Scrupulosity and purgatory

[mymamamary]

Dear Forum,

I have a spiritual director/Confessor.

I am working on my scrupulosity. However, my life is still a living hell with scrupulosity. I just feel like its too much. It’s killing me. I am anxious etc and its tearing me apart. I feel like I will die and go to hell forever.

Is scrupulosity a type of purgatory? Because I used to be really sinful, although I still sin obviously and unfortunately. I want to be perfect so bad! I want to die and go to heaven, but I don’t know if that will be a reality… I confess alot, practice my Faith, but this is really hard.

 

[RoseMary131]

Of course you (and all of us) will never be perfect. God never expects you to be perfect. Know that you and all of us will always be sinners.

Yet, God loves us so much!!!

God sees in your heart your love. He sees in your heart how hard you want to be perfect. He also sees the pains you suffer with scrupulosity.

Offer your worries to God.

Trust that God’s graces are always with you and these graces will help bring you to Life Everlasting with God forever in Heaven. Enjoy the days He gives you on this Earth, days to love Him, honor Him and praise Him, days to enjoy your family and friends, days to enjoy the nature, days to enjoy your studies and time to play.

May God give you Peace and remove your scrupulosity and suffering.

 

[midori]

This holy Mother desired to see the beauty of a soul in the state of grace, a thing greatly to be coveted both for the sake of seeing and of possessing it. While this desire lasted, she was commanded to write a treatise on prayer, of which she had much personal experience. On the eve of the Blessed Trinity, while considering what subject to choose for the treatise, God, Who disposes everything in due season, fulfilled her wish and furnished a suitable subject. He showed her a most beautiful globe of crystal, in the shape of a castle, with seven rooms, the seventh, situated in the center, being occupied by the King of glory, resplendent with the most exquisite brilliancy, which shone through and adorned the remaining rooms. The nearer these lay to the center, the more did they partake of that wondrous light. It did not, however, penetrate beyond the crystal, for everything round about was a mass of darkness and impurity, full of toads and vipers and other venomous animals.

She was still admiring this beauty which, by the grace of God dwells in the soul, when, Lo!, the light suddenly disappeared, and the crystal, wherein the King of glory was still residing, became opaque and as dark as coal, emitting an intolerable odor; the venomous animals, formerly held in check outside, obtained admittance into the castle. The holy Mother wished that every one should behold this vision, for she thought that no one having seen the beauty and splendor of grace, which is forfeited by sin and replaced by such repulsive misery, would ever dare to offend God.

-Don Diego de Yepes, on Teresa of Avila’s Interior Castle

Read it, and see if she can give you some focus and guidance on how to proceed.

 

[Cat_Herder]

Dear Forum,

I have a spiritual director/Confessor.

I am working on my scrupulosity. However, my life is still a living hell with scrupulosity. I just feel like its too much. It’s killing me. I am anxious etc and its tearing me apart. I feel like I will die and go to hell forever.

Is scrupulosity a type of purgatory? Because I used to be really sinful, although I still sin obviously and unfortunately. I want to be perfect so bad! I want to die and go to heaven, but I don’t know if that will be a reality… I confess alot, practice my Faith, but this is really hard.

Actually, it’s not hard. It feels hard for you because your scrupulosity tells you that you aren’t good enough. If you haven’t done so already, it is important for you to go to a doctor and get checked out. Your scrupulosity may have an underlying physical cause like a vitamin or inositol deficiency, or it could be a mental or nervous condition, or both. You also need an understanding confessor who can give you authoritative guidance. Go to the Scrupulous Anonymous website and read over their materials carefully as well.

And finally, you need the Eucharist. You need frequent Communion. You need to force yourself to go receive the Lord no matter how hard it is for you, unless you can truthfully swear before God that you clearly and certainly are guilty of a mortal sin. But don’t take it from me.

Letter from St. Therese of Liseux, Doctor of the Church, to her cousin Marie Guerin
Before you confided in me, I felt you were suffering, and my heart was one with yours. Since you have the humility to ask advice of your little Thérèse, this is what she thinks: you have grieved me greatly by abstaining from Holy Communion, because you have grieved Our Lord. The devil must be very cunning to deceive a soul in this way. Do you not know, dear Marie, that by acting thus you help him to accomplish his end? The treacherous creature knows quite well that when a soul is striving to belong wholly to God he cannot cause her to sin, so he merely tries to persuade her that she has sinned. This is a considerable gain, but not enough to satisfy his hatred, so he aims at something more, and tries to shut out Jesus from a tabernacle which Jesus covets. Unable to enter this sanctuary himself, he wishes that at least it remain empty and without its God. Alas, what will become of that poor little heart? When the devil has succeeded in keeping a soul from Holy Communion he has gained all his ends … while Jesus weeps! …
Remember, little Marie, that this sweet Jesus is there in the Tabernacle expressly for you and you alone. Remember that He burns with the desire to enter your heart. Do not listen to satan. Laugh him to scorn, and go without fear to receive Jesus, the God of peace and of love.
“Thérèse thinks all this” – you say – “because she does not know my difficulties.” She does know, and knows them well; she understands everything, and she tells you confidently that you can go without fear to receive you only true Friend. She, too, has passed through the martyrdom of scruples, but Jesus gave her the grace to receive the Blessed Sacrament always, even when she imagined she had committed great sins. I assure you I have found that this is the only means of ridding oneself of the devil. When he sees that he is losing his time he leaves us in peace.
In truth it is impossible that a heart which can only find rest in contemplation of the Tabernacle – and yours is such, you tell me – could so far offend Our Lord as not to be able to receive Him … What does offend Jesus, what wounds Him to the Heart, is want of confidence.
Pray much that the best portion of your life may not be overshadowed by idle fears. We have only life’s brief moments to spend for the Glory of God, and well does satan know it. This is why he employs every ruse to make us consume them in useless labour. Dear sister, go often to Holy Communion, go very often – that is your one remedy.

 

[R_C]

I feel like I will die and go to hell forever.

Our beloved Jesus said:

where your treasure is, there your heart will be also

Where is your heart? To whom have you given it? In that answer is the answer to where you are headed.

It seems to me that your will is very clear and solid:

I want to die and go to heaven

Suffer patiently, for suffering is indeed purifying seraphic fire, for our sake and the sake of other souls. Sufferings do not last forever, but we must be willing to embrace them. In this, you resemble Christ, and those who follow Christ unto sufferings and death will necessarily follow Him into the celestial abode - for, having received the Bridegroom in the Holy Eucharist, “the two have become one”.

God wants to sanctify you, and suffering is not always a punishment…Christ, the Incarnate Word, the immaculate Lamb of God, suffered more than anyone else ever did or ever will. And He was punished indeed…but for our sins…so we also often partake of the blessed Cross for our sake, and for the sake of others.

Let me ask you something: if Satan saw someone heading to heaven, what do you think he would tell him? “You will end up in heaven if you keep doing what you do” or “you will end up in hell forever”? Trust in Christ who calls you His brother, and distrust of all other spirits. If you are tempted with thoughts such as “you will end in hell for eternity” simply reply: “Let God’s will be done. Not what I want, Father, but what you want.” This way you step out of the ring and God steps in

I pray that one day I may be granted even a small bit of your faith, mymamamary.

Holy thoughts similar to these have brought me to adopt some words of the Dies Irae in my signature, to remember that our salvation is a free gift of Christ that we could never attain by our works, though there would be no faith without works:

What am I, miserable, then to say?
Which patron to ask,
when [even] the just may [only] hardly be sure?

King of tremendous majesty,
who freely savest those that have to be saved,
save me, source of mercy.

Remember, merciful Jesus,
That I am the cause of thy way:
Lest thou lose me in that day.

My prayers are not worthy:
however, thou, Good [Lord], do good,
lest I burn in eternal fire.

 

[George_Stegmeir]

Dear Forum,

I have a spiritual director/Confessor.

I am working on my scrupulosity. However, my life is still a living hell with scrupulosity. I just feel like its too much. It’s killing me. I am anxious etc and its tearing me apart. I feel like I will die and go to hell forever.

Is scrupulosity a type of purgatory? Because I used to be really sinful, although I still sin obviously and unfortunately. I want to be perfect so bad! I want to die and go to heaven, but I don’t know if that will be a reality… I confess alot, practice my Faith, but this is really hard.

Have you thought of having your Spiritual Director/Confessor refer you to a Catholic professional psychological counsellor or a Catholic Psychiatrist? It is known today, that many times a Spiritual Director acting in consort with a professional counsellor or Psychiatrist can really help someone overcome scrupulosity, or, at least keep it under control.

 

[Skye_Ariel]

Scrupulosity is a type of OCD. It’s not purgatory. There is help you can get for that. :hug1:

 

[mymamamary]

Our beloved Jesus said:

Where is your heart? To whom have you given it? In that answer is the answer to where you are headed.

It seems to me that your will is very clear and solid:

Suffer patiently, for suffering is indeed purifying seraphic fire, for our sake and the sake of other souls. Sufferings do not last forever, but we must be willing to embrace them. In this, you resemble Christ, and those who follow Christ unto sufferings and death will necessarily follow Him into the celestial abode - for, having received the Bridegroom in the Holy Eucharist, “the two have become one”.

God wants to sanctify you, and suffering is not always a punishment…Christ, the Incarnate Word, the immaculate Lamb of God, suffered more than anyone else ever did or ever will. And He was punished indeed…but for our sins…so we also often partake of the blessed Cross for our sake, and for the sake of others.

Let me ask you something: if Satan saw someone heading to heaven, what do you think he would tell him? “You will end up in heaven if you keep doing what you do” or “you will end up in hell forever”? Trust in Christ who calls you His brother, and distrust of all other spirits. If you are tempted with thoughts such as “you will end in hell for eternity” simply reply: “Let God’s will be done. Not what I want, Father, but what you want.” This way you step out of the ring and God steps in

**I pray that one day I may be granted even a small bit of your faith, mymamamary.**Holy thoughts similar to these have brought me to adopt some words of the Dies Irae in my signature, to remember that our salvation is a free gift of Christ that we could never attain by our works, though there would be no faith without works:

I am very honored to recieve those words, but I am not deserving. Why would you want a piece of this weak, crumbly, sinful Faith of mine? I am sinful and weak. I wish I could be humble. I want to be a Silver vessel for the LORD, however, I am a broken, cheap piece of tin metal. I feel the LORD is calling me to such great heights, heights that I just cannot climb to. How could I ever appraoch the Altar? Where my GOD in HIS love, lies on the Paten, for me? LORD, I think you chose the wrong guy. I want to be more holy yet I am far from it. I am weak and sinful and I am really fed up with my miserable state. I want to be a Saint like our brothers and sisters of old, who after fighting the good fight, made it to heaven. I want to be like those warriors, yet all I am is some miserable teenage wimp, trying to play with the Idea of Holy Priesthood, yet I cannot show an ounce of holiness for all I am worth…

What a deplorable state,

 

[Cat_Herder]

I am very honored to recieve those words, but I am not deserving. Why would you want a piece of this weak, crumbly, sinful Faith of mine? I am sinful and weak. I wish I could be humble. I want to be a Silver vessel for the LORD, however, I am a broken, cheap piece of tin metal. I feel the LORD is calling me to such great heights, heights that I just cannot climb to. How could I ever appraoch the Altar? Where my GOD in HIS love, lies on the Paten, for me? LORD, I think you chose the wrong guy. I want to be more holy yet I am far from it. I am weak and sinful and I am really fed up with my miserable state. I want to be a Saint like our brothers and sisters of old, who after fighting the good fight, made it to heaven. I want to be like those warriors, yet all I am is some miserable teenage wimp, trying to play with the Idea of Holy Priesthood, yet I cannot show an ounce of holiness for all I am worth…

What a deplorable state,

You sound like St. Therese. Many priests I know are devoted to her.

 

[R_C]

Lord God, I am willing right now to give up any precious metal or wood you may find in my poor soul in exchange for one tiny bit of my brother’s cheap tin metal.

We are unworthy, Lord, unworthy indeed, and dust and nothingness. But we wholeheartedly acknowledge before Your glorious majesty, beloved Lord, that “we no longer live, but Christ lives in us”, and that it is He who justifies us, and that all we ever do of good in this life is “through Him, with Him, in Him, in the unity of the Holy Spirit”.

We acknowledge and repeat the words of your little flower who, finding herself to be most unworthy, a speck of dust before the great saints of the past, proclaimed that she could only follow the little way to sainthood by offering you small things, not great ones, doing them with great love for you…with her we confess today:

**I do not need to grow;
on the contrary,
I must necessarily remain small,
become smaller and smaller. **

This, beloved Christ, is no new prayer, no new devotion…it is the very prayer that Your dear Mother and - though unworthy we are, we dare to say - our dear Mother, spoke in praise to God that wonderful morning:

*Magnificat anima mea Dominum,
et exsultavit spiritus meus in Deo salvatore meo,
**quia respexit humilitatem ancillae suae**.*

Yes, Mother, because humble and small you were, and you never thought much of yourself, and by God’s wisdom you were hidden even from the heavenly hosts of angels, who, as St. Louis de Montfort wrote, “would often ask one another, “Who can she possibly be?””. Mother sweet and kind and pure, so little you saw yourself, You who were chosen before time itself was to be, to be the Spouse of the Holy Spirit, the Mother of Christ, true theotokos, and Queen of Heaven and Earth. Allow us to always, always grow in humility and to always abandon ourselves and our future in God’s hands, repeating your words: “Behold, the handmaid of the Lord. Let it be done to me according to your Word” and the words of your divine Son, who inherited your humbleness, He who was the source of your humbleness, and spoke even before His birth through your divine Spouse the Holy Spirit: “I am your servant, Father, your servant, and the son of your handmaid”.

 

[mymamamary]

I am honored to have such kind remarks from all of you

And I beseech all of You, to pray for me to the LORD Our GOD. I am a sinful man, in much need of prayers, from everyone.

Thank you all so very much for taking your time to listen and responding most kindly to my troublesome state.

May the SACRED HEART Bless You All!!