Scrupulous help

  • Thread starter Thread starter marypar
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
M

marypar

Guest
I know I am scrupulous and every time I plan to go to Confession I get very anxious and fearful because I feel my “maybe” sins are so silly I am embarrassed to even say them.

I usually go every 1-2 months and now my mind is racing because I decided to change my seat at Mass because most weeks the same couple would sit right next to me - this went on and off for a couple of years, we only once asked our names and just wave hello and goodbye. I could not concentrate fully at Mass and also was on the side where you don’t know if a priest or a layperson will give Communion, so I changed my seat a few weeks ago. I never confessed this and don’t want to go through the whole story - I know it is silly.

Another thought is getting upset with my brother and his wife relaying the info to my daughter and hubby (told my brother they know, he didn’t really make a fuss about it). We rectified the situation with their help. Is that gossip?

Thank you.
 
Make an appointment with your pastor outside confession time, and go see him in his office to discuss your scrupulosity and establish a treatment plan.

This is a serious condition, and you MUST seek treatment for it. You also should contact a mental health professional for your anxiety.

This is treatable, but you MUST take the first step. Ask your husband for help in following through with the appointment.

And, it is not a sin to switch seats at Mass. Please, please, please get professional help from a therapist and a trusted priest.
 
I find that almost none of the priests I encounter have any experience with scrupulosity at all. My pastor just blinked when I mentioned it. Maybe, if your pastor or priest is not familiar with this problem, he can refer you to someone who is.

I am really not sure about 1ke’s admonition that one MUST seek professional help for this, especially if it is not “consuming” your life. But, that’s just my opinion, and I know others feel otherwise.
 
As others have said, if possible look for a priest who understands about this disorder. It will help you tremendously.

Have you ever seen a mental health professional for this? Since scrupulosity is a form of OCD, medication and/or therapy may help you manage it better.

Believe it or not, there’s a Catholic organization about scrupulosity. If none of the priests you know have experience with it, maybe this would help you both: mission.liguori.org/newsletters/scrupanon.htm

Best wishes!
 
Yes, I belong to Scrupulous Anonymous. I am attempting to go to confession today with my paper with what I have to read to him. I can’t promise about seeing a priest in private at it.

My every day life is fine and I don’t suffer from anxiety - only when I know its been a while since confession and I have to remember everything - I know my sins are not mortal, but I still feel safer confessing everything and feel anxiety if I leave out a small thing (like wasting food).

This started when I went back to the Church in 1999 after over 20 years away.

Thanks all.
 
fencersmother said:
I find that almost none of the priests I encounter have any experience with scrupulosity at all. My pastor just blinked when I mentioned it. Maybe, if your pastor or priest is not familiar with this problem, he can refer you to someone who is.

I am really not sure about 1ke’s admonition that one MUST seek professional help for this, especially if it is not “consuming” your life. But, that’s just my opinion, and I know others feel otherwise.
Click to expand...
she just asked if sitting in a different pew at Church is a sin that needs confessing. Of course this needs professional help.

the level of anxiety coming off the post is painful. The OP needs real help. If her own pastor is not familiar with scrupulosity, then of course she needs to be referred to someone who can give her regular spiritual direction.

This is not something that gets better on its own. So, yes, she needs help.
 
Praying for your intentions. You may want to seek professional help for your issues.
 
fencersmother said:
I find that almost none of the priests I encounter have any experience with scrupulosity at all. My pastor just blinked when I mentioned it. Maybe, if your pastor or priest is not familiar with this problem, he can refer you to someone who is.

I am really not sure about 1ke’s admonition that one MUST seek professional help for this, especially if it is not “consuming” your life. But, that’s just my opinion, and I know others feel otherwise.
Click to expand...
I agree here. Speak to the priest.

I wouldn’t say rush into being ‘analysed’ by a therapist either. This anxiety may be something that the priest can help with along with scrupulosity - prayer heals. Let the priest help you decide. Just to add that if you go to Church with a friend or know someone you can go with might help as they will be there to nudge you if you are worrying over nothing. One step at a time though.

Also ten minutes praying a Catholic Mantra can invite God in and relieve the stress: “Come, Holy Spirit” said every so often spoken in the quiet, still, for 3-10 minutes in the morning, and evening and whenever you can find time to do this during the day. 🙂

But seriously, be rest assured, changing pews is not a sin.
 
1ke said:
You also should contact a mental health professional for your anxiety.
Click to expand...
I was scrupulous…a along time ago.

Going to my family Doctor and telling him the truth about all of my religious based scrupulosity, was the first real step towards my recovery and regaining a quality of life.

Turns out I have a severe anxiety disorder, OCD and it was manifesting itself through sin/confession.

🙂
 
Many people do* weird *things which aren’t sins but do cause heads to turn. I asked the priest for a “dispensation” to line jump during communion. I just felt I shouldn’t receive communion from a EM, whom I knew to be living in a manner not conforming to Church teaching, so I would just slink into the other line, and the ushers would pull me by my sleeve back into the other line.

I have seen people refuse to shake hands at the Sign of Peace not because they were afraid of germs, but because they didn’t like to shake hands.
 
I wonder why you would think changing the seat at mass is a sin?

As for going to a different line for communion… I have done that often, I don’t htink that would be sinful either.

Shaking hands… hm, there I have been torn before. I do not like to shake hands very much; mostly when people next to me are coughing or show other signs of having a cold (yes I have changed seats because of this. Not thinking it is a sin per se, but sometimes wondering if it is a sort of deception if I do it for example right before we must kneel so that it may look like I just found a better place to kneel or see the altar doing the consecration…) 😊 (please correct me if it is sinful after all to change seats during mass, I really don’t know for sure, I have not felt it to be really)… and also because I sometimes have a rash condition on my hands. If a church is big and there aren’t many people during daily mass, I like to sit/stand somewhere by the side where I am not close to anybody so I must shake hands.
😊

By the way I have had lots of problems with scrupulosity myself. It really does help to confess with and/or talk to a priest who understands the condition well. From my personal experience, pretty much all, or almost all, priests I have encountered have seemed to understand the condition though.
 
I’ll type something up for you, which I hope will help… (shouldn’t take too long)

Will post it when I’m done.
 
(This is taken from pp. 1-2 of ‘Comfort for the Faint-Hearted’ by Blosius). He is one of my favourite authors!

CHAPTER 1
ON SCRUPLES ABOUT CONFESSION

SECTION 1
  1. Long Confessions to be avoided.
  2. Trust in God, not in self.
  3. Long Confessions disturb and stain the soul.
From Ruysbroeck (Mirror of Eternal Salvation, c. v.)
  1. I EXHORT thee very earnestly to shun long and wordy confessions, for they will disturb the peace of heart and entangle thee in errors and scruples.
  2. For if in confession thou dost use many unnecessary words - for instance, in accusing thyself of venial sins - and if thou triest to obtain peace of mind about these lesser faults more by thine own effort than by trust in God, thou wilt always remain deprived of God’s light, nor canst thou be taught by God.
  3. From this want of light it may come to pass that thou mayest not be able to distinguish between what is serious and what is trifling, what is greater sin and what lesser. Therefore if thou shouldst pass over anything which thou art accustomed to confess, although there is no obligation whatever to confess it, thou wilt be harassed with troubling imaginations, wilt suffer distressing anguish of mind, while all the time perhaps thou hast not confessed something much more important. For thy conscience is only agitated by fear, anxiety and self-love, instead of being enriched and guided by faith, hope and charity. This mistaken kind of confession therefore should be carefully shunned.
SECTION II
HOW TO CONFESS VENIAL SINS

Those small faults which are called daily and are common to all, and from which no one can be free, mention in few words. Do not occupy thy mind and trouble thy heart by thinking of these things in detail. Thou mayest confess them in a general way, proposing to thyself and determining always to live well, and desiring to avoid not only mortal sins, but all deliberate venial ones.*

*The Council of Trent, Session 14, chapter v, teaches that venial sins need not be confessed, although when wilful they are able to be absolved.

*“Imperfections cannot displease Me, unless the souls loves them.” *- Our Lord to Servant of God, Sr. Benigna Consolata

“And what might appear astonishing, but is however very true, is that our miseries entitle us to God’s mercy.” - Bl. Dom Columba Marmion

God bless.
 
At a school retreat a priest said that we should not feel scared to go to confession. He said that the priests have heard every sin except one and if he heard that sin in confession he would get very scared. He said the sin was if one told him. " Father I committed suicide".
 
Hello Mary Par.

I too have been devoted to Confession for almost twenty years now myself. I go every week if I can. I confess my venial sins all the time. I also utilize pen and paper in preparation for my time in the box when doing my examination of conscience before leaving for Church. Sometimes I bring it with me sometimes not. I too have been analyzed for mental health issues for talking about my confession experiences here at CAF. Try to take it lightly. To some anyone who goes to the Sacrament of Mercy out of devotion is mental and scrupulous. A sin is a sin and that cannot be changed by anyone. I find those who don’t frequent the Sacrament of Reconciliation try by many ways to discourage those who do and seek advise here. Forgive them. They have their own spiritual path that is their own and since it works for them, they think everyone who isn’t on a similar path is either wrong or crazy. Oh well. To each his own.

One sure test for REAL scruples is if you leave the Confessional and feel that you haven’t been forgiven for some silly reason other than deliberately concealed mortal sin, then you may have a scruple or two. It doesn’t mean you are mentally ill and need help. It means you need to trust God a little more and pray about it. I’d recommend the Divine Mercy Chaplet because it ends with the words: “Jesus, I trust in You!” Those of us who do frequent the Sacrament do occasionally have a scruple or two. It is one of the hazards on this road to sanctity. Teresa of Avila’s writing show very well how she dealt with her fits of scruples. Even Saints have doubts now and then.

Another test for scruples is to see sin where there is no sin and to avoid this one should have a regular list of things to look for, a written guide to an examination of conscience that one can check for things that you need to keep vigilant about and *use it. * If you imagine sin and look it up in a book and find it is no sin, then it may simply be a scruple and you should dismiss it and get on with your day. Otherwise save it for Confession. Trust yourself more. You’re on the right path. Stick to it.

As for those who decided to diagnose the OP as mentally ill and in need of immediate help, I’ll pray for you that your diagnostic days come to an end soon. When you have a degree and are a practicing Analyst, you then will be qualified to make such assessments. Those who do do such things for a living would never do so under these conditions.

One other thing, THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO IS TO STOP GOING TO CONFESSION BECAUSE SOMEONE HERE CONVINCED YOU THAT YOUR CONFESSIONS ARE MANIFESTATIONS OF A MENTAL ILLNESS. If anything, you need to go more often and to a Priest who will get to know you and can guide you.

Glenda
 
Kathrin said:
I wonder why you would think changing the seat at mass is a sin?

As for going to a different line for communion… I have done that often, I don’t htink that would be sinful either.

Shaking hands… hm, there I have been torn before. I do not like to shake hands very much; mostly when people next to me are coughing or show other signs of having a cold (yes I have changed seats because of this. Not thinking it is a sin per se, but sometimes wondering if it is a sort of deception if I do it for example right before we must kneel so that it may look like I just found a better place to kneel or see the altar doing the consecration…) 😊 (please correct me if it is sinful after all to change seats during mass, I really don’t know for sure, I have not felt it to be really)… and also because I sometimes have a rash condition on my hands. If a church is big and there aren’t many people during daily mass, I like to sit/stand somewhere by the side where I am not close to anybody so I must shake hands.
😊

By the way I have had lots of problems with scrupulosity myself. It really does help to confess with and/or talk to a priest who understands the condition well. From my personal experience, pretty much all, or almost all, priests I have encountered have seemed to understand the condition though.
Click to expand...
I suspect some women in Church wear gloves, you can probably find ones that are very thin, dainty, and aren’t annoying when worn if one is not used to wearing gloves, and this way when the rash appears before Church you can put them on and sit where you please, and shake hands with other people. In terms of pain, I don’t find that people grip my hands tightly when shaking and it is possible to just lightly kind of hold people’s fingers not the whole hand as a gesture (most people don’t grab the whole hand like in a business handshake). 🙂
 
Thank you for the suggestion, Friardchipd… I am not sure though if I would feel comfortable wearing gloves to mass… I wear those fingerless sometimes in winter and I think I have left them on sometimes, but somehow it then also doesn’t feel hygienically just the best solution… or I’d have to wash them very often which is again not so easy because I am alone, and have to try to cut back washing out things by hand exactly because of the allergy problem ;)… anyway, I am dealing with the problem as it comes… one of the worst things I feel to be, in this context, is if somebody with an obvious bad cold coughs and sneezes next to me…:eek:😊

Now concerning scruples.
Yes I agree one has to be careful with labelling somebody; I must admit I also don’t like it when, just because I am known as “scrupulous” (not only on the forum, but also in “real life”), any question i ask may be seen as coming from that direction again… and sometimes it is difficult even for me myself to see to what degree that might be the case after all…
On the other hand, it can also HELP when somebody says (or, when I can tell MYSELF, better still!) something like: You’re just scrupling again; it’s nothing. Frget it, don’t worry about it.
(To then really not worry about it anymore is already a good step).

I also agree that one should not stop going to confession. However, for some people, because of scrupulsotiy or the tendency toward it, it might be better to not go too often. This is really a very individual thing and should be spoken about with ones confessor or in any case a trusted priest (are there non-truested priests? i like to trust priests just because they are priests. My sensitive conscience is afraid to write something wrong here 😉 ).
So, in my case, it has helpe dme to know that I NEED NOT (and probably SHOULD not) go to confession for every little thing I think MIGHT be a sin, but stick to a once-a-month routine instead (I admit I have been going a BIT more than that, but that is also within my freedom of choice). But then again, for another person this might be different, so we should not make standardized recommendations here.

I have learned that the most important thing in this context is to trust in God’s mercy.

Personally, it helps me to pray about such issues. To quietly listen to what Jesus has to tell me about such issues, To quietly listen to what Jesus has to tell me in general. Mostly what He tells me is to NOT FEAR.

Again, I cannot put this generally, and I am sure Jesus knows how to talk to every individual person in exactly the way that this person needs. We need to learn to listen to His voice, He speaks to us in our hearts.

Kathrin

p.s. sorry I feel this post has become a bit of a chaos/medley, but I’ll post it anyway… 😉
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top