Scruple setback--impure thoughts

[Veronica97]

These last several months I’ve been doing so much better with scruples. I rarely have impure dreams anymore and I am almost always able to reject impure thoughts very quickly (thanks be to God). I make an act of consecration to the Blessed Mother every night, and I wear a Miraculous Medal always. I’ve been doing really well with Confession too. I’ve been going around every 5-6 weeks which seems to reduce scruples also. Major setback beginning on Holy Saturday: I’ve already been to confession twice this week over fears that I made a bad confession almost 3 years ago. The priest forgave me of all my sins and said, “Don’t go back anymore–go forward.” Yesterday I felt like the devil was telling me that I had again made a bad confession, and I felt so despondent, close to the brink of despair. Then just when I began to feel like I had probably made a good confession and it would be all right, I had an impure dream last night. When I woke up (and I feel I was fully awake), I thought back to the dream more than once, felt attracted to it, wanted to keep thinking about it, but knew I shouldn’t so stopped. I might have thought about it for around 5 seconds before rejecting it. I felt terrible and finally realized that it didn’t matter whether I had sinned mortally or venially, I had offended the Lord who loves me, and I told him I was sorry and began to cry. It was as close to perfect contrition as I feel I’ve ever had. But then I made the mistake of going back to re-examine my thoughts in order to determine whether I need to go back to confession tomorrow, or whether I should make another act of contrition and go to Communion. This renewed the temptation, and I may have committed venial sin. I know the general rule for the scrupulous is when there is doubt about mortal sin, then there is no mortal sin; however, I still feel terrible. I forgot to wear my Miraculous Medal to bed last night (I know it’s not a good luck charm, but I do think demons hate blessed objects), and then I had the dream. I also feel like I had the dream because of my mistrust of Jesus and I think He’s trying to show me that by being on the brink of despair, I was in danger of just giving up and committing mortal sin because “I’m not in a state of grace anyway.” I’m not saying I felt that way–I still felt like serving the Lord is the right thing to do…I’m just saying I feel like I was in danger of feeling that way and so the Lord let me have these impure thoughts in order to “shake me up”. What would you do? Would you go to confession for the third time in one week, or would you hope that you hadn’t committed mortal sin and go to communion? The last thing I want to do is risk making a bad communion, but I also don’t want to make my scruples worse by going to confession for the third time in one week.

 

[ClearWater]

These last several months I’ve been doing so much better with scruples. I rarely have impure dreams anymore and I am almost always able to reject impure thoughts very quickly (thanks be to God). I make an act of consecration to the Blessed Mother every night, and I wear a Miraculous Medal always. I’ve been doing really well with Confession too. I’ve been going around every 5-6 weeks which seems to reduce scruples also. Major setback beginning on Holy Saturday: I’ve already been to confession twice this week over fears that I made a bad confession almost 3 years ago. The priest forgave me of all my sins and said, “Don’t go back anymore–go forward.” Yesterday I felt like the devil was telling me that I had again made a bad confession, and I felt so despondent, close to the brink of despair. Then just when I began to feel like I had probably made a good confession and it would be all right, I had an impure dream last night. When I woke up (and I feel I was fully awake), I thought back to the dream more than once, felt attracted to it, wanted to keep thinking about it, but knew I shouldn’t so stopped. I might have thought about it for around 5 seconds before rejecting it. I felt terrible and finally realized that it didn’t matter whether I had sinned mortally or venially, I had offended the Lord who loves me, and I told him I was sorry and began to cry. It was as close to perfect contrition as I feel I’ve ever had. But then I made the mistake of going back to re-examine my thoughts in order to determine whether I need to go back to confession tomorrow, or whether I should make another act of contrition and go to Communion. This renewed the temptation, and I may have committed venial sin. I know the general rule for the scrupulous is when there is doubt about mortal sin, then there is no mortal sin; however, I still feel terrible. I forgot to wear my Miraculous Medal to bed last night (I know it’s not a good luck charm, but I do think demons hate blessed objects), and then I had the dream. I also feel like I had the dream because of my mistrust of Jesus and I think He’s trying to show me that by being on the brink of despair, I was in danger of just giving up and committing mortal sin because “I’m not in a state of grace anyway.” I’m not saying I felt that way–I still felt like serving the Lord is the right thing to do…I’m just saying I feel like I was in danger of feeling that way and so the Lord let me have these impure thoughts in order to “shake me up”. What would you do? Would you go to confession for the third time in one week, or would you hope that you hadn’t committed mortal sin and go to communion? The last thing I want to do is risk making a bad communion, but I also don’t want to make my scruples worse by going to confession for the third time in one week.

I think it’s scrupulosity. Isn’t scrupulosity a form of obsessive compulsive disorder? If it is, there’s a certain amount of this which I don’t think is your fault.

With scrupulosity, the more one focuses on these matters, the stronger they become, or so I’m told. So, sometimes ignoring it might be one way to approach this in addition to everything else you are trying.

If it were me, I probably wouldn’t go to confession 3 times in one week. I don’t have scrupulosity, but if I did, I hope I’d realize it’s part of this condition and probably would go to communion.

 

[Veronica97]

I think it’s scrupulosity. Isn’t scrupulosity a form of obsessive compulsive disorder? If it is, there’s a certain amount of this which I don’t think is your fault.

With scrupulosity, the more one focuses on these matters, the stronger they become, or so I’m told. So, sometimes ignoring it might be one way to approach this in addition to everything else you are trying.

If it were me, I probably wouldn’t go to confession 3 times in one week. I don’t have scrupulosity, but if I did, I hope I’d realize it’s part of this condition and probably would go to communion.

I normally don’t want the thoughts at all and quickly turn away. Sometimes I"m attracted to the thought but then I pray, not wanting to sin. Today, I WANTED to think the thought…I wanted to keep dwelling on it, but knew it would be terrible so I stopped. I guess you could say I was either slow to banish the thought or you could say I did entertain it for about 5 seconds. I think it could be a venial sin (I often feel terrible even when I sin venially), but I’m not sure. I can’t say that I definitely did not sin mortally. I can’t put my hand on the Bible and swear that I definitely did either. I just feel terrible and scared and don’t know what to do.

 

[fred_conty]

From what you describe as a 5 second thought, this can happen to anyone in different ways and not be a sin.

For instance, someone gets deeply hurt by some sour remark. The wound causes the person later upon reflection that the offender deserves to be punished. The mind then starts in with offering suggestions about how this might be accomplished…hanging…shooting…burning at the stake…a hot iron to the cheek. And the person is in complete reverie enjoying this person’s misery for 30 seconds when all of a sudden they realize what they are doing is wrong. And so they say a prayer and then try to divert their attention.

Now immediately the devil may pick up on this and tell the person that they committed a horrible sin against charity and now they are in mortal sin. And he will use this situation to torment and drive a wedge between them and Jesus. His favorite ploy is exageration.

Temptations are like that. They all at once happen and catch us off guard. And these off guard moments may last a few seconds and maybe even a minute until we wake up and realize what is going on.

Well then after the wake up, the mind finds what it was thinking about was very pleasant and attractive even tho it was wrong. So it takes the mind sometimes a little time to convince itself that it is wrong and to stop. Especially this is so when the mind has been asleep and is not really all together as it would be when fully awake.

What I see happening is a lot of if’s and but’s and doubt’s. Usually when someone commits a serious offense they know it. Something inside of them tells them that they gave into it and that is that. No getting around it. But if there is all these questions, doubts, ifs, buts, then this lacks the “yes I did it” that a serious offense needs.

Tell our blessed mother you need a great grace which she promised when asking thru the miraculous medal. Ask her to help you in this as she said she would. She will if you trust her word and leave it with her.

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.

 

[catholix_cool]

These last several months I’ve been doing so much better with scruples. I rarely have impure dreams anymore and I am almost always able to reject impure thoughts very quickly (thanks be to God). I make an act of consecration to the Blessed Mother every night, and I wear a Miraculous Medal always. I’ve been doing really well with Confession too. I’ve been going around every 5-6 weeks which seems to reduce scruples also. Major setback beginning on Holy Saturday: I’ve already been to confession twice this week over fears that I made a bad confession almost 3 years ago. The priest forgave me of all my sins and said, “Don’t go back anymore–go forward.” Yesterday I felt like the devil was telling me that I had again made a bad confession, and I felt so despondent, close to the brink of despair. Then just when I began to feel like I had probably made a good confession and it would be all right, I had an impure dream last night. When I woke up (and I feel I was fully awake), I thought back to the dream more than once, felt attracted to it, wanted to keep thinking about it, but knew I shouldn’t so stopped. I might have thought about it for around 5 seconds before rejecting it. I felt terrible and finally realized that it didn’t matter whether I had sinned mortally or venially, I had offended the Lord who loves me, and I told him I was sorry and began to cry. It was as close to perfect contrition as I feel I’ve ever had. But then I made the mistake of going back to re-examine my thoughts in order to determine whether I need to go back to confession tomorrow, or whether I should make another act of contrition and go to Communion. This renewed the temptation, and I may have committed venial sin. I know the general rule for the scrupulous is when there is doubt about mortal sin, then there is no mortal sin; however, I still feel terrible. I forgot to wear my Miraculous Medal to bed last night (I know it’s not a good luck charm, but I do think demons hate blessed objects), and then I had the dream. I also feel like I had the dream because of my mistrust of Jesus and I think He’s trying to show me that by being on the brink of despair, I was in danger of just giving up and committing mortal sin because “I’m not in a state of grace anyway.” I’m not saying I felt that way–I still felt like serving the Lord is the right thing to do…I’m just saying I feel like I was in danger of feeling that way and so the Lord let me have these impure thoughts in order to “shake me up”. What would you do? Would you go to confession for the third time in one week, or would you hope that you hadn’t committed mortal sin and go to communion? The last thing I want to do is risk making a bad communion, but I also don’t want to make my scruples worse by going to confession for the third time in one week.

Dear Veronica97, I urge you pray this prayer when you wake up. I always used to worry about sins myself, I too struggled with the same mental attacks/dreams.

As far sacramentals, get a St. Benedict’s medal or crucifix and get it blessed with this prayer by a priest/deacon.

Approved Blessing
of the Medal of St. Benedict

Medals of Saint Benedict are sacramentals that may be blessed legitimately by any priest or deacon – not necessarily a Benedictine (Instr., 26 Sept. 1964; Can. 1168). The following English form may be used.

"V. Our help is in the name of the Lord.
R. Who made heaven and earth.

In the name of God the Father + almighty, who made heaven and earth, the seas and all that is in them, I exorcise these medals against the power and attacks of the evil one. May all who use these medals devoutly be blessed with health of soul and body. In the name of the Father + almighty, of the Son + Jesus Christ our Lord, and of the Holy + Spirit the Paraclete, and in the love of the same Lord Jesus Christ who will come on the last day to judge the living and the dead, and the world by fire.
Amen.

Let us pray. Almighty God, the boundless source of all good things, we humbly ask that, through the intercession of Saint Benedict, you pour out your blessings + upon these medals. May those who use them devoutly and earnestly strive to perform good works be blessed by you with health of soul and body, the grace of a holy life, and remission of the temporal punishment due to sin.

May they also with the help of your merciful love, resist the temptation of the evil one and strive to exercise true charity and justice toward all, so that one day they may appear sinless and holy in your sight. This we ask though Christ our Lord.
Amen.

The medals are then sprinkled with holy water."

Keep praying your Rosary and don’t forget to pray the St. Michael the Archangel
“St. Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
and do thou,
O Prince of the heavenly hosts,
by the power of God,
thrust into hell Satan,
and all the evil spirits,
who prowl about the world
seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.”

(I personally prayed this a few months ago and there has been peace) make the sign of the cross and say “(Today) The devil has no influence in my life (anymore), in Jesus name. Amen”

 

[catholix_cool]

I normally don’t want the thoughts at all and quickly turn away. Sometimes I"m attracted to the thought but then I pray, not wanting to sin. Today, I WANTED to think the thought…I wanted to keep dwelling on it, but knew it would be terrible so I stopped. I guess you could say I was either slow to banish the thought or you could say I did entertain it for about 5 seconds. I think it could be a venial sin (I often feel terrible even when I sin venially), but I’m not sure. I can’t say that I definitely did not sin mortally. I can’t put my hand on the Bible and swear that I definitely did either. I just feel terrible and scared and don’t know what to do.

mortals sins need - full consent, know it is grave/serious matter, and to know it’s a sin. To commit a mortal sin is to fall out of the state of grace.

venial sins are more common and don’t break us out of our state of grace.

 

[SuperLuigi]

Since you have scrupulosity, you need to find one spiritual director you can bring these concerns to.

Those with a scrupulous conscience are not bound to certain obligations, and yes, if you doubt whether or not a sin is mortal, then it is not in your case.

 

[Veronica97]

If I were going to go to confession, this is the gist of what I would say: "I fear that I may have consented mortally to impure thoughts. I am a little more inclined to think that they were venial, but I am uncertain. I allowed my mind to wander back to the thoughts a second time, and again I think it could be venial sin but I am uncertain. Whether I gave mortal or venial consent, I showed a lack of love for both the Lord and my husband, because I was very attracted to the thoughts, wanted to think about them, and did not immediately reject them.

 

[Kathrin]

I really cannot answer whether or not to go back to confession; I know very well the feeling you descirbe (did I consent? did I not consent? was it long enough to be conscious?) I myself have a long history of scrupulosity…
I just wanted to ask you about Holy Saturday when you said you ha da setback, if I remember right… do you also have the feeling that big feast days have that tendency to lead to a setback?? Because I was really struggling last week, after having done quite well. Almost as if I was afraid I woulnd’t be able to be really happy for Easter if it wasn’t all “perfect”… like a pressure to be happy and perfect? I think I had the same for Christmas before… or even when going on a trip that I was looking forward to or things like that.

Sorry, I didn’t want to distract you from your more urgent questions, (that i really don’t feel like I can asnwer, I cannot know if you really consented to the thoughts or if they were just temptations that a part of you wanted to consent you but didn’t, or if it is all just from scrupulosity)…but it just made me think…

By the way, have you read the bookled by Fr. William Doyle, “scruples and their treatment”?

 

[Veronica97]

I really cannot answer whether or not to go back to confession; I know very well the feeling you descirbe (did I consent? did I not consent? was it long enough to be conscious?) I myself have a long history of scrupulosity…
I just wanted to ask you about Holy Saturday when you said you ha da setback, if I remember right… do you also have the feeling that big feast days have that tendency to lead to a setback?? Because I was really struggling last week, after having done quite well. Almost as if I was afraid I woulnd’t be able to be really happy for Easter if it wasn’t all “perfect”… like a pressure to be happy and perfect? I think I had the same for Christmas before… or even when going on a trip that I was looking forward to or things like that.

Sorry, I didn’t want to distract you from your more urgent questions, (that i really don’t feel like I can asnwer, I cannot know if you really consented to the thoughts or if they were just temptations that a part of you wanted to consent you but didn’t, or if it is all just from scrupulosity)…but it just made me think…

By the way, have you read the bookled by Fr. William Doyle, “scruples and their treatment”?

Yes, I have read Fr. William Doyle and I refer to it often. I know the advice is, if you have the habitual will to avoid sins against the virtue of purity, you cannot mortally sin and not know it immediately, or something very similar. A little while ago I thought, “I don’t think it would be a sin to go to confession nor would it be a sin to receive communion–but being obedient to the wisdom of the Church (receiving communion if scrupulous and you are not certain you have mortally sinned) might be more pleasing to the Lord.” But then I got scared again and decided not to go to Mass tonight. I enjoy going to Friday evening Mass, but since I’m not required to go, and I’m still uncertain as to what to do, I will wait until Saturday vigil to decide. Yes, I do get worried at big feasts now that I think about it. Not this Easter but last Easter I refrained from going to communion b/c I was fearful I had committed mortal sin. I can’t even remember what the sin was at this point. And one Christmas in the past 2-3 years I almost didn’t go to communion because I had blasphemous thoughts running through my mind. I am usually able to quickly dismiss unwanted thoughts and even temptations and not worry too much about them. But this time, I do think have at least venial consent, and I feel awful.

 

[Kathrin]

I will say a prayer for you asking God to guide you…

 

[Veronica97]

I will say a prayer for you asking God to guide you…

Thank you–I appreciate it very much.