Scrupulosity Tearing Me Up Inside

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I am getting so angry because of my Scrupulosity. I can’t say one prayer without worrying that I botched it up and saying it multiple times (in this case, it was the ‘Devotion of the Three Hail Marys’) and I can’t go to Confession without worrying about validity issues. It gets me so angry and frustrated. I mean, I was cursing and screaming just a few minutes ago each time I had to resay the ‘Devotion of the Three Hail Marys’ and even now I worry did I botch it up again and then I worry was I screaming/cursing at God and the Virgin Mary. This gets me so mad and frustrated that I just get so mad. Whenever I go to Confession, I often worry about its validity because I fear I didn’t give enough information or gave misleading information and then I can get to wondering when was the last time I made a valid Confession. IT JUST GETS ME SO STINKING (I’d use another word, but I’d get in trouble) MAD!

I end up either despairing, especially as I think of having to go make another Confession, or just flat-out ticked off. I MEAN EVEN NOW I AM WORRYING ABOUT THE EARLIER ‘THREE HAIL MARYS’ SINCE I WORRY BOTCHED IT UP OR WAS TOO ANGRY! THIS REALLY PISSES ME OF AND FRUSTRATES ME! IT JUST MAKES ME SO MAD!

With the Confession validity issues and all my concerns, it is almost like it causes me to sin more. I mean, if I am going to worry about possible sins, a possibly invalid Confession, might as well sin and allay all possible vagueness and I can enjoy it too. Of course, I then feel bad later. THIS STUFF REALLY PISSES ME OFF!
 
And i just said that prayer again! I am so mad right now! Why does this happen to me?! This stupid scrupulosity pisses me off! Why?!
 
And now i’m worried that because i got angry now, i now should re-say that prayer! Ughhhh! You don’t know how pissed off and frustrated i am!
 
Man i’m so pissed right now! I mean, i am tired but i am afraid i messed up the prayer and i’ll be nervous trying to go to sleep! This pisses me off so much!
 
Step back for a minute and breath! Being angry while trying to pray is not beneficial. Everyone makes mistakes and messes up from time-to-time so just grab some sleep and let today bring you better joy.
 
I have the same problem.

But instead of saying regular prayers, sometimes I just talk to God and Mary. In my own words … as if I was back in Nazareth where Jesus had a carpenter shop and he used to hang out with the tax collectors at a local bar and after work we would walk and talk and I would get invited to his house and talk with his mother who would make tea.
 
i also have problems with scrupulosity.

i learned not to take oneself too seriously. if ever i mess up, i shouldn’t be surprised! that’s not the same as being lax and open to sin or being unrepentant, of course. just, when it happens, especially with venial sins, remember God’s love is wayyy more powerful than anything bad I do… and it motivates me even more to keep away from that sin.

if it’s not really a sin (which is what scruples nearly always are), it’s just the devil trying to distract you from the peace and love of God by accusing you and causing anxiety. Praying for protection from pesty demons to your Guardian Angel can help prevent these things in the future. Have faith in him! He loves you more than you know and is an incredibly powerful being.

confession also helps a lot of course… and not just listing what i’ve done, but being sincere and open about what exactly i’m having trouble with. remember, it’s not really the priest but Christ giving you advice (i’m sure you know) 👍

i don’t know if what i shared will help, but that is my personal experience. also, praying to Mama Mary and to the Holy Spirit for guidance in discerning my true conscience is essential. 🙂
 
WinterWH said:
I have the same problem.

But instead of saying regular prayers, sometimes I just talk to God and Mary. In my own words … as if I was back in Nazareth where Jesus had a carpenter shop and he used to hang out with the tax collectors at a local bar and after work we would walk and talk and I would get invited to his house and talk with his mother who would make tea.
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Sounds like a great idea! 🙂

Prayer isn’t about getting something perfect – none of us are perfect, nor can we ever be! Prayer is a conversation with God – something that is supposed to help us draw nearer to Him, and through which we are strengthened.

Scrupulosity is a difficult thing; I don’t think I have it, but sometimes I’m a little obsessive-compulsive, and I wonder if I’m just a step away from it. 🤷 Anyway, remember that Jesus loves you – the imperfect you – and that your prayer is beautiful to Him, no matter what.

My 3-year-old daughter prays the Hail Mary like this:

Hail Mary, full of the grace
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed is the fruit of Jesus
and blessed is the fruit of Jesus, amen.

Now, obviously this isn’t correct, but do you think that bothers Jesus and Mary? I think it is incredibly pleasing to them, because her sweet spirit is praying out of love, so getting each word right doesn’t matter. I think it’s the same for us adults – is your intention to grow closer to Jesus, or is your intention to be perfect (which someone pointed out recently to me can actually be the sin of pride)?

Praying for you and all those who suffer from scrupulosity. :crossrc: :hug1:
 
Have you considered the possibility that you may have OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder)?
 
I know how mad you are. I used to get that mad, and sometimes I still do.

I’d give you some advice, but I’m honestly all completely dried up with good advice. I can’t even remember how I started the healing process of recovering from such serious scrupulosity. I just felt the need to reply in order to say that I do know how upset you are, how frustrating it is, etc.

Eventually, you’ll be tempted to fall away from the faith – and maybe you will, like I did, because none of it makes any sense…and because willfull disobedience feels a lot better than struggling with a weight like eternal damnation. I’d recommend not falling away because it’s lonely. It’s horribly lonely on the outside.

You’re new at this game, and I know you want to hurry up and be a saint. For us converts, it’s in our blood to be impatient with grace. I know you want answers because I’ve been where you are…

Hopefully someone else has the answers.
 
I wish I could give you peace about your confessions. I’m sure the Lord is pleased with them. I just don’t know how your scrupulosity can be remitted enough for you to find pleasure or peace through them too.

As far as the Hail Mary goes, I’d advise not repeating the three. When you want to say them, say them once, slowly, trying to mean it. If you make a mistake and your attention wavers, God isn’t going to mind. Don’t repeat them again after you say them, but simply say, “Oh Jesus, I trust in you,” trying to trust that He knows your heart and accepts your offering. Then leave it at that.

But I know that while this is true, your condition may not allow you to practice it :(. I don’t know. Perhaps ask a priest, someone more knowledgeable?
 
Lorrie said:
Have you considered the possibility that you may have OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder)?
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I know someone who had this same problem. Severe scrupulosity was wrecking his life. He was diagnosed with and treated for OCD. His life is now good again.

Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to check into this nsper7! God doesn’t want you to be so unhappy! He may provide help for you in diverse ways.

Go to a priest and mention the possibility to him.

God bless you.
 
My heart goes out to all those who suffer with scrupulosity which can be a component of anxiety and OCD. Here are some resources which have been a great help to me:

The book “Understanding Scrupulosity” by Fr. Thomas M. Santa amazon.com/Understanding-Scrupulosity-Questions-Helps-Encouragement/dp/0764815768/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1249571800&sr=8-1

A free newsletter by Liguori called “Scrupulous Anonymous” You can have this newsletter mailed to your home or you can read it online mission.liguori.org/newsletters/scrupanon.htm This month’s issue is especially helpful as Fr. Santa has begun a three part series regarding the cognitive, behavioral, social and affective symptoms of scrupulosity.

If you go to the Ligouri website and type in “Why Am I Scrupulous?” you will find a nice, helpful little booklet liguori.org/searchproducts.cfm

And try to find a copy of “Helps for the Scrupulous” written by Fr. Russell M. Abata. I found a used copy at Alibris as the book is currently not available as a new copy.

Remember Jesus LOVES you so very much!!! I will remember you in my prayers.

Therese
 
Meditate on these things;

John 14:27:
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, do I give unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid.

John 16:33:
These things I have spoken to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you shall have distress: but have confidence, I have overcome the world.

Have you ever heard the old saying; The devil is in the details? Do not fear!

God looks upon the heart (1 Samuel 16:7: And the Lord said to Samuel: Look not on his countenance, nor on the height of his stature: because I have rejected him, nor do I judge according to the look of man: for man seeth those things that appear,* but the Lord beholdeth the heart***.

Your efforts and sacrifices are pleasing to Him whether or not you get them exactly right. It is God’s business to forgive. And He loves to forgive those who seek to live for him no matter how imperfect those efforts may be.

May the love and peace of Christ ease your weary soul, and may you find Him to be merciful beyond your wildest expectations! :heaven:
 
Hello Friend,

Please Consider the words of St. Teresa of Avila to help you thru your troubles:

Let nothing Disturb you.
Let nothing frighten you.
All things are passing.
God Never Changes.
Patience obtains all things.
Nothing is wanting to him who posesses God.
God alone suffices.

Be well, I will pray for you. hugs 🙂
 
I had another major outburst today. Again, I was trying to recite the Devotion of the Three Hail Marys and I kept worrying I botched up the prayer or was being insincere or whatnot (I’d start the prayer, get a portion through and then get concerned and have to restart).

Anyway, I got really angry and frustrated, screaming and yelling and cursing and just getting really pissed off. Like I’d go from praying to then I’d get angry and frustrated over my Scrupulosity issues and just start cursing and screaming. I even picked up some bit of junk we have in the house (it was an old printer cartridge from an old printer we had gotten rid of a long time ago and hasn’t been made in years, so as best I can tell it is worthless) and just started, in a fit of rage, pitching it at the floor and then just grabbing it and smashing it against the floor and screaming and cursing and everything…I was that frustrated. I worry that I was screaming at God or the Virgin Mary since I went fairly seamlessly from prayer to frustration to profanity and there is a part of me that almost wants to blame Him for my Scrupulosity issues and the trouble it causes.

Did I probably commit a mortal sin here BTW?
 
Does one lose the promises attached to a certain devotion (i.e. the Devotion of the Three Hail Mays, geocities.com/Vienna/2983/3HailMary.html) if you botch up the prayer (i.e. forget to say part of it or repeat a part of it or whatever) and don’t repeat the whole thing.
 
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