**Our Lord to Bl. Anna Maria Tiagi: " My daughter, spiritual profit consists neither in penance, nor in the frequentation of the Sacraments, nay, not even in abiding sorrow for sin, but in the union of your will with Mine. Those who wish to follow My way must renounce their own will everywhere and in all things. Do what you do not wish to do; leave undone what you wish to do; one act of violence to oneself of this kind is much more pleasing to Me than an entire year of penances. You must not for the future use such language as: ‘I want this; that is pleasant, that other thing unpleasant, and I would rather not do it’—such is the language of the world." “She herself,” comments Cardinal Pedicini, “interpreted the necessity of renunciation in the following words: ‘To acquire the love of God one must pull against the stream and never cease to resist one’s own will’.” **
If I read this right, the only way we can be spiritually meritorious is to deny our wills in everything, everywhere, without stopping or burn-out; because to “indulge” our wills in the smallest, inconsequential thing is to either sin, or leads to effeminacy. either we deny ourselves of everything or we should just pack up and quit (which is not what I’m advocating, nor do I intend to.)
Am I reading into too far or this actual fact? I have no idea what I’m getting myself into!
This is not saying that to do our own will is sinful, but simply that God is more pleased when we deny ourselves and do His will. But you can’t paint that black and white, it must be guided by prudence, which is the guardian virtue of all other virtues, and you must have a better understanding of what kind of self denial is good, and what it means to follow Gods will…there are books which explain these things, which I will link a few for you, but most importantly, if you suffer from scrupulosity, then you need to consult with a priest, and do whatever he says, because when one has a mind that is troubled with scrupulosity, they need someone who has the ability to think more clearly and rationally to guide them, and I would even go so far as to say that you are better off consulting only with your spiritual director, because to get advice for things from different people can lead to confusion, or give you opportunities to pick whatever advise more satisfies your scrupulous compulsions.
(My husband is scrupulous so i deal with it alot)
But aside from that, it is good to want to deny ourselves and do/accept Gods will in all things, but it is a learning process, so you need to be patient, don’t rush into anything, to act on something before you have full understanding of it is like trying to find your way through the woods at night, you might have the intention to go the right way and do what is prudent, but if you can’t see the way then you’re bound to get lost.
God is most pleased simply when we try without giving up, no matter how many times we fall, as long as we keep trying to move forward, then He can guide us, so don’t be over anxious to be perfect all at once, just reach for perfection at an easy pace,
And try not to focus so much on your sins and how you’re offending God, instead try to think of what pleases God, because when we’re constantly thinking of our own sins and faults and have we committed a mortal or venial sin and how many times did i do that, etc. etc., it’s an excessive amount of thoughts on yourself, which the devil loves to incoarage, in fact, the devil would like you to think of anything at all, even your own sins, as long as it’s not God you’re thinking of.
Of course it’s important to examine our consciences, but I’m simply referring to overdoing it.
Well anyways, here are those books I wanted to recommend -
tanbooks.com/index.php/catalogsearch/result/?attr=0&q=Trustful+surender
tanbooks.com/index.php/catalogsearch/result/?attr=0&q=Divine+providence
tanbooks.com/index.php/the-holy-will-of-god-source-of-peace-and-happiness.html
Ok, hope this helps, take care
