Scattering the ashes of non-Catholic relatives

[ServusInutilis]

Good evening, I would like to ask you for advice.

Some time ago, my grandparents passed away. My grandfather was an atheist (he had a civil funeral), my grandmother was a very tepid Catholic (she wished a funeral rites at church, mainly for social reasons, but she did not receive Sacraments for most of her life, and she outwardly lived practically as an atheist).

Both of them explicitly wished cremation (which has taken place already) and scattering ashes at their favourite place in nature. My family (all of them are atheists except for me, I am a convert) wants to fulfil their wish and scatter their cremains. Worse yet, they expect me to take part in the act of scattering.

I am by no means a supporter of cremation neither of scattering of the ashes. I absolutely hate this idea. For my part, I would never allow anything but interment. I want to live according to the will of God and His Church, which has accepted me as the most loving Mother. Nevertheless, I feel a certain kind of obligation to fulfil my grandparents’ explicit wish. I don’t want to betray Christ for family - let the dead bury their own dead -, but on the other hand, I know I am very scrupulous sometimes and I don’t want to break a fragile peace in my family just because of my scruples.

According to Catechism, Church prefers interment, but tolerates cremation. I don’t think that scattering of ashes is explicitly forbidden (some dioceses in US and Italy seem to forbid it, but Church in general does not, to the best of my knowledge).
Church demands a respectful treatment with the cremains - but it is not respectful to respect the explicit wish of the person?

Moreover, my grandparents weren’t Catholics - should these rules be applied for their funeral too?

There is a lot of topics here discussing scattering ashes of Catholics, but I would like to ask about non-Catholic relatives here…

At the moment, I have no occasion to ask a priest for advice in real life, so that I would like to ask you. I also know that there are many Catholics from US over here, where the scattering of ashes is much more common than in my country (Czech Republic), so that they may know more about the stance of Holy Church about this.

It troubles me a lot, I pray both for the souls of my grandparents and for the gift of good counsel and right decision about their remains… I feel I should do something more than just to pray, but I do not know how to decide.

What should I do in your opinion? Is it just a scruple, or a real problem? Should I oppose it, or not? Is it a sin to take part in the scattering of ashes (of non-Catholics)?

Thank you in advance.

 

[Elizium23]

Scattering ashes is forbidden everywhere by the Order of Christian Funerals.

Cremation And The Order Of Christian Funerals

The cremated remains of a body should be treated with the same respect given to the human body from which they come. This includes the use of a worthy vessel to contain the ashes, the manner in which they are carried, and the care and attention to appropriate placement and transport, and the final disposition. The cremated remains should be buried in a grave or entombed in a mausoleum or columbarium. The practice of scattering cremated remains on the sea, from the air, or on the ground, or keeping cremated remains on the home of a relative or friend of the deceased are not the reverent disposition that the Church requires. (no. 417)

Ask An Apologist has this advice:
Michelle Arnold:

How do you decline anything you either cannot or do not want to do? “I’m sorry, I can’t do that.” In this case, you might gentle it by saying, “I’m so sorry. As much as I want to help you with the disposition of your sister’s cremains, I can’t help you scatter them.” For more information, see the resources linked below.

 

[GEddie]

The Church allows cremation for various reasons, and in any case this has already taken place.

What it does not allow is to scatter the ashes anywhere; full stop. Human ashes are to be treated with the respect due the body they once were, in recognition that in eternity there will be a body, once again.

I am not aware of any specific rubrics relating to the ashes of non-Catholics, but methinks the best you can do in this instance is to refuse participation in the scattering and to tell your folks why.

ICXC NIKA

 

[pianistclare]

The Church allows cremation for various reasons, and in any case this has already taken place.

What it does not allow is to scatter the ashes anywhere; full stop. Human ashes are to be treated with the respect due the body they once were, in recognition that in eternity there will be a body, once again.

I am not aware of any specific rubrics relating to the ashes of non-Catholics, but methinks the best you can do in this instance is to refuse participation in the scattering and to tell your folks why.

ICXC NIKA

This^^^. Sound advice.

 

[Mike_from_NJ]

I would think a fair compromise might be to attend the ceremony but not participate in the scattering of ashes. Many years ago one of my sisters wanted me to do a Bible reading at her wedding. I declined to read but attended the wedding. Obviously the two situations are not completely analogous, but I think non-particpatory attendance allows you to join the family while at the same time stand firm against the action (which is going to take place whether you participate or not).

 

[unstoppable_II]

…
Church demands a respectful treatment with the cremains - but it is not respectful to respect the explicit wish of the person?
…

Not necessarily. A priest in my parish addressed this in a homily. Seems that one individual spent the majority of his life in Podunk Junction and wished to be cremated and his ashes scattered from an airplane flying over the town, because, “I want always to be a part of Podunk Junction.” The priest went on to explain that when you are dead, you are no longer in your body, so it’s impossible for you to be part of something in this life once you have passed from it. He went on to say that the wishes of the deceased in this case were a sin, but pardonable as ignorance.

 

[Alix1912]

Your grandparents weren’t Catholic, and how they chose to dispose of their earthly remains isn’t governed by the Catholic Church, and it’s not your place to decide how their ashes are disposed of. They were clear in their wishes and their wishes should be followed. Just as you would want your wishes followed after you die, even if certain family members disagreed with them.

As long as they are disposed of in a legal manner for the place they are disposing of them, there really isn’t anything you can do about it.

If you do not want to participate in the spreading of their ashes, then don’t simply say “I’m not comfortable handling their ashes” and leave it at that.

I’m all for standing on scruples, but to cause a huge family drama scene at the funeral of your grandparents will not endear any of your family to your faith or yourself.

 

[Irishmom2]

Your grandparents weren’t Catholic,

I’m all for standing on scruples, but to cause a huge family drama scene at the funeral of your grandparents will not endear any of your family to your faith or yourself.

The grandmother was still Catholic even if she strayed.

No one is saying to cause a huge family drama scene, but non-participation is also an option.

 

[Arizona_Fat_Gir]

It may be just me, but I think it is better to have a place where their ashes will be interred. If you scatter, it’s as if the loved one did not exist because there is nowhere to go to honor their memory.

I have my aunt’s tiny little urn, which had been sent to me by my sister. Most of her ashes are buried in St. Mary’s Cemetery. I also have my dog, Angel’s, ashes. If this keeps up, I will have my own mausoleum right here in the house.

 

[GEddie]

It may be just me, but I think it is better to have a place where their ashes will be interred. If you scatter, it’s as if the loved one did not exist because there is nowhere to go to honor their memory.

I have my aunt’s tiny little urn, which had been sent to me by my sister. Most of her ashes are buried in St. Mary’s Cemetery. I also have my dog, Angel’s, ashes. If this keeps up, I will have my own mausoleum right here in the house.

The Catholic Church does not allow for keeping cremains at home.

Neither the home, nor the scattering surface of the land or sea, are a suitably sacred place for the ashes to rest. The ashes must be treated as though they were still a body, and placed in a grave or crypt.

(Edit: That is, the ashes of human beings.)

ICXC NIKA

 

[TyburnTreeHuggr]

I would think a fair compromise might be to attend the ceremony but not participate in the scattering of ashes. Many years ago one of my sisters wanted me to do a Bible reading at her wedding. I declined to read but attended the wedding. Obviously the two situations are not completely analogous, but I think non-particpatory attendance allows you to join the family while at the same time stand firm against the action (which is going to take place whether you participate or not).

I disagree. I would advise you not to participate at all. Whether or not your grandfather was Catholic, the church asks that any cremated remains (I hate using the term ashes) be treated with dignity befitting a human person. You may have to tolerate his wishes but you should not be present (though you don’t have to voice your disagreement, being you want to keep the peace)

 

[Regina7]

I disagree. I would advise you not to participate at all. Whether or not your grandfather was Catholic, the church asks that any cremated remains (I hate using the term ashes) be treated with dignity befitting a human person. You may have to tolerate his wishes but you should not be present (though you don’t have to voice your disagreement, being you want to keep the peace)

I agree. You shouldn’t go. Just like I’d never attend a homosexual wedding, I’d never attend scattering of ashes. Both are wrong, regardless of how the other people feel about it.

God bless.