Scrupulosity and despair vs. true humility

[EIF5A]

We’re told to consider ourselves as wicked sinners (which is true – we are).

I always thought having tearful contrition and begging for forgiveness is a good thing. But self-deprecation is also not good, I read somewhere.

At what point does it become despair and lack of faith and trust in God’s mercy?

I have doubts in my heart that God would care about someone like me.

Don’t want to be presumptuous in thinking God would grant me whatever I ask for…but I also have to believe that God gives good gifts as He is a loving Father.

I can’t seem to find the right balance…

Lord, help me to stay on the right track.

 

[Oren]

Having doubts that God cares for you is never the right thing to think. Try to meditate more on what God is like than on what you are like. That will bring the focus away from yourself and what you think about yourself, and toward God. You will be able to get to know God more and He will reveal true self knowledge to you. What you are thinking right now is not true. Discouragement is never from God.
I don’t think you need to beg for forgiveness. Just go to confession, that’s good enough right now.
God will not give you whatever you ask for. God will give you what is in line with His will for you. Again, focus on God. Focus on what He is like. Who He is. His will. His love. Try to focus as much as you can on God and not on yourself. Once you do that, He will give you knowledge about what He is really like and about who you are.

 

[Philotheatoo]

EIF5A,
Just remember a few things: when you receive Absolution, it is Final. You don’t get to take the sin back and punish yourself with it. God loves us DESPITE who we are. God loves us as His children and we would be disrespectful then to not loves ourselves as one of His children.

I will pray with you for your acceptance of God’s love.

 

[EIF5A]

I just get conflicting messages: pray and weep for our sins constantly, but then we can’t dwell in our sins. we have to think of ourselves as vile sinners and think we’re unworthy of anything, but then that’s close to despair.

tears might be a sign that the Holy Spirit is moving your heart…but it can also be false humility planted by the devil.

I’m just confused, and I feel like everything I’ve done recently to strive for virtue was a waste – false tears, false humility, false everything.

I know nothing, I discern nothing. I’m just tired of trying and then being wrong about everything. Just feel kind of foolish.

All that’s left in the end is doubt and unbelief and greater slavish fear.

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

I just get conflicting messages: pray and weep for our sins constantly, but then we can’t dwell in our sins. we have to think of ourselves as vile sinners and think we’re unworthy of anything, but then that’s close to despair.

tears might be a sign that the Holy Spirit is moving your heart…but it can also be false humility planted by the devil.

I’m just confused, and I feel like everything I’ve done recently to strive for virtue was a waste – false tears, false humility, false everything.

I know nothing, I discern nothing. I’m just tired of trying and then being wrong about everything. Just feel kind of foolish.

All that’s left in the end is doubt and unbelief and greater slavish fear.

I hear ya…

 

[Warandpeace]

Having doubts that God cares for you is never the right thing to think. Try to meditate more on what God is like than on what you are like. That will bring the focus away from yourself and what you think about yourself, and toward God. You will be able to get to know God more and He will reveal true self knowledge to you. What you are thinking right now is not true. Discouragement is never from God.
I don’t think you need to beg for forgiveness. Just go to confession, that’s good enough right now.
God will not give you whatever you ask for. God will give you what is in line with His will for you. Again, focus on God. Focus on what He is like. Who He is. His will. His love. Try to focus as much as you can on God and not on yourself. Once you do that, He will give you knowledge about what He is really like and about who you are.

 

[JRKH]

We’re told to consider ourselves as wicked sinners (which is true – we are).

I would appreciate a source for this. I have never been told to consider myself a “wicked sinner”. A sinner yes…For I have and still do commit sin. But in being a Christian - an adopted Child of the Living God…Why should I think of myself as Wicked"?

I always thought having tearful contrition and begging for forgiveness is a good thing. But self-deprecation is also not good, I read somewhere.

There needs to be a balance…“Tearful contrition” is indeed a good thing…but also there needs to be a willing acceptance, thankfulness and appreciation for God’s promises to us. Yes we are less than perfect…but GOD LOVES US…

At what point does it become despair and lack of faith and trust in God’s mercy?

It becomes despair when the balance of contrition and gratitude gets so out of kilter that gratitude and hope are squashed.

I have doubts in my heart that God would care about someone like me.

Why - - -

Don’t want to be presumptuous in thinking God would grant me whatever I ask for…but I also have to believe that God gives good gifts as He is a loving Father.

So - don’t presume…
In prayer seek only God’s Will for you in your life. Only ask for the grace to grow in Love and to learn whatever lessens God has for you. This is the best place to start.

I can’t seem to find the right balance…

It can be tricky…
If I may offer…and this will take some time to work through in prayer…Start with the Great commandments. (See Mt 22:36-40) “Love God above all, and Love your neighbor as yourself”. Jesus tells us that everything else is wrapped up in these two commands.

Meditate on this in prayer. Come to recognize how impossible it is to properly Love others if we don’t Love ourselves. Proper self love is a necessity if we are to properly follow our Lord.

Lord, help me to stay on the right track.

Amen…

Peace
James

 

[fhansen]

We’re told to consider ourselves as wicked sinners (which is true – we are).

I always thought having tearful contrition and begging for forgiveness is a good thing. But self-deprecation is also not good, I read somewhere.

At what point does it become despair and lack of faith and trust in God’s mercy?

I have doubts in my heart that God would care about someone like me.

Don’t want to be presumptuous in thinking God would grant me whatever I ask for…but I also have to believe that God gives good gifts as He is a loving Father.

I can’t seem to find the right balance…

Lord, help me to stay on the right track.

We’re not “wicked inners” in some innate sense; we’re simply beings cut off from the true source of all goodness, love, life, and happiness-and of our own moral integrity. We cannot be who we are created to be without relationship with God, our creator. And to the extent we prefer to remain separated from Him, to prefer ourselves over God as Adam and Eve did, then we’ll remain in our sins; injustice will reign in us to one degree or another.

Man needs God, not only to exist, to live, but to live in true righteousness, having life and life abundantly. So while Jesus came to convict us of sin, He also came to forgive us of it simultaneously-to show God’s enormous, unconditional love in spite of our sins and to give us the motivation and grace to overcome sin as well, so we may come into alignment with the Fathers will, as He did. Acknowledging sin is humility while dwelling on sin is actually ego-centric, a matter of pride IOW, counterproductive and not according to God’s will. The Atonement, if anything, should serve to prove that God has always had man’s very best interest, and happiness, at heart.

 

[504Katrin]

I just get conflicting messages: pray and weep for our sins constantly, but then we can’t dwell in our sins. we have to think of ourselves as vile sinners and think we’re unworthy of anything, but then that’s close to despair.

tears might be a sign that the Holy Spirit is moving your heart…but it can also be false humility planted by the devil.

I’m just confused, and I feel like everything I’ve done recently to strive for virtue was a waste – false tears, false humility, false everything.

I know nothing, I discern nothing. I’m just tired of trying and then being wrong about everything. Just feel kind of foolish.

All that’s left in the end is doubt and unbelief and greater slavish fear.

Striving for virtue is in itself is a good thing. Maybe you’re so disappointed because you mess (in the literal sense) with Eternity and you want to become holy. It’s perfectly normal - even if hard to accept - that we want more than we can do. This might also be the reason as to why you feel that you know nothing. This is by the way also my personal number one complaint and reproach towards myself…“I don’t know nothing”… “What do I know?”----- Yeah, we can torture ourselves each and every day with those reproaches. But we can also accept that we’re not perfect, and as my Grandfather used to say “No master ever fell from the sky”.
This situation you’re in will lead to another situation. It’s not permanent. You’re in it for a reason. G-d deosn’t wish anything bad upon us. Tryna take this situation and turn it into something good. And if it’s only the recognition that you strive for virtue and to become a better person. This is already something good and good things can derive from it.

 

[nuntym]

+JMJ+

We’re told to consider ourselves as wicked sinners (which is true – we are).

I always thought having tearful contrition and begging for forgiveness is a good thing. But self-deprecation is also not good, I read somewhere.

At what point does it become despair and lack of faith and trust in God’s mercy?

I have doubts in my heart that God would care about someone like me.

Don’t want to be presumptuous in thinking God would grant me whatever I ask for…but I also have to believe that God gives good gifts as He is a loving Father.

I can’t seem to find the right balance…

Lord, help me to stay on the right track.

There is only one solution to this: HOPE

 

[ready]

Trust in God – not in yourself – and you will be alright. Everything Our Lord ordains or permits to happen to you is the very best thing for your soul and is sent from Him with the highest degree of love. Never* ever *doubt His love for you! He will answer your prayers in the very best way possible – ALWAYS, because He is Love Itself and your loving Father. God bless you.