My daughter could have told your daughter “how to have sex with explicit details” at about age 5. Meaning, she could have told your daughter that “Daddies put their boy parts inside the Mommy’s girl parts.” Because that was exactly how we explained things to her when she asked questions while I was pregnant with her younger sister. We told her the egg and sperm part, but her little inquisitive mind wasn’t satisfied with that. She wanted to know just how does the Daddy’s sperm get in there, anyway?! We were not going to lie to her, and we are firm believers that the most successful way to make a huge issue out of something with your child is to freak out about it or refuse to talk about it.
So, many of you would have been calling CPS on my family, assuming my daughter had been abused or exposed to pornography, hmmm… the fact that she has open and honest parents who discussed things with her would NEVER have occurred to you at all? BTW, she knows what pornography is, too, having heard the term and asked me what it was. I told her it was pictures or movies of people having sex. She said, “Gross!” I said, “Yeah, I know…”
That daughter is now 11 and entering 7th grade. She has not started her period but is well on her way. In fact, I have to take her bra shopping tonight, as she has outgrown her first set of training bras. My daughter is only a year older than that foster child and her body is rapidly developing… and you would have me leave her ignorant? Left prey to the stupidity of her friends and what THEY will tell her? I would never abuse my daughter that way, and neither should anyone else. Yes, in this day and age it is abusive to leave any child in double digits ignorant of the facts of life. They will be in an environment where their peers are having at least oral sex and they need to be armed with information and good discussions of expectations and values BEFORE that seemingly innocent birthday party turns nasty. They need to know what to do in that situation. If you haven’t talked to them about any of it, how will they know how to get themselves out of a situtation before it degenerates completely into something that could really damage them?
I understand your desire to protect their innocence. But in this culture at this time, leaving too much innocence intact is setting your child up for disaster. Ignorance does not protect anyone.
Use this girl’s indiscretion as a teaching moment for your children. It sounds like the principal was made aware. The school knows that this girl has issues, and I am sure that the adoptive/foster parents are working hard on helping that girl be more appropriate in her behavior. Likely, this act was a cry for attention and sympathy from a child who does not feel important in her own life. She needs compassion and help, not shunning. Getting her kicked out of school will most likely damage her even further, and could set back any progress the adoptive parents have made with her. They probably have her in that school to protect her too! She would be very easily led astray in the less disciplined environment of a public school.
