Searching

[lakatiec]

I used to be very active, very devoted Catholic, mostly in my teenage years and in my early 20’s.

For personal reasons, I had a falling out with the Church.

I’m 25 now, and I’ve bounced between being agnostic, to being pagan, to being an atheist within the last 4 years.

I left the church for many reasons: knowing there are so many other faiths out there and to claim only one is right is foolish, a truly loving god would never offer an eternity of punishment just like I would never torture my own son for his mistakes, no matter how bad they were. Primarily, I left because I am gay. I felt I could never have peace in a community that would judge me for something that I naturally am- that isn’t evil or harmful in any way.

It was a painful process. I truly loved the church but I simply couldn’t commit to god on a half way basis. Either the church was right on all counts and God was real… or the Church was wrong and I was a fool for wasting so much time with it.

But religion was still fundamental a part of me. I wanted to find God… or the Goddess. I wanted to feel.

So I kept searching.

Now I am at a point where I have tried a lot of things, and nothing, NOTHING, has offered me the peace the Catholic Church has.

And yet… I feel sick to my stomach when I think of going back to a faith that will never accept ME. Why would I accept a faith that would only try to change me?

You can see why I am struggling.

I just wish there was a way for me to find God again, but also be true to myself.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

Neither God nor the Church condemn you for having same sex attraction. However, as you probably know, Judaism and Christianity have always taught the immorality of homosexual activity. You can find peace and happiness living a chaste life.

Check out the Courage apostolate:

couragerc.net/

 

[Iron_Donkey]

It is worth noting that being true to yourself does not mean trying to satisfy every desire you have. The Catholic Church will certainly accept you, and we’d love for you to come back - and the Church also accepts that we all have desires that we should not follow, and even understands that we will fall and occasionally follow them anyway. Otherwise why would there be confession, why would Christ have come at all?

Christ came and died for us, and then left us a Church because we need it, because we all are driven to do things we shouldn’t. The Church helps lead us into knowing what is Good and True, and allows us to help each other with our burdens. He didn’t die for us because every aspect of everything we want to do is good, but rather so that we’d have a path by which to overcome the effects of original sin and join with Him in heaven. I’d say that’s a pretty good reason to come back, and if any Catholic rejects you because of the things you struggle with - well they’ll have to explain that to God at judgement.

I also suggest you check out the Courage website.

 

[bzkoss236]

The Church is for sinners. A truly righteous person needs the Church just as much as a healthy person needs a hospital.

And it isn’t the Church that wants you to change, it is God. And it isn’t just a change, but a change for the better. The Church is God’s instrument to smooth out the rough patches and to fill the holes, and work on you through your life to make you the best version of yourself that you can be.

The Catholic Church accepts all kinds of sinners. It is up to the sinner to accept the Catholic Church, and God.

And saying that there is only one true religion is not foolish, but a reality. There can be only one. Just as there can only be one you. There is no one and can be no one like you ever. Some may be similar or have similar experiences, but no one is just like you. Similarly, there is only one true religion/Church founded by God. Before Jesus, it was Judaism, but with the coming of Jesus, the Christ, he fulfilled the Jewish law and prophecies and brought rise to the Catholic Church.

I was away for a time, but now I’m back and glad to be so. Catholicism isn’t just a religion of faith, but of facts, reason, history, and evidence. There’s more going on in the Catholic Church than in any other that leads me to believe it is the true Church.

Let me extend a welcome to you to this forum. I pray for your journey. You’ll learn a lot here.

p.s. The Catholic Church doesn’t teach that if someone isn’t Catholic that means they immediately go to hell. God is merciful and just.

 

[JRKH]

I used to be very active, very devoted Catholic, mostly in my teenage years and in my early 20’s.

For personal reasons, I had a falling out with the Church.

I’m 25 now, and I’ve bounced between being agnostic, to being pagan, to being an atheist within the last 4 years.

I left the church for many reasons: knowing there are so many other faiths out there and to claim only one is right is foolish, a truly loving god would never offer an eternity of punishment just like I would never torture my own son for his mistakes, no matter how bad they were. Primarily, I left because I am gay. I felt I could never have peace in a community that would judge me for something that I naturally am- that isn’t evil or harmful in any way.

It was a painful process. I truly loved the church but I simply couldn’t commit to god on a half way basis. Either the church was right on all counts and God was real… or the Church was wrong and I was a fool for wasting so much time with it.

But religion was still fundamental a part of me. I wanted to find God… or the Goddess. I wanted to feel.

So I kept searching.

Now I am at a point where I have tried a lot of things, and nothing, NOTHING, has offered me the peace the Catholic Church has.

And yet… I feel sick to my stomach when I think of going back to a faith that will never accept ME. Why would I accept a faith that would only try to change me?

You can see why I am struggling.

I just wish there was a way for me to find God again, but also be true to myself.

Dear one…
My heart goes out to you. Like you, I was away from the Church for a time (in my case 35 years) yet God quietly and consistently called me back. As I read your post, I thought - my sins were different, and yet…we are so much the same. That is why I want to respond to you.
However - I must also ask you to forgive me for what may be crudely expressed thoughts and encouragements. If anything I say below seems insulting - please know that I do not intend it that way.
We ALL have to turn away from sin when we come home to the Church…We all have to give up some things that we aren’t really sure are sin (or at least serious sin)…Please recognize that we ALL have, in one form or another, been where you are…struggling with these same sorts of questions.

It appears that you are truly on the horns of a dilemma. You believe you cannot be “true to yourself” no matter which way you turn.

You say that there is nothing that has offered you the peace that the Catholic Church has. So why do you not embrace it? Is this peace not the “pearl of great price”? What are you willing to sacrifice in order to possess this pearl - this peace?
Frankly - it appears that there IS something that gives you a peace sufficient to keep you out of the Church…That something is your gay lifestyle.
Or does it?
Does this lifestyle really give you the same peace that Christ offers you in the Church?

You are concerned about whether you could be a part of a church “that wants to change you”.
I ask this. What point is there to be a part of a church that does NOT want you to change?
We are not “saints” - I certainly am not one - Yet I am called to perfection in Love, in Christ, and in my life. I am called to change. We are ALL called to change.

You mention about how you would not “eternally punish” a child - no matter his mistakes. This is a good point - and a discussion of this aspect (hell etc.) might be useful as we move forward. For now suffice it to say this.
(Here I am speaking in a general sense - not directly to SSA)
You may not torture your son for his mistakes, but you WOULD try to correct him - and not allow him to continue in his error and self destructive ways - and the fact that he does not see them as self destructive would likely not change your view on the matter. You (the parent) know these behaviors are wrong and so you try to correct them. You probably will even use punishment - and threats of punishment for this purpose.
And here is the interesting thing…You do this because you Love you child. You Love them some much that you are willing that they be unhappy in a lesser thing (though they may not think it lesser) so that they can be happier in greater things.
God loves us no less than this.

Of course, just like a parent, God can only go so far in trying to correct us. He can encourage, support, cajole, punish and even threaten…but He cannot force us to change. We retain our free will. That is His gift to us. Yet He continues to Love us even as we poison ourselves with our various sins. He can even hold us and comfort us…He can tell us how sorry He is that we have taken the poison even though He tried to tell us not to. He offers us the antidote to that poison…but once again, it is WE who must accept it willingly. He cannot force it upon us.

Ultimately - it is all about Love. Ultimately we are called to Love God above all else. And if we Love God above all else, then are we willing to offend Him through our actions? Is that how we treat those whom we Love? …

Sorry for my rambling…I hope I have not offended…I Love you and wish the best for you…even though I am sometimes terrible at expressing myself.

In closing, let me just share this. It is my firm belief that what is calling you home is the Eucharist. The Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of our Lord Jesus Christ. No one else has this. You have possessed it and the grace from that lasts a lifetime and the desire for the renewal of that grace never entirely goes away. Weigh carefully that peace and the promise of Christ unto eternal life against the passing pleasures of the things of this world.

Welcome to the forums…and I hope that you will find much encouragement here (my clumsiness not withstanding).

Peace
James