Scared...

[NewsTheMan]

Hi all!

I am not sure if this will make sense, but here goes. When I start thinking about my possible vocation I feel scared. I don’t quite know why. I feel that… if I ever persued the Priesthood, that I would be exposed. That I would be shown to have shallow faith if for some reason I didn’t want to be a Priest. Does that make sense?

I mean, I pray the Rosary daily, I read a lot on Catholicism, Apologetics etc, I pray other prayers, I live a pretty much fully Christian life (even in College), I love speaking to people about my faith, I am on the Universities Catholic Assocation Committee as the Catholic Lifestyle Officer, I go to weekday Mass, Adoration…

But what if that is all false piety? And what if I enter the seminary and my false piety is exposed? Can God really be calling me? It seems difficult and its confusing to know. What if I end up going to a seminary, dropping out and then completely losing my faith?!

 

[Philotheatoo]

There is no room for false piety in someone who is even considering entering the priesthood. Satan plants seeds of doubt as you get further and further from him and closer and closer to God. Dropping out of Seminary does not mean losing faith. Why wouldn’t God call you? Jesus came here to minister to the marginalized. When you follow His footsteps you cannot be lead astray. Follow your ‘heart’. We all have doubts such as yours, no matter what our vocation. It takes real strength to continue on - strength such as yours. I will pray for your continued strength and thank God for people like you who follow their faith and show us that we are all human in our fears.

 

[Totterman]

Hi all!

I am not sure if this will make sense, but here goes. When I start thinking about my possible vocation I feel scared. I don’t quite know why. I feel that… if I ever persued the Priesthood, that I would be exposed. That I would be shown to have shallow faith if for some reason I didn’t want to be a Priest. Does that make sense?

I mean, I pray the Rosary daily, I read a lot on Catholicism, Apologetics etc, I pray other prayers, I live a pretty much fully Christian life (even in College), I love speaking to people about my faith, I am on the Universities Catholic Assocation Committee as the Catholic Lifestyle Officer, I go to weekday Mass, Adoration…

But what if that is all false piety? And what if I enter the seminary and my false piety is exposed? Can God really be calling me? It seems difficult and its confusing to know. What if I end up going to a seminary, dropping out and then completely losing my faith?!

**
You make sence,and I understand what Your feelings might be. Praying daily is importen,but there is moore. God don’t give You “points” for each pray,what counts is how You pray. We all know the daily prayers,rosary,Angelus,all,but moore,if we can say so,counts what we say in our prayers,and if we realy meen every word,and we must also listen to what God says,they are the ansvers. If God call You,You know. Priesthood is a big thing,and that is not the only way to serve God. You need to search Your soul,not count how many masses You go to,not how many prayers You say,and if God calls You,You know. A seminary is a place where You learn what the Church teach,mass orders,what to do and what to say,but what it not teach is how to become a priest,that is God who do that. If You feel sure,go to the seminary,if not,wait a year. I guess You are young,and youth is a time of not beeing sure all the time. If You from all Your heart feel that You want to become a priest,then God has called You. And even if You go to seminary,and drop out,it don’t meen that You loose Your faith,it only meens that You need to find other ways of serving God. Talk this thru whit Your priest,listen to Your heart,and stop counting prayers,often less is moore,and God hears what You realy says,not prayers,and I say that You need to keep on whit the prayers the church wants,but Your heart must be in every word. I will pray for You,and whatever comes,God loves us,priest or not.

 

[NewsTheMan]

**
You make sence,and I understand what Your feelings might be. Praying daily is importen,but there is moore. God don’t give You “points” for each pray,what counts is how You pray. We all know the daily prayers,rosary,Angelus,all,but moore,if we can say so,counts what we say in our prayers,and if we realy meen every word,and we must also listen to what God says,they are the ansvers. If God call You,You know. Priesthood is a big thing,and that is not the only way to serve God. You need to search Your soul,not count how many masses You go to,not how many prayers You say,and if God calls You,You know. A seminary is a place where You learn what the Church teach,mass orders,what to do and what to say,but what it not teach is how to become a priest,that is God who do that. If You feel sure,go to the seminary,if not,wait a year. I guess You are young,and youth is a time of not beeing sure all the time. If You from all Your heart feel that You want to become a priest,then God has called You. And even if You go to seminary,and drop out,it don’t meen that You loose Your faith,it only meens that You need to find other ways of serving God. Talk this thru whit Your priest,listen to Your heart,and stop counting prayers,often less is moore,and God hears what You realy says,not prayers,and I say that You need to keep on whit the prayers the church wants,but Your heart must be in every word. I will pray for You,and whatever comes,God loves us,priest or not.

Thanks man I understand what you are saying! Let me clarify; by no means do I count prayers. I don’t think I do anyway. Sometimes I do feel like a ‘fake’ though. As if… I don’t know how to express it. I stay after Mass to pray (unless I am busy) but its so difficult to know if God is hearing you sometimes; so it makes me feel like I am doing it insincerely. Its hard to explain.

See thats the thing, I understand the Priesthood is a huge decision. And I am not sure if I am ready. But every month or so, for the past 6 months, I wake up and I just read and think about the Priesthood all day. By the next day and for the next few weeks I am sure that the Priesthood is not for me. But in a way that ‘sureness’ scares me too. Absolutely bizarre!

 

[JReducation]

Hi all!

I am not sure if this will make sense, but here goes. When I start thinking about my possible vocation I feel scared. I don’t quite know why. I feel that… if I ever persued the Priesthood, that I would be exposed. That I would be shown to have shallow faith if for some reason I didn’t want to be a Priest. Does that make sense?

I mean, I pray the Rosary daily, I read a lot on Catholicism, Apologetics etc, I pray other prayers, I live a pretty much fully Christian life (even in College), I love speaking to people about my faith, I am on the Universities Catholic Assocation Committee as the Catholic Lifestyle Officer, I go to weekday Mass, Adoration…

But what if that is all false piety? And what if I enter the seminary and my false piety is exposed? Can God really be calling me? It seems difficult and its confusing to know. What if I end up going to a seminary, dropping out and then completely losing my faith?!

There are a lot of “what ifs” in your thinking. Look at it this way, what if you entered a seminary and you got hit by a bus during your first year?

Do you get my meaning? Don’t second guess yourself or God. Visit the seminary of your choice or the religious order of your choice. You’ll know that you have arrived, because you will feel at home.

I remember sitting in my cell when I was a Capuchin. This was long after solemn vows. I had a good position in the community. I was safe, well liked and had a very successful ministry. One day I met a young girl who was pregnant and afraid. She wanted to abort her baby. I remember working very hard with her to persuade her and her boyfriend to have their baby. Well, they did have that baby. Who is now an adult.

Afterward, I began to take greater notice of all the men and women who struggled with the question about abortion. I began to notice those who were afraid, because they had no place to go. It was like buying a red car and you suddenly notice every red car on the road.

I kept telling God that there had to be a place where these folks could go and be loved, but where? I received permission to leave my teaching post as a theology professor and begin to work for the pro-life movement. But there was more . . .

I knew that more could be done, but what? Gradually, I realized that I could no longer simply pray that God would send more friars or more lay volunteers to do this work. I had to do it myself. But I was just one man. What if I was wrong? What if I was being spiritually proud?

I finally told God to take these thoughts away from me. Instead, he made them stronger. I was like a man who suddenly loses his vision and begins to hear and smell things that he ignored before. One day, I went up to the Blessed Sacrament and said, “OK, let’s talk about this. You want me to be a Capuchin Franciscan, but you won’t let me rest. You’re nagging me with this diea that more has to be done for the unborn, his parents and their families. I can’t find a single reason to ignore this, unless you have a good one that you have not shared with me. If you do have a good one, you better let me know soon. Otherwise, I’m going to follow this.”

I waited for a few months. He did not provide a good reason not to do this. I wrote a good friend of mine who is a Cardinal friar. He wrote back, “This could not be more timely.” In his note he said, “Contact this bishop.” I wrote to the bishop that he suggested. Now, this bishop was 1,000 miles away. About a week after I wrote, his scretary called and said that the bishop wanted a meeting. I flew down to meet him. We met twice. He told me to write my idea and send it to him. He was an auxiliary bishop. He had to present the idea to the diocesan bishop. I did write it and I went home. I was thinking that since the wheels of the Church often turn very slowly, it would be months before I heard anything.

Three days after I wrote my ideas, the auxiliary called me and said, “The Archbishop wants you to work with Father X. He has already spoken to him. You are to call him and begin the discernment process for this new community.” I contacted Father and we talked. He siad, “You have a green light. Begin, just remember that these must be Franciscan Brothers of LIfe.”

That’s how I got to this place in my life. I received permission from the Vatican to leave the religious house, to live outside but remain in vows and I was given $500.00. That was it. I had no clothes, no food, no medical insurance, no airfare to get to my new destination and no place to go to. I lived on the porch of a house for six months. God drives us where he wants us to go, if we simply trust.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

 

[NewsTheMan]

Thanks for the words JREducation! I was hoping you would chime in Great story, and I am taking away from it what I think you intended.

I am still a bit worried, maybe it is in my nature, every time I think about choosing between God and the world. I know which is the right decision, even though I understand marriage is still a vocation (and that I do want too!). I suppose in some sense, the fear is a whole bunch of things - fear of leaving the world, fear of not being Godly enough, fear of failure if I persue the Call, fear of the unknown.

But as you say, I can’t second guess God if he is whispering in my ear. I will have to start, somehow, doing something about it.

It is very difficult to do that in South Africa though. It’s not like America where all types of Orders exist and in all places. We are extremely limited, and as far as I know there are only 2 Seminaries here - one for seculars and one for religious. The only religious community I know of is the Marianhill community, which is 10 hours drive for me (in a car I don’t have). So I also struggle in the sense that I don’t know where I could be called to and how to discern that when there is nothing around me to help me discern. But, God will provide!

 

[JReducation]

Thanks for the words JREducation! I was hoping you would chime in Great story, and I am taking away from it what I think you intended.

I am still a bit worried, maybe it is in my nature, every time I think about choosing between God and the world. I know which is the right decision, even though I understand marriage is still a vocation (and that I do want too!). I suppose in some sense, the fear is a whole bunch of things - fear of leaving the world, fear of not being Godly enough, fear of failure if I persue the Call, fear of the unknown.

But as you say, I can’t second guess God if he is whispering in my ear. I will have to start, somehow, doing something about it.

It is very difficult to do that in South Africa though. It’s not like America where all types of Orders exist and in all places. We are extremely limited, and as far as I know there are only 2 Seminaries here - one for seculars and one for religious. The only religious community I know of is the Marianhill community, which is 10 hours drive for me (in a car I don’t have). So I also struggle in the sense that I don’t know where I could be called to and how to discern that when there is nothing around me to help me discern. But, God will provide!

I have a proposal for you. Would you like to be as poor as Jesus? Would you like to live without any security other than faith? Would you like to do something for God and his people that needs to be done? Would you like to engage in the adventure of a lifetime?

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

 

[NewsTheMan]

I have a proposal for you. Would you like to be as poor as Jesus?

A repeat sin in confession for me. I am proud of my riches. I like nice things. I recognize it as an obstruction though, but this would be hard for me.

Would you like to live without any security other than faith?

It would be scary, and I would have to become much more faithful, but yes.

Would you like to do something for God and his people that needs to be done?

Yes!

Would you like to engage in the adventure of a lifetime?

Heck yes!

 

[puzzleannie]

Hi
But what if that is all false piety? And what if I enter the seminary and my false piety is exposed? Can God really be calling me? It seems difficult and its confusing to know. What if I end up going to a seminary, dropping out and then completely losing my faith?!

exposed to whom? to your seminary classmates? to your spiritual director and professors? to your potential future parishioners? who cares what they think they know about you? what you should be asking is for Jesus to expose your self to yourself, to let you see your soul through his eyes. For one thing the love you come to know through this is so breathtaking you will never be able to refuse what he asks of you, even the consecration of your life to the priesthood. How do you come to this knowledge? through the practice of the daily examen, ideally beginning with a 30 day retreat with the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius. This is the classic way to discern your vocation, and to embark on the spiritual growth necessary to embrace it.

 

[NewsTheMan]

exposed to whom?

To God and to myself I will research the Spiritual Exercises of St.Ignatius, thank you for your post!

 

[puzzleannie]

To God and to myself I will research the Spiritual Exercises of St.Ignatius, thank you for your post!

if you take the next logical step, contacting your diocesan director of vocations and getting a spiritual director, they will no doubt lead you to such a retreat as part of your discernment. we will be praying for you, we need you. News flash. We Catholics in the pews already know our priests are human and deal with the same spiritual struggles we all do.

 

[NewsTheMan]

I can’t seem to find anything helpful on the Spiritual exercises, can you perhaps link me to something?

I will speak to my Spiritual Director about it this coming Wednesday, and after that, contact the Vocations office!

 

[NewsTheMan]

See, now… this whole day today, I was convinced that its what I wanted, I have been spending all day reading about it, emailing vocations director, organising a time to chat to my spiritual director. I was happy, afraid but happy, that I might have just said “yes”. I even called my dad, who I never speak to, and told him that I might be saying yes to a call, but I will discern over the next year while I finish studying.

Then all of a sudden the reality of it hit me and now I just feel scared and now I don’t want it. Now I feel as if my emails were a lie, that I don’t want to know about a vocation. It literally turned in a matter of seconds. Now I am nervous, and feel silly, as if it was just a thing I said in the moment and I don’t actually want the religious life at all.

It’s so confusing and up and down, which is disheartening. I would be happy if I knew either way, but not this up and down, sad scared for a minute then happy the next.

 

[JReducation]

See, now… this whole day today, I was convinced that its what I wanted, I have been spending all day reading about it, emailing vocations director, organising a time to chat to my spiritual director. I was happy, afraid but happy, that I might have just said “yes”. I even called my dad, who I never speak to, and told him that I might be saying yes to a call, but I will discern over the next year while I finish studying.

Then all of a sudden the reality of it hit me and now I just feel scared and now I don’t want it. Now I feel as if my emails were a lie, that I don’t want to know about a vocation. It literally turned in a matter of seconds. Now I am nervous, and feel silly, as if it was just a thing I said in the moment and I don’t actually want the religious life at all.

It’s so confusing and up and down, which is disheartening. I would be happy if I knew either way, but not this up and down, sad scared for a minute then happy the next.

First of all, let’s sort things out here. Do you feel attracted to the priesthood or the religious life? They are not the same call. People on CAF tend to use the terms interchangeably, which is dead wrong.

The religious life is a call to be a consecrated man, living in a community, under a rule of life, consecrated to living as Christ lived: obedient in all things, without any posessions of one’s own, and chaste so that your brothers become your only family and they also become your primary apostolate, not the faithful. Everything that you do for the fiathful, flows from the mission given to you by the founder of the community and by the brothers who decide how to best serve the Church. This service can take many forms: contemplation 24/7, service to the poor, preaching, teaching, running parishes, doing missions, caring for the sick, walking the streets, hitch-hiking and so forth.

The priesthood is a call to the ministry of Christ the High Priest. As a prerequirement, the Roman Church demands that you promise to remain celibate, but you remain a member of your biological family. You do not join a community. You do not have a rule of life to govern you 24/7. You do not have a fraternity that you must serve. Your life is totally dedicated to the celebration of the sacraments and anything that may be necessary to facilitate that. The Roman Church also requires a PROMISE not a vow, of obedience to the local bishop. You promise to comply with his requests and his orders in all things that are related to your ministry in his diocese. But those requests and orders are fluid. They can change from one day to the next. They can change from one bishop to the next. But you do not owe obedience to a superior, because you have none. You do not owe obedience to a community of brothers, because you have none. Therefore, you are free to live your personal life according to your conscience and you work out a spirituality that is appropriate for you. There is no common spirituality between you and the other clerics in the diocese. Each has his own. Your prayer life is individual. You do not pray with others, unless it’s by mutual agreement. No one can force it, not even the bishop or the pastor. You do own property and you are paid for your work as a priest. Therefore, you do not have to give up material things You can be ask rich as Bill Gates. However, you are bound to God’s people, to be in their service as a priest, responding to their needs within reason.

Some men receive a call within a call. God calls them to either the priesthood or the religious life, then calls them to the other as well. These men are BOTH, consecrated religious and priests. People often call them religious priests, which is a funny term, because everyone should be religious, not as in A religious. The better term is a regular priest, as in a priest that is bound by a regula (rule of life).

You see, there are two calls: to Holy Orders and to the Consecrated Life.

I’ll add here that one can also be called to Holy Orders as a permanent deacon. As such, you are a cleric, just like a priest and a bishop.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

 

[NewsTheMan]

I was always aware of the distinction but you made it much clearer, thank you

And to be honest, I am not sure which I am called to. Maybe this will become clearer as I discern further. What talents or personality traits do each require? I have been thinking about the religious life, but also within that the Priesthood - a call within a call perhaps? I think the religious life would be more of a challenge to me, but I think this is probably a good thing. I would like to be a part of a religious community.
But at the same time, I would like to evangelize and be ‘pastoral’.

 

[JReducation]

I was always aware of the distinction but you made it much clearer, thank you

And to be honest, I am not sure which I am called to. Maybe this will become clearer as I discern further. What talents or personality traits do each require? I have been thinking about the religious life, but also within that the Priesthood - a call within a call perhaps? I think the religious life would be more of a challenge to me, but I think this is probably a good thing. I would like to be a part of a religious community.
But at the same time, I would like to evangelize and be ‘pastoral’.

First of all, we don’t go about responding to God’s call by analyzing pesonality types. If truth be told, there is no real personality type for the Sacrament of Holy Orders or the Consecrated Life. We respond to a call. It’s that simple.

Second, one need not be a priest to evangelize or be pastoral. St. Francis was not a priest, nor are most of his sons. Who has not heard of the Franciscan family? They have run parishes, hospitals, schools, soup kitchens, homes for children, pregnancy centers and so forth. I’m not trying to discourage you from chooding Holy Orders. I’m trying to dispel a myth that religious men do not evangelize or do not do pastoral work.

I’m not a priest. I taught theology at the major seminary for many years. I have been an associate in a parish. I am a spiritual director. I preach almost every weekend. I run retreats. We have an ordained brother in our community who celebrates mass on Sundays and helps out with confessions at a nearby parish. Monday through Friday he is the Go To Guy for all of our pregnancy centers. He is great with his hands and loves to pull things apart and put them back together again. The community sent me for a Doctorate in Sacred Theology and he was sent for a Master’s in Divinity. He asked for permission to get a Master’s in Theology and it was denied, because the superior said that it was not the Will of God.

You may know who Fr. Benedict Groeschel is. Benedict is also a Franciscan. He has never served in a parish. He has been a professor, psychologist and a retreat master his entire life. I don’t know if you have heard of Cardinal Sean O’Malley. He too is a Franciscan. Cardinal Seean never served in a parish. He worked wtih immigrants and ran the social ministry for the Archdiocese of Washington for years before being ordained a bishop. Archbishop Charles Chaput of Denver is also a Franciscan. He spent most of his life as a professor. I don’t remember how much, if any parish experience he had before he became a bishop.

My point is that a priest in a religious order is not always a parish priest. A religious brother is not always the porter. The ministries are assigned according the the charism of the community, the needs of the community, and the gifts of the individual.

That being said, there are religious communities that have a parish charism. The O’Carm is one of them. Whereas, the Dominicans, which are also a clerical religious order, have a preaching and teaching charism. The Jesuits are also a clerical religious order and they too are teachers.

When discerning a call, look at where you feel at home. That’s how I knew that I was in the right place. It was like finding Cinderella. If the shoe fits, then it must be you.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

 

[NewsTheMan]

Thank you Brother for that clarification And I apologize for my misunderstanding and lack of knowledge in these areas - it must do your head in to see people constantly misunderstanding everything.

I have yet to be contacted back by the Vocations Director, but obviously, with his help I will be able to discern where my calling might be! Do you know anything about the Passionists? I am, at the very least, intrigued, because my Grandfather was a Passionist Missionary Brother for 20 years before he decided to leave and marry my Grandmother. I am interested in them and hopefully they are active here in South Africa so I can contact them.

As for the “fear” - - - well, it has subsided. I prayed last night, well, I spoke to God about it for a good half hour, told him everything (not that he didn’t know ). Slept well, woke up this morning and prayed some more. And I feel at peace. I am not 100% sure of what He wants - but I think my peace comes from my willingness to say “Yes” for whatever He wants me to do. I was reading about Vocations online and they asked - when you see yourself in 10 years, where are you? And I can’t get it out of my head that I will be somewhere (wherever I am sent) and in a habit. The thought makes me happy, happier than picturing myself out in the secular world. Perhaps I have an idealised picture in my head of what it is to be living out the calling - so I am hesitant of course.

 

[reindeer]

All I can offer is praying for you.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee.
Blessed art Thou among women and
blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners
now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

 

[densline]

There are a lot of “what ifs” in your thinking. Look at it this way, what if you entered a seminary and you got hit by a bus during your first year?

Do you get my meaning? Don’t second guess yourself or God. Visit the seminary of your choice or the religious order of your choice. You’ll know that you have arrived, because you will feel at home.

I remember sitting in my cell when I was a Capuchin. This was long after solemn vows. I had a good position in the community. I was safe, well liked and had a very successful ministry. One day I met a young girl who was pregnant and afraid. She wanted to abort her baby. I remember working very hard with her to persuade her and her boyfriend to have their baby. Well, they did have that baby. Who is now an adult.

Afterward, I began to take greater notice of all the men and women who struggled with the question about abortion. I began to notice those who were afraid, because they had no place to go. It was like buying a red car and you suddenly notice every red car on the road.

I kept telling God that there had to be a place where these folks could go and be loved, but where? I received permission to leave my teaching post as a theology professor and begin to work for the pro-life movement. But there was more . . .

I knew that more could be done, but what? Gradually, I realized that I could no longer simply pray that God would send more friars or more lay volunteers to do this work. I had to do it myself. But I was just one man. What if I was wrong? What if I was being spiritually proud?

I finally told God to take these thoughts away from me. Instead, he made them stronger. I was like a man who suddenly loses his vision and begins to hear and smell things that he ignored before. One day, I went up to the Blessed Sacrament and said, “OK, let’s talk about this. You want me to be a Capuchin Franciscan, but you won’t let me rest. You’re nagging me with this diea that more has to be done for the unborn, his parents and their families. I can’t find a single reason to ignore this, unless you have a good one that you have not shared with me. If you do have a good one, you better let me know soon. Otherwise, I’m going to follow this.”

I waited for a few months. He did not provide a good reason not to do this. I wrote a good friend of mine who is a Cardinal friar. He wrote back, “This could not be more timely.” In his note he said, “Contact this bishop.” I wrote to the bishop that he suggested. Now, this bishop was 1,000 miles away. About a week after I wrote, his scretary called and said that the bishop wanted a meeting. I flew down to meet him. We met twice. He told me to write my idea and send it to him. He was an auxiliary bishop. He had to present the idea to the diocesan bishop. I did write it and I went home. I was thinking that since the wheels of the Church often turn very slowly, it would be months before I heard anything.

Three days after I wrote my ideas, the auxiliary called me and said, “The Archbishop wants you to work with Father X. He has already spoken to him. You are to call him and begin the discernment process for this new community.” I contacted Father and we talked. He siad, “You have a green light. Begin, just remember that these must be Franciscan Brothers of LIfe.”

That’s how I got to this place in my life. I received permission from the Vatican to leave the religious house, to live outside but remain in vows and I was given $500.00. That was it. I had no clothes, no food, no medical insurance, no airfare to get to my new destination and no place to go to. I lived on the porch of a house for six months. God drives us where he wants us to go, if we simply trust.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

I was preparing myself to reply to “NewsThe Man” when I run into your post.

First let me reply to NewsThe Man, I have been hearing God’s CALL for so long but for many years I said “I’m not holy” I didn’t understand many things before but when I asked God for time to think about my life, in silence and not busy life, when he gave me the silence I wanted, I said “YES, LORD, HERE I AM, AM COMING”

My dilemma though is “which religious order HE wants me to join”

So my dear do not worry, I call these UNFOUNDED FEARS, God knows what he’s doing. Our human strengths are like parts of the body i.e if you have headache, you might say “ah! better stomachache and vice versa, but pain is pain, weakness is weakness. I then heard a voice within me saying " Come on, the Lord who called you, will give you all the strengths you need, DON’T BE AFRAID”

We all doubts our call, and sometimes we doubt our graces as well, my spiritual director told me to thank God for everything even when I doubt am being piety or not, Just thank God for what ever comes to you.

TO Fraternally

I finished your reply with tears. For over 7 months now, I have been asking God what he wants me to do. I have had several locutions and inspirations but I still doubt whether it’s what he wants or not. I continue praying and I believe he will soon let me know . Your story is not Identical to mine, but similar up to certain point
Please pray for me.

 

[densline]

Thank you Brother for that clarification And I apologize for my misunderstanding and lack of knowledge in these areas - it must do your head in to see people constantly misunderstanding everything.

I have yet to be contacted back by the Vocations Director, but obviously, with his help I will be able to discern where my calling might be! Do you know anything about the Passionists? I am, at the very least, intrigued, because my Grandfather was a Passionist Missionary Brother for 20 years before he decided to leave and marry my Grandmother. I am interested in them and hopefully they are active here in South Africa so I can contact them.

As for the “fear” - - - well, it has subsided. I prayed last night, well, I spoke to God about it for a good half hour, told him everything (not that he didn’t know ). Slept well, woke up this morning and prayed some more. And I feel at peace. I am not 100% sure of what He wants - but I think my peace comes from my willingness to say “Yes” for whatever He wants me to do. I was reading about Vocations online and they asked - when you see yourself in 10 years, where are you? And I can’t get it out of my head that I will be somewhere (wherever I am sent) and in a habit. The thought makes me happy, happier than picturing myself out in the secular world. Perhaps I have an idealised picture in my head of what it is to be living out the calling - so I am hesitant of course.

O Holy Spirit, soul of my soul, I adore you. Enlighten me, guide me, strengthen me, console him.

Tell me what I should do and command me to do it. I promise to be submissive in everything that you permit to happen to me, Only show me your will.