School Mass Choir

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PaulaB52

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My children attend Catholic school. Every Wednesday, the school attends Mass together. Beginning in 2nd grade, students are allowed to join the choir. My oldest son has been in choir for two years. Last night he told me he wants to quit. The reasons he gave me are pretty vague, but this is what I’m thinking:
  1. He is embarrassed because the choir is in a little alcove directly behind the altar. Everyone in the school is looking at him. He’s almost 9, so this sort of embarrassment is torture for him. Also annoying because they (the choir) are distracting. There is a perfectly fine choir loft that would work so much better.
  2. The choir director is a performer. If the children aren’t singing loud enough, he’ll just step up to the mic and take over the song. This is discouraging to the students because it basically says “you’re not a good enough singers, so get out of my way”.
  3. The songs they sing, ugh. Most are ok, but there are the select few like the Candycane song they sang during Advent and Last Night Jesus Came to Me, etc. They also do not sing the Mass Ordinaries (prayers, Lamb of God, Holy Holy Holy, etc). The kids know these songs, why don’t they sing them? It’s part of the Mass, why are they not allowed to pray in song?
The question I pose to you, my friends is this: Do I speak with the priest about the director? If I offered my services at taking over this school choir, do you think the priest would allow it seeing as how the choir director is a paid position within the parish (he’s also the choir director for children’s choir, 10:00am choir, etc)? I wouldn’t expect payment, but would do it for the love of liturgical music and sacred worship.

Or, do you think it would be better if I spoke directly with the choir director? Ugh, I’m not a confrontational type of person so I would dread having to bring up all of the things I find wrong with his style of directing.

What do you think?
 
Speak to the choir director, but don’t tell him your complaints. Listen to him, ask questions, and offer to help. Perhaps his heart is not in the school choir, and he would be glad to let you do some of the work. If that is the case, you could gradually make suggestions for some changes without having a direct confrontation.

But before you do this, talk to your son. Make sure it would be OK with him to have you helping out. If he’s easily embarrassed, this might be even worse for him than the way things are now. On the other hand, if you’re a really lucky Mom, he might be thrilled.

Betsy
 
It seems like you need clearer guidance from your son about why he wants to quit the choir. It could be that the list of reasons you’ve come up with are not the real reason. If that’s the case, you could end up volunteering for the choir and he would still want to quit.
 
If he’s done it for two years and now wants to quit - let him. He gave it a good try. Plus, it sounds to me like the music is terrible and the director a boob. If you really want him to get choral training - find a real boys choir where he will learn real music.

Otherwise, I would suggest he try another musical endeavor - say piano, a wind, brass, horn, whatever.

Having 3 kids, all I have asked is that they stick out any committment they make - try it long enough to tell if they really like it or not. I will push them in matters I think they need to continue in - but it must come down to them at some point wanting to do it. Frankly, this choir does not sound like an activity worth falling on your sword if he doesn’t want to continue…
 
If he’s not enjoying it, he’s not enjoying it. Let him quit.

Why take over for something that he’s not enjoying to do anyway. You may be asking for more work than you need or really want to do.

I have two boys and they did the same thing at about the same age. It was due to being teased by other guys who weren’t in the choir and the choir was mostly if not all girls (How yucky at that age). It had nothing to do with songs, director, mass, at all.

Good luck.
 
ask for an appointment with the choir director so you don’t catch him on the fly. Tell him your son wants to quit the choir, and that you are concerned, because you think he actually enjoys it very much. Ask his opinion. After he speaks tell him, well what Johnny did mention was . . . and state briefly the problems, “where you stand to sing he thinks everyone can see him and at his age I guess he is sensitive about this and wonders why the choir cannot be in the choir loft. Also he says he feels bad because if the kids are not singing loud enough you come to the mike and sing for them, and they feel they are not good enough.” Wait for the choir director to reply. It is very likely that what your son states are excuses, and not the real reason he does not want to sing. you may have to do a little more digging to find the real reasons, and the director may actually help you here.
 
Thanks for the responses! At yesterday’s Mass, they didn’t have choir, and when my son got in the car after school, he said he still wants to be in choir. So, who knows.🤷

If he joins again next year, he’ll have to stick it out the whole year, I won’t let him quit mid year. But you’re right about the other boy classmates teasing. There isn’t a boy over 3rd grade in the choir, it’s all girls.

Thanks again for your points of view. 😉
 
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