Scrupulosity - Constant Anxiety

[BrockH]

I have been struggling with scrupulosity since what I believed to be a bad Confession back in summertime. I have been to FREQUENT Confession since. I have been struggling with impure thoughts, etc. coming to my mind and sometimes I think that I am probably responsible for them. Sometimes they are just passing thoughts that I can get rid of it and some are ones that I have generated in order to ‘hurt’ myself. These only last a couple of seconds. The temptations of unclean thoughts started bombarding my head and I’d say I consented (NOT fully) for only a couple of seconds - the temptations were REALLY strong and I was crumbling trying to resist. I usually start tensing up and I look like I’m having convulsions when these thoughts come. My OCD (not officially diagnosed, but many of the signs are there) sometimes forces me to think the thought twice (don’t ask why; it’s completely beyond me). I am the pianist at our parish and the entire congregation sees me when we stop the music after the faithful have received and then we receive and I always try to tell myself that I’m okay, it’ll be okay, and I’ll say an Act of Contrition just in case. Then, as I walk back to the piano and sit down, then I start worrying…it’s a never-ending battle and I feel depressed all the time and I really don’t want to go to Confession again because I feel like the priest is tiring out of hearing the SAME Confession every time AND because I feel like now I’m only using it for “feeling better and not worrying.” It usually only lasts a few days. And this morning, as I was waking up from a dream, I became aware of it and remembered something a kid in study hall told me about controlling your dream…the first thing to come to my mind was whether or not it would work for impurity - did I purposely generate this thought? - and it did, of course. And…yeah…so here I am…I’ve written many threads like this one, but I feel trapped and far from God. Please help me with any advice that you can.

 

[otjm]

I have been struggling with scrupulosity since what I believed to be a bad Confession back in summertime. I have been to FREQUENT Confession since. I have been struggling with impure thoughts, etc. coming to my mind and sometimes I think that I am probably responsible for them. Sometimes they are just passing thoughts that I can get rid of it and some are ones that I have generated in order to ‘hurt’ myself. These only last a couple of seconds. The temptations of unclean thoughts started bombarding my head and I’d say I consented (NOT fully) for only a couple of seconds - the temptations were REALLY strong and I was crumbling trying to resist. I usually start tensing up and I look like I’m having convulsions when these thoughts come. My OCD (not officially diagnosed, but many of the signs are there) sometimes forces me to think the thought twice (don’t ask why; it’s completely beyond me). I am the pianist at our parish and the entire congregation sees me when we stop the music after the faithful have received and then we receive and I always try to tell myself that I’m okay, it’ll be okay, and I’ll say an Act of Contrition just in case. Then, as I walk back to the piano and sit down, then I start worrying…it’s a never-ending battle and I feel depressed all the time and I really don’t want to go to Confession again because I feel like the priest is tiring out of hearing the SAME Confession every time AND because I feel like now I’m only using it for “feeling better and not worrying.” It usually only lasts a few days. And this morning, as I was waking up from a dream, I became aware of it and remembered something a kid in study hall told me about controlling your dream…the first thing to come to my mind was whether or not it would work for impurity - did I purposely generate this thought? - and it did, of course. And…yeah…so here I am…I’ve written many threads like this one, but I feel trapped and far from God. Please help me with any advice that you can.

The best advice anyone can give you is to find a priest who can deal with scrupulosity, stick with him, and not question his advice by asking other priests, friends, acquaintances or people on the internet for an alternate opinion.

Additionally, if you can find someone competent who deals with this in the medical area - a psychologist or psychiatrist, work with them, but not as a means of questioning what the priest advises you, either in or out of the confessional.

Scrupulosity is a very heavy burden. And it appears that part of that burden is the drive to question even legitimate advice. That will get you nowhere except into a spiral of more and more anxiety and trouble.

In all seriousness, people on the internet cannot help you by trying to answer your questions, because part of scrupulosity is not a drive to obtain factual information, but rather, to obtain some sort of peace of mind and emotional calm. Getting multiple answers from multiple people, and particularly people who are not equipped to deal with scrupulosity, is not going to provide you with the direction you need. Your burden will find fault with, or unease with, any answer given.

Set up an appointment with your pastor or other priest, and ask for them to find you a priest who is trained to deal with this problem, and then stick with them as if your life depended on it.

 

[Maddie26]

The best advice anyone can give you is to find a priest who can deal with scrupulosity, stick with him, and not question his advice by asking other priests, friends, acquaintances or people on the internet for an alternate opinion.

Additionally, if you can find someone competent who deals with this in the medical area - a psychologist or psychiatrist, work with them, but not as a means of questioning what the priest advises you, either in or out of the confessional.

Scrupulosity is a very heavy burden. And it appears that part of that burden is the drive to question even legitimate advice. That will get you nowhere except into a spiral of more and more anxiety and trouble.

In all seriousness, people on the internet cannot help you by trying to answer your questions, because part of scrupulosity is not a drive to obtain factual information, but rather, to obtain some sort of peace of mind and emotional calm. Getting multiple answers from multiple people, and particularly people who are not equipped to deal with scrupulosity, is not going to provide you with the direction you need. Your burden will find fault with, or unease with, any answer given.

Set up an appointment with your pastor or other priest, and ask for them to find you a priest who is trained to deal with this problem, and then stick with them as if your life depended on it.

Exactly this. May God bless you as you travel this road.

 

[1ke]

You need to talk to your pastor about your scrupulosity and you need to seek out a counselor/therapist/doctor to evaluate you for OCD/anxiety especially if you are having intrusive and compulsive thoughts.

 

[Vic_Taltrees_UK]

I’m not a “person equipped to deal with scrupulosity” like OTJM describes. I’ll only deal with it at face value!

Sometimes in life we need to catch up with when “there is less to this than meets the eye”.

I can guarantee you you have not entertained nor welcomed what are in truth random impressions. The tendency to endow random symbolisation is in nature (mammalian neurology) and means nothing per se. The individual content or style of any such random symbolisations may at a pinch illustrate growth needs that beckon in your future - but very often, not.

The best thing is to find it highly amusing. But don’t laugh too loud when people are coming back from communion - just smile broadly! People will think you are beaming because of what the Lord is doing for you!

The same goes for dreams. When you don’t manage to change the course of it during it, don’t beat yourself up for the fact.

 

[Vic_Taltrees_UK]

A further thought has crossed my mind.

Devil - shame - ministry potential.

The powerful praying being done by you while making music while people are at Communion is being heard by Our Lord and is part of what causes hidden benefits in the Church and the world, therefore as a tactic an attempt may be made to associate in your thinking something - anything - with a non-existent “cause” of shame to undermine your faith and belief while you continue active in this ministry.

All the more cause for beaming!

 

[Vic_Taltrees_UK]

Yet another thing in general - though it may not apply to you - there may be a danger to some in becoming scrupulous about becoming scrupulous. The hazard was typical among young women who had been abandoned by everybody except some nuns who took them in.

God being a great believer in “biodiversity” of species of people in His zoo and His jungle, has specially blessed some - like you and me - with finely tuned sensitivity to some things, and a well-developed early warning system. Many good fruits can come of these wonderful gifts, by and large! (As of others’ completely opposite-looking gifts of course.)

 

[Bookcat]

I will re-post another older post of mine (general information regarding scrupulosity) for readers who come to read this thread because that term was used.

A person struggles with scruples - what ought they do?

A person with scrupulosity --ought to have a* “regular confessor” who can direct them --and even give them some general principles* to follow -to apply (principles for them due to their particular scruples -they are usually not for those with a normal conscience).

Thus with their direction they can “dismiss scruples” (in the older language despise them) - “act against them” (agere contra).

Scruples are to be dismissed ~ not argued with.

To borrow and image from a Carthusian from centuries ago: Scruples *are like a barking dog or a hissing goose -one does not stop to argue with a barking dog or a hissing goose does one? * No one keeps walking.

Such ‘obedience’ to a regular confessor who knows of ones scruples (except in what is manifest sin - such as if he told them it was ok to murder someone or something certain like that) is key. Such is the age old practice.

Also counseling -(especially if one also has OCD) could be helpful depending on the case -but one would want to look for a counselor who can assist one in following the Churches Teachings - not go contrary to them (I have heard CA staff mention catholictherapists.com/)

Here was post from Jimmy Akin of CA that I saw in the Register and saved for those who struggle with such.

ncregister.com/blog/jimmy-akin/6-tools-for-the-scrupulous

 

[Bookcat]

All sorts of thoughts can happen to us out of the blue…

Be they impure etc

The fact that a thought happened to one- does not mean per se there was any sin.

And for mortal sin one needs not only grave matter, full knowledge and deliberate (complete) consent…

Just cause a thought happened to you does not mean there was any sin. Let alone mortal sin.

---

Now…

For the next few moments --try real hard NOT to think of an Apple.

then scroll down.

What did you think of?

An apple.

Even though your will was against it -you did not want to think of an apple.

And the more you fear and try hard not to have them…the more they will likely come and bother you.

Now back to unwanted thoughts…

The best thing to do with such thoughts is not to fight them directly --not fear that they will come—simply do not consent and simply and calmly turn to something else…(or it may be best to keep doing the good thing one is doing…like they come out of the blue when your at work …keep working…keep praying …etc)

Ignore such unwanted thoughts and do not fear them…just turn to something good.