The recent shootings in Newtown have shaken my world. I am trying to accept the fact that all those innoncents who were murdered will go to heaven, but I am troubled by the unimaginable pain their parents must endure. No one expects their 6 year old child to be murdered in a school. I know man has free will and can exercise evil…but where is God’s mercy to the parents?.
My seven year old granddaughter was killed in a car accident. Three years and the pain and sorrow lives with me and with my precious daughter every minute of every day.
If I could not believe that God exists there would be no hope of being with her again. There could be no hope for love or for mercy. There would only be empty despair. And, although my daughter has said that she is not on speaking terms with God right now, she knows that time will fix that. She believes that she will be united with her baby.
Below is seeing her daughter through the eyes of her son. Her courage is beyond human strength and without the Mercy of God she would not have survived.
*My name is Elliott.
When I was born, my mama and my daddy were soft and nice and I loved to be held by them. But there was someone else too, and I loved her the most. Her name was Danielle.
Danielle was my “sissy.” Sissy smiled at me and sang to me, and read me stories. Sissy loved to make me laugh. Sissy played with me when I took my bath. Sissy gave me things to play with when I was in the car, so I wouldn’t be bored.
As I grew up and became mama’s “little man”, Sissy would take me by the hand and play with me in her bedroom. She would let me play with her toys and get on her bed. Daddy would sometimes throw us up high in the air and we would scream and laugh. Sissy would sometimes chase me in the yard. I loved it when she caught me and hugged me tight.
I thought Sissy was the most beautiful girl in the world. Mama would say, “Elliott’s eyes twinkle more for Danielle than anyone else!” I didn’t know how to talk yet, but I knew that Sissy was very special. I was happiest when she was playing with me.
Sissy would read books to me. Her voice was soft and she would sometimes sing to me too. I loved sitting in mama’s big chair with her while she read me books and pointed at the pictures.
One day I woke up and went to look for Sissy. She wasn’t home, but I knew she would be soon. I would wait until she got home. Until she did, I knew Mama or Daddy would play with me.
I kept waiting, but Sissy didn’t come home. Mama and Daddy were crying, and no one wanted to play with me. Mama hugged me tight, but she smelled like tears. I touched her face, and it was wet. Daddy’s face was wet too. And Sissy still wasn’t home.
Mama showed me pictures of Sissy. I was so excited! Sissy was finally home! I turned the picture over in my hand, but Sissy wasn’t there. I went to look for her in her bedroom, but she wasn’t there either. Mama said to me, “Sissy is in Heaven, my darling. We miss her very much.” I didn’t know what this meant, but I knew that it was sad that Sissy was in Heaven. And she still had not come home.
After many days of waiting for Sissy, I started to feel mad. I started hitting things and throwing things. I even hit Mama in the face, because I was so mad that I couldn’t find Sissy. Mama hugged me tight and said, “yes honey, I know. I miss her too.”
Sometimes I was scared because, if Sissy left and never came home, maybe Mama and Daddy will leave too. I cried when I couldn’t find them, or when they left me with other people that I didn’t love as much as I loved them. After a while, I stopped being scared of losing Mama or Daddy, because they always came back to me.
Sometimes I was scared to go to sleep by myself. Mama would rock me and sing until I was too sleepy to cry anymore.
Sometimes I woke up in the dark and cried because I was lonely. Mama or Daddy would come to my bed and hold me until I wasn’t lonely anymore.
One day, I saw Mama crying. I went to the piano and took Sissy’s picture off of it, and brought it to Mama. She smiled at me and said, “Look how smart my little man is! He knows that we miss Sissy!” I felt better because she smiled. We looked at Sissy’s picture together and she hugged me tight.
I go into Sissy’s room sometimes and play with her toys. Mama and Daddy say it is okay to do this. Sissy would have wanted that, they say. Sissy is watching me from Heaven, they say. I feel better when I hold her stuffed animals.
I also feel better when I look at her pictures. Mama looks at them with me, and talks about Sissy. She holds me close and tells me how much she loves me. This makes me feel better. I kiss Sissy’s picture, and then I am ready to go play.
Mama and Daddy started to laugh and sing again. They still sometimes cry, but not all the time. And Mama smiles at me all the time, and calls me her “little man.” Daddy bounces me on his knee and tosses me high in the air. It is starting to feel good in our house again.
Maybe someday I will see Sissy again, when I go to Heaven. But for now, I’ll stay with my Mama and Daddy. And I’ll play with my toys, and my friends at preschool. And I will feel better each day as I get used to Sissy being in Heaven, watching over me. I know she loves me still, because Mama and Daddy say so. *
