Screaming Babies at Mass

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ardis3958

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If a baby gets out of control at mass, what should be done? I’m not talking about goo goo ga ga, I’m talking about Invasion of the Body Snatchers (youtube.com/watch?v=GEStsLJZhzo) and the parents just sit oblivious and do nothing. Obviously the little monster should be taken out of the sanctuary, but…
  • Should the priest ignore the disturbance and carry on?
  • Should the priest stop in the middle of a sentence and just wait for the parents/ushers/congregation to do something?
  • Should the priest halt, look over at them, and tell them point-blank to take the baby out?
The reason I’m asking is because I no longer think it’s worth anyone’s while to patiently expect other people to have the presence of mind, the good breeding, and the social skills to know what to do in a situation like that and to actually do it. It seems to send the message that nothing is wrong, and the offenders end up never getting the hint. I’m not talking about screaming babies where the parents deal with it immediately, I’m talking about parents that are oblivious. I have found that telling people what to do right then and there tends to solve the problem immediately and tends to prevent it in the future, and expecting oblivious parents to read everyone else’s mind just makes the whole situation unpleasant for everyone involved.

Thoughts?
 
I love screaming babies at mass (except during the homily, when I would want to hear the message).

I’ve been to masses in Bangla, French, Spanish, Latin, Korean. Rarely can I understand what is being said. A baby mass is no different. But I know what is happening, I receive the graces, I pray, I leave with great joy.

I also love babies, parents, families, and single people. They are all welcome.

The only time I would find a problem is if it is not babies but children. Old enough to speak and know what ‘no’ means. Then a little corporal punishment outside might just do the trick and get their attention. So in that case, maybe a kind word to the parents after mass might be appropriate.
 
For me this comes down to a lot of (“common sense”) for Catholic Parents with young crying children making repeating disturbances during Mass.

I’m in no way saying children shouldn’t be at Mass. I can only say if my child was causing an ongoing disturbance I would feel uncomfortable imposing this disturbance on the rest of congregation and more especially the priest trying to say the Mass.

Most Catholic Churches theses days have a designated Crying or Family Room for young toddlers and babies as an option to parents.

Irregardless though if I hear a young baby crying during Mass I don’t make a big deal out of it.
 
ardis3958 said:
If a baby gets out of control at mass, what should be done? I’m not talking about goo goo ga ga, I’m talking about Invasion of the Body Snatchers (youtube.com/watch?v=GEStsLJZhzo) and the parents just sit oblivious and do nothing. Obviously the little monster should be taken out of the sanctuary, but…
  • Should the priest ignore the disturbance and carry on?
  • Should the priest stop in the middle of a sentence and just wait for the parents/ushers/congregation to do something?
  • Should the priest halt, look over at them, and tell them point-blank to take the baby out?
The reason I’m asking is because I no longer think it’s worth anyone’s while to patiently expect other people to have the presence of mind, the good breeding, and the social skills to know what to do in a situation like that and to actually do it. It seems to send the message that nothing is wrong, and the offenders end up never getting the hint. I’m not talking about screaming babies where the parents deal with it immediately, I’m talking about parents that are oblivious. I have found that telling people what to do right then and there tends to solve the problem immediately and tends to prevent it in the future, and expecting oblivious parents to read everyone else’s mind just makes the whole situation unpleasant for everyone involved.

Thoughts?
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  1. I can’t say I’ve ever seen a baby in the “sanctuary.” 🙂
  2. The Mass is not a show and every baptized person has a right to be there. That includes babies who act like babies. Those who deliberately disrupt the Mass can and should be removed. Those who disrupt the Mass due their condition, e.g., infancy, may be removed or may be kept in the congregation.
  3. Parents have the right to make the decision to remove babies, but are under no obligation to do so. There is no obligation for a child to attend Mass until 7 years of age. However, that does not mean the child - or parent for the child - can simply be excluded. As a baptized member of the body of Christ, that child has a right to be there.
  4. The non-parents/caretakers need to act like grown-ups and deal with the vicissitudes of life including tolerating screaming babies if the parents decide to keep the screaming child at Mass.
  5. Life is messy.
 
Personally, I have never seen a parent that was oblivious to their screaming child.

Here is a story told by Fulton Sheen (I saw him tell it on a youtube video) and our priest has repeated it as well.

A mother gets up to leave with her crying baby. The priest stops and says to the woman “please don’t leave, your child is not bothering me.” The mother replies “no, but you are bothering my child.”

That is the only feedback that I have seen from priests regarding crying babies and it was happily received in the congregation.
 
Evan said:
I love screaming babies at mass
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Me too. It’s not really mass without gregorian chant and crying babies, incense and dirty diapers!

But again, I want to remind you that I’m talking about serious, major disturbances when the parents are oblivious.
 
centurionguard said:
I can only say if my child was causing an ongoing disturbance I would feel uncomfortable imposing this disturbance on the rest of congregation and more especially the priest trying to say the Mass.
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If it’s wrong for you, then it should also be wrong for others. If you were of the oblivious kind of parent, what would you rather be done in order to solve the problem?
 
ardis3958 said:
If a baby gets out of control at mass, what should be done? I’m not talking about goo goo ga ga, I’m talking about Invasion of the Body Snatchers (youtube.com/watch?v=GEStsLJZhzo) and the parents just sit oblivious and do nothing. Obviously the little monster should be taken out of the sanctuary, but…
  • Should the priest ignore the disturbance and carry on?
  • Should the priest stop in the middle of a sentence and just wait for the parents/ushers/congregation to do something?
  • Should the priest halt, look over at them, and tell them point-blank to take the baby out?
The reason I’m asking is because I no longer think it’s worth anyone’s while to patiently expect other people to have the presence of mind, the good breeding, and the social skills to know what to do in a situation like that and to actually do it. It seems to send the message that nothing is wrong, and the offenders end up never getting the hint. I’m not talking about screaming babies where the parents deal with it immediately, I’m talking about parents that are oblivious. I have found that telling people what to do right then and there tends to solve the problem immediately and tends to prevent it in the future, and expecting oblivious parents to read everyone else’s mind just makes the whole situation unpleasant for everyone involved.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
Well, when/if I’m a Priest, the way I would handle the situation is to ignore it during Mass, and then after speak with the parents about it, tell them that it distracts people from the Mass (And impairs them from hearing), and then tell them that if it happens again to simply take their baby out until it comes down. I would do the same with smaller children as well.
 
It’s pretty much a social expectation at my parish that parents take habitual cryers to the Cry Room (under the choir loft) when they start. No one seems to care or is offended by doing this.
 
ardis3958 said:
If a baby gets out of control at mass, what should be done? I’m not talking about goo goo ga ga, I’m talking about Invasion of the Body Snatchers (youtube.com/watch?v=GEStsLJZhzo) and the parents just sit oblivious and do nothing. Obviously the little monster should be taken out of the sanctuary, but…
  • Should the priest ignore the disturbance and carry on?
  • Should the priest stop in the middle of a sentence and just wait for the parents/ushers/congregation to do something?
  • Should the priest halt, look over at them, and tell them point-blank to take the baby out?
The reason I’m asking is because I no longer think it’s worth anyone’s while to patiently expect other people to have the presence of mind, the good breeding, and the social skills to know what to do in a situation like that and to actually do it. It seems to send the message that nothing is wrong, and the offenders end up never getting the hint. I’m not talking about screaming babies where the parents deal with it immediately, I’m talking about parents that are oblivious. I have found that telling people what to do right then and there tends to solve the problem immediately and tends to prevent it in the future, and expecting oblivious parents to read everyone else’s mind just makes the whole situation unpleasant for everyone involved.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
I have to admit, I am not sure I have ever even heard of someone letting a baby cry like this without doing something. If they are truly ignoring a baby screaming, then there is a larger problem than a crying baby at the Mass which is why I would be surprised to find out it is as bad as you describe. To be clear, there is a distinct difference between a crying baby, a fussy baby, and a screaming baby. The video you posted indicates we are talking about a screaming baby (taking into account that no baby makes a sound like that in reality).

As a parent, I often think my children were terrible in Church and then we get compliments on how good they were from people who sat around us. Then again, when I think they are doing well, I get the disgusted look over the shoulder too. In either case, I think the proper response is charity, of which only the first option is a use of the virtue. You do not know their situation and with a little honest introspective, you may recognize it is not as bad as you think. Make excuses for everyone else, but leave none for yourself

We must take into consideration that God wants the children there. There were no cry rooms when Christ was teaching on the mount, or at the beach, or in a house, or anywhere for that matter. In looking through the OT, there were no cry rooms in the temple either. That being said, a parent has a responsibility to try and sooth a crying baby, but I do not think it is necessary for a crying baby to be required to leave the sanctuary. Do not hinder the children from coming to Christ.

Think of it as a mortification, one that is usually worse for the parent. Obviously, you can make the situation worse with any animosity you may feel toward the parent at which time you should recognize that you are not in a state to receive Holy Communion. Attacking the parents and throwing mental insults is certainly something that you need to seek forgiveness for and you should not approach the altar with this offense against your brother. Again, some introspective may reveal that the problem isn’t with the crying baby and you may be able to overcome the distraction and find our Lord in the situation, waiting for you.

Obviously I believe every effort should be made for proper prayer in the Mass, but a baby is a baby and really can’t control themselves.

God Bless.
 
johnnykins said:
  1. I can’t say I’ve ever seen a baby in the “sanctuary.” 🙂
  2. The Mass is not a show and every baptized person has a right to be there. That includes babies who act like babies. Those who deliberately disrupt the Mass can and should be removed. Those who disrupt the Mass due their condition, e.g., infancy, may be removed or may be kept in the congregation.
  3. Parents have the right to make the decision to remove babies, but are under no obligation to do so. There is no obligation for a child to attend Mass until 7 years of age. However, that does not mean the child - or parent for the child - can simply be excluded. As a baptized member of the body of Christ, that child has a right to be there.
  4. The non-parents/caretakers need to act like grown-ups and deal with the vicissitudes of life including tolerating screaming babies if the parents decide to keep the screaming child at Mass.
  5. Life is messy.
Click to expand...
  1. We typically have one on display year-round in a corner on one side of the church, and another one on the other side after Christmas for a couple weeks, but they are quiet and extremely well-behaved.
  2. It seems to me that oblivious parents are semi-deliberate disrupters. Obviously the kid is oblivious by nature, but the parents are adults and I think it’s fair to lay reasonable expectations on them, and if they don’t have the presence of mind to know that tolerating a four-minute tantrum is unacceptable behavior for the parent, then an intervention is called for. I guess I’m really talking about how to enforce reasonable standards of behavior on adults who don’t know how to act in public.
  3. This isn’t about excluding anyone. This is about dealing with a parent who is out of line. An usher quietly ordering the oblivious parent to take the precious little darling out into the entrance area until the screaming stops, is not the same as taking out a restraining order on anyone with kids under 7.
  4. I agree that other people should have a reasonable amount of tolerance, but I know it’s hard to know where to draw the line. Maybe ushers should be equipped with handheld sound meters, measuring tapes, and stopwatches! LOL
  5. Yes.
 
I think a priest should tell them straight up and be honest… to take it outside or the cry room
 
It is the priest’s decision whether or not to ask a child’s custodian to take action on the a child’s behavior during Mass when the custodian has elected not to do so. If the priest can ignore it, I figure that I can, too. As another poster said, all of the baptised have good reason to be there.

If it is a long-standing issue and really a serious obstacle to prayer, then I suppose one might ask the priest about how to cope with that, and see what he has to say. For one Mass, it seems best to decide to be generous about it and pass it over as best as one can.
 
YoungTradCath said:
It’s pretty much a social expectation at my parish that parents take habitual cryers to the Cry Room (under the choir loft) when they start. No one seems to care or is offended by doing this.
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Right. I guess I’m talking about parents who are genetically immune to social expectations. We don’t have a cry room, but 99% of parents just take them outside. I always smile to myself as I hear the sound of an extended scream traveling down the aisle and disappearing. I actually think it’s cute, because obviously the baby can’t help it and the parent is in a familiar but awkward position. The looks on the faces of those parents as they carry them out is always calm, and that’s how I know *they *know they’re doing exactly the right thing. Everybody else in the congregation seems to take it in stride, but only when everybody sees that the parent is doing what we expect him to do. It’s only when the parent isn’t doing anything they start getting dirty looks.
 
ardis3958 said:
If it’s wrong for you, then it should also be wrong for others. If you were of the oblivious kind of parent, what would you rather be done in order to solve the problem?
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what would you rather be done in order to solve the problem?
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I thought I explained that clearly in what you quoted from my previous post.
centurionguard said:
For me this comes down to a lot of (“common sense”) for Catholic Parents with young crying children making repeating disturbances during Mass.
I’m in no way saying children shouldn’t be at Mass. I can only say if my child was causing an ongoing disturbance I would feel uncomfortable imposing this disturbance on the rest of congregation and more especially the priest trying to say the Mass.
Click to expand...
Is there something wrong in what I said?

Simply said; as an adult if you can avoid imposing the continuous noise and disturbance of your child on others then by all common sense remove the child to another place where there’s less of an imposing obstruction in front of others. Its the Christian attitude and common sense courtesy to take…nothing difficult.
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centurionguard said:
Irregardless though if I hear a young baby crying during Mass I don’t make a big deal out of it.
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Irregardless = not regardless?

You mean “Regardless”

Your friendly vocabulary police 🤷
Word Origin & History: irregardless
An erroneous word that, etymologically, means the exact opposite of what it is used to express. Attested in non-standard writing from at least 1870s
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As a parent of now 20 somethings and about to be custodial grandparent to a 10 month old (pray for us all O Lord), I can weigh in a bit.

When my children were little, I was both ‘super conscious’ of their noise as well as ‘less conscious’. Let me explain. In certain social situations (Church, the in-laws, any social setting other than that geared to tiny children) I was ‘hyper conscious’ of their noise level and quick to remove them lest they disturb others.

BUT say at my own home, or at a playground or some place geared to children, I would be ‘less conscious’ because over long experience I knew and accepted a ‘certain level’ of noise was normal for my children. As my own father would cheerfully call to us when we ourselves were young, “Keep it down to a dull roar, kids”.

Now, perhaps for those who have come of age in a time when Church is NOT viewed as a ‘social setting’ or among those who have not been educated themselves to understand that the entire universe is not geared to their children (and by educated I don’t mean formal degree–this relates as much to the high school dropout as well as the Ph.D. candidate). . .they are ‘less conscious’ of their child’s noise.

Furthermore in a society where everything has grown louder and louder and ‘silence’ is nearly unheard of (can’t even go to stores without incessant piped music, and quite frankly, the more the STORES are geared to children the LOUDER the music is), the ‘basic noise level’ of the average child has gone UP.

When I was young, we were expected to keep really, REALLY silent.

When my children were young, they were expected to keep silent but 90% of the time at least a few times they would ‘have’ to speak. So they were always reminded to use ‘indoor’ or ‘quiet’ voices.

Now that the children of these children are young, a ‘quiet’ voice to them would equate to a conversational level of my own children’s time, and probably a rather loud ‘projected’ voice of my parents’ time!

So the ‘screaming baby’ with oblivious parents might be explained in that said parents EXPECT that noise level as ‘normal’ from their child, expect Church to be no more and no LESS accommodating than every other ‘place’ in the universe where they go, not because the parents are stupid and not because they’re lazy, but simply because it’s what they think is acceptable for them, and therefore, should be accepted by everybody else.
 
A lot of babies really don’t want to be in church.

The smells in the church -burning candles, incense, other people’s colognes or ciggie breath, floor polish, etc., the lack of attention they are receiving, the sounds, it just doesn’t square with a lot of babies’ sensibilities.

Babies can’t really articulate so they cry and sometimes scream.
 
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