School problem.....

[dashso40]

As a foster parent, I too would have jumped to the conclusion of sexual abuse. And not perpetrated by ‘the many foster families she had possibly been with or what went on in those homes’. (can you tell remark that offended me?, kind of like when foks say priests are all pedophiles- many times generalizations don’t go over well) We foster parents are trained to look for these kinds of ques (as in what she said to the others) and to get help if they present themselves. Obviously it did present, and hopefully it has been addressed appropriately. Pray for that blessed adoptive family to have peace, as it is so hard to take that kind of behavior on for permanence.

As for moving your child, there is nowhere to avoid hearing stuff you don’t want them to hear. I homeschool mine partially for that reason, but they hear things at the YMCA during Jujitsu class, so unless you live in a bubble, it’s going to happen. Just look at these things as teaching moments and pray for wisdom in explaining things.

Sorry if this sounded harsh, but I and the majority of other foster parents are very good at what we do, remember, we take in kids that have already been abused, not to abuse them ourselves.

I didn’t think this girl was abused by foster parents, actually, i would think she was abused by her biological parents, why else would she be taken from them?

 

[flyingfish]

Have you talked with your kids about sex? Maybe it’s time to. Catholic school or not, they will learn a lot from other kids. No matter how hard you try to shield them, you can’t. Society and other people are saturated with it.

 

[Phemie]

I know that at age 10 this was certainly the kind of conversation we were having in the school yard, in the 60s, in a Catholic school.

And my daughter too, at age 5, could have told how to have sex, with the proper terms. I had just given birth to our third at that time and in order to answer her questions I got the book “So That’s How I Was Born!” It explained sex in the context of a loving marriage. The proper terms had always be used in our house since I don’t believe in using euphemisms for body parts.

Although she had been warned not to discuss this with her friends, she was enthralled with the book so I caught her reading it to the little boy a few doors down. When I confronted her she said “But Mom, I didn’t read him the yucky parts!” Asked what she was referring to she showed me the two pages that actually gave the mechanics of sex. She was more interested in the pregnancy part, the illustrations of pregnant puppies, bees, cats, etc. Her interest in pregnancy had started when she was 3 1/2 and received two identical dolls from her great grandmother. When I exclaimed “Oh, you’ve got twins!” she wanted to know what twins were. I explained and showed her a picture of twins in utero in my obstetrics book.

 

[cthulhubryan]

As a foster parent, I would want other parents to let me know this happened, WITHOUT MAKING A SCENE. If this girl is opening up to other girls her age about such things, then it is probably time for the girl to receive therapy/play therapy. I would not want you taking this to the principal and making the foster child feel like she is being attacked because of this.

I understand that you wish to protect your child, and I am very sorry that she was exposed to this information this way but at least you have the opportunity to help an obviously troubled girl.

 

[puzzleannie]

granted you don’t know this child’s history, but such activity is one (of many) red flags for having been sexually abused. If a parent gets a story like this from their own child, for one thing it is a good sign that your child feels comfortable telling you about it, and trusts you to handle it. A good course of action would be to immediately request a private conference with the teacher and principal, tell them precisely what happened and what your child heard, and insist that there be some follow-up to protect the best interests of the foster child, and some monitoring to prevent recurrences. In general, yes, this is the age when it is common for those who do have more info to share with those who have less, in order to appear cool. Esp. with girls, those who have begun to mature already do need age-appropriate information from their parents (and it is neglect to keep the needed information from them). But always that goes with the caveat that this is something child discusses with parent, not for sharing on the playground. In light of the foster child’s background it seems necessary to look beyond what is normal one-upmanship, and be aware of the distinct possibility she has been abused, and report what you know to those in authority, namely the principal.

To blame the school, and pull your kids out, seems overreacting and hardly deals with the actual issue, since the school in no way contributed to the child’s problem, but is probably helping her heal. In all cases, staff, students and all affiliated with a Catholic school should first and foremost be modelling a Christ-like response. You can also encourage your own child to discuss how she would react in the future to a similar occurence, how the incident made her feel, and how she can be kind and friendly to the girl without encouraging such talk. Kids also need to know how to set boundaries for themselves with other kids precisely for such situations.

I think others have made the point, but the fact your own child was moved to tell you about it may also signal she is ready for more information and is trying to ask for it. If she is asking, it is time to tell her enough to answer her questions, and give her what she needs to face the changes shortly coming in her own life. In my opinion, based on experience, keeping that information from children, esp. girls, is parental neglect. They will go for answers wherever they can, so let it be the parents. It sounds like there is already a good atmosphere and comfort level, so use this as a teaching moment.