Screaming Babies at Mass

[ConstantineTG]

Wrong again.

To be frank and honest, you don’t act it.

 

[Faith1960]

To be frank and honest, you don’t act it.

Of course I do. I just happened to be fortunate enough to be the type of parent who realized it was my responsibility to see that my child wasn’t a disruption to others.

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

Manners have nothing to do with it. The ill mannered have a right to be there, too. It’s NOT a social gathering and that’s where you’re so wrong. Too many people look at Mass as a social gathering. It’s a gathering of God’s people: young, old, alive, dead, past, present, future, on earth, in heaven, smelly, perfumed, crazy, sane, dirty, screaming, quiet, black, white, red, yellow, …, it’s not the local country club, contrary to popular conceptions.

You are supposed to tolerate people and sometimes people cannot control their actions - but they are still people. They are still the children of God called to Him. I suggest you “offer it up,” as the nuns used to say.

Then why on earth are there so many people screaming about “inappropriate dress”?

If a kid is acting like a kid, then that’s fine. I mean the goo-goo-ga-ga kind of thing. I don’t care about crying or muttering. I have a really neat parish where there is an unspoken “One minute rule.” All parents take about a minute to quell a crying child then they take them out of the sanctuary into the cry room. This isn’t anything imposed or suggested, we just have a very understanding congregation and very considerate parents. We’ve only had one incident of a screamer (I mean, this was a BLOOD CURDLING scream that caused many parishioners to jump) the dad immediately grabbed the child and hugged her and took her to the cry room. Any time this happens our priest will generally smile and state “Isn’t life such a miraculous blessing?” to which we’ll generally say “amen” and offer smiles to the parent.

Maybe it’s because we are understanding and having to remove an unruly child is greeted with smiles, encouragement, and kind words, but we NEVER have had a problem with a parent just letting their kid HOWL in the middle of mass.

Yes, no one can MAKE that person remove the disruptive child, but I do think it’s a common courtesy. And thankfully we have a priest that believes that mass is a participation where all should be able to hear, understand, and participate. It’s not a spectator sport.

 

[Ohana]

With a nod to the person with Aspergers and others with hypersensitivity problems, for the general run of church-goers children are somewhat annoying at times. I mentioned that to another lady at church one day, and her comment was,“yes, they were certainly praising God today, in their own way”. That put a different slant on the uproar!!

Most parents take their children out to the gathering area in our church if they start to get out of control verbally. I still love the occational child who blurts out “Hi Jesus” to the priest from time to time.

These little ones are the precious future of our church. Offer to help entertain if they are sitting next to you.

Maybe the quiet room could be better utilized by the adults who are very sensitive. I am serious about this, not being sarcastic. It would provide a buffer, and parents could still take their kids to the gathering area until t hey settle down.

I also feel bad for the young parents who may need to attend at Mass and not get to do so for weeks on end because of corraling children. They need some support also.

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

What good is hearing the homily if you have contempt in your heart?

I wouldn’t say it’s contempt. My issue with annoyance at a child screeching through mass has nothing to do with the child, but everything to do with the parents. I was at a parish once where a small 3 year old was sitting in the back of the church BANGING his toy trucks on the pew and leaving little dents. It wasn’t my home parish and I didn’t think it was my business to say anything but my first thought (and annoyance) was “Do you know how hard it is to refinish a pew?” And in that same vein, it wasn’t like it happened for a couple minutes before the mom took the truck away and gave him a cloth book or something softer. It went on for the ENTIRE HOUR. That pew was decimated and mom never even acknowledged it was happening.

The only other time I’ve been genuinely annoyed was in a cathedral-type building where a little 6 month old (or so) was SCREECHING through almost the entire service. I mean crying to the point of you wanting to join her because she sounds so miserable. I couldn’t figure out what parents thought occupying the same building where mass was being said (they certainly couldn’t hear because NONE of us could) and let their child scream that badly. Shouldn’t they be caring for their child? Clearly she needed attention or some kind of care because she was distraught!

Kids are little angels. Their job (especially at that age) is simply to grow up and be healthy and that takes enough effort. We don’t need to lay adult expectations on them…but parents who don’t care for their children and let them scream and cry really bother me. What do they do at home when they are screaming because they’re hungry or need a diaper change? If it’s about not wanting to leave mass for a few minutes to calm the child down, I’m sure Jesus will understand that your little boy or little girl needed a little attention. He wouldn’t have blessed you with them if he didn’t expect that to happen.

 

[freddo]

1. A 6 month old needs to be in quiet room and not spanked of course .
   2/3. IF there is no quiet room may i suggest you sit in the back and if she gets disruptive kindly exit .
2. If your bothering folks at church they will give you a look letting you know if they do not just come right up to you .

1. Dang, no quiet room.
   2/3. I am sure that you will be pleased to know that we do sit at the back.
2. Since none of the parishoners have done either of those things, I guess they are not as bothered by my children as you seem to be.

He he…you squirm a lot yourself…it is hard to keep you on the subject. So I will say goodbye and just be happy that you attend mass…God bless

?

but parents who don’t care for their children and let them scream and cry really bother me. What do they do at home when they are screaming because they’re hungry or need a diaper change? If it’s about not wanting to leave mass for a few minutes to calm the child down, I’m sure Jesus will understand that your little boy or little girl needed a little attention. He wouldn’t have blessed you with them if he didn’t expect that to happen.

I would think that it’s a rare parent who would let their children just scream and cry, particularly babies, and particularly in a place where other people would be disturbed (like Mass). Even at home, my old enough to know better kids having tantrums get sent to their rooms until they decide to behave properly.

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

I would think that it’s a rare parent who would let their children just scream and cry, particularly babies, and particularly in a place where other people would be disturbed (like Mass). Even at home, my old enough to know better kids having tantrums get sent to their rooms until they decide to behave properly.

Exactly, that’s why I can think of only one instance where I have seen it.

I think this is what the OP is talking about. I think we can all agree that a child screaming and throwing a tantrum at ANY age is cause for removal until they can calm down. Sadly, some parents prefer to just let them scream for a good hour through mass. I just can’t understand why a parent would let that happen. It seems…well, borderline negligent!

 

[ConstantineTG]

I wouldn’t say it’s contempt. My issue with annoyance at a child screeching through mass has nothing to do with the child, but everything to do with the parents. I was at a parish once where a small 3 year old was sitting in the back of the church BANGING his toy trucks on the pew and leaving little dents. It wasn’t my home parish and I didn’t think it was my business to say anything but my first thought (and annoyance) was “Do you know how hard it is to refinish a pew?” And in that same vein, it wasn’t like it happened for a couple minutes before the mom took the truck away and gave him a cloth book or something softer. It went on for the ENTIRE HOUR. That pew was decimated and mom never even acknowledged it was happening.

The only other time I’ve been genuinely annoyed was in a cathedral-type building where a little 6 month old (or so) was SCREECHING through almost the entire service. I mean crying to the point of you wanting to join her because she sounds so miserable. I couldn’t figure out what parents thought occupying the same building where mass was being said (they certainly couldn’t hear because NONE of us could) and let their child scream that badly. Shouldn’t they be caring for their child? Clearly she needed attention or some kind of care because she was distraught!

Kids are little angels. Their job (especially at that age) is simply to grow up and be healthy and that takes enough effort. We don’t need to lay adult expectations on them…but parents who don’t care for their children and let them scream and cry really bother me. What do they do at home when they are screaming because they’re hungry or need a diaper change? If it’s about not wanting to leave mass for a few minutes to calm the child down, I’m sure Jesus will understand that your little boy or little girl needed a little attention. He wouldn’t have blessed you with them if he didn’t expect that to happen.

Fair enough. The problem is some people here do not make a distinction between parents who completely let their children go unabated, with those who do something about it even though the results isn’t what people here wanted.

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

Fair enough. The problem is some people here do not make a distinction between parents who completely let their children go unabated, with those who do something about it even though the results isn’t what people here wanted.

Well, that’s their problem. If a parent is honestly doing everything in their power to lessen the disruption then they are doing everything that they need to. Sometimes getting up and leaving is more of a distraction than a kid diddling with toys at the kneelers. Kids are just a part of a healthy church!

 

[ConstantineTG]

Well, that’s their problem. If a parent is honestly doing everything in their power to lessen the disruption then they are doing everything that they need to. Sometimes getting up and leaving is more of a distraction than a kid diddling with toys at the kneelers. Kids are just a part of a healthy church!

I agree. I don’t know why people think having kids is a problem. There are many parishes hanging by a string and 75% of their regular parishioners are 65 or older. Is that the kind of parish we want?

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

I agree. I don’t know why people think having kids is a problem. There are many parishes hanging by a string and 75% of their regular parishioners are 65 or older. Is that the kind of parish we want?

You express my sentiments exactly. Although I admit - when I am mourning my childlessness, there’s 3 baby shower invites at home, and a facebook page of friend’s baby photos and I go to mass and see a young mother bottlefeeding a newborn at mass it just KILLS me. I admit, out of pure christian charity and for my mental health I have skipped mass to avoid the happy scene. It’s all too easy for me to slip into bitterness and believe that kids have no place at mass, which is what I think many other have done to some degree or another.

I just hope Jesus understands that I need to be at home crying rather than at mass crying at the woman and her precious child.

So yeah, to answer your question i think many people have succumbed to bitterness about the whole thing. I’d rather spend a couple masses at home crying and be filled with joy the rest of the time by seeing the little tykes at mass, rather than bitter every week.

 

[ConstantineTG]

You express my sentiments exactly. Although I admit - when I am mourning my childlessness, there’s 3 baby shower invites at home, and a facebook page of friend’s baby photos and I go to mass and see a young mother bottlefeeding a newborn at mass it just KILLS me. I admit, out of pure christian charity and for my mental health I have skipped mass to avoid the happy scene. It’s all too easy for me to slip into bitterness and believe that kids have no place at mass, which is what I think many other have done to some degree or another.

I just hope Jesus understands that I need to be at home crying rather than at mass crying at the woman and her precious child.

God will provide. Believe.

So yeah, to answer your question i think many people have succumbed to bitterness about the whole thing. I’d rather spend a couple masses at home crying and be filled with joy the rest of the time by seeing the little tykes at mass, rather than bitter every week.

Be at Mass even if it breaks your heart. Seek first the Kingdom of God, then all these things will be added unto you.

 

[freddo]

Exactly, that’s why I can think of only one instance where I have seen it.

I think this is what the OP is talking about. I think we can all agree that a child screaming and throwing a tantrum at ANY age is cause for removal until they can calm down. Sadly, some parents prefer to just let them scream for a good hour through mass. I just can’t understand why a parent would let that happen. It seems…well, borderline negligent!

Ah. Some of the posts on here seem to imply that any noise is out of line.

Fair enough. The problem is some people here do not make a distinction between parents who completely let their children go unabated, with those who do something about it even though the results isn’t what people here wanted.

That is what I was thinking.

You express my sentiments exactly. Although I admit - when I am mourning my childlessness, there’s 3 baby shower invites at home, and a facebook page of friend’s baby photos and I go to mass and see a young mother bottlefeeding a newborn at mass it just KILLS me. I admit, out of pure christian charity and for my mental health I have skipped mass to avoid the happy scene. It’s all too easy for me to slip into bitterness and believe that kids have no place at mass, which is what I think many other have done to some degree or another.

:hug1::hug3:
(Couldn’t decide which hug emoticon to use!)

 

[zab]

…Maybe the quiet room could be better utilized by the adults who are very sensitive. I am serious about this, not being sarcastic. It would provide a buffer, and parents could still take their kids to the gathering area until t hey settle down…

Now that’s an idea- A cry room for the adults.

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

Ah. Some of the posts on here seem to imply that any noise is out of line.

That is what I was thinking.

:hug1::hug3:
(Couldn’t decide which hug emoticon to use!)

I could use both of them right about now, trust me!!!

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

Be at Mass even if it breaks your heart. Seek first the Kingdom of God, then all these things will be added unto you.

Indeed, but if you thought the kid screaming at mass was disruptive, wait until you see how I cry when the pain gets to be too much . I’m like a big two year old that knows when to stay home and worship at home Again, I am more than sure that Jesus can understand my need for a dark room and loud worship music

 

[Defender1]

And if you are bothering folks in this room with your rude tone, we’ll let you know about it, too.

Excuse me if for being honest sir. These parents need to know that the mass is very important and too important for there to be crying babies disrupting it. You should know that .

 

[Defender1]

1. Dang, no quiet room.
   2/3. I am sure that you will be pleased to know that we do sit at the back.
2. Since none of the parishoners have done either of those things, I guess they are not as bothered by my children as you seem to be.

?

I would think that it’s a rare parent who would let their children just scream and cry, particularly babies, and particularly in a place where other people would be disturbed (like Mass). Even at home, my old enough to know better kids having tantrums get sent to their rooms until they decide to behave properly.

There
bothered alright , good work on the back row though .

 

[zab]

Excuse me if for being honest sir. These parents need to know that the mass is very important and too important for there to be crying babies disrupting it. You should know that .

And Mass is too important for there to be “crying” adults who do not want to be patient with parents who struggle with active/misbehaving/loud children at Mass even when they do everything they can to quiet them including taking them out or in the back when there is no cry room. And that is what the dispute on this thread is all about. There are some who do not believe that small children and babies belong at Mass at all. And if and when the little ones do act up- then they must have “bad” parents who cannot control their children. Some do understand that parents who take their children out are doing the right thing but they have no compassion or tollerance for the young parent who does not take out their misbehaving child. It is understandable to be annoyed. And all I am saying is that we should have an attitude of doing what we can to help these parents rather than having such an angry attitude towards them. Patience is not just a virtue to be learned by parents. Everyone needs to learn to be patient with others.

 

[Faith1960]

And Mass is too important for there to be “crying” adults who do not want to be patient with parents who struggle with active/misbehaving/loud children at Mass even when they do everything they can to quiet them including taking them out or in the back when there is no cry room.

No. The problem we’ve been pointing out time and time again is that there are parents who aren’t doing everything they can do. Some do nothing at all.