Scrupulosity is not a cross?

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Ana_v

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In several Catholic circles on the internet I have read comments that refer to scrupulosity as a cross. But this this article titled (Revised)Ten Commandments for the Scrupulous says it is not. It describes scrupulosity as something that God does not will for a person?

I will not go into very long details here but I think I am suffering from this, because I have tremendous fear and anxiety, and it has been this way since December, and the moments of relief are brief, I suppose an analogy is that of drowning for a long period and then getting a chance to breath for a few seconds, and then back to drowning, the time spent drowning far outweighing the few moments of relief in air. It leaves me fatigued, without vision and ambition. Still, for a couple of months now I purposely go to be bed late and try to get up early otherwise I feel as though I am wasting time and feel guilty because in religious communities and many of the saints woke up early. I am to the point to where I avoid watching or reading the news, and minimize time social networking sites because I get anxiety. It seems all I think about is my soul, other peoples souls, sin, the unknown hour of our death, and Hell. Informal prayer has become particularly difficult (I can can manage the Rosary and Divinie Mercy Chaplet), yesterday I went to a chapel at a convent (I am unsuccessfully discerning religious life) and when I tried to pray of my own words in reverent posture, the mix of fear, feeling of discouragement and rejection (there is a verse in Proverbs that I read not long ago about prayer offered in a certain condition that is an abomination), and lack of strengthen would stop me. I literally felt unable, as though the words could not come out. In my most recent confession one of the things I confessed is how there are people in my life who I think will go to Heaven, and rather than being happy for them I feel sad because I do not think I will go to Heaven.
 
As to the statement “scrupulosity is not a cross”, its intent is to tell people suffering from this condition that it is not what God ultimately wants for you. Suffering through it can be meritorious, but ultimately you should seek to find remedies (instead of wallowing in scrupulosity thinking that God wants you to stay there). This is different from, say, a permanent debilitating condition or a co-worker who is unreasonably unkind to you. Both of those situations are out of your control and you can only embrace the suffering as a penance or cross.

However, if you are sick with a serious infection and medicine can be used to cure it, it is no cross to fail to avail yourself of the remedy - it’s simple neglect. Same with scrupulosity. the organization who printed the article is known for helping people break this condition, and they are encouraging you to not accept your scrupulosity as a permanent condition.

I’d recommend a good confessor and a subscription to the newsletter of the organization that wrote the article. I know people that have benefitted from them.
 
Windmill said:
However, if you are sick with a serious infection and medicine can be used to cure it, it is no cross to fail to avail yourself of the remedy - it’s simple neglect.
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This. This a thousand times.

I am scrupulous. I told my confessor I worried that seeking help was spurning my cross. He bluntly said that was not correct. He said God does not enjoy seeing people miserable, and seeking help for something is not rejecting a cross. I think he even said something along the lines of what you said, that something outside of one’s control and an illness are two different things. He has a JCL so he knows his stuff. 😃
 
Ana_v said:
In several Catholic circles on the internet I have read comments that refer to scrupulosity as a cross. But this this article titled Ten Commandments for the Scrupulous (Revised) says it is not. It describes scrupulosity as something that God does not will for a person?

I will not go into very long details here but I think I am suffering from this, because I have tremendous fear and anxiety, and it has been this way since December, and the moments of relief are brief, I suppose an analogy is that of drowning for a long period and then getting a chance to breath for a few seconds, and then back to drowning, the time spent drowning far outweighing the few moments of relief in air. It leaves me fatigued, without vision and ambition. Still, for a couple of months now I purposely go to be bed late and try to get up early otherwise I feel as though I am wasting time and feel guilty because in religious communities and many of the saints woke up early. I am to the point to where I avoid watching or reading the news, and minimize time social networking sites because I get anxiety. It seems all I think about is my soul, other peoples souls, sin, the unknown hour of our death, and Hell. Informal prayer has become particularly difficult (I can can manage the Rosary and Divinie Mercy Chaplet), yesterday I went to a chapel at a convent (I am unsuccessfully discerning religious life) and when I tried to pray of my own words in reverent posture, the mix of fear, feeling of discouragement and rejection (there is a verse in Proverbs that I read not long ago about prayer offered in a certain condition that is an abomination), and lack of strengthen would stop me. I literally felt unable, as though the words could not come out. In my most recent confession one of the things I confessed is how there are people in my life who I think will go to Heaven, and rather than being happy for them I feel sad because I do not think I will go to Heaven.
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Hi,

I have scrupulosity… I don’t know for sure the answer to your question, but I think that if a person is scrupulous, it helps to focus on the will rather than feelings and to love God despite everything that you feel, and maybe from this, your will to love God can grow. It’s good to get this treated though so you’re not in this constant anxiety, but try to love God in your will. It’s a good idea to get a spiritual director or a good priest who can guide you because it’s really hard on your own, he can also help you figure out if you have scrupulosity or something else. That way, you don’t just rely on your own judgement when things get confusing…

I think based on what you described, it could help to think about how God loves you and is merciful to you. 🙂 He’s not waiting for you to make a mistake and then punish you… I read a quote recently from St Francis de Sales - fear God because you love Him, don’t love Him because you fear Him. Try to see God more as a loving Father 🙂 if you have a distrust of His goodness to you, - that distrust might hurt Him more than all your sins… try to trust. It could help you to read something encouraging like - there’s a book called “He and I” that helped me to come closer to Christ, and understand Him more. And there’s Divine Mercy in My Soul, which is all about trusting in God’s Mercy. If we have humility and love, that is what matters 🙂

I’ve noticed in my life that God has been teaching me some things about His mercy, my weakness, the meaning of the will, etc - He can help us even despite the scrupulosity, He can turn anything to good and use it… but an exaggerated anxiety like this causes you to also always focus on your sins instead of growing in virtue. Try to think more about God’s love 🙂 it’s good to fear hell, but imo we shouldn’t look at hell and not look at God… fearing hell only serves the purpose of helping us to see our condition and repent. It’s more perfect to then grow in contrition and be sorry for having hurt God, rather than just fear of going to hell.

If you confess all your mortal sins… you aren’t going to hell. Just keep persevering… remember that God guides us… it’s not like we’re on our own, trying to figure this out, escape hell… He wants to help us, and He knows we are weak, that’s okay, because He is strong.

God bless you 🙂

ps: also in religious life, they do get up very early, but they also go to sleep very early too. I think it’s best to discuss penances etc with a good priest, so you do everything in obedience 🙂
 
If I was walking along the street and I saw a very large, heavy piece of wood lying there on the sidewalk, I could pick it up and start lugging the thing around for no reason and to nobody’s benefit. If people came up to me asking me why I don’t set down the gigantic piece of wood and do something more constructive with my time, I could tell them “Oof! Urgh… it’s just my cross to bear, man!”

But why? Why torture myself in a useless and unnatural way when I could be actively living the Faith in a constructive and vibrant way?
 
As one spiritual writer put it (my words though)-- it is the* will of God* that a person who struggles with scrupulosity – to seek to free of such. To work to overcome such (such as have a regular confessor who knows them and directs them…etc)

But yes at the same time – while one is struggling with scruples --one (like other difficulties) can accept it as “a cross”. While still doing the above…
 
Bookcat said:
As one spiritual writer put it (my words though)-- it is the* will of God* that a person who struggles with scrupulosity – to seek to free of such. To work to overcome such (such as have a regular confessor who knows them and directs them…etc)

But yes at the same time – while one is struggling with scruples --one (like other difficulties) can accept it as “a cross”. While still doing the above…
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I think this says it all. The statement that it isn’t a cross may be more referring to not feeling like you’re going to be stuck with it forever. I think we can “offer it up” when it’s tormenting us and ask God to help us trust in His Mercy more and to learn how to make moral decisions with less agony. Peace be with you! 🙂
 
There are times where I consider that it may be a cross I am bearing, but I quickly fall into doubt thinking this interpretation is a rationalization, and that my scruples and feelings of guilt are indicative of true guilt on my soul. Also, though in my will and in my mind would like to offer sacrifies and sufferings to God, I have a very hard time doing so because I imagine that I am in mortal sin and therefore my offering would be in vain. The few times I do offer up my suffering, I have been offering it up conditionally, prefacing with the words “If I am not in mortal sin …”. Every day is a gift, but lately I have not phrased it in my mind that way, rather I focus on being deserving of death and then wonder why am God continues to let me live – that is what my medidation on His mercy consists of. What is exceedingly frightening is in my moments of intense anxiety is to recall the visions of Hell in the writings of saints wherein it is mentioned that the lost souls are forever despairing, I tend to see my anxiety as a foretaste of Hell, and in all honestly, no doubt it is.
 
Ana_v said:
There are times where I consider that it may be a cross I am bearing, but I quickly fall into doubt thinking this interpretation is a rationalization, and that my scruples and feelings of guilt are indicative of true guilt on my soul. Also, though in my will and in my mind would like to offer sacrifies and sufferings to God, I have a very hard time doing so because I imagine that I am in mortal sin and therefore my offering would be in vain. The few times I do offer up my suffering, I have been offering it up conditionally, prefacing with the words “If I am not in mortal sin …”. Every day is a gift, but lately I have not phrased it in my mind that way, rather I focus on being deserving of death and then wonder why am God continues to let me live – that is what my medidation on His mercy consists of. What is exceedingly frightening is in my moments of intense anxiety is to recall the visions of Hell in the writings of saints wherein it is mentioned that the lost souls are forever despairing, I tend to see my anxiety as a foretaste of Hell, and in all honestly, no doubt it is.
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Ana, have you been diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder?
 
StudentMI said:
Ana, have you been diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder?
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No, I have not, but I have not been to a therapist or mental health professional,. The only guidance I’ve received is spiritual in the form of confession, and direction in the past, but it never focused on scrupulosity because this paralyzing fear and anxiety problem that I am dealing with is a relatively recent development. I’ve had scruples for much longer but it never came close to impacting my interior life like what I am going through now.
 
Ana_v said:
No, I have not, but I have not been to a therapist or mental health professional,. The only guidance I’ve received is spiritual in the form of confession, and direction in the past, but it never focused on scrupulosity because this paralyzing fear and anxiety problem that I am dealing with is a relatively recent development. I’ve had scruples for much longer but it never came close to impacting my interior life like what I am going through now.
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Okay. Please see a professional. Perhaps your priest can recommend one in the area. If not, your doctor could.
 
Ana_v said:
There are times where I consider that it may be a cross I am bearing, but I quickly fall into doubt thinking this interpretation is a rationalization, and that my scruples and feelings of guilt are indicative of true guilt on my soul. Also, though in my will and in my mind would like to offer sacrifies and sufferings to God, I have a very hard time doing so because I imagine that I am in mortal sin and therefore my offering would be in vain. The few times I do offer up my suffering, I have been offering it up conditionally, prefacing with the words “If I am not in mortal sin …”. Every day is a gift, but lately I have not phrased it in my mind that way, rather I focus on being deserving of death and then wonder why am God continues to let me live – that is what my medidation on His mercy consists of. What is exceedingly frightening is in my moments of intense anxiety is to recall the visions of Hell in the writings of saints wherein it is mentioned that the lost souls are forever despairing, I tend to see my anxiety as a foretaste of Hell, and in all honestly, no doubt it is.
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Sometimes…or rather most of the time, I feel unworthy of offering anything up…I feel it’s a very small pain, or whatever. What I do then is to offer it through the Inmaculate hands of Mary 😊 She is our Blessed Mother, so I figure like any mother with her child she would know if the offer is good enough to pass along or not…and if it’s not she will not present it and therefore there’s no risk of me offending God…so it’s a relief for me… I also like to imagine that even if it’s too small to present on its own, Our Blessed Mother will join it with other small offerings from many of her children and come up with this really neat thing to present to Our Lord 😊😊😊 kind of like every grain of sand counts… :o
 
StudentMI said:
Okay. Please see a professional. Perhaps your priest can recommend one in the area. If not, your doctor could.
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I will call my doctor’s office and ask for a reference. Earlier today, I visited the catholictherapists.com website and in the search box, clicked on my state (Tennessee) in the drop down list, but unfortunately did not find any results. Just out of curiousity I looked up my previous state- California - I only moved 8 months ago and there were two persons listed for the city where I lived. Ideally, I would see a Catholic therapist. I would hate to scandalize a non-Catholic.
 
Ana_v said:
I will call my doctor’s office and ask for a reference. Earlier today, I visited the catholictherapists.com website and in the search box, clicked on my state (Tennessee) in the drop down list, but unfortunately did not find any results. Just out of curiousity I looked up my previous state- California - I only moved 8 months ago and there were two persons listed for the city where I lived. Ideally, I would see a Catholic therapist. I would hate to scandalize a non-Catholic.
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Not every Catholic therapist is listed there. Ask your priest. What is very important, though, is seeing someone. This article may give some insight into what you are experiencing.

jimmyakin.com/2005/04/a_crown_of_thor.html
 
EverWondering said:
Sometimes…or rather most of the time, I feel unworthy of offering anything up…I feel it’s a very small pain, or whatever. What I do then is to offer it through the Inmaculate hands of Mary 😊 She is our Blessed Mother, so I figure like any mother with her child she would know if the offer is good enough to pass along or not…and if it’s not she will not present it and therefore there’s no risk of me offending God…so it’s a relief for me… I also like to imagine that even if it’s too small to present on its own, Our Blessed Mother will join it with other small offerings from many of her children and come up with this really neat thing to present to Our Lord 😊😊😊 kind of like every grain of sand counts… :o
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I remember a analogy given in the Treatise on True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary by St. Louis de Montfort: he compares our offerings to God, to a peasant who wishes to gain the favor of a king by offering a little fruit. The queen takes the poor little fruit and places it on a beatifully adorned dish, and the little fruit is worthily presented.

Though my problem has also affecting my relationship to our Blessed Mother, it has not done so to the extent of my relationship with Christ, and I do confide in her my fears, I have an easier time offering things up to her than to God. Still, it pains me that I am not living up to the comittment of my consecration to Mary.
 
My deepest sympathies – I have struggled with scrupulosity for about 17 years and I have been where you are now. Lots of people have told you to find help somewhere, and that is excellent advice – and you should do it sooner rather than later. If you find a good psychologist, it will amaze you how well he/she understands your condition and can help you backpedal out of the crazy, winding road you’re lost on.

I just wanted to share one concept that my psychologist helped me understand. It’s good food for thought, and has definitely helped me over the years:

Our perception of God is both revealed by him and constructed by us. In other words, we all have an idea of what God is like…but that vision isn’t necessarily true. Sometimes our view of God can be way off, and with scrupulosity, this is often the case. God can seem mean, petty and stringent…someone who is just waiting for us to mess up so he can punish us. But from everything that Jesus tells us about God, this construct is not even close to the truth! Instead of thinking of God as that mean person, base your perception of God on the kindest, most understanding and forgiving person in your life. For me, this is my dad…for you it could be your mom, a grandparent, a great friend, etc. Now multiply that kindness, understanding and forgiving nature by supernatural proportions. This is a much closer construct of who God is, and can serve as a guide when you can’t trust your own judgment. When you’re beating yourself up about something, imagine going to your guide for help and accepting his/her loving advice. This person who loves you and wants you to succeed in life looks on you more kindly than you do yourself. Imagine how much more kindly God is looking on you right now.

Be gentle with yourself, and let us know how you’re doing.
 
Ana,…

I think I suffered from scrupulosity or something at one time

But this is the great hope that I want to offer you… THAT I HAVE APPARENTLY OVERCOME IT.

I would urge you to think about earlier in your life when you possibly were happy and did not suffer. think thoughts of heaven whatever your idea of it is as often as possible, this will give you blessed relief.

pray the rosary

Anyway, whatever you do, be gentle with yourself.

+May God shower you with tender mercies and keep you and protect you.+

Love from Steven x
 
I have not read all of this thread, but just wanted to share with you, Ana, something that is helpful to me.

When fears and scrupulous thoughts are going through my mind, I say out loud to myself, to the devil, to whoever!,

“JESUS is my judge and my Lord!”

We are not our own judge. Yes we are to watch ourselves and live carefully. However we are not the best judge of ourselves. A lot of the fears we have with scrupulosity come from either thinking about our self too much, and (I believe) spirits that are evil and want to condemn us.
Jesus is our judge and He is the one Who is in charge of us! Not us! I find scrupulous thoughts keep my mind on my self and not on Jesus.

I hope this might encourage you! Jesus loves YOU so much. Let Him carry all of this. We are not strong enough! And certainly ask Mary to pray for you about this too. She is so kind and I am sure she is already praying for you and all of us who suffer in this way.
 
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