T
TabithaP
Guest
I’m not sure if I’m posting this in the proper thread but I just need to get this off my chest. I’ve been raised a conservative Seventh Day Adventist and have attended the same small church my entire life. I have been taught since childhood the strong anti-Catholic doctrine that is prevalent in independent Adventism and it had cultivated an intense fear of anything associated with Catholicism. During my senior year of high school last year I ended up meeting my first and current boyfriend who happens to be Catholic. This was a huge step for me, in fact I never was going to date him once I found out he was Catholic. I spent many days in prayer and each time I decided I was not going to proceed any further with him, God told me otherwise. Of course once we began a relationship I believed the Adventist way that I would be the champion who would lead him to my faith and God was using me to bring him into salvation. Close to a year later however I can definitely say that has not been what’s happened.
I have never been at peace in my church. There has always been a difference between me and my parents, the families I’d grown up with, even the pastor’s teachings. My heart told me I didn’t belong there and but fear told me it meant I wasn’t holy enough. A few months ago I realized that I could quote bible history, I could quote bible verses, I studied every day, but I didn’t have a personal relationship with Christ and this bothered me. There was one sermon I could remember in the years I have attended my church that actually touched me. The years of anti-Catholic sermons and the legalism of SDA’s had left me spiritually dead. What further bothered me was I had salvaged my Christianity from writings that were not from Adventism such as C.S. Lewis and his contemporaries.
Recently I have been studying the importance of a Saturday Sabbath or Sunday with a close friend and I believe I have come to the realization that Saturday is not longer binding. This is a huge issue for me because according to my church once I willfully break that commandment I lose my salvation. Further I have been researching Catholic doctrine for months and I feel like God is leading me to this church. It is after all His first church and the idea of apostolic succession is something that seems so plain and Gospel based to me after studying it. My boyfriend and his family are supporting me in my journey towards the Catholic Church and I am going to attend mass with him while my parents are on vacation. I just have so much fear in my heart from my Adventist upbringing. I’m terrified I’m not being led by God. I’m terrified I’m cutting myself off from salvation. I’ve never had peace in my own church or denomination but the fears are deep rooted in my heart. I need prayers. I can’t do this alone. I know if I do ultimately convert to Catholicism I will lose my family and their support. The idea of seeing the tears and confusion in their faces hurts me so much. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through.
I have never been at peace in my church. There has always been a difference between me and my parents, the families I’d grown up with, even the pastor’s teachings. My heart told me I didn’t belong there and but fear told me it meant I wasn’t holy enough. A few months ago I realized that I could quote bible history, I could quote bible verses, I studied every day, but I didn’t have a personal relationship with Christ and this bothered me. There was one sermon I could remember in the years I have attended my church that actually touched me. The years of anti-Catholic sermons and the legalism of SDA’s had left me spiritually dead. What further bothered me was I had salvaged my Christianity from writings that were not from Adventism such as C.S. Lewis and his contemporaries.
Recently I have been studying the importance of a Saturday Sabbath or Sunday with a close friend and I believe I have come to the realization that Saturday is not longer binding. This is a huge issue for me because according to my church once I willfully break that commandment I lose my salvation. Further I have been researching Catholic doctrine for months and I feel like God is leading me to this church. It is after all His first church and the idea of apostolic succession is something that seems so plain and Gospel based to me after studying it. My boyfriend and his family are supporting me in my journey towards the Catholic Church and I am going to attend mass with him while my parents are on vacation. I just have so much fear in my heart from my Adventist upbringing. I’m terrified I’m not being led by God. I’m terrified I’m cutting myself off from salvation. I’ve never had peace in my own church or denomination but the fears are deep rooted in my heart. I need prayers. I can’t do this alone. I know if I do ultimately convert to Catholicism I will lose my family and their support. The idea of seeing the tears and confusion in their faces hurts me so much. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through.
