Scary realization: I will never be happy as long as I am alone

[Domiy]

I can’t hide it anymore. I’ve tried everything to compensate for my lack of a relationship. I’ve developed deep hobbies, found a busy career, developed a close relationship with God, and even looked seriously into priesthood (although I decided I wasn’t nearly ready, and ultimately I feel a calling to married life instead). These things work quite well most of the time, but I still long for a partner. The more I try, the harder it gets. Anxiety and mild depression (non-suicidal!) soon follow.

I love the idea of marriage, having a wife, someone to become one flesh with. Share my passion, my strengths, my weaknesses, and together walk with God and bear children. It’s beautiful. I see it on people all around me; it’s a value held very highly in my family and culture. I have 4 siblings who are all happily married. They are perfect examples of the glory of marriage; they themselves had many problems with violence, depression (over other things), addictions etc. Ultimately finding a partner and getting married changed them for the better. I attend wedding regularly, and I love it. I find it so glorious. And yet I wonder, when will mine come?

I’m 24. By the standards in my family and culture, I’m quite old. But that doesn’t bother me; what bothers me is that I cannot be happy and content while alone. That’s what leads me to rush and hope so badly to find a relationship. I’ve had a serious relationship before, but ultimately it wasn’t meant to be and ended sourly. My ex-girlfriend went on to get married and have kids. I was happy for her, it didn’t bother me. I just keep asking; when is my time!

I am very outgoing and social, but the problem is I don’t like to go out much. All my friends meet up on the weekends to gather at clubs, but I hate doing that! So I politely reject their invitations. None of them are really prime examples of how to find a partner either (all single and around the same age), but at least they meet and talk to plenty of women! Even some girls which I’ve found interest in are too eager to enjoy life at nightclubs, and this ultimately makes it impossible to try and fabricate a relationship with them. I go on plenty of dates, but they all lead to nothing due to major differences between us. I’ve found great friendships in some women who openly expressed a liking for me, but anytime I try to form a closer bond, it goes wrong. There seems to always be something which stands in the way (age, distance, priorities etc). Some people suggest my standards are maybe too high, that I always find picky faults which I focus on too much. I don’t think that’s quite true. I just want a specific type of person to spend my life with and bring out the best in me. However shallow it may be of me, I also want a physical attraction to be present (of course!).

I am sure God can see how much it’s killing me. I can’t be half the person I want to be, or He wants me to be, while like this. I can’t look forward to life. To getting a promotion. To buying myself a house. To doing anything, while I’m alone! I can’t even go to sleep some nights in peace without thinking about it and having it on my mind. It’s gotten a lot worse recently. It’s like a mid-life crisis. I feel so much pressure, and it leads to anxiety. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I find myself needing alcohol to just get me through the hard long days at work sometimes. I’m not a drunk or addicted, I just find that a single drink or two make things a lot easier. Obviously, I see how dangerous this is, so I’ve decided to cut back while I still have control. I’ve also taken some time off work to just relax and get my head straight because I’ve started feeling even worse (probably because another attempt to even consider a relationship journey with a good female friend went nowhere due to aforementioned barriers standing in the way; there’s always something!).

I’ll get through this. No matter what happens I’ll lead a normal life. I’ll have friends, a job, a family, etc. But I’ll never be truly happy or satisfied. Any small thing will take a massive toll on me and dunk me into anxiety and mild depression again. I ask God fervently to help me find a person worth spending my life with, and to help us both form a relationship with eachother. I have hope, but I’m getting (name removed by moderator)atient’, and it’s starting to really take its toll on me. My hobbies have taken me as far as they can. It’s time for me to find a girlfriend so I can at least be at peace, but I’m getting no closer everyday. Is there any words of advice or compassion I can find within the faith? I am greatly considering talking to my priest/spiritual advisor about it, at the very least he always does a great job of cheering me up and calming my nerves.

Anything would be greatly appreciated, even a shoulder to virtually cry on and sympathise with. God Bless!

 

[Rosebud77]

Try giving of you. A few hours each week filling bowls at a soup kitchen will help you mightily. Anything for others will balance you a little. Do something that wears you out physically also. NB I used to feel utter loneliness too. Not any more. Accept where you are now else you cannot move forward. Listen to God rather than shouting your terms.

 

[SAVINGRACE]

Have you met Kateri92, she is 23 and looking for a life partner? She has a thread on why she hasn’t found someone. Sorry can’t help myself, I’m the worst matchmaker in the parish/diocese/town/state & country… 0/3 attempts.

You are way too young to be concerned about not finding a wife. I know some cultural influence is bearing down on you but please realise that, most men don’t marry until 30something. Find a hobby, volunteer at Church/community groups, do a course etc. Many people find partners that way or online at a Catholic dating site.

 

[Memaw]

I can’t hide it anymore. I’ve tried everything to compensate for my lack of a relationship. I’ve developed deep hobbies, found a busy career, developed a close relationship with God, and even looked seriously into priesthood (although I decided I wasn’t nearly ready, and ultimately I feel a calling to married life instead). These things work quite well most of the time, but I still long for a partner. The more I try, the harder it gets. Anxiety and mild depression (non-suicidal!) soon follow.

I love the idea of marriage, having a wife, someone to become one flesh with. Share my passion, my strengths, my weaknesses, and together walk with God and bear children. It’s beautiful. I see it on people all around me; it’s a value held very highly in my family and culture. I have 4 siblings who are all happily married. They are perfect examples of the glory of marriage; they themselves had many problems with violence, depression (over other things), addictions etc. Ultimately finding a partner and getting married changed them for the better. I attend wedding regularly, and I love it. I find it so glorious. And yet I wonder, when will mine come?

I’m 24. By the standards in my family and culture, I’m quite old. But that doesn’t bother me; what bothers me is that I cannot be happy and content while alone. That’s what leads me to rush and hope so badly to find a relationship. I’ve had a serious relationship before, but ultimately it wasn’t meant to be and ended sourly. My ex-girlfriend went on to get married and have kids. I was happy for her, it didn’t bother me. I just keep asking; when is my time!

I am very outgoing and social, but the problem is I don’t like to go out much. All my friends meet up on the weekends to gather at clubs, but I hate doing that! So I politely reject their invitations. None of them are really prime examples of how to find a partner either (all single and around the same age), but at least they meet and talk to plenty of women! Even some girls which I’ve found interest in are too eager to enjoy life at nightclubs, and this ultimately makes it impossible to try and fabricate a relationship with them. I go on plenty of dates, but they all lead to nothing due to major differences between us. I’ve found great friendships in some women who openly expressed a liking for me, but anytime I try to form a closer bond, it goes wrong. There seems to always be something which stands in the way (age, distance, priorities etc). Some people suggest my standards are maybe too high, that I always find picky faults which I focus on too much. I don’t think that’s quite true. I just want a specific type of person to spend my life with and bring out the best in me. However shallow it may be of me, I also want a physical attraction to be present (of course!).

I am sure God can see how much it’s killing me. I can’t be half the person I want to be, or He wants me to be, while like this. I can’t look forward to life. To getting a promotion. To buying myself a house. To doing anything, while I’m alone! I can’t even go to sleep some nights in peace without thinking about it and having it on my mind. It’s gotten a lot worse recently. It’s like a mid-life crisis. I feel so much pressure, and it leads to anxiety. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I find myself needing alcohol to just get me through the hard long days at work sometimes. I’m not a drunk or addicted, I just find that a single drink or two make things a lot easier. Obviously, I see how dangerous this is, so I’ve decided to cut back while I still have control. I’ve also taken some time off work to just relax and get my head straight because I’ve started feeling even worse (probably because another attempt to even consider a relationship journey with a good female friend went nowhere due to aforementioned barriers standing in the way; there’s always something!).

I’ll get through this. No matter what happens I’ll lead a normal life. I’ll have friends, a job, a family, etc. But I’ll never be truly happy or satisfied. Any small thing will take a massive toll on me and dunk me into anxiety and mild depression again. I ask God fervently to help me find a person worth spending my life with, and to help us both form a relationship with eachother. I have hope, but I’m getting (name removed by moderator)atient’, and it’s starting to really take its toll on me. My hobbies have taken me as far as they can. It’s time for me to find a girlfriend so I can at least be at peace, but I’m getting no closer everyday. Is there any words of advice or compassion I can find within the faith? I am greatly considering talking to my priest/spiritual advisor about it, at the very least he always does a great job of cheering me up and calming my nerves.

Anything would be greatly appreciated, even a shoulder to virtually cry on and sympathise with. God Bless!

Maybe your trying to hard. You know the old saying, “Let go and Let God”. Get involved in the lives of your nieces and nephews. They need a really great uncle to look up to. I know I did and so did my kids and now my grandkids. Go to Church functions in your city. Festivals etc. I love meeting different people and I have met some really great ones. And pray that God will show you the path He longs for you. God Bless, Memaw

 

[Mintaka]

Here’s a thought. Talk to young women you know (preferably ones who are happy and going out with somebody), and ask them what their women friends who don’t go to clubs are doing. They may have tips for you.

Do you have coffeeshops in your area, or other kinds of nightlife that don’t center around nightclubs and going clubbing?

Are there groups that have a lot of women and not a lot of guys?

Does your church have any groups that include younger women?

Also, you can always ask around women and guys you know, and see if they know people. Everybody likes to play matchmaker.

 

[CompSciGuy]

I can’t hide it anymore. I’ve tried everything to compensate for my lack of a relationship. I’ve developed deep hobbies, found a busy career, developed a close relationship with God, and even looked seriously into priesthood (although I decided I wasn’t nearly ready, and ultimately I feel a calling to married life instead). These things work quite well most of the time, but I still long for a partner. The more I try, the harder it gets. Anxiety and mild depression (non-suicidal!) soon follow.

I love the idea of marriage, having a wife, someone to become one flesh with. Share my passion, my strengths, my weaknesses, and together walk with God and bear children. It’s beautiful.
…
I attend wedding regularly, and I love it. I find it so glorious. And yet I wonder, when will mine come?

It comes when it comes. Until then you need to learn how to enjoy living alone and develop. I don’t like the way you say “I’ve tried everything to compensate for my lack of a relationship.” You don’t have to compensate for anything. Being single is not a disease and having a relationship should not give you your sense of self-worth. You should already have that when you get into a relationship in the first place.

I’m 24. By the standards in my family and culture, I’m quite old.

What!!! That is nonsense.

But that doesn’t bother me; what bothers me is that I cannot be happy and content while alone. That’s what leads me to rush and hope so badly to find a relationship.

And that is probably why God hasn’t put you in a relationship now. If you feel that you cannot be happy or content without a relationship, then you are not ready for one.

I’ve had a serious relationship before, but ultimately it wasn’t meant to be and ended sourly. My ex-girlfriend went on to get married and have kids. I was happy for her, it didn’t bother me. I just keep asking; when is my time!

I am very outgoing and social, but the problem is I don’t like to go out much. All my friends meet up on the weekends to gather at clubs, but I hate doing that! So I politely reject their invitations. None of them are really prime examples of how to find a partner either (all single and around the same age), but at least they meet and talk to plenty of women! Even some girls which I’ve found interest in are too eager to enjoy life at nightclubs, and this ultimately makes it impossible to try and fabricate a relationship with them. I go on plenty of dates, but they all lead to nothing due to major differences between us. I’ve found great friendships in some women who openly expressed a liking for me, but anytime I try to form a closer bond, it goes wrong. There seems to always be something which stands in the way (age, distance, priorities etc). Some people suggest my standards are maybe too high, that I always find picky faults which I focus on too much. I don’t think that’s quite true. I just want a specific type of person to spend my life with and bring out the best in me. However shallow it may be of me, I also want a physical attraction to be present (of course!).

…

Anything would be greatly appreciated, even a shoulder to virtually cry on and sympathise with. God Bless!

I am going to reiterate something, and then I’ll give you my story. Again, if you feel that you have to be in a relationship and that you can’t be happy or serve God without one, then you have a problem. This is not healthy. Your significant other is not God. If you rely too much on your significant other to provide you with a sense of self-worth and relieve you of your problems, then you are going to be a burden to her. Look to God for these things. Also, if you think that you need a relationship to avoid going into anxiety and depression again, you are wrong and that is not a healthy way of thinking. Marriage and raising a family is not a stress-free lifestyle, it is very anxiety inducing. But what you do need right now is a good friend and someone you can share your problems with.

Now I will tell you my story. I know this may shock you, but I didn’t date anyone until I was 26 years old. That’s right, the ripe old age of 26. That woman is now my wife and she is eleven weeks pregnant. I used to worry like you whether I would ever get married and have a family. The thing is, at the time I had met this woman, I had already reached the point where I was totally open to God. I was open to discerning the priesthood if He willed that for me. I was happy and content as a single person. My wife had also reached this point. We met at a Catholic young adult group. There is a group that meets once a week and they hear a talk from a priest and then do an hour of adoration together. My wife showed up one day curious to see what the group was all about, and I welcomed her, and things moved on from there. We are both serious practicing Catholics and believe in the teachings of the Church.

You are not ready for a relationship yet. When you are, that is, when you learn to be content on your own, I would recommend a Catholic young adult group, bible study, or other type of ministry through one of your local parishes to find someone who shares your values and go on from there. But don’t do it until you’re ready. Otherwise your relationship will just end badly again.

 

[GEddie]

I don’t know about your family and culture but in the 21st century, 24 is not old to be unattached.

Breathe and relax, some things just take time.

If your life centers on looking for a relationship, you probably won’t find one. You first need an attractive life of your own to invite that “special someone” into.

Others have made some good suggestions. IMNAAHO

ICXC NIKA

 

[Domiy]

Here’s a thought. Talk to young women you know (preferably ones who are happy and going out with somebody), and ask them what their women friends who don’t go to clubs are doing. They may have tips for you.

Do you have coffeeshops in your area, or other kinds of nightlife that don’t center around nightclubs and going clubbing?

Are there groups that have a lot of women and not a lot of guys?

Does your church have any groups that include younger women?

Also, you can always ask around women and guys you know, and see if they know people. Everybody likes to play matchmaker.

Those are all great suggestions, and I have looked into all of them before. I’ve realized that I probably need to get out more, even if it’s not something that I want to necessarily do.

I should clarify, the problem isn’t exactly meeting women though. They’re all around me. I know a plenty of them, and there are even more I see regularly. It’s just that after my last relationship, I learned a lot about myself and what an ideal partner would be. I need someone who really brings out the best in me, and who I share certain characteristics with. This is proving surprisingly rare to find though. Sometimes, I don’t even know what I want in a woman until I meet some who have it. A certain decency, wisdom, feature, common interest, ability, experience etc. And the biggest problem seems to be timing. The women I want don’t want me right now. The women that used to want me no longer want me when I want them. The worst example - A close acquaintance who was evidently quite fond of me, but I never saw her in a romantic way at all (even though she is attractive). But after getting to know her and spending more time with her in a group, I really found an interest in her. However, when I tried to pursue her, even though she was initially quite keen, she eventually backed off and slightly lost interest. Granted, I believe her when she says it’s a matter of her not wanting a relationship right now (she is young, and I always thought she was too young for me until she matures a little; we both agreed to see how things work out in the future instead of trying to force something right now). But it just pains me that this is becoming a common occurrence. I never cared for her, and now I find myself wondering was it maybe something I did wrong, did I just react too late, etc. I fear this is becoming a typical thing. I can’t even properly pursue women who want me, whether through my own drawbacks or just a matter of other things standing in the way. I fear this is my doomed fate.

 

[Neofight]

Fear not…you will never be alone…Christ promised us in Matthew 28:20 that he would be with us until the end of the ages.

 

[Bonnie]

Have you met Kateri92, she is 23 and looking for a life partner? She has a thread on why she hasn’t found someone. Sorry can’t help myself, I’m the worst matchmaker in the parish/diocese/town/state & country… 0/3 attempts.

You are way too young to be concerned about not finding a wife. I know some cultural influence is bearing down on you but please realise that, most men don’t marry until 30something. Find a hobby, volunteer at Church/community groups, do a course etc. Many people find partners that way or online at a Catholic dating site.

You beat me to it!

What is it with these young people who want to get married so young? Even married, one can still be very much alone.

At 23 I was just coming into the Church and enjoying myself very much. There was so much going on in my life I didn’t want to get married and wondered about those who did. As I mentioned in Kateri92’s thread, I didn’t meet my husband until I was 30 (and I met him at church) and we didn’t marry until I was 33.

 

[St_Francis]

Domiy,
As long as you think you *need *a relationship, you will scare girls off by being needy.

You are focusing on what a relationship will bring to you, and that is a terrible way to go into a relationship. You should be asking what you will bring to the woman, and then family, involved?

Beng married is not primarily about having oneself completed, having companionship, etc. That’s like romance novels.

Marriage is about *starting a family and contributing what one can to the family. *It is about helping another person get to Heaven, and about having and raising children and helping them attain Heaven, *not *about what we get out of it, whch is secondary—it will hopefully occur, but it is not necessary.

So, what to do? Lean on God; learn to accept His will for you until you no longer feel that you “need” a romantic relationship/marriage. Then you will feel completed by the One Whom you should be relying on to complete you.

 

[Rosebud77]

Domiy,
As long as you think you *need *a relationship, you will scare girls off by being needy.

You are focusing on what a relationship will bring to you, and that is a terrible way to go into a relationship. You should be asking what you will bring to the woman, and then family, involved?

Beng married is not primarily about having oneself completed, having companionship, etc. That’s like romance novels.

Marriage is about *starting a family and contributing what one can to the family. *It is about helping another person get to Heaven, and about having and raising children and helping them attain Heaven, *not *about what we get out of it, whch is secondary—it will hopefully occur, but it is not necessary.

So, what to do? Lean on God; learn to accept His will for you until you no longer feel that you “need” a romantic relationship/marriage. Then you will feel completed by the One Whom you should be relying on to complete you.

E.xactly so… old saying attributed to St francis…/God first, others next, self last

 

[Sarcelle]

I can’t hide it anymore. I’ve tried everything to compensate for my lack of a relationship. I’ve developed deep hobbies, found a busy career, developed a close relationship with God, and even looked seriously into priesthood (although I decided I wasn’t nearly ready, and ultimately I feel a calling to married life instead). These things work quite well most of the time, but I still long for a partner. The more I try, the harder it gets. Anxiety and mild depression (non-suicidal!) soon follow.

I love the idea of marriage, having a wife, someone to become one flesh with. Share my passion, my strengths, my weaknesses, and together walk with God and bear children. It’s beautiful. I see it on people all around me; it’s a value held very highly in my family and culture. I have 4 siblings who are all happily married. They are perfect examples of the glory of marriage; they themselves had many problems with violence, depression (over other things), addictions etc. Ultimately finding a partner and getting married changed them for the better. I attend wedding regularly, and I love it. I find it so glorious. And yet I wonder, when will mine come?

I’m 24. By the standards in my family and culture, I’m quite old. But that doesn’t bother me; what bothers me is that I cannot be happy and content while alone. That’s what leads me to rush and hope so badly to find a relationship. I’ve had a serious relationship before, but ultimately it wasn’t meant to be and ended sourly. My ex-girlfriend went on to get married and have kids. I was happy for her, it didn’t bother me. I just keep asking; when is my time!

I am very outgoing and social, but the problem is I don’t like to go out much. All my friends meet up on the weekends to gather at clubs, but I hate doing that! So I politely reject their invitations. None of them are really prime examples of how to find a partner either (all single and around the same age), but at least they meet and talk to plenty of women! Even some girls which I’ve found interest in are too eager to enjoy life at nightclubs, and this ultimately makes it impossible to try and fabricate a relationship with them. I go on plenty of dates, but they all lead to nothing due to major differences between us. I’ve found great friendships in some women who openly expressed a liking for me, but anytime I try to form a closer bond, it goes wrong. There seems to always be something which stands in the way (age, distance, priorities etc). Some people suggest my standards are maybe too high, that I always find picky faults which I focus on too much. I don’t think that’s quite true. I just want a specific type of person to spend my life with and bring out the best in me. However shallow it may be of me, I also want a physical attraction to be present (of course!).

I am sure God can see how much it’s killing me. I can’t be half the person I want to be, or He wants me to be, while like this. I can’t look forward to life. To getting a promotion. To buying myself a house. To doing anything, while I’m alone! I can’t even go to sleep some nights in peace without thinking about it and having it on my mind. It’s gotten a lot worse recently. It’s like a mid-life crisis. I feel so much pressure, and it leads to anxiety. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I find myself needing alcohol to just get me through the hard long days at work sometimes. I’m not a drunk or addicted, I just find that a single drink or two make things a lot easier. Obviously, I see how dangerous this is, so I’ve decided to cut back while I still have control. I’ve also taken some time off work to just relax and get my head straight because I’ve started feeling even worse (probably because another attempt to even consider a relationship journey with a good female friend went nowhere due to aforementioned barriers standing in the way; there’s always something!).

I’ll get through this. No matter what happens I’ll lead a normal life. I’ll have friends, a job, a family, etc. But I’ll never be truly happy or satisfied. Any small thing will take a massive toll on me and dunk me into anxiety and mild depression again. I ask God fervently to help me find a person worth spending my life with, and to help us both form a relationship with eachother. I have hope, but I’m getting (name removed by moderator)atient’, and it’s starting to really take its toll on me. My hobbies have taken me as far as they can. It’s time for me to find a girlfriend so I can at least be at peace, but I’m getting no closer everyday. Is there any words of advice or compassion I can find within the faith? I am greatly considering talking to my priest/spiritual advisor about it, at the very least he always does a great job of cheering me up and calming my nerves.

Anything would be greatly appreciated, even a shoulder to virtually cry on and sympathise with. God Bless!

The title of your post raises warning bells. Are you making someone else be responsible for making you happy? That is a huge burden for your future wife to carry. If you want to get married so you can demonstrate self-giving love to your future wife than you are on the right track. But to depend on someone else to make you happy? That is a different thing. it will not lead to a sustained marriage.

 

[Domiy]

You are not ready for a relationship yet. When you are, that is, when you learn to be content on your own, I would recommend a Catholic young adult group, bible study, or other type of ministry through one of your local parishes to find someone who shares your values and go on from there. But don’t do it until you’re ready. Otherwise your relationship will just end badly again.

I really appreciate what you’ve said to me (in line with what others have said), and it has definitely opened a new thought for me (about being perhaps over-reliant and so on). However, I have to respectfully argue about the concept of not being able to learn to be alone. You are wrong. If there’s anything I’m good at, it’s just that. I ended my previous long-term relationship because I felt I was doing something just because other people thought I should. I wanted space and time to myself, and as hard as it was to move on, I’m glad I finally did. I learned so much about myself afterwards and became a better person. I travelled the world for months alone, met so many people, even looked seriously into priesthood. Also, as I said before, I refuse to give into social pressure of going out or attending parties simply because I don’t find those things ideal, and I told myself a long time ago I’d never do anything just because someone else wants that of me. I’ll do what I want to do. People find my hobbies or interests a little strange, and I just shrug off their remarks and maintain that I’m doing what makes me happy, and that’s all that matters.

I don’t mean to gloat, but I think I’m mature enough to live alone to the fullest. There was even a point not that long ago where I would constantly say that I prefer to be alone. Whether it was praying, or simply doing recreational things, I loved being by myself with my thoughts. I still do to an extent. Anyone who knows me will testify the same thing. But things have changed. Life has gotten busier and harder. I find myself way devoting way too much time and energy to other things when I know I can devote them to a relationship.

I know a relationship won’t just make me infinitely happy. I had anxiety and stress about my life even while I was in my previous relationship. But that was a long time ago, and I’ve been through a lot of self development since then. I didn’t have any legitimate hobbies then. I didn’t even have a job. And quite frankly, I was with someone who I just couldn’t stand. I was young and naïve. That was then. All I’m saying is that I’m quite certain that I’ve gotten everything there is to get out of single life. I’ve enjoyed the perks and used them to become a better person. And I can literally pin-point what exactly makes me anxious, depressed, and down. It’s that I don’t have anyone to share my deep thoughts with or give my love to at the end of a lonely day at work. I’ve got nobody who wants to ask me what I’m doing or share my interests with. It’s not that I expect my partner to simply carry my burden for me, far from it. I just feel that I’d be much happier knowing I’ve got someone by my side. She would make me happy without even knowing she’s doing anything. I believe it is human nature to seek companionship. As the early foundations of mankind tells us, “It is not good for man to be alone”. And I agree. It really isn’t.

 

[Bonnie]

E.xactly so… old saying attributed to St francis…/God first, others next, self last

Don’t know if St. Francis said that, but he certainly lived it. It reminds me of the old Sunday School song that I still sing: “Jesus and others and you spells JOY.” (I just googled the lyrics & I’ve been singing it slightly wrong for years! )

 

[InNomineDomini]

It strikes me that you are convinced that God has called you to marriage, but yet, there’s an underlying assumption in all of this that God somehow isn’t aware of this.

If God has called you to marriage, why do you think He won’t provide you with the means to accomplish this calling? Moreover, if He will provide you with the means, what makes you think He’s wrong about His timing?

These are not rhetorical questions: the answers are important, and I think it would be useful to analyze whether you are experiencing resentment of God. I could be completely wrong, and forgive me if I am, but I wonder if you’re not approaching this from a position of having earned the right to a wife, and of truly deserving it now, and of having it unfairly withheld from you.

Let’s not forget that bearing our crosses with patience and love is an absolutely essential and inherent quality to being able to have, in truth, any sort of close relationship with God. If this is difficult, we need to work on it. If we’re having trouble with trust, we need to work on it.

Let’s also not forget that God has willed that He will work in our lives through prayer, and not just our own, but those of others, too. Imagine how much good could be accomplished by praying daily for the Holy Souls, and asking, in return, that they pray for you, and for your future wife, if God wills you to have one.

 

[Domiy]

If God has called you to marriage, why do you think He won’t provide you with the means to accomplish this calling? Moreover, if He will provide you with the means, what makes you think He’s wrong about His timing?

Because it’s killing me softly right now, and has been for a while (however it has only really hit me this hard very recently, I always managed to block it out and wait patiently). It’s a tough, defining time in my life right now. I’m figuring out what exactly I want to do in life. I’m over going out and having fun with friends. Giving myself to someone else seems like the only thing left for me to do. It’s hard for me to do any of this under the fear that I won’t find companionship. I believe finding that peace of a relationship will help in both making these decisions, and achieving them. Plus, it’s just outright making me depressed always failing!

TBH, I don’t fear that much for the future. I’m adamant that I’ll find a girlfriend and a wife one day, eventually. It’s just that I’ve been single for long enough, and I’m honestly over it. I’m ready to start a journey of giving myself to another. I remember the peace and satisfaction that being in a relationship gave me before, and I miss it. I need it now.

These are not rhetorical questions: the answers are important, and I think it would be useful to analyze whether you are experiencing resentment of God. I could be completely wrong, and forgive me if I am, but I wonder if you’re not approaching this from a position of having earned the right to a wife, and of truly deserving it now, and of having it unfairly withheld from you.

I don’t resent God. I’ve been through worse, and he’s pulled me through. I’m just wondering why he’s making me so hungry if he won’t feed me. If I envy anyone, it’s those around me in a functional relationship (although I don’t think it’s envy). I see people I know abusing their partners, being immature in their financial decisions, not respecting women, watching pornography even when they’re happily married, and so on. It’s not my place to say that they don’t deserve a relationship; I believe everyone does. At the very least, I do! I made a promise to God that if he helped me form a relationship in the past, I would devote it to bettering my partner. And I did! I educated her on the faith, got her more much involved, helped her grow in life, and so on. She admitted that I had a huge influence on her, and she went on to get married and start raising kids. It makes me feel good to know that I can achieve what God wants of man, which is why I believe he is calling me to marriage (plus, a range of other things).

I thought about reading the book of Job again to help me relate to suffering as I’ve done in the past, but honestly, I don’t even consider this a burden or a suffering. It’s just…emptiness. I have nobody to talk to, nobody to spend my lonely weekends with, nobody to share my passions with and vice versa. Nobody to motivate me go to work hard and save for the future. I swear, there was even a point where I couldn’t even be bothered buying myself new clothes or dressing half presentable. I’ve since moved on from that, but that’s the kind of thing this emptiness does to me. I’m not asking God for a miracle. I’m just asking Him to help my efforts in finding a partner! I’m just wondering why my careful and hard efforts are so fruitless.

There was a time where I struggled to find a job for like 6 months. I never took it as a sign that God didn’t want me to have a job though! I really wanted a career in my industry because I was passionate about it, and I worked consistently hard finding one. I prayed for guidance and help. I was patient and disciplined, and eventually it paid off. I found peace in that aspect of my life. And since I’ve started a career, I’ve become a better person and shook off a lot of issues I had before. It was good for me, and I knew it would be. That’s how I feel about this as well. I’m just wondering why my efforts to find a partner are so wasteful. I don’t work for it unless I absolutely feel that the person is worth spending my life with. Yet any time I come to that personal decision about someone, it never works out. I just get hurt and even more anxious about being lonely.

 

[Rosebud77]

If God has called you to marriage, why do you think He won’t provide you with the means to accomplish this calling? Moreover, if He will provide you with the means, what makes you think He’s wrong about His timing?

Because it’s killing me softly right now, and has been for a while (however it has only really hit me this hard very recently, I always managed to block it out and wait patiently). It’s a tough, defining time in my life right now. I’m figuring out what exactly I want to do in life. I’m over going out and having fun with friends. Giving myself to someone else seems like the only thing left for me to do. It’s hard for me to do any of this under the fear that I won’t find companionship. I believe finding that peace of a relationship will help in both making these decisions, and achieving them. Plus, it’s just outright making me depressed always failing!

TBH, I don’t fear that much for the future. I’m adamant that I’ll find a girlfriend and a wife one day, eventually. It’s just that I’ve been single for long enough, and I’m honestly over it. I’m ready to start a journey of giving myself to another. I remember the peace and satisfaction that being in a relationship gave me before, and I miss it. I need it now.

These are not rhetorical questions: the answers are important, and I think it would be useful to analyze whether you are experiencing resentment of God. I could be completely wrong, and forgive me if I am, but I wonder if you’re not approaching this from a position of having earned the right to a wife, and of truly deserving it now, and of having it unfairly withheld from you.

I don’t resent God. I’ve been through worse, and he’s pulled me through. I’m just wondering why he’s making me so hungry if he won’t feed me. If I envy anyone, it’s those around me in a functional relationship (although I don’t think it’s envy). I see people I know abusing their partners, being immature in their financial decisions, not respecting women, watching pornography even when they’re happily married, and so on. It’s not my place to say that they don’t deserve a relationship; I believe everyone does. At the very least, I do! I made a promise to God that if he helped me form a relationship in the past, I would devote it to bettering my partner. And I did! I educated her on the faith, got her more much involved, helped her grow in life, and so on. She admitted that I had a huge influence on her, and she went on to get married and start raising kids. It makes me feel good to know that I can achieve what God wants of man, which is why I believe he is calling me to marriage (plus, a range of other things).

I thought about reading the book of Job again to help me relate to suffering as I’ve done in the past, but honestly, I don’t even consider this a burden or a suffering. It’s just…emptiness. I have nobody to talk to, nobody to spend my lonely weekends with, nobody to share my passions with and vice versa. Nobody to motivate me go to work hard and save for the future. I swear, there was even a point where I couldn’t even be bothered buying myself new clothes or dressing half presentable. I’ve since moved on from that, but that’s the kind of thing this emptiness does to me. I’m not asking God for a miracle. I’m just asking Him to help my efforts in finding a partner! I’m just wondering why my careful and hard efforts are so fruitless.

There was a time where I struggled to find a job for like 6 months. I never took it as a sign that God didn’t want me to have a job though! I really wanted a career in my industry because I was passionate about it, and I worked consistently hard finding one. I prayed for guidance and help. I was patient and disciplined, and eventually it paid off. I found peace in that aspect of my life. And since I’ve started a career, I’ve become a better person and shook off a lot of issues I had before. It was good for me, and I knew it would be. That’s how I feel about this as well. I’m just wondering why my efforts to find a partner are so wasteful. I don’t work for it unless I absolutely feel that the person is worth spending my life with. Yet any time I come to that personal decision about someone, it never works out. I just get hurt and even more anxious about being lonely.

Forgive me but I don’t think you are reading what folk are saying to you. Please stay open rather than closed?

 

[SAVINGRACE]

Desperation is not an attractive quality.

You’re young, please focus on yourself and your community, do some of the things that other posters have suggested, that will increase your likelihood of finding a wife.

Consider:

-volunteering for church/community
-improving self confidence and social interaction courses
-join a local drama group (work backstage if you can’t be upfront)
-online dating (Catholic/christian sites)

God helps those who help themselves.

 

[Nelka]

I can’t hide it anymore. I’ve tried everything to compensate for my lack of a relationship. I’ve developed deep hobbies, found a busy career, developed a close relationship with God, and even looked seriously into priesthood (although I decided I wasn’t nearly ready, and ultimately I feel a calling to married life instead). These things work quite well most of the time, but I still long for a partner. The more I try, the harder it gets. Anxiety and mild depression (non-suicidal!) soon follow.

I love the idea of marriage, having a wife, someone to become one flesh with. Share my passion, my strengths, my weaknesses, and together walk with God and bear children. It’s beautiful. I see it on people all around me; it’s a value held very highly in my family and culture. I have 4 siblings who are all happily married. They are perfect examples of the glory of marriage; they themselves had many problems with violence, depression (over other things), addictions etc. Ultimately finding a partner and getting married changed them for the better. I attend wedding regularly, and I love it. I find it so glorious. And yet I wonder, when will mine come?

I’m 24. By the standards in my family and culture, I’m quite old…

I felt like this too, I met my wife just before I turned 30.

Don’t give up.