Searching for some advice

[kib]

I am a 22 year old college student. I have been entertaining the thought of a religious vocation for about five years, but within the past year it has become much more than a thought. I am in a serious relationship of nearly two years, and the thought of ending it for any reason makes me sick. I am seeking advice from those who have been there. I have been open with my girlfriend about this situation, and she will support me if I feel that I truly am being called to a religious vocation. If the lord wants me to enter a religious vocation, I am willing to: for him. Selfishly, I want to stay with, and mary my girlfriend. This has caused a lot of distress for me recently, and I have been almost demanding that God gives me a clear sign whether this is what he is calling me to do.

I am afraid of ruining my girlfriend’s life. If we stay together and a few years from now I decide I can’t be with her anymore, I won’t be able to deal with taking all of that time away from her. I truly can see she and I getting married after college etc. But if God is calling me and needs me, I am willing to follow. But, I refuse to follow without a clear revelation of some kind that this is what he needs me to do.

Does anyone have an valuable advice for me? I have talked to two priests, and pray about this situation often; but I haven’t found any answers yet.

 

[Seminarian_X]

If you’re waiting for a Saul-on-the-road-to-Damascus sign, I’m afraid you’ll be waiting a long time.

Have you spent time in front of the Blessed Sacrament in silent prayer? That’s likely where you’ll find your answer. Sometimes, the Lord asks us to “Cast out into the deep.” To put our trust in him and follow the path we believe he is calling us to. You can always find reasons to say no. Believe me, I know.

One more thing. If you enter the seminary, it doesn’t mean you’re going to become a priest. A lot of guys enter seminary and quit after a while. That’s part of seminary formation, a constant discernment on your part and the Church’s to determine if you have a vocation.

 

[NoPlaceLikeRome]

I refuse to follow without a clear revelation of some kind that this is what he needs me to do.

If you mean literally, this is a little presumptuous. However, the novena to St. Therese is supposed to be pretty effective and the tradition is that she will send you a rose to let you know that your prayer has been heard. Here are Three Novenas to St. Therese. The first one is the most famous.

Personally, I would say that if you have a serious and long-lasting feeling that you have a religious or priestly vocation, that is usually considered a sign that you need to look into it–I think some would say that you have a moral *obligation *to do so. At any rate, it seems to me that, obligation or not, you will only have peace if you look into it. Otherwise, you will always look at your girlfriend and think “She’s so great… but am I supposed to be a priest?” If you look into your vocation, then you will know: either “She’s so great, and I am so relieved that I took the trouble to thoroughly make certain that it was God’s will for us to marry,” or “She was great. I am so very glad that God gave me the strength to let her go and the enormous gift of a vocation.”

Here is a line from our dear chaplain:
“Sometimes people ask me: ‘Father, what would you have been if you hadn’t been a priest?’ I answer, ‘Oh, nothing useful.’” You won’t ruin her life by trying your vocation–you may make her sad for a time, but you would make her much sadder if you married her and regretted it.

I know this sounds very intimidating but as I think Dante said “In His will is our peace.” I pray that you will find peace eventually! You are already taking a big step by asking for advice, and talking to your girlfriend. God bless and Mary keep you!

 

[kib]

Thanks for the advice, I will take it to heart.

As far as my refusal without a clear sign- I guess I would be more on target to say: I can’t commit unless I am more certain of a religious vocation than I am of my current relationship.

Also, thank you for the prayers, I need as many as I can get; and I won’t forget you in mine.

 

[Didi]

Many seminaries have a weekend retreat for people who are considering vocations; some have longer ones in the summer. This gives you a chance to see what it’s like and to get some spiritiual advice and guidance from a priest. Have you done this?

 

[SenorSalsa]

I would mention your thoughts and feelings to your girlfriend. Don’t break up with her, but make her aware that these are thoughts you are having, that way, it wont be quite a shock if you decide that is what you are called to do. Also, she may be able to help you decide

 

[Cloisters]

Does your girlfriend pray?

You both need to be praying, “Give me my spouse, or give me peace!”

You both also need to be praying to the Holy Ghost and St. Michael the Archangel to see if what you’re experiencing could possibly be from the wrong source.

Look into seminaries anyway. If you walk onto a campus, and feel the need to keep searching dissipate, you’ve found your vocation.

HTH.

Blessings,
Cloisters

 

[1234]

Thanks for the advice, I will take it to heart.

As far as my refusal without a clear sign- I guess I would be more on target to say: I can’t commit unless I am more certain of a religious vocation than I am of my current relationship.

Also, thank you for the prayers, I need as many as I can get; and I won’t forget you in mine.

It sounds as if you’re not ready to commit to anything.

Don;'t commit to your girlfriend.

Do discern and visit seminaries and men’s religious houses, if you’re drawn that way. Talk frankly to people there.

You are going to figure this out soon enough.

You might follow the discussions of CruxOfTheMatter on phatmass.com in the Vocations Section. He is discerning now and has a lot to say.

 

[kib]

Thanks for the continued advice everyone. I have been praying constantly. Actually, I pray to St. Michael every day.

I am planning to start discussing this situation in detail very soon with my priest at home.