Y
yourdestiny
Guest
Hello everybody.
This is my first post in this forum. I was browsing and looking for answers, and I figured that I’d give it a try on this forum. I just have a lot of things on my mind, and need to release some thoughts and need some advice on my situation.
These past months I have been so sad and confused over so many things in life. I have become depressed and have dark thoughts that I sometimes simply can’t fight - I’m currently jobless, and I have a hard time just to get by. I just wait the dark episodes to be over and pray a lot. It is probably too long a story to share here, but I will try to summarize it.
I was in a 6 year long relationship with the greatest person ever: he is sweet, faithful, smart, and I don’t think there has ever been anyone who loved me so deeply and without any preconditions. My parents, especially my mother, never agreed on my relationship with him. I am Catholic myself, but my now-ex is a protestant. Furthermore, me and my ex have a different background. I am myself Half Dutch and Half Chinese-Indonesian - he is Moluccan. Being close to my family in Indonesia, I understand that they do not and will never understand my choice of being with him.
Despite the fact that he is such a great guy, somehow I was a little unhappy in the relationship, or maybe unhappy with myself? - and for the last two years I tried to forget about all the problems by using drugs. I just didn’t treat myself very well. Nonetheless, I graduated with two degrees in those 2 years and I decided to go for a long holiday with my parents to my family overseas.
Once there I was introduced to this guy, a son of my mother’s best childhood friend. I was incredibly upset with my mother and other family members who set this up. I didn’t tell my boyfriend at home, because it would only upset him and hurt him. However, I started seeing this guy twice after a while and somehow I felt attracted to him and kept in touch. I felt the guilt and decided to break up with my boyfriend once I got back home. I thought that this was destined to be and was taking everything as a sign to go away from my then boyfriend. He is a devout catholic, of course the type of guy on the surface my family loves.
It’s been months now and I see now that this guy was only a flirt and attention seeker. I had hoped him to be more serious, but I can’t believe I have let go of someone who actually really loves me. This just confuses me. I have been in touch with my ex lately, and of course he is still heartbroken, but I would really like to see him. Perhaps I was wrong for leaving him?
I quit using drugs, it’s hard but I have to come to terms with myself and see the reality as is. I just miss my ex and I feel incredibly lonely and sometimes don’t see the light anymore.
This is my first post in this forum. I was browsing and looking for answers, and I figured that I’d give it a try on this forum. I just have a lot of things on my mind, and need to release some thoughts and need some advice on my situation.
These past months I have been so sad and confused over so many things in life. I have become depressed and have dark thoughts that I sometimes simply can’t fight - I’m currently jobless, and I have a hard time just to get by. I just wait the dark episodes to be over and pray a lot. It is probably too long a story to share here, but I will try to summarize it.
I was in a 6 year long relationship with the greatest person ever: he is sweet, faithful, smart, and I don’t think there has ever been anyone who loved me so deeply and without any preconditions. My parents, especially my mother, never agreed on my relationship with him. I am Catholic myself, but my now-ex is a protestant. Furthermore, me and my ex have a different background. I am myself Half Dutch and Half Chinese-Indonesian - he is Moluccan. Being close to my family in Indonesia, I understand that they do not and will never understand my choice of being with him.
Despite the fact that he is such a great guy, somehow I was a little unhappy in the relationship, or maybe unhappy with myself? - and for the last two years I tried to forget about all the problems by using drugs. I just didn’t treat myself very well. Nonetheless, I graduated with two degrees in those 2 years and I decided to go for a long holiday with my parents to my family overseas.
Once there I was introduced to this guy, a son of my mother’s best childhood friend. I was incredibly upset with my mother and other family members who set this up. I didn’t tell my boyfriend at home, because it would only upset him and hurt him. However, I started seeing this guy twice after a while and somehow I felt attracted to him and kept in touch. I felt the guilt and decided to break up with my boyfriend once I got back home. I thought that this was destined to be and was taking everything as a sign to go away from my then boyfriend. He is a devout catholic, of course the type of guy on the surface my family loves.
It’s been months now and I see now that this guy was only a flirt and attention seeker. I had hoped him to be more serious, but I can’t believe I have let go of someone who actually really loves me. This just confuses me. I have been in touch with my ex lately, and of course he is still heartbroken, but I would really like to see him. Perhaps I was wrong for leaving him?
I quit using drugs, it’s hard but I have to come to terms with myself and see the reality as is. I just miss my ex and I feel incredibly lonely and sometimes don’t see the light anymore.