Scary event today

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Mary67

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Edit: I was scared because a man catcalled me today and I have high anxiety levels, but my husband and I worked it out.
 
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Few things are worse than being afraid. I think you shouldn’t rely so heavily on your husband, though. It doesn’t sound like you are being fair to him. I am not sure what he can do over the phone. I would suggest maybe focusing on building your confidence to a level where you feel comfortable in managing whatever situation you find yourself in. Maybe a self-defense class?
 
I think you need to evaluate what sorts of situations you are getting into that require him to “defend” you and where you feel “unsafe”. And also get outside perspective on whether these situations were really unsafe or if you have a timid personality.

Aside from a time when my car broke down, I can’t think of a situation where I had to call on my husband for assistance like that. And even then it wasn’t really about safety as about “hey i’m stranded, come get me” as the other option would have been expensive to get a taxi.
Mary67 said:
he is all I have and If I can’t depend on him I don’t know what to do.
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Well you can also depend on yourself.
Mary67 said:
I’ve told him about this but he gets too emotional.
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Perhaps meet with a neutral third party to mediate.
 
Okay, I am pretty independent. I’m not getting into crazy situations on purpose. I live in a city and crazy people happen. I call him because hopefully, he can get in touch with someone nearby who can help me out or at least give me helpful advice. but he doesn’t. being married I’m not suppose to feel alone, am I? It is not safe to walk alone as a woman sometimes in the city and even though I go when there are the most people, sometimes things happen but the chores still need to get done. There were no cops around either. I don’t know what to do.
 
If there are chores that result in you feeling or being unsafe, perhaps a way to solve the problem is to ask your husband to take these chores on, so you do not end up in situations that make you feel threatened. Or reevaluate how you go about accomplishing the chores so you can avoid such problems in the future. It is tough for your husband to do anything over the phone (besides offering an encouragement or call the police) if you are in the middle of an unsafe situation. If you are in real danger, calling the police yourself may be a better idea than calling your husband.

Also, the goal of marriage is not for you (or anyone else for that matter) not to feel alone. I think you need to look to yourself for self-reliance and to be your own primary source of comfort and confidence. It is not a good strategy to expect all that from your husband and not healthy for your long-term relationship.
 
Mary67 said:
call him because hopefully, he can get in touch with someone nearby who can help me out or at least give me helpful advice.
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What sort of situation are we talking about and how frequently does this happen?
 
The guy basically threatened to rape me. I was walking not driving. But I just avoided him on the way back. I Took a different route. I know I’m sheltered. I was never taught what to do in these situations so I panic. But my husband explained what to do after this incident so I feel better prepared.
 
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It’s not clear what happened here. You mentioned in the OP that someone catcalled you, and later on that he “basically” threatened to rape you.

If a man on the street threatened to rape you, it is best to call the authorities and report him. If it happens again, get away and call police immediately when you are safe.
 
I can suggest a couple of things:
  1. A cat call is annoying but not a threat of rape. Your anxiety may be clouding your judgment.
  2. If you aren’t already getting treatment for anxiety, I encourage you to see a professional
  3. Take a self defense class. This will help you know what to do in bad situations.
 
I’m a bit surprised people are so quick to find fault with me. I was sheltered, and emotionally abused growing up and I don’t even trust my judgment sometimes (even though I should because I actually do have a good head on my shoulders). Wheather or not I’m getting help for my anxiety is no ones concern on this forum. The man catcalled me, yes. But the phrase he used sounded like a threat. Pervs like that guy are evil and not once has anyone called that behavior out on here. But it’s done an over now. I’m done with this threat unless someone wants to support me instead of telling me it’s all in my head. I hope if your daughters experience this you would be a bit more loving towards them. It’s a delicate topic and I shouldn’t have posted it hear. Mea culpa.
 
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Clementine14 said:
It’s not clear what happened here. You mentioned in the OP that someone catcalled you, and later on that he “basically” threatened to rape you.
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This.

There is a significant distance between a “catcall” and threatened rape.

Some counseling to differentiate feelings would help!
 
Mary67 said:
not once has anyone called that behavior out on here
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That behavior is wrong. But there is nothing to call out. That guy isn’t here. We can say the behavior is wrong, but it doesn’t change the fact that a random person we have no control over engaged in the behavior.

We are here giving you suggestions for what to do in the situation. Anxiety does play into the situation. If you have anxiety you need strategies from a professional who deals with anxiety to help you.

There have been lots of positive suggestions on here such as: self-defense class, going into a well lit store, calling the police, getting a taxi. If someone randomly accosts you on the street there really isn’t anything anyone else can do in the moment except you-- be prepared and be alert. Carry mace or pepper spray. Know how to defend yourself. Those are suggestions we have for you on a practical level.

As for your husband, I don’t see what he could do since he wasn’t there. The threat of bodily harm is immediate, you need to be able to take care of that yourself. Yes, he should be there to support you emotionally afterward, as it is scary to be a woman alone walking or being accosted while minding your own business.

Should it happen? No

But if it does, be prepared.
 
Sorry you felt unsupported here.

I would recommend carrying some mace with you at all times. It may make you feel a bit safer. I bought my girlfriend some mace because she use to work in a area where lots of crazy drug addicts like to loiter around. Pray you never have to use it but carry some. It is not expensive at all. Just research what the laws are in your area about carrying mace because it varies from state to state in the USA and I do not know where you live. Take care and God bless.
 
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