Scared and depressed

[Darby]

Hi all,
I’m new to the posts. I wanted to bring up something that I am really struggling with… I really am scared of the (practicing) Catholic life (I am Catholic) and scared of everything that I have to do. It often seems so hopeless to me to even try and it just seems like everything is too hard and that there is no joy in it. I don’t know how anyone does it. I feel like I have to do all this stuff and change so many things about myself and I get so angry at God and at myself and so frustrated that I don’t even start and it seems so hopeless. I feel like I will never make it to heaven and that I’ll never get close to it even when I try; even when I try it just seems pointless because I never get anywhere. It just seems like I sabotage myself and everything is so out of control, but I’ve tried coming back and getting somewhat back into the faith and i’ve just ended up falling back in 6 months and having this huge moments when I realize I haven’t gone anywhere. Again, I guess it makes it all seem pointless and way too hard…i often wonder what it is going to take for me to come back. I’m wondering if some of you have dealt with this. I intellectually know that God is supposed to be good and that joy comes in the cross but there is no way that that has hit my heart yet and it seems like all I can think about is the awful stuff and the negative.
sorry for the downer email (and if this is really confusing)…it’s just that I know I can find people who care here…and I guess it feels good to have someone listen at least and it helps me to at least get these thoughts out there.

 

[dulcissima]

I’m not really sure what is so hard about all of this Catholic stuff. It’s like, you wake up on Sunday and go to Mass. If you know you have commited a serious sin, then make sure you go to confession on the Saturday before. You go to Mass on the Holy Days of obligation. You try to understand what the Church teaches. Sites like this one make that not so hard. I mean that is pretty much the basics of it. Talk to God as you go about your day. Once all that becomes habit, then you might try a little bit more, learning prayers, going to adoration, that kind of thing. The most imporatant really is to do it out of love. If that doesn’t come naturally, then maybe that would be an invitation to spend some time getting to know Jesus by reading the Bible. Reading some of the works of the saints will also help you to know and love God too. I think it pretty much all starts at Mass though, so that is where I would focus my efforts.

 

[blessedtoo]

I really am scared of the (practicing) Catholic life (I am Catholic) and scared of everything that I have to do. It often seems so hopeless to me to even try and it just seems like everything is too hard and that there is no joy in it. I don’t know how anyone does it. I feel like I have to do all this stuff and change so many things about myself and I get so angry at God and at myself and so frustrated that I don’t even start and it seems so hopeless.

All things of value require effort and hard work. If you were attempting to become an Olympic athlete, you would have many rules and regulations to follow to achieve that goal. You would have to work out when you were tired, eat right when all you want to do is have hot dogs and chips, abstain from alcohol and drugs and maybe even sexual activity. If you wanted to become a doctor, you would have many, many sacrifices to make that you may find very difficult and the “joy” and happy parts might be few and far between.
These achievements are all worldly. What we, as Catholics are ultimately striving for, is eternity with our Heavenly Father. If there is work and sacrifice involved, how much greater will the reward be?

I feel like I will never make it to heaven and that I’ll never get close to it even when I try; even when I try it just seems pointless because I never get anywhere.

Mother Theresa said God did not expect her to succeed in all things but merely to try for success. Christ understands our struggle with our fallen nature, and provides for us through His Church with His Sacraments.

It just seems like I sabotage myself and everything is so out of control, but I’ve **tried **coming back and getting **somewhat **back into the faith and i’ve just ended up falling back in 6 months and having this huge moments when I realize I haven’t gone anywhere.

If you’re approach is half-hearted, your result will be the same. You don’t have to reach perfection to make a perfect effort. By attending Mass every Sunday (if not more), availing yourself of the Sacrament of Confession, praying to Our Lord for the help you need, you will receive the grace you need.

Again, I guess it makes it all seem pointless and way too hard…i often wonder what it is going to take for me to come back. I’m wondering if some of you have dealt with this.

We are all sinners and we all know what it means to try and fail. Despair and hopelessness is the work of the devil. He is the one who wants you convinced that there is no point. You need God’s grace to fight the temptation to despair.

I intellectually know that God is supposed to be good and that joy comes in the cross but there is no way that that has hit my heart yet and it seems like all I can think about is the awful stuff and the negative.

God is good and joy comes in many, many ways when you walk with Christ. Joy is not a feeling. There are many days when I feel icky, but true joy never goes away. I am not sure what the “awful stuff” is that you are referring to but I can tell you that since I returned to the Church after 27 years, I left all the awful stuff behind and it’s been nothing but joy.

 

[cheddarsox]

Here’s what came to me after reading the OP. It’s not about all the details…at least not at first. Get with God. Be with God, and the rest will begin to fall into place.

The practice follows the grace which comes through relationship. They go in tandem. There is no way to be a “perfect” follower by just doing everything right. The way to begin to do things right is to begin to follow. Just pick up, right where you are, but keep your eye on the leader…not of the details of the way.

I began a new job a few months ago. It was totally overwhelming. I couldn’t see how all the bits fit together. I felt like I was defeated before I started. I nearly gave up. But I looked around and there were lots of other people doing the work…and I wondered…what do they have that I don’t have? Experience…and now, a couple of months later…having hung in, and made mistakes, and tried again, and payed attention, and listened to the supervisor…I am doing great.

It can be hard not to get lost in the details and overwhelmed…but there is a big picture, and a leader, and that is where the truth is at. Sometimes people are so busy stressing that they forgot and ate chicken soup on Friday…that they forget why they weren’t supposed to eat chicken on Friday in the first place.

When I get overwhelmed at work, I remind myself what our ultimate goal is…the details are ways we’ve figured out to reach the goal…but even with mistakes along the way…I can usually see that I am making progress toward the ultimate goal…this helps me settle down and get back to work.

In faith, it can be the same…the details are great, but they can’t fit every situation that arises, keep your eye on the ultimate goal and keep heading in the right direction.

I had a faith practice “snafu” this week myself, and was about to get down about it when I remembered the ultimate goal…and saw things in a fresher, more truthful way. The means to the end are not the end in themselves.

 

[InLight247]

Hi all,
It just seems like I sabotage myself and everything is so out of control, but I’ve tried coming back and getting somewhat back into the faith and i’ve just ended up falling back in 6 months and having this huge moments when I realize I haven’t gone anywhere.

If you are in serious repeated sin, do frequent confession and trust in the Lord’s mercy. Pray daily rosary, ask our Holy Mother’s intercession. Go to Eucharist Adoration as often as possible, you will unavoidably be transformed as time goes by.You may also want to seek spiritual direction.

If you are not talking about serious sins, maybe you are too hard on yourself or too impatient about your spiritual progress. Know that Rome is not made in one day. Like other poster suggested,just follow the Church’s teaching and be patient with yourself.

Maybe your upbringing background influenced your personality that you could not have a loving image of God. If that is the case, again, talk to a spiritual director, overcome any psychological shadow, so an image of loving Heavenly Father may be properly formed and you won’t have to be scared and depressed.

Any of the cases, pray and trust in the sacred heart of Jesus.
God bless!

 

[Darby]

Thank you all for your suggestions and comments. I appreciate them and the time they took to write them!

 

[Deidre]

Darby, I think you’re being harder on yourself than God would be with you.

The first thing you have to realize is that God is calling you into a relationship with Him. He will help you develop that relationship. You don’t have to try to do it all by yourself. As a matter of fact, if you try to do it without Him, you won’t suceed. Let Him take the lead.

With that being said, don’t try to change everything about yourself at one time. That is too overwhelming for any of us. I would start with just two small commitments. First, go to Confession, so you can start out with a clean and humble heart. Then make a commitment to go to Mass each Sunday. Ask God to give you the strength to honor that commitment. When God sees that you are serious about honoring that one commitment, He will bless that obedience and help you to grow more. Like He might plant a seed in your heart to add a few minutes extra prayer time each day. As that becomes a habit, He will bless that effort and obedience and inspire you in another way.

You just need to understand that you are at the beginning of a journey. And as long as you remember that it is God in the driver’s seat, what a beautiful and wonderful journey it is. Abandon yourself entirely to His will. Tell Him in prayer that you want a closer relationship with Him and ask Him to direct you. Then TRUST Him to do just that. Don’t worry if you feel you aren’t moving forward fast enough. God’s time is different from our time. He’ll bring you along in HIS time - which is always perfect.

I will pray for you. Be patient with yourself and with God. Take it slow and enjoy the ride!

 

[stbruno]

Maybe you should read this link for reading material to help you over your depression.
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=140935

 

[guanophore]

Hi all,
I’m new to the posts. I wanted to bring up something that I am really struggling with… I really am scared of the (practicing) Catholic life (I am Catholic) and scared of everything that I have to do.

Do not be afraid! “for God did not give us a spirit of timidity but a spirit of power and love and self-control.” 2 Tim 1:7

It often seems so hopeless to me to even try and it just seems like everything is too hard and that there is no joy in it. I don’t know how anyone does it.

we don’t do anything of ourselves, but only by the grace of God. The joy will come by letting the spirit within work through you.

I feel like I have to do all this stuff and change so many things about myself and I get so angry at God and at myself and so frustrated that I don’t even start and it seems so hopeless.

you are suffering from a serious thinking error! You don’t “change yourself”. God is the One who does the changing. All we do is cooperate with His grace. the devil is probably mad at you for giving your life to God, and wants to make you feel hopeless so you will give up. Don’t give in!

I feel like I will never make it to heaven and that I’ll never get close to it even when I try; even when I try it just seems pointless because I never get anywhere.

Well, go with the feeling. You will never get yourself to heaven. The only way you will get to heaven is by the saving work of Christ. Go to the top of the window, search “works” and read some posts on how we can’t get ourselves to heaven because it we can’t get ourselves anywhere.

It just seems like I sabotage myself and everything is so out of control, but I’ve tried coming back and getting somewhat back into the faith and i’ve just ended up falling back in 6 months and having this huge moments when I realize I haven’t gone anywhere.

Those ‘huge’ moments are moments of illumination. Those are good experiences that show you where you actually are in the big picture.

Again, I guess it makes it all seem pointless and way too hard…i often wonder what it is going to take for me to come back. I’m wondering if some of you have dealt with this.

This is the human experience. Read Rom. chapter 7

I intellectually know that God is supposed to be good and that joy comes in the cross but there is no way that that has hit my heart yet and it seems like all I can think about is the awful stuff and the negative.

It is ok, there are cures for this!

sorry for the downer email (and if this is really confusing)…it’s just that I know I can find people who care here…and I guess it feels good to have someone listen at least and it helps me to at least get these thoughts out there.

It is not a 'downer" it is the human condition! Yes, you will find a lot of people here that care, and have been there too!

 

[Spirithound]

God bless, Darby. I will pray for you.
Spirithound

 

[distracted]

I laughed when i read this - not because it was funny because it definitely isn’t, but because it read like something i would write myself…
I TOTALLY understand.
One thing i remind myself of is what Jesus said, that the way to eternal life is narrow (difficult) and there r few who find it. Maybe Catholics - and wannabes - are the “few”??? Who knows… I think it is anyone who sincerely loves Jesus (…just can’t help thinking that anyone who really loves Him will be @ least interested in the Catholic Church)…
Anyway, i think it would help to know something of your spiritual journey - such as: Were u raised CAtholic? Are u well-catechized?
Also, as another Poster said (implied), you could have psychological or emotional issues interfering in your spirituality. Again, i can relate. But life is a learning process, particularly life as a follower of Christ… Maybe u r like me - you have to learn to have patience wiht (and love for) yourself. Jesus knows how hard it is to be human (he was human himself). He therefore has perfect unconditonal love for you and empathizes w/ your struggles.
This one priest told me something the other day that i already knew, but needed 2b reminded of: When confused, just walk in the Spirit…
I didn’t have the most warm and loving parents but sometimes i really TRY to see God as this loving Father or Grandfather whose lap i can crawl into and just, well, just BE There… resting in his love… knowing that He knows all about “it”…

 

[baltobetsy]

Darby, can you break down into small parts what is causing you the anxiety? Perhaps you do not need to tackle everything at once.

Make a list (share it with us if you like) and see what is most important. I would put Sunday Mass on or near the top of the list, for example. It’s vitally important, it’s doable, and when you have made it a habit, you can move to the next item in order of importance.

God does not expect you to do everything at once. If that were the case, babies would go to college. Gradual growth is normal in both physical and spiritual life.

One step at a time…

Betsy

 

[Tradcat101]

I highly recommend Blessed Be the Bored in Spirit by Mark Hart. It is a book written for teens regarding a lot of different aspects of our Faith and really being on fire for the Lord. It is presented in a very easy and humorous writing style and there are many important points. Another one I suggest is Rome Sweet Home by Scott Hahn.

I heard something that really changed the way I look at things. So many times we are presented with trials or temptations and we want to blame God. I was watching a movie on St. Francis and he said that because God created everything, and He has gifted us with our very lives, suffering is the only thing that is the our gift back to God. Lay your depression at the cross, surrender to Jesus and tell Him how much you are struggling. Share your worries, your weaknesses and allow Him to fill you, allow Him to make you stronger. My favorite word is Godstrong. I know I am small, but God is big. I know I am weak, but He is a rock. Let Him be everything you are not.

 

[distracted]

Darby, can you break down into small parts what is causing you the anxiety? Perhaps you do not need to tackle everything at once.

Make a list (share it with us if you like) and see what is most important. I would put Sunday Mass on or near the top of the list, for example. It’s vitally important, it’s doable, and when you have made it a habit, you can move to the next item in order of importance.

God does not expect you to do everything at once. If that were the case, babies would go to college. Gradual growth is normal in both physical and spiritual life.

One step at a time…

Betsy

Good points… In the end, there is only one thing that matters: How much we loved God and his people (and all people). The devil tries to make things more complicated… He has certainly wreaked havok in my life, trying to tell me i have to do this or do that in order to fulfill my “vocation”… Well, i do have to do certain things, but to get all stressed and anxious about it (etc.)… that’s not exactly what God wants…

 

[distracted]

I know how you feel about feeling you can’t do all the hard stuff the Catholic Church “asks” of us… But i had this experience some time ago. I went to the Exposed Blessed Sacrament (i assume u know what that means??). I sat there for a long time with Jesus and talked to him about this and that and all kinds of things… Mostly, i was anxious about wht exactly He wanted me to do with my limited resources, talents, time, etc… In other words, where do i belong in His Kingdom on Earth? I was literally going nuts… Because i would heard certain words or phrases in my head and wonder if thye were from HIm or “elsewhere” But then i remembered how blessed my time with Him had been on other occassions and how at those times, i had just sat there and asked Him no questions. So i did that. It made all the difference in the world.
Then it came to me: If God wants me to do something and He wants me to do it THAT bad, He will tell me, maybe not directly with words, but through the Spirit, other people, events, etc…
Its still hard for me to fully realize this all the time… (I have a lot of “issues” that plague me…) but, well… i remember Him saying: “You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.” Focus on knowing the truth - the truth about who you are in Him… the truth of the scriptures and how they apply to your personal circumstances… etc…
God bless you. :bible1:

 

[bankerdavid]

Someone else said it, but it bears repeating. The only things you need to do are to go to Mass at least every Sunday and on Holy Days of Obligation, believe what the Church teaches, and participate in the appropriate sacraments as often as you can. That’s it!

Sure, there’s more to it-rosaries, reading the Scriptures, understanding better, but get the basics first. Listen to Catholic Answers Radio (you can listen here on this site), especially hear that there are many out there just like you! Even some of the Saints had something in common with what you’re going through.
One source that’s helped me greatly is Fr. John Corapi’s Teachings of Jesus Christ-it’s long-48 hours, but take it an hour a week (Sundays at 5pm Pacifc time) and you’ll start understanding your faith better. Also, go to forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=108346 and there you will find vast resources to help you down your road to Christ.

 

[4loveofJesus]

May God’s peace, love and mercy be with you all!

As what Pope John Paul II has said “Be not afraid.”

Perfect love casts out fear. If we put our faith, hope and trust in Our Good God, He will never fail us. Let us be like little children and allow ourselves to be led by God Himself and totally surrender ourselves to His most Holy Will.

Being a Catholic Christian, striving to live that way of life, of love of God and neighbor, is never easy. Jesus did not say it was going to be easy but He did promise to be with us 'till the end of time. When we feel overwhelmed at times, let us look at the Cross and see how much Jesus, Our Good God, suffered and died for our sins out of great love for us. Even if you were the only human being here on earth to be redeemed, He would have done the same thing, suffer and die the same way just for you alone. That is how much Jesus loves us!

We always have to remember that the sufferings that we bear each and every moment of our lives is just a drop in an ocean of bitterness, suffering, and pain that He underwent for our sake. When we fall, let us imitate Our Good Lord Jesus by getting up and continue carrying our crosses with patience and love.

Like any relationships, we have to put our time and effort into it in order for that relationship to flourish, grow and stay strong. Same thing too with our relationship with God. We have to communicate daily with Him by praying, be united to Him by receiving His very own Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity truly present in the most Holy Eucharist in a state of grace, by keeping our souls clean by frequenting the sacrament of confession, doing daily spiritual reading.

Jesus said “Come follow me”, because left to our own accord we would go nowhere and eventually get lost. Fidelity to Him and His Church are very important and cannot be separated because He is the Head of the Catholic Church.

Let us not get discouraged but instead look at the Cross that like Him, we may also die daily to ourselves. That like Him, we may also continuously carry our crosses daily and NEVER give up no matter how difficult life may seem to be.

Let us unite and offer everything to Jesus, through Our Blessed Mother, in union with His Passion on the Cross so that our suffering will be of infinite value.

As we do all these, we will come to know God’s great and unsurpassing love for us that will transform our fears and disappointments to a life of love, sacrifice, peace, joy and contentment. God bless!

Blessed be Jesus and Mary!

 

[StCsDavid]

Hi all,
I’m new to the posts. I wanted to bring up something that I am really struggling with… I really am scared of the (practicing) Catholic life (I am Catholic) and scared of everything that I have to do. It often seems so hopeless to me to even try and it just seems like everything is too hard and that there is no joy in it. I don’t know how anyone does it. I feel like I have to do all this stuff and change so many things about myself and I get so angry at God and at myself and so frustrated that I don’t even start and it seems so hopeless. I feel like I will never make it to heaven and that I’ll never get close to it even when I try; even when I try it just seems pointless because I never get anywhere. It just seems like I sabotage myself and everything is so out of control, but I’ve tried coming back and getting somewhat back into the faith and i’ve just ended up falling back in 6 months and having this huge moments when I realize I haven’t gone anywhere. Again, I guess it makes it all seem pointless and way too hard…i often wonder what it is going to take for me to come back. I’m wondering if some of you have dealt with this. I intellectually know that God is supposed to be good and that joy comes in the cross but there is no way that that has hit my heart yet and it seems like all I can think about is the awful stuff and the negative.
sorry for the downer email (and if this is really confusing)…it’s just that I know I can find people who care here…and I guess it feels good to have someone listen at least and it helps me to at least get these thoughts out there.

You are loved, Darby.

None of us, especially we happy few on this forum, are perfect. We all struggle. We take few steps forward and a few steps back, but with the grace of God we keep our eyes upon Christ. You might enjoy this essay I wrote not too long ago. No matter what you do, there is nothing that will ever cause Christ to stop loving you.

Pray, and pray some more. It doesn’t have to be a grandiose prayer. “God help me!” is a wonderfully valid prayer.