Screaming Babies at Mass

[PatriceA]

Cuts both ways. Just as it is better for you to keep an eye on your own behavior at mass than to worry about taking care of what other parents could or could not be doing in dealing with their own children, so also it is right for other parents to keep an eye on their own children at mass rather than act entitled to toleration. After all, if it’s right to treat other people the way you would like to be treated, then it is fair to expect the same from others.

You missed the part where I give the benefit of the doubt that the parents are doing their best to keep an eye on their own children at mass, even when the child may be inconsolable. I gave up the train of thought years ago that I would know exactly what to do in each parenting situation by just observing what is taking place and judge that the parents just aren’t doing what is right and expected… More recently I go with the thought that I might not know what is actually going on in each crying baby/toddler situation, the facts in the situation may not be obvious to the casual observing parishoner and the parent may be doing their absolute best to address the situation. That’s when I offer up a prayer for the family.

 

[zab]

No. The problem we’ve been pointing out time and time again is that there are parents who aren’t doing everything they can do. Some do nothing at all.

You delete the parts that you do not like? Or did you just not read my entire post?

 

[tgauchsin]

All I have to say is:

13 Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked them,

14 but Jesus said, “Let the children come to me, and do not prevent them; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

–Matt 19:13-14 (NAB)

 

[happymommy]

Yes. Most families I know with young children (mine included) never step inside a movie house with small children. Apparently that is whats happening. Is that really want we want to happen? Drive away families from church?

That’s what a lot of people want now. No children at Mass. I’ll take the kids at Mass over the old people that talk the whole time. Ushers don’t need to tell them to be quite or leave. But those of us with young children, we had better be ready to jump and leave if Jr. so much as sneezes!

 

[happymommy]

Now that’s an idea- A cry room for the adults.

wonderful idea! Actually, we had to put up notes in our cry room that it was for parents and their children, not for people without children! They would come in and fill it up and then those of us with little ones had to stand by the church doors! Great during the winter with people coming in throughout the whole Mass.

 

[ardis3958]

All I have to say is:

…and I say:

“The rod and reproof give wisdom: but the child that is left to his own will, brings his mother to shame.”

Proverbs 29:15

 

[ataylorfam]

Excuse me if for being honest sir. These parents need to know that the mass is very important and too important for there to be crying babies disrupting it. You should know that .

On Earth Jesus didn’t let the disciples keep the children away from him. I don’t think he intends for them to be kept from him now.

 

[zab]

…and I say:

“The rod and reproof give wisdom: but the child that is left to his own will, brings his mother to shame.”

Proverbs 29:15

Luke 18: 9-14

The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector.
He then addressed this parable to those who were convinced of their own righteousness and despised everyone else. Two people went up to the temple area to pray; one was a Pharisee and the other was a tax collector. The Pharisee took up his position and spoke this prayer to himself, ‘O God, I thank you that I am not like the rest of humanity—greedy, dishonest, adulterous—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week, and I pay tithes on my whole income. But the tax collector stood off at a distance and would not even raise his eyes to heaven but beat his breast and prayed, ‘O God, be merciful to me a sinner. I tell you, the latter went home justified, not the former; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”

 

[tgauchsin]

All I have to say is:

13 Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked them,

14 but Jesus said, “Let the children come to me, and do not prevent them; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

–Matt 19:13-14 (NAB)

…and I say:

“The rod and reproof give wisdom: but the child that is left to his own will, brings his mother to shame.”

Proverbs 29:15

I’ll take Jesus’ words over the OT. After all, He is the New Covenant.

 

[anruari]

…and I say:

“The rod and reproof give wisdom: but the child that is left to his own will, brings his mother to shame.”

Proverbs 29:15

Take that approach to a toddler and you’ll quickly learn 2 things:

1. it is pointless. and will inevitably make them scream louder
2. you’ll end up in Jail!!! And right;y so.

• Yes children need to learn that there are consequences for their actions. but a baby or toddler is not an appropriate age group to even consider that type of corporal punishment.

 

[jilly4ski]

1. it is very possible to raise children in a strict and well done enough way that they won’t yell in mass and if you cannot then Hello Quiet room . .
   2.under 4 who cannot refrain from disrupting mass need to go in quiet room is what I am telling you . Have a problem with that?
   3.after breakdown or during immediately remove them
   4.Put words in my mouth again please . GOOD CATHOLIC PARENTS open to life will put children in quiet room .
   5.Actually St. Marys in Greenville has a quiet room and it was built in 1952 . I believe I stated that many churches built after the 1950s have quiet rooms and yours probably does as someone to show you around .
   6.FOr the last two paragraphs : please refrain from getting fresh with me mam .If the truth hurts do not respond and if you cannot take the heat get out of the kitchen . You do not know who I am so do not make assumptions about me.I however will come to the conclusion that your one of the prideful parents who lets your child cry and disrupt mass because you are too prideful to go to the quiet room and still attend mass aren’t you?

Actually I missed the entire Eucharistic prayer, communion, and the final blessing last Sunday because I was out in the entry way of my church with a screaming tired child. I do take my children out if I need to, but I can’t stop them from crying during the few sec/min that it takes to realize if they are going to keep crying or calm down, gather the baby stuff, and make sure husband has the other child under control, and walk down to the back of church. This church was newly built, and doesn’t have a quiet room, just an entry way for parents to take unruly children, though sound is piped into the entryway. But that intervening time between when the child starts cry and when one finally gets the child outside probably seems like an eternity for you. (I even put the child’s face in my shoulder to muffle the sound as I carry the child out. So no I am not too prideful to go to the “quite room” because there isn’t one. (Nice judgement on your part by the way).0

I am not against taking children out of church when they need to calm down, but to suggest that children don’t belong in the nave with the rest of the congregation is extreme. Maybe people like you who can’t handle a little noise should have to sit in a sound proof room away from everybody else.

I am sorry if I came off offensive to you, but I was reacting to your extreme views that children don’t belong in church and by extension their parents (in order to receive the same graces by attending).

For context I don’t think I have ever been in a church where a child has cried more than 2 minutes tops. And if anyone has ever experience anything longer than that, I would suggest that would be a very rare case, with special circumstances (single parent, disabled older child, etc.).

 

[Sarabande]

Most parents take their children out to the gathering area in our church if they start to get out of control verbally. I still love the occational child who blurts out “Hi Jesus” to the priest from time to time.

I agree. I’m at mass at many different parishes because of my line of work as a musician and it really is a rare thing to see a parent just let their kids scream throughout an entire mass or a good portion of it. I understand a complaint if that is happening all the time with every family or many families or even one family at every mass, but I honestly don’t see it as a common occurrence in all the places I’ve ever worked at as a musician (and that’s when you do notice disruptions and noise the most because it makes you focus more in order to not lose your place) or as a regular congregant. Once in a while, yes, you do see those kinds of kids/parent, but most parents will take their children out either immediately or once they realize that can’t calm the child down.

As a side note… last week before mass, my 21 month old was looking at a life-size statue of Jesus and she said out loud, “Jesus!” I had never pointed out to her that it was a representation of Jesus, but she seemed to know.

These little ones are the precious future of our church. Offer to help entertain if they are sitting next to you.

Wonderful advice. It has worked with me for others’ children and likewise, others doing it to help me. Amazing what a smile and a wave from a stranger can do to help quell a fussy toddler.

Maybe the quiet room could be better utilized by the adults who are very sensitive. I am serious about this, not being sarcastic. It would provide a buffer, and parents could still take their kids to the gathering area until t hey settle down.

I think this is actually an excellent idea and I’m also serious. I’m at a point in my life where I don’t let noise or things of that sort disturb me. I’ve learned to just block it out of my head and allow my mind to zone in on what I want to pay attention to.

Those who have problems blocking out certain noises, etc. would benefit from having a quiet room so that they can worship in peace. And if the church is older like so many of the churches I frequent and don’t have space to build a quiet room for adults or kids, maybe just a quiet section in the church and section where families can go.

Honestly, I think quiet rooms for kids are one of the worst ideas. Children seem to behave so much worse when they are in there. We used one at my current parish and never again. I might as well had not gone to mass. Our toddler, who is usually well behaved, was just completely wound up with all the children in there whose parents allowed them to roam around and act like it was a playground (the cry room also served as a chapel.) Taking children out in the vestibule, to the back or outside is, I think, a better solution to calming them down. Where I work, the church is about 200 years old. Absolutely no room for a cry room (Most of the churches where I freelance in are older and hardly any of them have cry rooms) with limited space and not really any vestibule, but the parents have been successful with just walking their kiddies to the back of the church or outside when the weather is nice. There are lots of babies and toddlers. I believe when you have a group of kids in a room where they are “allowed” to be noisy, it makes them even noisier and then seeing all of the other kids in there, makes them want to play rather than calm down and then the parents look disheveled and frustrated . So, I think cry rooms are more detrimental for families than anything else.

But a quiet room for those adults who don’t want or cannot handle any kind of disruption would be perfect.

 

[tgauchsin]

Maybe people like you who can’t handle a little noise should have to sit in a sound proof room away from everybody else.

:newidea:Now there’s an idea.

Let the families sit in the church and turn the cry room into “a sound proof room away from everybody else” for “people … who can’t handle a little noise.”

Problem solved.

 

[tomch]

Haven’t bothered to read through all these posts, so maybe someone has already said this.

Long ago, when Catholic families were much larger, crying kids were expected and welcomed in Mass. Everyone just got used to it - hardly even noticed it. But now, there are soooo few Catholic children anymore (contraception??), and people get so much more impatient and upset up over their noises.

I attribute both the** lack **of children, and the general irritation toward children (and toward larger families) to today’s narcissistic, “It’s all about ME” attitude. So is Mass all about us, too? I thought it was about Jesus.

(Also in reading some of the comments, I have to wonder how many posters actually have children. It’s really not all that easy. My wife and I have a joke - we should have written our “How to Raise Children” book before we had them - when we thought we knew all the answers!)

 

[ColNY]

We once had this wonderful Msgr. who led our parish. When babies cried during Mass, he used to say it was music to his ears because it was a sign of life in our parish. That’s how I look at it.

We have to be careful as Church in how we welcome young families to our parishes. On the one hand, we have so many Catholics lamenting that families are so small, people aren’t welcoming children into their lives. . but yet, when one of those children disturbs them. . they’re quite quick to admonish the parents. Maybe if they went into one of these crying rooms, saw the petri-dish condition they’re in, they may not be as quick to judge parents who are loathe to use them. Heck, our parish crying room didn’t even have a proper changing table until we donated ours after our kids no longer needed it. And even that, some members of the parish complained about because they didn’t want parents to think they could throw out dirty diapers in there (the crying room is also where the bathrooms are located). Um…where did you think they were dumping them to begin with??? This was to save parents from having to change their babies on a dirty floor or worse, in the pews!

Yes, crying babies can seem distracting at times—to be honest, I’ve learned to tune it out. Now, if you want to talk about oblivious parents—want to hear about the 10 year old who kicked the back of my seat for a 4 hour flight?

 

[Sarabande]

Haven’t bothered to read through all these posts, so maybe someone has already said this.

Long ago, when Catholic families were much larger, crying kids were expected and welcomed in Mass. Everyone just got used to it - hardly even noticed it. But now, there are soooo few Catholic children anymore (contraception??), and people get so much more impatient and upset up over their noises.

I attribute both the** lack **of children, and the general irritation toward children (and toward larger families) to today’s narcissistic, “It’s all about ME” attitude. So is Mass all about us, too? I thought it was about Jesus.

I think you have raised some good points. Something I have asked in previous threads, but was never really answered, was what people did who raised their families in the “old days” meaning the 1940s through the 1960s" ? I had asked my 85-year-old grandmother if she remembered seeing lots of young children and babies at mass and she said she didn’t. In fact, she hardly attended mass with her own babies and toddlers. My grandfather, Protestant, stayed home with the babies and younger children (they had 6 children), and it apparently was not abnormal in her particular parish for other families to do the same. I don’t know how common that was in other parishes back then and I guess we don’t have many people on CAF who are as old as my grandmother and raised their children during that time period.

That said, when she had her first child, the parish she attended had two priests and one who wasn’t saying mass, used to push the baby in the pram around in the sacristy and outside the church while she attended mass with my grandfather.

(Also in reading some of the comments, I have to wonder how many posters actually have children. It’s really not all that easy. My wife and I have a joke - we should have written our “How to Raise Children” book before we had them - when we thought we knew all the answers!)

Isn’t it the truth how much we think we know before we had kids? It wasn’t until I started teaching large groups of kids and especially after having my own, as well as just maturing a bit and not being the “depressed and angry young woman” completely overwhelmed, angered and saddened over the state of the world, that I was humbled and became a much happier, more sincerely understanding and empathetic person because of that growth in humility and maturity.

 

[JDee]

The best article and advice I have ever read -

americamagazine.org/content/article.cfm?article_id=1828 by Elizabeth Ficocelli.

Children can behave if they are taught. I often attend the School Mass with my grade 4 daughter - I will have the 4-5 children I care for and they are under the age of 5 usually. We have a fair amount of wiggles but each of them are reminded to use whisper-voice and I am attentive to keeping them in check. We stand when we are suppose to, sit and kneel. I help them make the sign of the cross and go to receive a blessing when I am receiving Eucharist. It makes a very busy Mass, not very relaxing and most times I miss bits of the readings or homily but I would not change a thing.

We have a few in our regular Sunday Mass that take the children out at the first bit of misbehaviour and let them run up and down the halls. This is a huge distraction and teaches the child that “I can make a fuss then I will be allowed to run around” This is not teaching proper respect for God, His Church or those who are praying.

Babies do cry and parents can do their best to settle them but I would rather hear the beautiful sound of a child’s cry than have a world where life is a choice and there are no baby cries.

 

[ConstantineTG]

Babies do cry and parents can do their best to settle them but I would rather hear the beautiful sound of a child’s cry than have a world where life is a choice and there are no baby cries.

 

[Springkeeper]

Honestly, I think quiet rooms for kids are one of the worst ideas. Children seem to behave so much worse when they are in there. We used one at my current parish and never again. I might as well had not gone to mass. Our toddler, who is usually well behaved, was just completely wound up with all the children in there whose parents allowed them to roam around and act like it was a playground (the cry room also served as a chapel.) Taking children out in the vestibule, to the back or outside is, I think, a better solution to calming them down. Where I work, the church is about 200 years old. Absolutely no room for a cry room (Most of the churches where I freelance in are older and hardly any of them have cry rooms) with limited space and not really any vestibule, but the parents have been successful with just walking their kiddies to the back of the church or outside when the weather is nice. There are lots of babies and toddlers. I believe when you have a group of kids in a room where they are “allowed” to be noisy, it makes them even noisier and then seeing all of the other kids in there, makes them want to play rather than calm down and then the parents look disheveled and frustrated . So, I think cry rooms are more detrimental for families than anything else.

But a quiet room for those adults who don’t want or cannot handle any kind of disruption would be perfect.

So true! When we were in the process of converting, I was so nervous about disrupting Mass (and really wasn’t sure what I was doing anyway) that I routinely went straight to the cry room for weekday Mass. Terrible idea as my children became more unruly, not less, and there also seemed to be too many adults who went in there because they were late. Sunday Mass was much much worse with all the snacks, beverages, running around and screaming that I just gave up on the crying room. Someone on these forums mentioned sitting close to the front and so now we do and it has helped a great deal because the little ones see more than a sea of backsides and pay attention to the Mass.

 

[JHow]

When I hear other parents children crying I am mostly just relieved that our youngest is getting past that now (3 yrs.).