Seeking dating advice

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Hi folks! I’m looking for some guidance regarding dating, and hoping that someone with more experience than me might be able to give some good advice.

I’ve recently begun dating a woman I met through a middle school Catholic youth group we both help out at (I’m 23; she’s 22). It took me a while to work up the courage to ask her to dinner, but I finally did and everything went better than expected. This is not my first relationship, but after my previous two with non-Catholics (neither of which developed very far) I’ve grown to understand how important of a role my faith will play in my search for someone to spend the rest of my life with. After a lot of prayer I have felt a strong calling to an eventual married vocation with her.

I know that the road to marriage is one best traveled at a slow and deliberate pace, and I am not looking to be too eager and try to “jump ahead.” My question is this: how should I ask this woman to “go steady?”

Most of what I’ve found on the Internet about this has defined “going steady” as having to do with sexual intimacy, and that’s not what I mean at all; both her and I are intent on waiting until marriage for that. What I’m looking for is the best way to broach the delicate vocational topic without appearing brash or forward.

Thanks for reading my question. I’m very interested in hearing your (name removed by moderator)ut. I’ve never felt “called” to anything (or anyone) this strongly before, and I really don’t want to make a mistake and forever be remembering “the one that got away.”

God bless!
 
Skip_D said:
Hi folks! I’m looking for some guidance regarding dating, and hoping that someone with more experience than me might be able to give some good advice.

I’ve recently begun dating a woman I met through a middle school Catholic youth group we both help out at (I’m 23; she’s 22). It took me a while to work up the courage to ask her to dinner, but I finally did and everything went better than expected. This is not my first relationship, but after my previous two with non-Catholics (neither of which developed very far) I’ve grown to understand how important of a role my faith will play in my search for someone to spend the rest of my life with. After a lot of prayer I have felt a strong calling to an eventual married vocation with her.

I know that the road to marriage is one best traveled at a slow and deliberate pace, and I am not looking to be too eager and try to “jump ahead.” My question is this: how should I ask this woman to “go steady?”

Most of what I’ve found on the Internet about this has defined “going steady” as having to do with sexual intimacy, and that’s not what I mean at all; both her and I are intent on waiting until marriage for that. What I’m looking for is the best way to broach the delicate vocational topic without appearing brash or forward.

Thanks for reading my question. I’m very interested in hearing your (name removed by moderator)ut. I’ve never felt “called” to anything (or anyone) this strongly before, and I really don’t want to make a mistake and forever be remembering “the one that got away.”

God bless!
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How long have you been friends? It’s good to have a good period as just friends, first, before even dating. The transition, then, to dating should happen pretty easily after that, because if it’s right, you’ll both be wanting to move to the next step.

This is just my own opinion, though.
 
ClearWater said:
How long have you been friends? It’s good to have a good period as just friends, first, before even dating. The transition, then, to dating should happen pretty easily after that, because if it’s right, you’ll both be wanting to move to the next step.

This is just my own opinion, though.
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I agree 100% that’s why a man of my age has never “officially” had a dating relationship. But I very much like women and have girl friends I look at it this way. Dating is not just because you have nothing to do. It is a means to an end. There are rules and dangers. I wouldn’t just want to be around some girl I didn’t know. The temptations and problems that go along with being around women are not something I would want if it wasn’t right. Follow your will and you’ll always be in err. I leave such things to divine providence. Just my opinion that doesn’t mean much 🙂
 
There is no need to overcomplicate things. Just ask her if she’d like to be your girlfriend. God bless!
 
Hello Skip,

I married , had children, and ended up as a widower. Now, at age 67 I am actively dating on a regular basis. I have met and gone out with a number of attractive, educated, and interesting women. Over time one captured my heart and we are in a committed relationship. So, I speak from experience.

The best approach at this stage of the game is to see this lady as often as you can and spend as much time with her as possible so that you become really good friends and very comfortable around each other. Then you can decide if being friends is enough or if you want a lifetime together as mates. Time spent together and getting to know each other is the only mechanism I know of that builds solid relationships.

Have confidence in yourself. Don’t rush it.
 
Skip_D said:
Hi folks! I’m looking for some guidance regarding dating, and hoping that someone with more experience than me might be able to give some good advice.

I’ve recently begun dating a woman I met through a middle school Catholic youth group we both help out at (I’m 23; she’s 22). It took me a while to work up the courage to ask her to dinner, but I finally did and everything went better than expected. This is not my first relationship, but after my previous two with non-Catholics (neither of which developed very far) I’ve grown to understand how important of a role my faith will play in my search for someone to spend the rest of my life with. After a lot of prayer I have felt a strong calling to an eventual married vocation with her.

I know that the road to marriage is one best traveled at a slow and deliberate pace, and I am not looking to be too eager and try to “jump ahead.” My question is this: how should I ask this woman to “go steady?”

Most of what I’ve found on the Internet about this has defined “going steady” as having to do with sexual intimacy, and that’s not what I mean at all; both her and I are intent on waiting until marriage for that. What I’m looking for is the best way to broach the delicate vocational topic without appearing brash or forward.

Thanks for reading my question. I’m very interested in hearing your (name removed by moderator)ut. I’ve never felt “called” to anything (or anyone) this strongly before, and I really don’t want to make a mistake and forever be remembering “the one that got away.”

God bless!
Click to expand...
First off, “the one that got away” is a bunch of junk. Trust in God that what happens, happens for a reason. :rolleyes:

Secondly, just ask if you and her are “an item” now, in your own words.🤷 There’s really no set way of doing this, and if you’ve already gone out on dates with her there shouldn’t be any sort of reason to feel worry in asking this (the hard part, asking her out on the initial date, is over).

The key is not worrying so much about it.
 
Give her a single red rose in a box lined with gold paper. And wrap the box of course.

She will know what you are asking without saying a word.
 
Warandpeace said:
There is no need to overcomplicate things. Just ask her if she’d like to be your girlfriend. God bless!
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+1

On the other hand, if I were the OP’s age, I’d probably be unable to avoid saying something cheeky like, ‘I was just thinking. Would you like to have a boyfriend perchance?’ ‘Like who?’ ‘Uhmm… dunno… me?’ (Just make a genuine Eureka expression at the last word.)
Groo said:
Give her a single red rose in a box lined with gold paper. And wrap the box of course.

She will know what you are asking without saying a word.
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More like I did it.
 
I suppose it depends on how direct you wish to be. For some, putting a label on it may be tricky. Instead, why not state (not forcefully though) that you want to be “exclusive”? Then you two can define what that means to you.
 
I never thought of “going steady” as a formal arrangement other than when i was in high school. People did that then.

I “went steady” with a number of women in that I dated them exclusively or nearly so, and I think it was true of them as well. But there was never a formal agreement about it. We just did. I think women can tell easily enough by the amount and centrality of the time you spend with them.

My wife and I sort of “went steady”, even though we both dated some after we first met. But pretty soon, the relationship was so obvious that neither of us thought to date anybody else. Our very marriage intentions were unexpressed for awhile. We sort of just knew.

So, I don’t know. I think I would see how the relationship develops. If it’s a good one, you’ll end up “going steady” without either of you ever announcing it.
 
Whatever you decide on your approach, don’t do it in a supplicating way, don’t ask for her permission to “go steady”. Just go on spending time with her because you want to. Take her places besides dinner. Dinner is fine, but what other activities do you like? Does she like any of them? There must be activity date ideas in your town: easy ways to spend lots of time with her without breaking the bank. A woman who wants to be with you will not make it hard for you to lead her. Yes do listen to her, but be the man of action. Give her the rose because you want to not because she expects it. Be the leader for that is how you are going to conduct your marriage. If she doesn’t want to be with you, she’ll let you know. When that conversation comes up, don’t be afraid of it. Good luck.
 
The ‘steady’ thing seems to be a concept belonging to one of the versions of dating, correct me if I’m wrong. There’s talk about being exclusive or not, short term or long term, or whatever, and then there’s the ‘steady’, probably as opposed to ‘off and on’. Am I right?

In any case, I’m not a fan of defining relationships as exclusive or not etc. Humans weren’t made for polyamory, relationships weren’t made for recreation, and so and so forth. So, basically, from my point of view there’s friends (or acquaintances, or colleagues, not everybody is a friend) and then there’s some sort of girlfriend or boyfriend in the making (not formal yet), then something more formal, then engagement, then marriage. Obviously with the ability to opt out for all sorts of reasons, not saying no to that.

There are some cultural differences here, basically. Personally, I can’t stomach the idea of it being anything else than wrong to have multiple concurrent relationships with stuff like kissing, holding hands, declaring love, cutting initials into trees, strollin’ down the lovers’ lane, ‘stargazing’ and all that jazz. I have no wish to start an off-topic discussion about this, but neither do I have any wish to give the appearance of supporting that version of dating.
 
What I like about the rose approach is that you can observe her reaction. If she is excited to receive the rose, then you know she is interested in a romantic relationship.

If she is less then enthusiastic, then she may view you as ‘just a friend’ or a meal ticket or something else.

So it is both a romantic gesture and is a good test of how she feels about you. I know some on here will consider this ‘playing games’, but since we men aren’t mind readers we need some way to know where we stand.
 
Groo said:
What I like about the rose approach is that you can observe her reaction. If she is excited to receive the rose, then you know she is interested in a romantic relationship.
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Not always… girls are sometimes clueless. Might be naturally happy to receive the rose (especially from someone she likes or respects) but also oblivious to the suggestion of a romantic relationship. Even if it’s a red one.

(I used to pick white or pink or orange ones to avoid suggesting too much.)
 
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