Second Chances?

[red0207]

Does God give a couple (unmarried) a second chance at trying to make a relationship work?

I don’t know how else to describe what I am experiencing. I have been trying to get over heartbreak and moving on with my life months after a painful break up. I thought this was the man I was going to marry, he told me I was the woman he’d been waiting for his, and we were both seriously discerning marriage to each other. However, things between us ended very badly and much was left unresolved. Distance played a huge factor in the break up, with him saying he could no longer go on (we were already 400 miles apart and would have started another year of the relationship even further… he was relocating for a new job.) There has been absolutely no contact between either of us and I do not check up on him (through mutual friends or social networks) to see what he is up to. My life seems to have fallen back into a regular rhythm again, but it feels very empty. There are pangs or instances where it feels like my heart just drops from my chest and I feel like I can’t breathe without him and I begin to miss him so very much. There are moments where I contemplate, can I really live my life without him in it?

In my mind, I am doing the right thing by not contacting him and respecting his decision to end things. I have been praying to God that if he and I were meant to be together, that He align the circumstances and make it happen. Otherwise, I ask God to help me release this desire to reunite with my ex and to help me move on with my life.

I am not sure what to do. I have this longing, this hope that this time apart has made him realize what we had together, that its made him miss what I meant to him. For me, I have realized that I probably should have fought harder for him, and for us, before letting him walk out the door.

Is this longing in my heart to reunite with him a nudging from God? Or is it just me regressing in the healing process? A close friend tells me that if he loved me and wanted to reunite, my ex would be the one to reach out: “If a man really wants to be with you, he will move mountains to make it happen.”

I just don’t know what to think, hope, or pray for anymore.

 

[Xantippe]

“A close friend tells me that if he loved me and wanted to reunite, my ex would be the one to reach out: “If a man really wants to be with you, he will move mountains to make it happen.””

Yeah, especially since he’s the one that broke up with you. Nobody put a gun to his head and made him move further away from you–he did that.

 

[Caroline723]

I am very sorry for your loss.

Don’t attribute your missing this man as a desire God has put into your heart. Don’t think because you miss him, you are therefore meant to be with him. Don’t look for “signs” that you are to reconcile. The sign that you are to reconcile is if he tells you so. Your friend is right when she said that if he wanted to be with you, he would move mountains. In healthy relationships, when a guy wants to be with a girl, he’ll do his best to make it happen. It sounds like he just over-estimated his interest in you.

Love is meant to be when both parties say so and their actions follow through. You will bring yourself more heartbreak if you look for signs of hope or reasons you two should reconcile. Try to stay in the reality of the situation. Statistically, couples who break up during dating fare worse in long term success and marriage. He is not the only man you can be happy with. Try to focus on finding happiness in your present life, and leave the past and future to God.

 

[bsf]

Does God give a couple (unmarried) a second chance at trying to make a relationship work? Sometimes.

can I really live my life without him in it? Yes.

Is this longing in my heart to reunite with him a nudging from God? Or is it just me regressing in the healing process? Do not know.

I just don’t know what to think, hope, or pray for anymore. Think about doing God’s will, which is essentially loving Him and others. Hope for salvation after you pass beyond this life. If you do not know “what” to pray, be more basic. Ask God to help you know what to ask for and how to pray. Ask him to help you conform your desires and will to His will. If it gets too bad, just simply say “Help me.”

PRAYER FOR TRUST
O Christ Jesus,
when all is darkness
and we feel our weakness and helplessness,
give us the sense of Your presence,
Your love, and Your strength.
Help us to have perfect trust
in Your protecting love
and strengthening power,
so that nothing may frighten or worry us,
for, living close to You,
we shall see Your hand,
Your purpose, Your will through all things.

(By St. Ignatius of Loyola, 1491-1556)

 

[peaceplease]

red0207,

This is not God nudging you. Perhaps, loneliness, and missing him, but it does not sound like the feelings are mutual.

You can pray to God that you learn his will for you. And, perhaps to send you a man that is the right one for you, according to his will. And, when the time is right. Meanwhile, be patient. Love yourself. Don’t depend on someone else to make you happy.

Right now, it sounds as though you are still grieving the end of your relationship. I pray for your heart to mend.

 

[small_sister]

Dear red,

I can feel your broken heart, your emptiness and sorrow.
I know how much loneliness can hurt.
We do not know what God’s will is for your relationship. But one thing we can know from His Word: “that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God” (Rom. 8:28). So no matter what the future will bring, tell God how much you love Him.

Think about Jesus, our Lord. How much He suffered. How much He loves us and how willingly He chose to die for you and me on that cross. How lonely He must have been.
Jesus understands your broken heart. No other human being, neither your ex-friend, nor a family member, can understand what you are going through like Jesus understands.

Tell Him that you love Him. Tell Him that you need Him. Ask a him to make you feel His presence. If it is His will, you’ll suddenly feel, that Jesus is all you need.
And then you will be able to face whatever the old relationship to your ex-friend will become.

You are in my prayer, dear red. Cling to Jesus.
Nobody (!) can ever possibly love you as much as Jesus loves you!

Much love, small sister

 

[red0207]

Thank you all for the responses. It gave me a much needed lift in pulling me up from the grief I am currently experiencing.

There are days where it just feels so unbearingly difficult. I put on a smile for others to see, but inside, I am just falling apart. I do wonder why God would bring this person into my life only to take him out. I do wonder why God would allow me to experience this heartbreak because frankly, it just hurts so very much… For the longest time, I had prayed for a husband. Up until I met this man, I had never felt anyone worth getting to know. So when he walked into my life, I thought God had finally answered my prayers. It is this thought, and an answered novena regarding my ex (a separate story) that makes me hope for a future reunion.

I don’t have many people to talk to about this, so thank you all for listening.