Scrupulosity as a cross?

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mymamamary

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Dear Forum!!

I have yet another question

i am scrupulous, now my question is : is scrupulsoity a cross??

I want to take up my cross and follow the LORD, literally, as a Priest and Religious Monk/Friar/Brother. I have expierenced dryness,/dry spells before, however, now, i feel very strong for my faith and i have for a while (minus one or two brief dry spell). I do as of right now, and the Brother Guardian of the Order/Community i am going more than likley join, said that my intentions to become a Priest as well are more than probably well founded. However, what if i were to expierence the dark night of the soul? how would i know that i want to be a Priest if my intentions havent been purified by the fires of “severe dryness”, i am scrupulous and it gets pretty bad sometimes, but i still want to be a Priest. Should i pray to expierence dryness, in order to purify my calling/the calling i feel i have? or is scrupulosity a cross? and a cross that the LORD ordained for me to purify my intentions/vocation feelings? I dont want to be married, Matrimony is a beautiful Sacrament (without it, i wouldnt be here to ask this question 😃 ), but i JUST CANNOT see myself married with a wife or kids, or at least no lasting joy and fulfillment, i feel my fulfillment would come in A) Celebrating MASS B) Hearing Confession, Absolving sins, visitng the dying, anointing them, Baptizing etc. I feel very strongly that my joy would come in these, plus in additon, to devoting my life to prayer, helping the LORD (some social work) and seperating myself from the pleasures of sex for the sake of the LORD, and distancing myself to an extent, from this immoral world (i said to an EXTENT, i dont want full retreat!!)

So back to my orignal question (s)

Is Scrupulosity a cross?

Is it the cross that perhaps the LORD ordained for me to carry rather than dryness?

and finally

Should i pray to expierence severe dryness, in order to know what i actually want in life??

MAY THE SACRED HEART BLESS YOU ALL!!
 
Hoboy. In my experience, you don’t really want to pray to experience things.

Nope. Nopers. Don’t do it. If the Lord has been sparing you something, He’s probably got a darned good reason.

(If you’re St. Therese or Mother Teresa, that’s maybe different. But they would pray for stuff like “more to offer up,” not “I want to experience pain and suffering.”
 
*Should i pray to expierence dryness, in order to purify my calling/the calling i feel i have? *

The last thing you need is to experience dryness! What you are already experiencing through scrupulosity is trial by fire enough! If you were to experience dryness on top of it, you might begin to despair. But leave the final judgement to God–he knows EXACTLY what you need, so pray only that He give you exactly what you need in order to do His Will-- whatever that may end up being. Is scrupulosity a cross? Father Thomas Santa, who founded Scrupulous Anonymous says that God does not want us to be scrupulous. I think he is correct; however, I am currently reading a book called, “Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence” that says that God does not CAUSE bad things to happen to us, but he USES them to achieve a greater purpose–that of our salvation. For example, say that someone runs me over with their car because they are drunk and they drive off. My legs are broken. God did not want that person who ran me over to sin by driving drunk and to hurt me. However, He allows free will and that person willed to drink and drive. But God has been wanting for me to slow down and read the Scriptures and spend time in prayer. God now uses that something bad that happened for His greater purpose…that I should now have the time to reflect on my life and spend time with Him. So let’s say that God does NOT want us to be scrupulous. But He can USE our condition to teach us to trust Him or to draw us closer to Him. Or perhaps we previously had been in serious sin and had developed a lax conscience. He may now use a scrupulous conscience to teach us right from wrong (with the help of a Spiritual director or confessor). So in those ways it can be our cross. I think the ultimate goal is to GET OVER being scrupulous, but only in God’s time, after He is done shaping us with it. Does that make sense?
 
Actually you just may be primed to have a “dark night.” I just got done with an 11-year Dark Night and it was the ride of my life! Woo hoo! And getting through it is even more glorious than enduring it. (Admitted it didn’t always seem glorious at the time, but now I can see that it was.)

I would think your scrupulosity can certainly be a part of, or attached to, your cross. It seems one thing God might want to “test” or “purify” about somebody with scruples would be to show them the way to peace rather than anxiety. I’m not an expert, but I get the impression scrupulous deal with much anxiety … inwardly produced, even.

I wouldn’t pray for dryness, per se. When you need dryness you’ll get it. I’d certainly move into doing some contemplative prayer forms, if you don’t already. Such as Lectio Divina. (CCC 2700-2724) It may help you move into a mindset you’ll like and help you think like mystics think. 🙂

Alan
 
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