Seeking Balance -- Sports Mom Needs Advice

[graceandglory]

Help! My children are now teenagers and in Sports every weekday after school. Besides that they have CCD and youth group, and one night a week, they have a football team dinner. If I was a really good mom, perhaps I’d let them spend an evening at their friends’ houses to study. My kids are also in AP classes.

I have always cooked dinner, and until this school year, we sit down to eat together every night of their lives.

I don’t know what to do. Can any former high school athletes tell me how dinner worked for your family? Do I give up the family table now that they are in High School?

I always had the mindset that “A family that eats together stays together” and “a family that prays together stays together.”

I’m a single mom, and I’m feeling a loss of power to make this all come together. They are at their dad’s every other weekend.

In high school, what can my expectations be for spending quality time with my teenage boys?

Should I eat alone? Buy packaged meals for them?

 

[Nanny_PK]

I am not a mom so take this for what it’s worth

Maybe have something going in the crockpot – soup or something like that, that can be kept warm easy and that way when they come in, you can sit down and have dinner with them – even if it’s staggered.

When I was in high school, we were in band so always had practice after school, but still always had dinner together. However, I lived in a very small town so it wasn’t that big of a commute or anything like that.

 

[thenewmrssears]

I have no kids, but I’m not that far out of my parents’ house.

There are 5 kids, and I am the oldest. We were all really busy…especially me. I danced 5 days a week, ran cross country, had a part time job, did my school academic clubs [like FBLA], and was a cheerleader. I was NEVER home.

My parents’ only rule regarding dinner was that Sunday night was not optional. We had to be there for dinner or face their wrath. The rest of the week was a mess of activities, school work, clubs, Church activities, group meetings, etc.

My parents still have 3 kids living at home: 2 in high school + 1 in community college. They still have the Sunday dinner rule.

My mom was a huge fan of crock pot meals or “freeze + unfreeze” meals as she called them. These were things that she made on Saturday and Sunday that got stuck in the freezer but could be popped in the microwave for a quick meal - soups, lasagna, pasta, pizza, etc.

 

[Cat]

My girls were competitive figure skaters. Several nights or early mornings (3:30 A.M.) we commuted 65 miles into the Big City so that they could skate on an elite synchronized skating team.

Trust me, your family unity will not be destroyed if you don’t eat dinner together at home at the table.

We very seldom ate dinner together at a table while my kids were growing up. Many of our meals were fast food eaten in the car during the commute. (The girls were in great shape.)

For those of you who are frowning and saying, “Poor little things,” save it. We loved it. To this day, my kids say, “I loved all those times when we ate dinner at Steak and Shake after practice.”

It’s not the dinner or the table or the house that makes a family stick together. It’s showing love and support for each other in good times (winning) and bad (last place).

Enjoy these years! Treasure them! I loved the years of practicing and competing. When the girls were on team, we didn’t spend a lot of time with them (they were with the coach constantly), but there was always the rides to and from the rinks–lots of good conversation.

In fact, I loved them so much that after my kids graduated from high school, I started writing novels about a fictional synchronized skating team, and created a whole group of skating families, moms, dads, coaches, skaters and teams so that I could re-live it all over again, every time I pick up one of my novels! (See my website at the bottom of my post.)

I think a lot of kids and parents who are involved in sports are very close. When they DO have a little family time, they cherish it more than those who eat together every night and spend many hours together.

When my older daughter had to quit team, she cried for days, and in fact, she still cries when she attends synchro competition because she misses the sport. (She’s 25 now!)

And my younger daughter is a skating coach with synchro teams of her own. She loves the sport and is determined to give her students the same great memories that she had growing up.

So don’t worry about dinners at a table at home. You’re a sports mom now. Enjoy it. I wish I were you.

 

[graceandglory]

**
It’s not the dinner or the table or the house that makes a family stick together. ** It’s showing love and support for each other in good times (winning) and bad (last place).

Enjoy these years! Treasure them! I loved the years of practicing and competing.
.
.

I think a lot of kids and parents who are involved in sports are very close. When they DO have a little family time, they cherish it more than those who eat together every night and spend many hours together.

…

So don’t worry about dinners at a table at home. You’re a sports mom now. Enjoy it. I wish I were you.

Thank you Cat. You’re right. It’s NOT the dinner or the table or the house that makes a family stick together. That has just been so symbolic of all that is left of the “Leave it to Beaver” family I wanted to have.

I think that I might be experiencing some kind of culture shock.
It is a different culture. I need to find my way around.

I think I’ll print out your post and hang it on the fridge. Thanks for taking the time to post.

 

[graceandglory]

My parents’ only rule regarding dinner was that Sunday night was not optional. We had to be there for dinner or face their wrath..

Thanks for this bit of advice. I will definitely think on it.

How about Sunday nights dinner, family rosary, and a movie?

 

[graceandglory]

Maybe have something going in the crockpot – soup or something like that, that can be kept warm easy and that way when they come in, you can sit down and have dinner with them – even if it’s staggered.

When I was in high school, we were in band .

Oh yeah, I forgot to add band.

I have a hard time knowing how much food to prepare for them to fill them up.

I always thought dinner was supposed to be around five or six.
I know I can’t eat a heavy meal before dinner or I’d be gigantic.

Is it okay to sit with them at 9 pm and not eat with them?

(See, problem is, I feel obligated to eat with them)

 

[BeeSweet]

Is it okay to sit with them at 9 pm and not eat with them?

(See, problem is, I feel obligated to eat with them)

How 'bout a hot cocoa hour, or cookies and milk before bed?

I think the big deal about family dinner time is that it’s a slowed down time when you can all catch up with each other and talk a little bit away from the television. Dinner is just an easy way to make that happen.

 

[kage_ar]

Keep the priorities in line:

God

Family

School/Sports

If you keep it in that order, the rest will come in place.

I do agree - the crock pot is your friend.

As the mom of a teen, he spends one or two evenings with friends each week. The rest is with the family or at Church stuff.

 

[LB5]

I was a child, high school, and collegiate athlete. I RARELY had meals at home with my family during the week. The same for my brother. We were a lot like Cat’s family, my mom or dad or both would often stop at a restaurant after practice or games with us. It certainly did not detract from our family unit. My parents are still married, and my brother and I have a very good relationship with them. They did show their support in other ways. They were ALWAYS at my games or awards ceremonies. ALWAYS. Even when I begged them not to go, you know how teenagers can be. I played travel ball every weekend of the summer, and my mom and dad BOTH went nearly every weekend. I can count on one hand the time either only one parent went, or I went with a friend’s family without either parent.

I don’t think meal time is what you should necessarily be focused on–it’s the support and “cheerleading” of your kids through these activities that are so important to them.

 

[Nanny_PK]

Oh yeah, I forgot to add band.

I have a hard time knowing how much food to prepare for them to fill them up.

I always thought dinner was supposed to be around five or six.
I know I can’t eat a heavy meal before dinner or I’d be gigantic.

Is it okay to sit with them at 9 pm and not eat with them?

(See, problem is, I feel obligated to eat with them)

They want the interaction with you not the eating. It would be perfectly acceptable to sit with them while they eat!!!

 

[graceandglory]

I was a child, high school, and collegiate athlete. I RARELY had meals at home with my family during the week. The same for my brother. We were a lot like Cat’s family, my mom or dad or both would often stop at a restaurant after practice or games with us. It certainly did not detract from our family unit. My parents are still married, and my brother and I have a very good relationship with them. They did show their support in other ways. They were ALWAYS at my games or awards ceremonies. ALWAYS. Even when I begged them not to go, you know how teenagers can be. I played travel ball every weekend of the summer, and my mom and dad BOTH went nearly every weekend. I can count on one hand the time either only one parent went, or I went with a friend’s family without either parent.
**
I don’t think meal time is what you should necessarily be focused on–it’s the support and “cheerleading” of your kids through these activities that are so important to them**.

Dear LB5,

This is the kind of response I was hoping to get! Thanks a lot!!!
It really is a new phase I need to enter with them. I really appreciate your sharing your story.

I just really want my faith to rub off on them, and for us all to always be together.

 

[graceandglory]

Keep the priorities in line:

God

Family

School/Sports

If you keep it in that order, the rest will come in place.

That’s why I’m here, leaning on my brothers and sisters in Christ. Those are my priorities, and all of a sudden School/Sports seems to want to take first place.

I need to find another way to make God and Family #1, and #2.

Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut.

 

[graceandglory]

How 'bout a hot cocoa hour, or cookies and milk before bed?

I think the big deal about family dinner time is that it’s a slowed down time when you can all catch up with each other and talk a little bit away from the television. Dinner is just an easy way to make that happen.

I love your suggestion!!!

In Mexico, we didn’t have dinner at 6:00. We ate breakfast cereal together at 9 pm. That’s just the way we did it there.

I’d like to carve out a half hour each day, and if it has to be 9:30 at night for cereal, pancakes, or cocoa, so be it. I think we can make it work.

I’m so grateful for all of the suggestions in this thread. Thank you for sharing the idea of cocoa hour.

 

[Ruthie]

DH and I are good Catholics with rosaries hanging from our rear-view mirrors.

When we go somewhere together, the first thing we do in the car is pick up the rosary and say the Divine Mercy chaplet. It’s short and only takes about 5 minutes. That’s a good way to keep God first while chauffeuring.

Just a thought…

Ruthie

 

[BamaRider]

My son played baseball and football through high school, and college. He started sports when he was 6 years old.

I was also the coach, but once in high school he was all their’s. Like some mentioned earlier, we ate out after games, but we normally ate supper during the week at home, albeit it was kinda of late.

We were fotrunate my work schedule allowed me to pick him up from school and get him home before practice to do his homework and study.

I solved the dlimena of extra practice by building a batting cage in my backyard. That way all we had to do was walk out, turn on the lights. In the evenings we would be in the cage hitting while his mother fixed supper, she stuck her head out the door to call us in when it was ready. They were good times.

He attended college on a baseball scholarship, it was much more business like, they played 50 games in the fall, and 70 in the srping. We attended almost everyone of them. His school was 2 hours away. His ballgames were a important focal point of our life. When it was finally over we greatly missed it.

To answer your question. Just do the best you can, and understand you might not see them as much as you’d like. Mandatory Sunday time is a good idea, outside of that, let it ride, as long it doesn’t interfere with school work or Church.

 

[OSUbride0708]

My husband often struggles with this concept. We are newlyweds, and it often bothers him that my family doesn’t sit down together every night. He comes from a family of 8 kids, and none of them were very deeply involved in anything during their teenage years. His mother makes dinner and serves it to the family, and cleans up afterward every night. I try to explain to him that we did eat meals together when my brother and I were young, but then I got into gymnastics, and also did school sports and so our schedules didn’t always match up. I never felt like I was missing out on anything, and like a previous poster said, I too cherish those rides to and from the gym and to meets. The gym was a long drive so my mom stayed for every practice and never missed one. It meant a lot to me.
I would love to eat dinner together every night but I know there will come a time where our schedules won’t always be the same, and I’m trying to prepare him for that future.

 

[ecp007]

My parents’ only rule regarding dinner was that Sunday night was not optional. We had to be there for dinner or face their wrath.

I had a boyfriend in highschool and college whose parents had the same rule. Every Sunday, like clockwork we were at their house to eat dinner. It is one of my fondest memories growing up. They had a very close nit family.

 

[Rick09]

I think some people are missing the problem with sports and all the activities. They’re good. But when people spend that much time accommodating sports/activities and making sure to give them so much attention it can send the wrong message to the kids.

Sports/activities have almost become a god for people. Sports are even played on Sunday mornings now. People adjust their Mass schedules or skip Mass because of “important games.” It’s crazy, imo. What message does that send to the kids?

It’s even more crazy when you’ve got a lot of kids. Some people say the sports are a good family activity. Well, maybe if you’re like some people who think that anything more that two kids is too many. It’s not so great for a family of 3 or more. You end up all split up taking different ones to different games all the time.

I’m with ecp007. I’d think at the very least that a good place to start would be both Sunday Mass and dinner together as a family. If we can’t even do that, then I think there’s a problem.

 

[Cat]

I think some people are missing the problem with sports and all the activities. They’re good. But when people spend that much time accommodating sports/activities and making sure to give them so much attention it can send the wrong message to the kids.

Sports/activities have almost become a god for people. Sports are even played on Sunday mornings now. People adjust their Mass schedules or skip Mass because of “important games.” It’s crazy, imo. What message does that send to the kids?

It’s even more crazy when you’ve got a lot of kids. Some people say the sports are a good family activity. Well, maybe if you’re like some people who think that anything more that two kids is too many. It’s not so great for a family of 3 or more. You end up all split up taking different ones to different games all the time.

I’m with ecp007. I’d think at the very least that a good place to start would be both Sunday Mass and dinner together as a family. If we can’t even do that, then I think there’s a problem.

Problem with this is “who cooks the dinner?”

After chauferring student athletes around all week and cheering for them and offering them Lifesavers in hard times, Mom (and Dad) do not necessarily see a “family dinner at home” as relaxing or a means to bring the family together… It’s just one more chore that takes AWAY from family time together!

I frankly hate cooking, and I hate eating at home, and I hate cleaning it all up, and I generally hate the leftovers. My husband hates all this stuff even more than I do. And even though the “family experts” try to convince us that the whole family can get involved with fixing and cleaning up dinner, I say that’s just fantasy.

If cooking and cleaning together relaxes you as a family, that’s neat. Go for it.

But for our family, the last thing we would ever consider doing to relax is “family dinner at home.” Yecch.

As I said earlier, the point is to grow closer together as a family, not all get into a big fight that ends in an exhausted mother running crying to the bedroom and slamming the door! If sitting around at Chile’s eating the Queso brings you closer together, then that’s good! (And it’s really not that expensive-under $10 for as much as you can eat.)