around you - for example maybe, teenagers who brag about sexual experience when actually they haven’t done a thing
and in doing so, lead their more gullible peers to consider ‘catching up’. Even in this case though - the responsibility ultimatley lies with the individual, does it not?If we say ‘no’, then where do we draw the line? Can I say that if I decided to marry a divorced man then cheat on him with a married man I would be somehow less culpable because Liz Hurley did it first, miss?
I find the readiness of people to condemn on the basis of ‘might’ cause scandal to be quite scary and more than a little patronising and lacking in faith. Going back to the post about the same-sex-but-celibate couple; if they have the Faith to attend Mass and the desire to participate in the sacraments and are committed to one another’s beliefs by undertaking to have a celibate relationship - but choose to live together because (let’s be honest here) it’s actually much nicer to share one’s life with someone you find good company than to live alone - who are we to suggest that their faith will not be strong enough to see them right? Who are we to speculate and this generate scrutiny of their relationship?
Likewise, as has been said before, as Christians, we should be ‘out there’ in the world (unless called to a contemplative life) and this means putting ourselves ‘at risk’ - our sword and shield are our Faith and the concept of Free Will.
To me, the concepts of ‘near occasion of sin’ and ‘likely to cause scandal’ are used in a way to undermine this
Did Jesus turn his back on Mary Magdalen in case people thought his intentions were dodgy? In the Good Samaritan, did the Samaritan walk on by because picking another man up, bandaging him up and booking him into an inn for the night might give a few Biblical curtain-twitchers the wrong idea?
I know, Jesus was the Son of God, but surely one of the most wonderful things about the Gospels is to bring us the Good News that Jesus came to Earth to live as one of us - and subject himself to all the feelings of temptation and pain and suffering and confusion that all of us go through?
Thank you everyone! That’s certainly cleared up a lot of confusion in my mind and I hope it’s helped others too.
and asked how we met. We tactfully explained that we were just friends without causing them further embarassment by just bringing it up in conversation to say, “it’s great we’re both single and have the same taste in holidays, because it means we can travel together.”
Or about a platonic mixed houseful of people, which was common when I was in college and nobody thought anything of it. Now the culture has changed so much that the possibility of scandal exists in places where it never did before.