Seeking annulment answers

[bfol69]

First, some background. Am a Catholic married to a man who was divorced three times previously. His first two marriages were when he was much younger and in the army. His marriages failed mainly because of the stresses put upon an army wife. Takes a really strong marriage to handle everything that comes with being an army spouse. The third marriage failed because his wife committed adultery (he literally caught her in their bed with someone else). The first marriage was a big ceremony in the Church of England (his religion), second was a civil one in the Bahamas (destination wedding), the third was a civil one as well, but to a Catholic woman who had been married previously and hadn’t had her first marriage annulled. I had been married previously and had my marriage annulled by the church. We were married in a civil ceremony.
We had seen a priest several years ago about getting our marriage blessed in the Catholic church. I am not a regular churchgoer, but I do find comfort in going to church in times of trouble. It is part of my history, my life. I haven’t gone much since that visit though, as I felt extremely let down and betrayed by the church in that they told us that 2 of his marriages had to be annulled before ours could be accepted. I could understand the first, as it was religious - they said vows before God, albeit in a different church, but if the Church says that that marriage was recognized, wouldn’t that mean that the other two were not valid, as he was not technically free to marry again in the eyes of the church? At the time, I just saw it as a chance for the church to make money for us and was very upset by it.
Now, I just want to go back to going to church and receive the communion. I miss it. I miss it a lot. I avoid going now because it just doesn’t seem right if I can’t receive communion. And I can’t receive it until the church recognizes my marriage. The problem now is, that even though my husband has been told what is required of him and says he will do it (in terms of paperwork), there always seems to be an excuse. I have come to accept there is no way this is going to happen if it requires any effort on his part, apart from a possible signature. Is this possible? Can I get the ball rolling if I have no info at all in regards to these marriages apart from the fact they happened? What are my options here?

 

[1ke]

I have come to accept there is no way this is going to happen if it requires any effort on his part, apart from a possible signature. Is this possible?

As the petitioner, he will have to be actively involved and fill out the paperwork and answer all the questions.

Can I get the ball rolling if I have no info at all in regards to these marriages apart from the fact they happened?

No.

What are my options here?

Schedule a time to sit down with your husband and work on the paperwork.

as I felt extremely let down and betrayed by the church in that they told us that 2 of his marriages had to be annulled before ours could be accepted

I understand you are hurt and overwhelmed, please take it one step at a time.

Marriages are examine in the order they happened.

If the first marriage is valid, then he wasn’t free to marry the other two— nor is he free to marry you. If that’s the case, then the Petrine Privilege might be an avenue of recluse. It depends on a lot of factors.

If the first marriage was invalid, then the second is examined for validity, and so on.

I would really encourage you to read the book Annulment: The Wedding Thar Was by Michael Smith Foster. It will help you learn more about what annulment is and isn’t.

accepted. I could understand the first, as it was religious - they said vows before God, albeit in a different church, but if the Church says that that marriage was recognized, wouldn’t that mean that the other two were not valid, as he was not technically free to marry again in the eyes of the church?

No. His first marriage must be examined for nullity. If it was null, then in fact he was free to marry the second woman.

Edited to add: there is a high degree of probability you will get well meaning but inaccurate answers here, especially as your situation involves multiple marriages. I encourage you to seek your answers from your local Catholic or the diocesan tribunal.

 

[His_helpmeet]

He will need to have the first two marriages each investigated separately, meaning he’ll need to fill out separate paperwork for each one. (If his third marriage was to a Catholic but she did not have a declaration of nullity from her previous marriage, and her husband was still alive, he will still need to fill out paperwork for that one but an investigation should not be required. That will be something that can be proven “on paper”.)

He needs to get the ball rolling - you can’t. There are a number of very personal questions that will be asked of him and you likely won’t be able to answer them, even on the initial investigation form.

I also strongly encourage that you get in touch with the tribunal and speak to them about the specifics.

My husband has a declaration of nullity from his first marriage, but he was only married the once previously. A formal investigation was required, but there was only the one marriage to investigate.

I wish you all the best.