Secular music at a funeral Mass

[TurboVW]

I realize this conversation is rather old, but I know some secular music is allowed at mass depending on its content. I would love to use a song by the Beatles (I know the Beatles!?!?). But I love their song “Let It Be”. And then one day I realized the whole meaning of the song. Mary is telling us to let it be, just as she said let it be at the Annunciation. ?

Hate to burst your bubble, but the song could be interpreted in two ways: Marian devotion, or Mr. McCartney singing about his deceased mother who was also named Mary. I thend to think of the latter since that song was written at a time when its authors were engaged in high drug abuse and experimenting with a cult-ish form of spirituality which influenced many from that generation to leave Christianity.

That’s what I think about when I hear secular songs at a Mass.

However, there are probably secular songs that are more reverent and devotional than some of the hymnody we hear at funerals today. I was an altar boy for four years and I served a funeral once a week. I think I heard “On Eagles’ Wings” every time.

Still, gotta stick with the hymnal always and every time. My cousin’s wedding was the the prettiest neo-gothic parish downtown and they had the cantor sing country music throughout the ceremony.

 

[Joe_Kelley]

The poorest idea I have heard is someone who had “I Did It My Way” at his funeral.

 

[rick43235]

As they are carrying my mortal remains from the church, I want Aaron Copeland’s “Fanfare for a Common Man” to be played.

I want the Metallica version of the Imperial March.

I want “Buckeye Battle Cry.”

 

[mrg8000]

Something to remember–it’s not the child’s (or anyone’s) funeral.

It’s the CHURCH’S funeral service, and it’s being bestowed on the departed.

Yeah, see…that exactly the kind of smug attitude that’s driving people away from the Catholic church in droves. And the sooner parishes get off their high horses and realize that without PARISHONERS they won’t have a PARISH, the better off they’ll be.

The priest at my wedding tried that “it’s the church’s day, not yours” line on me and my (soon to be) wife the afternoon of our wedding because of some song selections and ceremonial procedures we incorporated into the wedding service. We nodded politely and then proceeded to do exactly what we wanted to the way we wanted to. Because it WAS our day. And we invited the church to share it with us. End of story.

Moral of the story: Have the service that YOU want. If the priest doesn’t like it, too bad. He’s not the one being memorialized. It’s YOU (or YOUR loved one).

(BTW, at my dad’s funeral, my wife sang the beautiful Indigo Girls tune “Wood Song” as one of the Communion songs. Everyone in attendance agreed that it was the most beautiful part of the service, and an utterly appropriate reflection on my dad’s life.)

 

[a_cermak]

Due to a mess up at my father-in-law’s funeral mass, we all found ourselves singing, “The Battle Hymn of the Republic.” It’s a stirring song, and in the hymnal, but distinctly odd for a funeral!

It’s the first and only time I’ve ever heard a march at a funeral.

 

[benedictgal]

Yeah, see…that exactly the kind of smug attitude that’s driving people away from the Catholic church in droves. And the sooner parishes get off their high horses and realize that without PARISHONERS they won’t have a PARISH, the better off they’ll be.

The priest at my wedding tried that “it’s the church’s day, not yours” line on me and my (soon to be) wife the afternoon of our wedding because of some song selections and ceremonial procedures we incorporated into the wedding service. We nodded politely and then proceeded to do exactly what we wanted to the way we wanted to. Because it WAS our day. And we invited the church to share it with us. End of story.

Moral of the story: Have the service that YOU want. If the priest doesn’t like it, too bad. He’s not the one being memorialized. It’s YOU (or YOUR loved one).

(BTW, at my dad’s funeral, my wife sang the beautiful Indigo Girls tune “Wood Song” as one of the Communion songs. Everyone in attendance agreed that it was the most beautiful part of the service, and an utterly appropriate reflection on my dad’s life.)

However, the sacraments (and yes, I know that the funearl is not one, but, it is generally done within the context of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass), are not about me. They are about Christ’s direct actions on me. To make myself the center of what is happening during the Mass, even if it is my wedding or my funeral, is to completely miss this important fact.

Even in a wedding, while we pray for the couple, it is always in the context of Christ’s direct action. “Christ abundantly blesses this love. He has already consecrated you to himself in baptism…” is the prayer that the priest recites as he is getting ready to accept the consent of the couple.

When the celebrant prays the propers of the Mass for the deceased, he is asking God to be merciful towards the departed’s soul.

Something else to consider is the fact that the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, or any of the Church’s other liturgies, are not our own personal property to do with as they please. They are the sacred treasures of the Church whose integrity must always be safeguarded.

 

[Gertabelle]

Yeah, see…that exactly the kind of smug attitude that’s driving people away from the Catholic church in droves. And the sooner parishes get off their high horses and realize that without PARISHONERS they won’t have a PARISH, the better off they’ll be.

The priest at my wedding tried that “it’s the church’s day, not yours” line on me and my (soon to be) wife the afternoon of our wedding because of some song selections and ceremonial procedures we incorporated into the wedding service. We nodded politely and then proceeded to do exactly what we wanted to the way we wanted to. Because it WAS our day. And we invited the church to share it with us. End of story.

Moral of the story: Have the service that YOU want. If the priest doesn’t like it, too bad. He’s not the one being memorialized. It’s YOU (or YOUR loved one).

(BTW, at my dad’s funeral, my wife sang the beautiful Indigo Girls tune “Wood Song” as one of the Communion songs. Everyone in attendance agreed that it was the most beautiful part of the service, and an utterly appropriate reflection on my dad’s life.)

MRG8000, before people start throwing verbal stones your way, I just wanted to welcome you to the Catholic Answers Forums!

I was a music major in college, which means I played and sang at a lot of weddings and funerals. While I cannot agree with you that the service is all about the deceased (my stance is that the service is for the deceased and the state of their soul), I do agree that taking a hard-and-fast attitude of no secular music errs on the side of honoring the letter of the law while ignoring the heart of the law.

People who are in mourning, especially when they’ve lost a child or spouse, often have the sense of spinning around and around. Whether they stop their spinning still facing God through the Catholic Church has a lot to do with the compassion they are shown at the beginning of their mourning. It is the pastor’s (or possibly another parish staff member’s) job to direct them through planning the liturgy with compassion for their grief while offering the solace of our eternal Home.

Personally, I’ve seen it all at the funerals I’ve attended, and have experienced enough mourning in my own family to know better than to pass judgement. Posters on this forum who have the sacrificial strength of a discalced Carmelite could probably handle a reprimand from their pastor while burying their child or spouse. But none of us should be looking down our noses at those whose faith and understanding are weaker.

Just my two cents.

Gertie

 

[benedictgal]

MRG8000, before people start throwing verbal stones your way, I just wanted to welcome you to the Catholic Answers Forums!

I was a music major in college, which means I played and sang at a lot of weddings and funerals. While I cannot agree with you that the service is all about the deceased (my stance is that the service is for the deceased and the state of their soul), I do agree that taking a hard-and-fast attitude of no secular music errs on the side of honoring the letter of the law while ignoring the heart of the law.

People who are in mourning, especially when they’ve lost a child or spouse, often have the sense of spinning around and around. Whether they stop their spinning still facing God through the Catholic Church has a lot to do with the compassion they are shown at the beginning of their mourning. It is the pastor’s (or possibly another parish staff member’s) job to direct them through planning the liturgy with compassion for their grief while offering the solace of our eternal Home.

Personally, I’ve seen it all at the funerals I’ve attended, and have experienced enough mourning in my own family to know better than to pass judgement. Posters on this forum who have the sacrificial strength of a discalced Carmelite could probably handle a reprimand from their pastor while burying their child or spouse. But none of us should be looking down our noses at those whose faith and understanding are weaker.

Just my two cents.

Gertie

The first liturgy I ever planned was my mother’s funeral Mass. Having still been a greenhorn, I wanted to make sure that what I was doing was right by the Church’s standards. This is where the priest and staff have to step in and help the family and gently remind them that a funeral is not an anything-goes event.

It was the hardest Mass to plan, second only to the one that I planned for my beloved grandmother almost three years ago. However, even before we get to the point of planning a Mass like this, it would be worth our collective while to understand how the Church sees liturgy and realize that it is not about us, Mom or Grandma; it is about Christ and His actions towards us and our souls, and, in this case, the souls of the deceased.

 

[Gertabelle]

The first liturgy I ever planned was my mother’s funeral Mass. Having still been a greenhorn, I wanted to make sure that what I was doing was right by the Church’s standards. This is where the priest and staff have to step in and help the family and gently remind them that a funeral is not an anything-goes event.

It was the hardest Mass to plan, second only to the one that I planned for my beloved grandmother almost three years ago. However, even before we get to the point of planning a Mass like this,** it would be worth our collective while to understand how the Church sees liturgy and realize that it is not about us, Mom or Grandma; it is about Christ and His actions towards us and our souls, and, in this case, the souls of the deceased.**

I couldn’t agree more! But I also believe that those of us who post here are in the minority in the Church. We know the Church’s teaching, have placed it above our own desires, and seek to grow in our faith at all costs. I daresay that many people do not come to a funeral mass (or wedding mass!) with the Church’s standards at the forefront of their thoughts!

My parish’s pastor spent a couple of Sunday sermons talking with the congregation about funeral masses and what is and is not appropriate. It was a good idea, I thought, because so many hard feelings and misunderstandings can arise when one is in mourning. But whoever is working with the family planning the liturgy has to be so careful about what they say and how, and if they err on the side of being too permissive, then that is their sin to confess, rather than ours to judge.

I don’t mean that we should abandon all standards and just let every funeral be a free-for-all. But those who ask for secular music are probably not versed in the Catechism in the first place, and the funeral of a loved one may not be the right time and place to take the hard line – there’s just too much potential for appearing more concerned about the “rules” rather than the person. And since many people come to plan a funeral (or wedding) as their first experience of planning a liturgy, or their first time in the church in years, those working with them need to have an abundance of discernment as well as compassion on how to guide choices with compassion and mercy.

I’ve planned and provided music for family members, including a beloved aunt, my grandmother, and my own father. It was extraordinarily difficult, but the music selections were simple, particularly with my background (12 years Catholic school, 2 years in the monastery, years of music ministry). Trying to sing, and not cry, while playing the piano was misery.

My point, if I had one, is that the planning of a funeral mass probably is not the moment to take a “Christmas and Easter” Catholic and try to convert them into a CCC quoting apologist.

I think, though, BenedictGal, that if we were to discuss this over a cup of coffee, we’d have far more in common than not. I’ve always appreciated your posts and the depth of your faith and commitment to the Church.

Gertie

 

[benedictgal]

I couldn’t agree more! But I also believe that those of us who post here are in the minority in the Church. We know the Church’s teaching, have placed it above our own desires, and seek to grow in our faith at all costs. I daresay that many people do not come to a funeral mass (or wedding mass!) with the Church’s standards at the forefront of their thoughts!

My parish’s pastor spent a couple of Sunday sermons talking with the congregation about funeral masses and what is and is not appropriate. It was a good idea, I thought, because so many hard feelings and misunderstandings can arise when one is in mourning. But whoever is working with the family planning the liturgy has to be so careful about what they say and how, and if they err on the side of being too permissive, then that is their sin to confess, rather than ours to judge.

I don’t mean that we should abandon all standards and just let every funeral be a free-for-all. But those who ask for secular music are probably not versed in the Catechism in the first place, and the funeral of a loved one may not be the right time and place to take the hard line – there’s just too much potential for appearing more concerned about the “rules” rather than the person. And since many people come to plan a funeral (or wedding) as their first experience of planning a liturgy, or their first time in the church in years, those working with them need to have an abundance of discernment as well as compassion on how to guide choices with compassion and mercy.

I’ve planned and provided music for family members, including a beloved aunt, my grandmother, and my own father. It was extraordinarily difficult, but the music selections were simple, particularly with my background (12 years Catholic school, 2 years in the monastery, years of music ministry). Trying to sing, and not cry, while playing the piano was misery.

My point, if I had one, is that the planning of a funeral mass probably is not the moment to take a “Christmas and Easter” Catholic and try to convert them into a CCC quoting apologist.

I think, though, BenedictGal, that if we were to discuss this over a cup of coffee, we’d have far more in common than not. I’ve always appreciated your posts and the depth of your faith and commitment to the Church.

Gertie

Yes, the family needs to be treated gently. One funeral home took the bull by the horns about 20 years ago and had a Mass planning guide. However, some of it is outdated and I have offered to help them bring it to the Church’s current norms.

Down here, the family plays little to no role in the liturgical aspect of the funeral. The priest is the one who generally handles things. The funeral homes will refer out musicians whom the family will leave to handle the music. This, in and of itself, is not necessarily a good thing because a few of them are not very well versed in the Church’s liturgical requirements, as was the case with the musician who played “Heaven Must Have Wanted an Angel”. These folks, not necessarily the family, are the ones who are the most problematic with their selections.

Thank you for the kind words. Were it possible, I would take you up on the offer. I often wonder how a nice hot cup of Dr. Pepper tastes. Yes, it’s been done. In fact, that is one of the ways they used to sell Dr. Pepper back when it was invented.

 

[Matrix_Refugee]

Heh, Before my funeral Mass, I’d like the choir to sing “Komm, Susse Todt”, from the anime “End of Evangelion”; really sad lyrics set to an upbeat melody, and it pretty much sums up my often tenuous grip on staying in this world. During the Mass itself? Standard classical Catholic hymns: Schubert’s Ave Maria, Cesar Franck’s Panis Angelicus, Bach’s “Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring”, and as a change of pace, the Gregorian chant Dies Irae – no happy, cheerful near-canonization Mass for me, or I’ll kick open the lid of my coffin and have a few choice words about that. And I’m also hoping to have “Spirit of the Universe” from the “Matrix: Revolutions” soundtrack played as my mortal remains are being carried from the church…

 

[Sarabande]

People who are in mourning, especially when they’ve lost a child or spouse, often have the sense of spinning around and around. Whether they stop their spinning still facing God through the Catholic Church has a lot to do with the compassion they are shown at the beginning of their mourning. It is the pastor’s (or possibly another parish staff member’s) job to direct them through planning the liturgy with compassion for their grief while offering the solace of our eternal Home.

Personally, I’ve seen it all at the funerals I’ve attended, and have experienced enough mourning in my own family to know better than to pass judgement. Posters on this forum who have the sacrificial strength of a discalced Carmelite could probably handle a reprimand from their pastor while burying their child or spouse. But none of us should be looking down our noses at those whose faith and understanding are weaker.

Just my two cents.

Gertie

I couldn’t agree with you more. I am also a fellow musician and have seen it all as well in regards to funerals and weddings. Weddings is a different subject all together and have experienced enough bridezillas and selfish people in general when it comes to their wedding - in the secular and religious realms. But funerals are an entirely different matter in which the families involved need to be handled gently and compassionately. That time is such a cloud for those who are doing the planning. I have found that when you speak with them and listen to them with a lot of compassion, they actually will come to an understanding as to why many parishes do not permit secular music for the funeral. The key is to be patient and to work with them in finding appropriate music to replace the secular works that they originally wanted - and they will appreciate your help.

Luckily, I don’t have the final say - the priest or the music director have the final say at the parishes as to what is allowed. Many do not deviate, some will permit secular songs prior to the mass, some will have a set list of music which can only be used for the funeral masses. What I have found which turned families off the most is when the music director or the pastor are very hard on them regarding their choices and don’t speak to them compassionately or help them. It’s not the actual “rules”, but the attitude. When the “rules” are tempered with a gentle and caring face/voice and compassionate patience, they come to understand and accept and are not turned off.