Scrupulosity - help

[JustSomeone]

Hello everyone!

I’ve been scrupulous for a few years now and I’m at the point when I’m just so sick and tired of the stress and the suffering coming from this I decided to ask you for help. I’m going to confession tomorrow and, as usual, there are sins which are very, very doubtful which I “have to” confess. They’re either venial sins or no sins at all but my mind keeps telling me that if I will not confess them then my confession and receiving Body of Christ will be sacreligious. And if my mind tells me that I admit I “have to” confess everything then. Every single word I planned. Some time ago priest actually stopped me because I was going into details too much (maybe they “changed” the nature of the sin, I was thinking so I “have to” confess them). The suffering is unbearable at times and I would like to stop this, actually and I know what has to be done to stop it. I have to confess only those sins I’m absolutely sure are mortal and serious. But then I think I’ll commit sacreligious acts if I don’t confess “everything as I planned”. Maybe some of those are actually serious sins? And maybe I would “cheating” God? I can’t get past this point. Where I think I’ll commit sacrelige because I didn’t confess every word I had in my mind. I think that whatever my mind counts as even remotely and very doubtfully sinful - I have to confess it or I will commit the grave sin of sacrelige. How to get past this?

I sincereley hope you’ll give me some advice which will help me fight this. I would like to say only those sins tomorrow which I KNOW are sins. Not “maybe yes, maybe not”. But the fear of commiting sacrelige is too strong.

One more thing. I’ve seen some people commenting in similar threads with words “have some faith”, “trust God” and stuff - please, refrain from commenting on this topic because you don’t understand this is a disease (OCD) and not lack of faith.

 

[the_phoenix]

Here’s one thing I’ve done, and it may not be for everyone:

When you go to Confession, you can ask your guardian angel, St. Padre Pio, St. Teresa of Avila, St. John Vianney, St. Faustina … or any saints you want, especially those who were known for good guidance on Confession … ask them to go with you to Confession so that you don’t have to go in alone and scared … you will have moral support and prayers and spiritual assistance.

:angel1:

 

[RoseMary131]

Hello everyone!

I’ve been scrupulous for a few years now and I’m at the point when I’m just so sick and tired of the stress and the suffering coming from this I decided to ask you for help.

… this is a disease (OCD) and not lack of faith.

Say to Father in the Confessional what you just said.

Before you begin confession your sins… make sure he understands your desires with this confession - to be a good confession without all the extra worries of “possible sins”.

You know you have OCD/ scrupulous. You know it is just like the person who thinks they have to wash their hands one more time or something bad will happen.

So you have to get your scrupulous/OCD in check. You need the priest to help you with this. He needs to know you understand it is your OCD and you want to make a good confession. Now, that puts the two of you together for the confession AND you must do what Father says. When Father says “That’s enough”… you don’t get to say “but…”

You also can check with your doctor for help through therapy. Therapy can help with the OCD to retrain your habit of thinking.

You do not have to suffer without professional help… priest… medical/mental health community.

May God give you the graces to begin healing of this disorder.

 

[victorbuhagiar]

I can well understand you. I solved part of this by confessing everytime I think I sinned and let the priest decide for me. I have stopped confessing those sins which my confessor indicated I need not confess them. Hope you have a good confessor though.

 

[MaryT777]

To avoid going into to much detail let the priest know you suffer from scrupulosity,
write down a list of sins and give it to him. Let him read them and then ask YOU for more details That’s why my friend does and it works well.

Just a different idea.
Mary.

 

[JustSomeone]

Thank you for all the answers so far. I appreciate it.

However, I would like to do this on my own. Telling to the priest is stressful enough and I’m worried he won’t understand me, he’ll be impatient, he won’t know what this is a disease and so on.

I just have to convince myself that I’m making the right decision not to say those “sins” and those which are not sins and are very doubtful are not worth confessing (even more, that they shouldn’t be confessed) and I have to trust that I’m not commiting sacrelige. Do you know how to do that? I guess I just lack trust in myself. I just can’t make a choice and live with the consequences. That’s what this is about. I have to break this “habit”, circle etc.

 

[RoseMary131]

Thank you for all the answers so far. I appreciate it.

However, I would like to do this on my own. Telling to the priest is stressful enough and I’m worried he won’t understand me, he’ll be impatient, he won’t know what this is a disease and so on.

I just have to convince myself that I’m making the right decision not to say those “sins” and those which are not sins and are very doubtful are not worth confessing (even more, that they shouldn’t be confessed) and I have to trust that I’m not commiting sacrelige. Do you know how to do that? I guess I just lack trust in myself. I just can’t make a choice and live with the consequences. That’s what this is about. I have to break this “habit”, circle etc.

Are you saying “you want to do this on your own” - meaning no help from the priest or doctor or therapist?

If so, I suggest your plan is in a bit of trouble. Your priest needs to know you have problems with OCD/ scrupulosity. You deciding that he may not understand you or may be impatient, or may not know about people who come to confession suffering from being scrupulous ---- sounds like anxiety — excuses why you should avoid the situation in speaking to the priest instead of facing your fears.

This is part of what you have painted for yourself to avoid mentioning it to the priest: This is an impatient priest who can’t understand me and does not know about the disorder of OCD/ Scrupulosity." Do you think that really is true… or is it part of your habit of thinking?

You do need to break the habit of thinking in scrupulous worries about sins and confession. You should trust a priest to walk you through this properly.

Do not allow anxiety and OCD to keep you from trusting the priest in confession.

 

[JustSomeone]

Are you saying “you want to do this on your own” - meaning no help from the priest or doctor or therapist?

If so, I suggest your plan is in a bit of trouble. Your priest needs to know you have problems with OCD/ scrupulosity. You deciding that he may not understand you or may be impatient, or may not know about people who come to confession suffering from being scrupulous ---- sounds like anxiety — excuses why you should avoid the situation in speaking to the priest instead of facing your fears.

This is part of what you have painted for yourself to avoid mentioning it to the priest: This is an impatient priest who can’t understand me and does not know about the disorder of OCD/ Scrupulosity." Do you think that really is true… or is it part of your habit of thinking?

You do need to break the habit of thinking in scrupulous worries about sins and confession. You should trust a priest to walk you through this properly.

Do not allow anxiety and OCD to keep you from trusting the priest in confession.

Yes, I suffer from anxiety as well. I always expect the worst. I have a feeling priest is annoyed with my sins every time I’m confessing them and I have a feeling he’ll just start yelling at some point at me that I’m such a huge sinner and an evil person. Confession is actually probably the most scary thing for me ever (aside from doctors). Right now I’m so scared of it I can’t even think straight. And it’s always the same. I’m scared I won’t receive absolution and so on. And once again - it’s not lack of faith, it’s OCD. It’s funny, I know that God would forgive the worst of the worst people on this planet when they came to confession, killers, rapists, fornicators and so on but I have a feeling He won’t forgive me and that’s why I’m scared. OCD can make you think you’re the worst and don’t deserve anything. Especially if you’ve been having it for a long time. I know I’m a mess. I have a visit to the psychiatrist scheduled because I came to the point to which I don’t think I can beat this alone (and I have a few kinds of OCD, anxiety, panic attacks etc.). If it was one or two thing I could beat it alone but not so many. Besides, I’ve been fighting it alone for a few years now without any understanding from people who knew about it. I think I did pretty well anyway. Time to turn for help.

Thanks for answering, I really appreciate it.

 

[RoseMary131]

Yes, I suffer from anxiety as well. I always expect the worst. I have a feeling priest is annoyed with my sins every time I’m confessing them and I have a feeling he’ll just start yelling at some point at me that I’m such a huge sinner and an evil person.

I am so happy to hear that you see your thinking for what it really is and you are seeking help.

I’m glad that you know this is just an invented feeling from OCD making you think the worst. You know the priest really is not annoyed you. You know he is never going to start yelling at any point. You know he would never say you are a huge sinner or an evil person. You know that the priest is sitting in the Person of Christ to offer God’s forgiveness to you - you a sinner just like all of us - we are all sinners.

You know its the OCD thoughts that run through your head making you feel all these terrible thoughts and self doubts.

Confession is actually probably the most scary thing for me ever (aside from doctors). Right now I’m so scared of it I can’t even think straight.

You know most people find confession a bit un-easy or even a bit scary. You know its your OCD that revs it up to being the most scary thing for you. So that means, you can actually get past that and bring it back down so you are not suffering from this great fear.

And it’s always the same. I’m scared I won’t receive absolution and so on. And once again - it’s not lack of faith, it’s OCD. It’s funny, I know that God would forgive the worst of the worst people on this planet when they came to confession, killers, rapists, fornicators and so on but I have a feeling He won’t forgive me and that’s why I’m scared. OCD can make you think you’re the worst and don’t deserve anything.

So the OCD and anxiety mix and swirl and get you so frightened. Since you know that is the underlying cause - you can be on your way to overcoming it with the right help from your priest and therapist.

You feel God won’t forgive you, but what do you know? Your feeling is actually the feelings and emotions from anxiety, depression, and OCD. What you KNOW is that God will forgive you. The Feeling that he won’t forgive you is not true. The truth is He does forgive you ALL of your sins. You only THINK you are the worst and don’t deserve anything because of your disorder. Its lots of self-doubt that you KNOW is not true. Since its the OCD/depression/anxiety - you KNOW the truth - you just don’t know how to feel it today. With help from the priest and therapist, you will be able to feel what is real and not these mixed up depressing OCD feelings.

Especially if you’ve been having it for a long time. I know I’m a mess. I have a visit to the psychiatrist scheduled because I came to the point to which I don’t think I can beat this alone (and I have a few kinds of OCD, anxiety, panic attacks etc.). If it was one or two thing I could beat it alone but not so many. Besides, I’ve been fighting it alone for a few years now without any understanding from people who knew about it. I think I did pretty well anyway. Time to turn for help.

Thanks for answering, I really appreciate it.

You have a great start in that you understand these problems in thinking are a result of your anxiety - giving you OCD and panic attacks. With the right therapist, you will get a grip on your feelings.

I’m sorry you had to fight this alone for so long now.

May God lead you to the right people for help.

May God give you peace as you prepare your body for confession tomorrow.

You have already prepared your mind with your list of sins and your soul already seeks forgiveness. You will do just fine tomorrow. Now, to prepare your body to know you can be at peace. Take time tonight to relax. Take time to breath deeply and relax all of your muscles. When you arrive at Church, say a simple prayer asking God to help you through your OCD/anxiety as you enter the confessional. Breath in deep and exhale slowly. Your body will relax. You can overcome this fear about going to confession tomorrow. You know God will forgive you. You know the priest will be kind to you. PLEASE tell him in the very beginning that you suffer greatly with OCD and anxiety.

Peace.

 

[the_phoenix]

You know, one time I had decided I was absolutely going to Confession on a certain day, and when I showed up, my confession line happened to be outside the door of a priest that I considered rather gruff and scary-looking. Well guess what? He turned out to be very understanding, kind, and gentle … So now if I find myself in his confession line again, it will be far easier.

There was another stern-looking priest who I was afraid to go to Confession to … and once again, the Lord showed me how mistaken I was to judge by looks. A different priest came to replace the stern-looking one, and the stern-looking one immediately went and knelt in front of the tabernacle to silently pray … probably for everyone who had gone to Confession with him. It was such a touching, loving act that I was sorry I had not stood in his line.

Then there was another time I was really nervous and it led to some comically embarrassing moments on my part that I can now look back on and laugh … (Basically, I went in to Confession through the wrong door, and that was my first mistake … )

May God lead you to the right priests who will understand your soul.

…

 

[Blenderx]

You should really speak to a priest, but in meantime, I made a post a while back listing ways in which I helped myself, based on solid teaching. Blessed be God, I am nearly free of all scruples now as a result of these practices and Gods mercy. So maybe they would be useful to you too: forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=601468

 

[JustSomeone]

I am so happy to hear that you see your thinking for what it really is and you are seeking help.

I’m glad that you know this is just an invented feeling from OCD making you think the worst. You know the priest really is not annoyed you. You know he is never going to start yelling at any point. You know he would never say you are a huge sinner or an evil person. You know that the priest is sitting in the Person of Christ to offer God’s forgiveness to you - you a sinner just like all of us - we are all sinners.

You know its the OCD thoughts that run through your head making you feel all these terrible thoughts and self doubts.

I do know but the fear takes 99% of my occupation and knowledge like 1%. It doesn’t even stand a chance. When I was at the confession today I thought I was going to die, the feeling of fear was so strong I couldn’t even move. And people were standing in line behind me which only got my anxiety stronger because I had a feeling they’ll be annoyed at me confessing so long. It’s a rollercoaster with OCD and anxiety, fear is as real as you can imagine.

You know most people find confession a bit un-easy or even a bit scary. You know its your OCD that revs it up to being the most scary thing for you. So that means, you can actually get past that and bring it back down so you are not suffering from this great fear.

What do you mean that I don’t suffer from this great fear? Of course I do. There are times when it’s so real that I have panic attacks (fortunately, it hasn’t happened at the confession yet) but the fear I’m suffering from on a daily basis… I don’t know if there’s any greater fear than this. I really doubt it. If you could feel this what I’m feeling just for one second to know what I’m talking about… it’s even impossible to describe it.

You have a great start in that you understand these problems in thinking are a result of your anxiety - giving you OCD and panic attacks. With the right therapist, you will get a grip on your feelings.

I’m sorry you had to fight this alone for so long now.

May God lead you to the right people for help.

May God give you peace as you prepare your body for confession tomorrow.

You have already (…) You know the priest will be kind to you. PLEASE tell him in the very beginning that you suffer greatly with OCD and anxiety.

Peace.

Thank you! It actually went very well. I knew the priest who was listening to my confession today. I was confessing sins to him some time ago but then he stopped confessing at the hour I was always confessing my sins. It was such a relief when I recognized it was him. He’s so understanding and just… gentle. He understands my struggles and really wants to help me. I told him about scrupulosity and he gave me advice as to how to fight with it and he also told me when he’ll be available for confession so I would be confessing to him regularly. This made me really happy. The fear was great but the feeling I got after the confession was absolutely the greatest feeling I have ever had. I used to have “good” feelings after confession back in the day but today it was this feeling x100, so strong feeling of relief.

Again, thank you

You know, one time I had decided I was absolutely going to Confession on a certain day, and when I showed up, my confession line happened to be outside the door of a priest that I considered rather gruff and scary-looking. Well guess what? He turned out to be very understanding, kind, and gentle … So now if I find myself in his confession line again, it will be far easier.

There was another stern-looking priest who I was afraid to go to Confession to … and once again, the Lord showed me how mistaken I was to judge by looks. A different priest came to replace the stern-looking one, and the stern-looking one immediately went and knelt in front of the tabernacle to silently pray … probably for everyone who had gone to Confession with him. It was such a touching, loving act that I was sorry I had not stood in his line.

Then there was another time I was really nervous and it led to some comically embarrassing moments on my part that I can now look back on and laugh … (Basically, I went in to Confession through the wrong door, and that was my first mistake … )

May God lead you to the right priests who will understand your soul.

…

Thanks for sharing! It went very well, I described it above.

Most of the priests I was confessing to were really great but there was one I didn’t like. I’m not going to go into details but I can only say I didn’t like anything about the confession I had with him (if I recall I was confessing 3 times to him over the years, I didn’t like any of them). I’m just afraid I will happen to “meet” another one like this in a confession and that’s one of the reasons why I’m so scared before it.

You should really speak to a priest, but in meantime, I made a post a while back listing ways in which I helped myself, based on solid teaching. Blessed be God, I am nearly free of all scruples now as a result of these practices and Gods mercy. So maybe they would be useful to you too: forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=601468

Thank you! I’ll take a look at this

 

[OneSheep]

Hello everyone!

I’ve been scrupulous for a few years now and I’m at the point when I’m just so sick and tired of the stress and the suffering coming from this I decided to ask you for help. I’m going to confession tomorrow and, as usual, there are sins which are very, very doubtful which I “have to” confess. They’re either venial sins or no sins at all but my mind keeps telling me that if I will not confess them then my confession and receiving Body of Christ will be sacreligious. And if my mind tells me that I admit I “have to” confess everything then. Every single word I planned. Some time ago priest actually stopped me because I was going into details too much (maybe they “changed” the nature of the sin, I was thinking so I “have to” confess them). The suffering is unbearable at times and I would like to stop this, actually and I know what has to be done to stop it. I have to confess only those sins I’m absolutely sure are mortal and serious. But then I think I’ll commit sacreligious acts if I don’t confess “everything as I planned”. Maybe some of those are actually serious sins? And maybe I would “cheating” God? I can’t get past this point. Where I think I’ll commit sacrelige because I didn’t confess every word I had in my mind. I think that whatever my mind counts as even remotely and very doubtfully sinful - I have to confess it or I will commit the grave sin of sacrelige. How to get past this?

I sincereley hope you’ll give me some advice which will help me fight this. I would like to say only those sins tomorrow which I KNOW are sins. Not “maybe yes, maybe not”. But the fear of commiting sacrelige is too strong.

One more thing. I’ve seen some people commenting in similar threads with words “have some faith”, “trust God” and stuff - please, refrain from commenting on this topic because you don’t understand this is a disease (OCD) and not lack of faith.

Lots of great words already spoken on this thread, but I will add mine to the mix.

There actually is a way to focus your scrupulosity. I never felt forgiven by God; I can describe the way that I overcame. The path I took, with the Father’s help of course, was to scrupulously forgive everyone who ever hurt me, scrupulously forgive everyone who I ever resented in history and in the world, and scrupulously forgive myself for all my past sins. I also scrupulously forgave every aspect of myself that I resented. Then I knew that God forgave me. The guide for action is simple. If there is any person or aspect of yourself that you condemn, work to understand and forgive what you condemn. You can focus your prayer in this direction. This is not a quick or easy process, but it worked for me.

 

[RoseMary131]

Originally Posted by RoseMary131
You know most people find confession a bit un-easy or even a bit scary. You know its your OCD that revs it up to being the most scary thing for you. So that means, you can actually get past that and bring it back down so you are not suffering from this great fear.

What do you mean that I don’t suffer from this great fear? Of course I do. There are times when it’s so real that I have panic attacks (fortunately, it hasn’t happened at the confession yet) but the fear I’m suffering from on a daily basis… I don’t know if there’s any greater fear than this. I really doubt it. If you could feel this what I’m feeling just for one second to know what I’m talking about… it’s even impossible to describe it.

I’m so sorry for my mistake in expressing myself. Yes, yes, I understand you have REAL TRUE fear. This is what was missing from my sentence… the implied word… “that”. I’ll write it again with the word added. I’m so sorry for my mistake.

“So that means, you can actually get past that and bring it back down so (that) you are not suffering from this great fear.”

Thank you! It actually went very well. I knew the priest who was listening to my confession today…It was such a relief when I recognized it was him. He’s so understanding and just… gentle. He understands my struggles and really wants to help me. I told him about scrupulosity and he gave me advice as to how to fight with it and he also told me when he’ll be available for confession so I would be confessing to him regularly. This made me really happy. The fear was great but the feeling I got after the confession was absolutely the greatest feeling I have ever had. I used to have “good” feelings after confession back in the day but today it was this feeling x100, so strong feeling of relief.

Again, thank you

Congratulations. When we have a friend walking with us our fears can go down. This priest is going to be a good friend in the confessional for you. I am certain that your fear and anxiety level can begin to go down… and it is going to keep going down.

I am so, so, so very happy for your great feelings at a x100 today!

 

[LiseTravis]

There is a newsletter by Liguori Publications called Scrupulous Anonymous- I don’t know the link, but it comes up if you Google it. Hope this helps!

 

[suissemissed]

I think you are doing the right thing by trying to find a holy priest and follow his advice.

I know scrupulosity is only 1% knowledge, but here’s some that hopefully will be of at least a little assistance to you (I considered not posting it at all, but figured, hey, it might be helpful). Committing sacrilege with Communion is just like any other mortal sin - there must be full knowledge and full intent. I imagine you have been advised by others of the “when in doubt, leave it out” approach the Church takes with scrupulous people. So if you aren’t sure you can receive Communion, then just receive. You won’t commit sacrilege even if you do happen to be in mortal sin (which sounds highly unlikely anyway), because you had no intent/knowledge and were just following the advice of the Church.

 

[lukegabello]

To avoid going into to much detail let the priest know you suffer from scrupulosity,
write down a list of sins and give it to him. Let him read them and then ask YOU for more details That’s why my friend does and it works well.

Just a different idea.
Mary.

Pardon my statement here, but I believe if one is capable, the confession must be spoken.

 

[someperson555]

Pardon my statement here, but I believe if one is capable, the confession must be spoken.

Why? Or else the magic doesn’t work? Does there have to be a full moon too?