Seeking help for brother in explaining the faith

[jacfalle20]

First, I’ll start off by explaining my situation. My entire family was the product of shoddy Catholic teaching, first within the family and later CCD and confirmation classes. Even until just recently, I was under the belief that all was needed was to “just be a good person.” I considered myself a good Catholic, until my younger brother challenged me with questions that had been posed to him by Protestant Christians regarding the Eucharist. I found myself explaining that it’s “a symbol of our faith in Jesus” to which he gave me a Protestant explanation of the Eucharist. Even then, it sounded weird to me, and I started researching why I believe what I was taught to believe. The further I researched this one topic, the more I wanted to research the faith in its entirety. Now I’m no theologian by any stretch of the imagination, but the more I researched, the more my love for my faith grew.

Now my problem. I was never one to be able to articulate any arguments I had about anything. One Sunday after mass, I was enjoying my day at a family bbq. Now at that mass, we had a guest from Bethlehem who came asking us in this Advent season to help support Catholic Christians there by purchasing some beautiful crafts.I told my brother about this (he still considers himself Catholic). His reply shocked even me. “I don’t believe in the church anymore. Everything is now just political. Just listen to this song…, and this song… and this song…” I couldn’t believe he was learning about God through music! We love to listen to reggae music, he likes rap as well. He kept telling me about Bob Marley (whose music i like) and others (rap music) talking about God’s intentions in their music. I had no idea what to say. I was still shocked at his first comment about the church. I want to help my brother begin to see the true teachings of our beloved Catholic Church, but I have no idea where to even begin. He accuses me of being closed-minded about other beliefs when he doesn’t even know what our own faith truly teaches. I love my brother and would like him to see the beauty that is our Catholic faith. I can talk to my other brothers in trying to help them understand our faith better, but this one brother I have no idea how to talk with him in anything regarding God. Please someone help me. He refuses to have anything to do with the Church, yet still considers himself a Catholic because we were “raised Catholic.”

 

[dontlookdown]

Try watching some of Fr. Barron’s Videos on youtube. he posts under the username wordonfirevideo. The only song I recall him commenting on is the “I love God, but hate religion” video. That one video may be very helpfull. He also comments from a Catholic perspective on movies as they are released such as “True Grit” “The Grey” and many others. Hopefully Fr. Barron will inspire you show his Vids to your brother, then you can start watching Fr. Barron’s other more indepth videos. Hope this helps, I’ll pray for you and your brother.

 

[jacfalle20]

Thank you very much. I’ve actually seen it already. I love his Catholicism series, and his “Word on Fire” website is among my favorites. I myself learned more from him than from all my CCD classes combined. But my brother is not the type to actually sit & watch anything to do with the Church. He’d rather point out to me the negativity surrounding the Church than actually watch it. I just have a problem trying to show him or tell him the actual “teachings” of the Church without him trying to contradict with something he heard in MUSIC… I mean, how do I respond to that? If he was like my other brother and asking about Christian (Protestant) beliefs, I could somewhat respond, having looked up some of the differences myself.I pray that he’ll open his mind to finally see the beauty that is the Catholic faith. I’m also extremely worried of what he’ll teach his daughters about Catholicism. They already hardly ever go to mass, and I suspect my brother is even extremely uncomfortable at church when he does go. He doesn’t see the Eucharist for what it is. My other brothers at least associate it with Jesus (I try to explain the Real Presence to them). This other brother cannot get past that it’s “just crackers & wine”. I pray that he’ll one day truly understand the Church & it’s mission on Earth.

 

[JRKH]

I believe the root problem is that you have discovered so much that you don’t know how to “break it down” so as to present it to him…AND…he is not communicating to you in a way that allows you to grab on to something specific to address. Your brother’s comment
I don’t believe in the church anymore. Everything is now just political. Just listen to this song…, and this song… and this song…
Did exactly what was intended…It shocked you…but it provided exactly zero opportunity to address the charge.
In such a situation…it is best to keep asking questions - sort of like a child that keeps asking “Why…Why…Why”.

So if he says something like, “I don’t believe in the church anymore. Everything is now just political”, You ask him what he means by that. What does he consider “political” in the Church’s teachings etc…
See how he responds and look to see if his response shows any real thought. If he offers something, then you can again ask why he thinks it is political as opposed to theological etc…
This takes time - probably a lot of time…but keep trying to break his blanket statement down to something specific. Something that you and he can discuss and research.

As for songs…They are fine…If the message is good, then agree with him…If the message is bad…explain to him why…This might allow another avenue into discussion.

The last point to make is to try to be gentle. “That’s interesting…but…” is much better response than, “That is just totally wrong…”. Try to draw him in with love…the greatest tool of our faith.

Hope some of these little thoughts help.

Peace
James

 

[jacfalle20]

You hit my problem right on the nose. After my poor upbringing in the faith, I was discovering so much (and being reinvigorated into my faith) that I do not know how to articulate in a way that doesn’t sound defensive from his statements about our faith. I will pray and try to do as you advise. God bless you..

 

[Demetra2]

We are going through a similar situation with my husband’s brother and it is very frustrating and sad. I think my BIL may have had better catichesis as a youngster but gave up on the church as an adult. It is especially sad because he even admitted to a possible vocation to be a priest that he ultimately ran away from. He has also bought into the hype that he is a “good person” and does not fear hell and assumes that if there is a God that he will be in heaven. He is basically an atheist. His problem is that has become a self centered person living only for himself and this has stunted his spiritual life. My husband has tried to talk to him but he is stubborn. Now we just pray for him.
I think that it is wonderful that you have rediscovered your Catholic faith. The Catholic church is a treasure trove of love for God and you have begun the most important journey of your life. Perhaps as you grow in your knowledge and love for God your brother will observe and eventually come along too. Buy him the book Catholicism for Dummies and ask him to go to church with you. And pray for him. But ultimately it is his responsibility to find Jesus although you can gently nudge him through your love for the Catholic Church and your prayers. Good luck.