T
Tantum_ergo
Guest
I think there is a lot of misperception out there, most of it good-natured.
Everybody knows that occasionally babies will scream. People understand that.
And babies will sometimes scream at Mass. People understand that too.
And everybody knows that treating that behavior with dirty looks, pointed ‘remarks’, etc. is not going to be helpful in getting the screaming to stop or getting the parents to ‘take care of things’ (because no parent is clairvoyant and can ‘stop’ screaming before it starts.’)
We understand this. We are sympathetic to the baby, and to the parents. We are sympathetic to the people who might have their own disabilities and whose perception of screaming is more difficult for them (people with autism are often extrasensitive to ANY noise). We understand. We want to make things as comfortable as we can for anybody.
But --and yes, it is a legitimate concern- we are also sensitive to the fact that some parents might need a little more help than others --not because the parents are stupid or vicious but because their own experiences or temperaments or understanding is DIFFERENT from the ‘majority’ experience.
A mother and father who themselves were raised perhaps with beatings and blows might be so fearful that they would do the same to their child that they swing too far in permissiveness.
A mother who is exhausted from single parenthood and has no experiences of child raising and no family or friends might just not be aware on a variety of levels that her child’s screams are getting out of control.
And --a very small percentage I am sure --there do exist some parents who, for whatever reason, just DO NOT CARE about anyone or anything but themselves. These are the parents whose kids are going to be wandering out at midnight when they’re 3 years old because Daddy is drunk again and Mom’s locked herself in the bathroom to shoot up some crack. These are the kids who are going to be the illdressed, swearing, defiant bullies in 3rd grade and the 14 year old pregnant girls and 14 year old boys in court for assault or murder. . .because they never had any guidance that was positive.
So even for those ROTTEN parents we probably need to be saying some extra prayers and modeling Christian attitudes of parenting AND of brotherhood and sisterhood because maybe on the few occasions as they grow older that these kids find themselves in a church, it might be that by seeing a friendly smile or a gentle, ‘let me help you do this, dear’ instead of the usual neglect or outright abuse they experience otherwise, they will break the cycle and know that there is more to life than abuse.
Everybody knows that occasionally babies will scream. People understand that.
And babies will sometimes scream at Mass. People understand that too.
And everybody knows that treating that behavior with dirty looks, pointed ‘remarks’, etc. is not going to be helpful in getting the screaming to stop or getting the parents to ‘take care of things’ (because no parent is clairvoyant and can ‘stop’ screaming before it starts.’)
We understand this. We are sympathetic to the baby, and to the parents. We are sympathetic to the people who might have their own disabilities and whose perception of screaming is more difficult for them (people with autism are often extrasensitive to ANY noise). We understand. We want to make things as comfortable as we can for anybody.
But --and yes, it is a legitimate concern- we are also sensitive to the fact that some parents might need a little more help than others --not because the parents are stupid or vicious but because their own experiences or temperaments or understanding is DIFFERENT from the ‘majority’ experience.
A mother and father who themselves were raised perhaps with beatings and blows might be so fearful that they would do the same to their child that they swing too far in permissiveness.
A mother who is exhausted from single parenthood and has no experiences of child raising and no family or friends might just not be aware on a variety of levels that her child’s screams are getting out of control.
And --a very small percentage I am sure --there do exist some parents who, for whatever reason, just DO NOT CARE about anyone or anything but themselves. These are the parents whose kids are going to be wandering out at midnight when they’re 3 years old because Daddy is drunk again and Mom’s locked herself in the bathroom to shoot up some crack. These are the kids who are going to be the illdressed, swearing, defiant bullies in 3rd grade and the 14 year old pregnant girls and 14 year old boys in court for assault or murder. . .because they never had any guidance that was positive.
So even for those ROTTEN parents we probably need to be saying some extra prayers and modeling Christian attitudes of parenting AND of brotherhood and sisterhood because maybe on the few occasions as they grow older that these kids find themselves in a church, it might be that by seeing a friendly smile or a gentle, ‘let me help you do this, dear’ instead of the usual neglect or outright abuse they experience otherwise, they will break the cycle and know that there is more to life than abuse.
