Seeking advice on sons 1st reconciliation

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Maria3m

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I hope this is the correct forum since I want to know what is the right thing to do.

My son’s First Reconciliation interview is this Sunday. We have been preparing since given the packet parents take home to instruct their child.

The problem is that now I’m unsure about whether or not to let him go through with it. (Background info…I’m in RCIA so I can admit not strong in some things.) I was POSITIVE I didn’t have a problem with confession. Then two days ago, someone asked me a few questions that I really don’t know. Yes, I know where to find back up in the Bible (John 20:21-23, Matt 18:18, 2 Cor 5:18…ect)

We haven’t even discussed this in RCIA yet.

So, my question is, since I’m still not fully educated on this, should I wait to let my son complete his First Reconciliation?
He could pass the interview on Sunday just repeating everything I taught him, BUT maybe I should have him wait until I have a better understand…until I’m more confident.

It makes me so sad to do it because maybe next week I will have a clearer concept and he will have missed out for another year because of me.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

Help, please.
 
Maria -
I had doubts about my son’s 1st Reconciliation this year (maturity factor). But I am SOO glad I did.

I can tell you that, if in the future, you choose not to convert (although I pray you do!), no harm is going to be done about telling someone you did something wrong, asking for forgiveness, and promising God not to do it again.

I’m going to fall back on the old “I would make an appointment to see your priest to discuss the matter” line. Your priest will be able to help you develop a clearer understanding of the Sacrament. I also know that in my church some did their 1st Reconciliation at a different time.

Blessings to you on your journey!
 
The Sacrament of Reconciliation is different from the Sacrament of Holy Communion in that a different level of understanding is necessary. It isn’t important whether your son understands how Father is in persona Christi or how absolution and temporal punishment all “work”. He doesn’t even (at first) need to really understand the difference between mortal and venial sins since most of the sins of childhood are not mortal. He just needs to understand what a sin is and that he needs to ask forgiveness when he sins.

Also, the Sacrament of Reconcilliation is not one of the Sacraments of initiation (Baptism, Holy Communion and Confirmation) so where you are in the journey is not really important either. This is just about whether he can reasonably reconcile himself with God in the Sacrament.

There doesn’t seem to be any thing to be gained from delaying and if you did he would have to (as you said) wait another year.

You could, of course, have him complete the interview (I am guessing this is to determine readiness?) and then receive the Sacrament at a later time during the year. Once he is ready, he just has to get in line at any regularly scheduled time. 🙂
 
I agree with what has already been said. I see no moral complications to you allowing your child to continue his sacramental formation. In my experience attending Catholic schools (all of elementary school and part of high school), even the Protestant children in my class desired this for themselves. Of course, they did not recieve the sacrament alongside the rest of us, but they were given the option of going into the confessional and have an interview/conversation with our priest about sin and Christ’s gift to us of forgiveness. I can not recall a child who refused this option. Since I wasn’t present, I do not KNOW what transpired during those non-sacramental interviews, however I do know that several of my Protestant classmates always looked forward to that time of Confession.

I say this to encourage you in your child’s best interest. If you know that your child is ready and able and your only reservations have to do with the minutia of your theological understanding please know that this MAY be one of those leaps of faith that we sometimes run into on our faith journey. Certainly no harm will come to your child in thinking about his wrong doings and asking for God’s forgiveness. If he says the Lord’s Prayer, he’s already doing part of that anyway! Since you did not reveal your concerns in your post, I can not respond to them specifically.

I wish you well and echo the sentiment to set up your own appointment with your pastor regarding your new questions!
 
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Maria3m:
I So, my question is, since I’m still not fully educated on this, should I wait to let my son complete his First Reconciliation?
He could pass the interview on Sunday just repeating everything I taught him, BUT maybe I should have him wait until I have a better understand…until I’m more confident.

It makes me so sad to do it because maybe next week I will have a clearer concept and he will have missed out for another year because of me.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

Help, please.
Click to expand...
with respect, and immense pride in the great job you are doing as a parent, what the interview is meant to assess is your son’s readiness for confession, not yours. the church considers him as an adult for the purposes of confession and first communion. Does he have an understanding of the sacrament and the fact that the priest has the authority to forgive his sins from Jesus Christ himself, that the priest is acting in the Person of Jesus Christ, so that Jesus is forgiving his sins. Further does he have the ability to discern right from wrong, to know when he has sinned and recognize the disorder he feels in his heart, and wish to be reconciled with Jesus and the Church. Does he understand the form for confession, and is he ready to do this. If he has any nervousness or fears, have they been resolved.

your adult understanding may take longer, but you are getting a crash course, even before you touch on this in RCIA, with the materials given to you for his preparation, If they do not contain the relevant scriptural passages that are the basis for this sacrament, PM me and I will give you some additional help. Or better yet, go to the CA homepage and check out the relevant articles.
 
This year for the first time I assisted in helping the kids and parents prepare for first Reconciliation. We had our prayer service last Saturday, and it went great - about 100 kids!

As an adult doing this for the first time, and recognizing that possibly the approach varies some between archdioceses, I found the content of what we tried to impart on the kids to be at their level - they are not adults, they are 7 and 8 year olds. So we very much stressed that they understand some very important basics:
  1. God loves you
  2. God wants you to talk to Him and confess your sins
  3. God will ask you if you are sorry and will try not to sin again
  4. God will give you a big hug and it’s a very joyous occasion!
Our church stresses the love, and the “reconciling” part more than the penance and confession part. We did all the tours of the confessionals, priests talking to them, read through a good booklet etc., but there’s only so much you can expect 8 year olds to remember in their hearts.
 
I’d certainly be very strongly inclined to make sure that First Reconciliation preceded First Communion; the beautiful tie betweent the two has been somewhat lost over recent decades.

Canon law, the Catechism, and “Redemptionis Sacramentum” require churches to prepare children for First Reconciliation before First Communion, but I don’t think that they can (or do) try to tell parents that Reconciliation must actually take place first (I might be wrong).

Peace.
John****
 
If he’s ready and willing, let him go 🙂 Why postpone the grace of the sacrament? —KCT
 
Here are my thoughts about your son receiving the Sacrament of Reconcillation, and hopefully I will be building on the good advise you have already received.

First, if your son understands that some things he has done were wrong and why they were wrong and is sorry for having done them, then I think he is ready to receive this sacrament. Your son ,and really all of us, does not have to be a great moral theologian to know that at times we do things we are not suppose to do that is we sin and are in need of the forgiveness. More often than not we received forgiveness directly from the peoson we hurt through our actions - consider how many time you have heard him say to you “Mommy I’m sorry” and how many times you forgave him.

But here I would like to go a little deeper. Through the Sacrament of Reconcillation we come to know that there are other dynamics involved with sin. Sin effects our relationship with God, others and ourselves. There is a personal demension to all sin but there is a communal aspect of sin as well. No matter how small a sin may be, sin effects our relationship with and participation in the community (the Church) as well.

This is one of the reasons why today we emphasize the term Reconcilliation when refering to this Sacrament. Through the confession of our sins and the penance given us, we are brought into a renewed relationship with God and the Church.

Also, through the frequent reception of this Reconcilation the practice can and should become a virtue in the true sence, namely a good habit which helps us to see really how we are and to build on our strenghts and correct our weaknesses. Of coarse when I say this I am talking about the good exaime of conscience that must proceed our confession.

And as KTC pointed out, there is the Sacramental Grace received through this Sacrament. I think too often we focus on the aspect of having our sins removed though Reconcilation. But for me it is extremely important to remember that have a sin removed, Christ Jesus doesn’t leave a void but rather we are given this unique grace of God’s life, and perhaps this is the most important aspect of the Sacrament of Reconcilation.
 
After reading your thoughtful replies, DH and I decided to let him go to his interview.

This morning I started second guessing myself, wondering if I had done a good enough job teaching him. I didn’t want to fail him. We took him to the interview, and thanks be to God, he passed.

I’m very happy we went forward with it.

Thank you all for taking the time to help me think this through!
 
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