Scared 1st time father

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Saint_Macarius

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My wife is due next month with our first child next month. We’re having a boy. I’m excited, scared, and nervous
Question for all of the dads out there…What were your fears of fatherhood, and how did you overcome them?
 
Saint_Macarius said:
My wife is due next month with our first child next month. We’re having a boy. I’m excited, scared, and nervous
Question for all of the dads out there…What were your fears of fatherhood, and how did you overcome them?
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Having never been a father, but always wanted to be, I wish for you the very best. God Bless and will pray for you and for fathers, especially the first time dads.

Now on to the posters who can give you the answers you are looking for.

Shalom
 
Been there, done that 😃 Congratulations, it’s a wonder thing.

Just a few thoughts off the top of my head: don’t expect to know everything ahead of time, take the days (and especially the nights) after he arrives one at a time, seek the advice of other dads, new and old, and especially constantly be aware that as scary and difficult as it may seem for you at times, it’s ten times that for your dear wife so speak and act accordingly. 👍
 
My son is just shy of three weeks old. It’s really not been that bad of a transition. I freaked out a bit at first, but after a couple of days I just kind of got used to everything. I know that doesn’t really help, but it’s been my experience so far.
 
Listen to the Creedence Clearwater Revival song “Someday Never Comes”. Try to understand that we all just do the best we can.

I’ve been a father for thirteen years, and now I have four sons. Sometimes I wonder if I’m ever successful in teaching them anything. Then, I’ll notice something they do or say that let’s me know they’re picking up more than they let on.

By the way, I’m still terrified sometimes.
 
Congrats! 👍

I always tell people of the great wisdom in God’s design. First, it takes nine months before the child is born. This gives us time to get used to the idea of being a father.

Then, when the baby is born, they basically just sit there and sleep most of the time (even if not for long, consecutive stretches of time :p). And when they’re not sleeping, they are eating. Or pooping. :o And when you put them down somewhere, they stay there. This gives us even more time to get our feet wet.

Then, they start moving, but even this happens gradually. First it’s rolling over. Then sitting up. Then crawling. Then standing up, Then walking. Then running. Then running faster. During each successive stage, we come to notice all those things that are now in baby’s reach that need to be taken out of baby’s reach. 🙂

In all seriousness, though, I find it a great blessing that children grow gradually. You’re not dealing with teenage drama from the get-go.

Yes, it’s natural to be scared. I was, too. You go from being a bit more carefree as a young married couple to being responsible for this little person who is completely dependent on you and your wife for everything. I recall it being a little surreal taking the child home from the hospital. “You mean, we just get to take her home? And no one is going to come with us to watch and make sure we’re doing it right?” 😛

But God provides the grace. Just take it one day at a time. One milestone at a time. God will see you through. 👍
 
The first kid was not the cause of any fear, figuring out how to keep the family under a roof and fed, was more important at the time.

Just remember babies communicate by crying, expect it and don’t get frustrated. Figure out the variances in the cries - there are 4 main ones - ‘I’m tired’, I’m Hungry’, ‘I have a load’, ‘I hurt (or surprised / shocked are similar here)’.

If you are alone with the kid and Mom (or other help) is gone and you don’t know what to do, it’s ok to put the kid in the crib and let them cry (we use pacifiers). It doesn’t hurt them to cry and many times they cry themselves to sleep.

This is where adults do stupid things, when they don’t remember babies cry. That’s just what they do.

Many of our kids used to like the rocking chair.

Kids are great, enjoy the time, it goes fast.
 
The best advice I ever received about becoming a new father was to convince my wife to breastfeed exclusively. That way, I never had to wake up to feed the baby.😃
 
Brassring said:
The best advice I ever received about becoming a new father was to convince my wife to breastfeed exclusively. That way, I never had to wake up to feed the baby.😃
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😃 😛

Though, that never got me off the hook completely. There were still plenty of nights where I was walking the crying baby around because my wife had just fed her and/or nursing wasn’t calming her down.
 
Brassring said:
The best advice I ever received about becoming a new father was to convince my wife to breastfeed exclusively. That way, I never had to wake up to feed the baby.😃
Click to expand...
Right. No need for pacifiers, and it’s always the right temperature. 😃
 
Saint_Macarius said:
My wife is due next month with our first child next month. We’re having a boy. I’m excited, scared, and nervous
Question for all of the dads out there…What were your fears of fatherhood, and how did you overcome them?
Click to expand...
1 congrats!!!
2. Having children can be the biggest gift and blessing in your life.

I’m not your average dad. I stay home, homeschool, and we just had our sixth!! In fact today my wife went back to work so I am running the circus on my own today.
It’s amazing!!! And after six, I’m not scared or freaked out at all. But, I specifically remember the day we brought our first home from the hospital. We had her in the car seat and we looked at each other like “well, now what?” We didn’t even know if we could take her out of her seat!! We weren’t scared, just not confident.

Two nuggets I wish to share with you.
  1. Be involved. I mean really involved. From day one. Hold the baby,
    Newborns dont “do” anything. So sometimes dads, disengage until more active years. Don’t do that. Put that baby on you and let the bonding begin! You don’t have to stay home and homeschool to be involved at a high level. As the baby grows, play with them. “Toss” them around! Taking the baby and being “hands on” not only helps you and the baby, it really really helps mom. Change diapers, feed them, wake up in the middle of the night and watch Netflix while pacing with a baby! Do this for your wife.
  2. “Mommy wars” have evolved into “parent wars”. People will bully, shame and compete with you without even knowing it. Ignore it. Make decisions based on your own child and your own family. Daycare, cosleeping, breast vs bottle, discipline, schooling, food…
    These are silly issues people seem to care about. There is only one rule. Do what works best for your family. And have fun!
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
  1. “Mommy wars” have evolved into “parent wars”. People will bully, shame and compete with you without even knowing it. Ignore it. Make decisions based on your own child and your own family. Daycare, cosleeping, breast vs bottle, discipline, schooling, food…
    These are silly issues people seem to care about. There is only one rule. Do what works best for your family. And have fun!
Click to expand...
👍

And lookout for those loving grandmothers :yup: 😃
 
Brassring said:
The best advice I ever received about becoming a new father was to convince my wife to breastfeed exclusively. That way, I never had to wake up to feed the baby.😃
Click to expand...
not if she expresses her breast milk. ha!
😃
 
We know a couple who came home from the hospital, put the baby carrier with sleeping newborn on the coffee table, collapsed onto the couch, looked at one another, and literally said, “now what?”

It’s normal to be scared the first time 🙂
 
I am not a first time father and never will be because I am a mother!

I am pretty sure it is normal to feel scared and anxious because you are about to
experience a life changing moment.

My prayers tonight for you and your wife and praying for her to have a safe delivery
next month and for a healthy baby and for your family.
 
I can’t pull this off, but my husband is great at “the magic baby hold” - you hold the baby tummy down on your forearm tucked to your side like a football. It has worked wonders for our fussy babies.

The other thing, is that while yes, I’m in charge of all the feeding, for those first few weeks he does everything else - diapers when he’s home, any necessary baths (fewer than you think!) and prepping food. Drinking straws, paper plates, and anything your wife can eat one handed - they will go a long way!

God bless you! It is a big transition, but you can do it!
 
It’s not how well you do on at any given moment, it’s how long you stay in the race that matters.

And it’s a race that never ends. 😉

It’s been almost 20 years since I was a first time dad and I’m still trying to figure out how to get it right. :rolleyes:
 
  1. Pray to St. Joseph
  2. Listen to crying like you do static. Do your best, but don’t let it get you. Soon you will know when crying is pain and needs serious attention and when it is just baby talk.
  3. Make time for the wife. Make it regular and schedule it with discipline.
  4. Take advice with a smile, but do what you (and your wife) want.
 
Always remember, there are two types of men in this world: protectors and predators. Your job is to make sure your son grows up to be a protector.
 
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