Seeking Second Opinion

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Well as much as I’d like to have children of my own, for some odd reason, my mother and even my confessor is staunchly against myself entering a serious relationship with someone in her twenties or thirties. Although I do think some girls in their twenties do indeed look like kids to me, some of them give me some very special and surprisingly magical romantic feelings that I do not ordinarily receive from older women. Very strange but at the same time wonderful if you ask me!
 
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Thank you kindly for that! I am still very determined however to find that special someone and get married someday. God bless!
 
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As you are age 54, I doubt many 20 years old would truly be interested in marrying. That’s a pretty big age difference.
 
You’re not going to believe this, but just a couple of weeks ago, I’ve had a 24 or 25 year old from my own parish approach me , but after I apologetically turned her down, she became rather disappointed. I think they actually believe I’m in my late 30’s or early 40’s. I’ve actually had one girl in her mid-twenties telling me that she thought I was in my late 30’s! Not sure if I should consider that a complement or not, lol! But nevertheless, I’ve come to the conclusion, that regardless of age, I think if she at least appears to be that perfect adult match and becomes fulfilling so to speak, why not. But those are just my thoughts.

God bless!
 
Okay, here’s another update. This is kind of off-topic but I thought I’d mention that I’ve found a very sweet person in her mid-forties online through a Catholic singles website and we’ve known each other for the last four months. She seldom contacted me however, and it was just recently that I discovered why. For the first time last weekend, she had admitted that she had a problem with procrastination due to the fact that she’d deliberately occupy herself with other things to avoid “starting something” new, such as a relationship I guess. But she at the same time insisted that she remained very interested in me. I’ve come to the conclusion that she just might be having some personal issues, perhaps mental, of some sort which she called a “problem”.

This to me was a positive signal on her part that she may soon be in a position to change. So I thought maybe she’s implicitly looking for some sort of guidance, perhaps a boost of sorts. Hence I took the initiative, and instead of seeking solid advice from those with more experience , I thought she’d become more interested in forming a relationship were i to send her a romantic clip of music from Youtube. And that’s exactly what I did. You may want to check it out; it’s Kenny G’s “Over the Rainbow” accompanied with a video showcasing rainbows.

Do you think that was the wrong thing to do? Do you also think I may have ruined any chance of hearing from her again (I haven’t heard from her since)? I did send her a warning first about it before sending it, so maybe she didn’t bother to listen to it hopefully. I guess I’m getting just a little too impatient. She is definitely and obviously someone of very special of value to me and I’d like to have at least the chance to chat with her over the phone sometime. We’ll see how things transpire by the weekend. Keeping my fingers crossed and counting rosary beads!
 
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I’m a bit concerned with the places, the ways, and the boldness some of these women employ, in trying to attract you…

For example, one woman approached you ‘outside a gym’…while there’s nothing wrong, in itself, with gyms and such, the boldness and insistence has me concerned…have you recently,changed the way you dress? Gone out of your way to appear attractive to women? You may be sending out signals announcing your sexual availability, and attracted women who are interested in a ‘Mr. Right Now’ , mainly for sexual purposes. You may even have them thinking that is your purpose, in going out, looking for available women to meet…although you do have high moral standards, you wouldn’t be interested in dating, etc. unless you had some desire for such a relationship. But, you say you want to wait for marriage, which means waiting for you being truly ready to marry! In short, you and these women might want different things entirely. Some of them may not even be truly ‘available’…people who are married, about to be married, or are in a committed relationship that has hit a rough spot may want you just for sex ‘right now’…hence, the urgency!

A woman who is interested in marriage will want to get to know you first: isn’t that what you expect from them? Off hand, it looks as if your limited experience is helping to attract the wrong kind of woman. Please, no ‘off the street’ or ‘next to the gym’ pick ups are likely to become a committed, loving marriage with a woman you can trust. A woman that you meet in a questionable way most likely has a questionable past. If you can’t bring yourself to just disqualify women who approach you in such a way, look into her background before becoming emotionally, financially, or legally committed to her in any way! If she truly has a good reason for having come on too strong, she’ll understand your need to know…and, be willing to answer questions!

Another thing to consider…are you sure that it isn’t mainly sexual desire that’s motivating you to look for a partner? It has to be part of the reason…but, are your faith, your morality, your standards for yourself and those you involve yourself with making themselves at least equally apparent with your sexual feelings? Is the way you speak to women, act towards them, discuss your life, and even dress, consistent with these standards?

You did get a late start in interpersonal relationships with the other sex. It’s not going to be easy…but, you can’t rush things! A woman who truly wants to love you and have a life with you will be willing to wait for a while. Don’t become desperate, and do something you’ll later regret.

Prayers, and God Bless!

P.S. If anything in this post rings a bell with you, go thru your wardrobe, and put aside the flashier items…clothes don’t make the man, but they may give the wrong impression.
 
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Dress would be one of the first things to consider under these unusual circumstances. The only thing that I think really stands out among the general public could be the fact that I do dress for the most part in business casual and handle myself in a very modest fashion. I’d like to think I have some importance out there, but I am definitely not, at least not intentionally, sending out signals by dress or otherwise to indicate some desire or intention to attract attention to myself for sexual purposes. I wear a simple t-shirt(without images) and joggers at the gym. The one thing I don’t wear, which might very well have some bearing, is a ring. Please don’t get me wrong; the last thing I’d want anyone to think right now is that I am sexual pleasure seeker! God forbid, please! I am definitely not like that! God knows and my fellow parishioners, my parents, family and friends know!

You are right in highlighting the fact, that a good woman interested in marriage would want to know me first. That makes complete sense! And I thank you for pointing that out to me! Very constructive to say the least! A woman interested in marriage will not rush things, you are right. One such person is a devout Catholic who is simply interested right now in getting acquainted with me strictly online through email. After four months, she is finally beginning to talk a little about future plans together. Nothing serious for now , however.

Please also know that when I talk about romantic feelings, I am not talking about sex. The romantic feelings I seek are what you might compare to a beautiful piece of music associated with the beauty or personality of a certain woman. The feelings I get when playing say a piece of romantic music and looking upon a picture of say a girl I have met in church or online through a Catholic website singles are strictly pure, it’s hard to explain. I get absolutely no sexual pleasure from that! What I get is simply a magical, absolutely unexplainable sense of appreciation and joy from the beauty of that person. There is definitely a difference there! When speaking with women, I’d speak to them about casual things as I would to anyone.

I am relieved to know , however, that a woman who wants to love me will actually be willing to wait. So far, I’ve had only one, online, who is willing to do that. I will do everything in my power from now on to avoid becoming desperate.

Thank you so very much for your indispensable advice! May God bless you in a very special way for that! I can now feel confident ignoring women who seek immediate sexual gratification.
 
gborbely said:
Well as much as I’d like to have children of my own, for some odd reason, my mother and even my confessor is staunchly against myself entering a serious relationship with someone in her twenties or thirties. Although I do think some girls in their twenties do indeed look like kids to me, some of them give me some very special and surprisingly magical romantic feelings that I do not ordinarily receive from older women. Very strange but at the same time wonderful if you ask me!
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It appears you are my competition…

Seriously, though…

Did they say why they are against it? Maybe your mother has old-age abandonment fears, but your confessor? Ask him bluntly if he is simply opposed to you fathering children (there are some out there - I’ve even seen it here on CAF - who think men who want their own children are “DNA snobs” or whatever the term is). Go to a few different confessors, as having one confessor with intimate knowledge of your life has the potential to lead to manipulative cult-like abuse of power.
 
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