Self-Discipline

[alcuin18]

Hello. The reason I’m posting this is to ask for advice on a particular problem. When you have no choice but to be around certain people who intentionally (by their own admission) try to provoke you and others by doing things you dislike or which are immoral and take pleasure in doing so, how can you gain greater ability to discipline your mind? My problem is that in these situations, which I’m in for large parts of every day and which I can’t currently change or get out of, I don’t want to sin and respond, whether verbally or mentally, in an angry or otherwise uncharitable way. I feel anger and anxiety practically all day due to this and the people know exactly what to do to make it hard for me to resist my feelings, particularly when they do things to people I care about and for which I can do nothing to protect them. I try my best not to respond, to just ignore them and let my anger dissipate, and especially not to talk about them with others when they’re not around, but it’s exceptionally difficult and has been the bulk of my confessions for some time.

Does anyone have any advice on how to help this, to gain greater control over my mind and feelings? If my question is too unclear, please say so and I’ll try to clarify or elaborate. Any help would be greatly appreciated, especially as it will be some time before I can gain any distance from these people, and the skill could be useful in the future anyways. God bless.

 

[fhansen]

Hello. The reason I’m posting this is to ask for advice on a particular problem. When you have no choice but to be around certain people who intentionally (by their own admission) try to provoke you and others by doing things you dislike or which are immoral and take pleasure in doing so, how can you gain greater ability to discipline your mind? My problem is that in these situations, which I’m in for large parts of every day and which I can’t currently change or get out of, I don’t want to sin and respond, whether verbally or mentally, in an angry or otherwise uncharitable way. I feel anger and anxiety practically all day due to this and the people know exactly what to do to make it hard for me to resist my feelings, particularly when they do things to people I care about and for which I can do nothing to protect them. I try my best not to respond, to just ignore them and let my anger dissipate, and especially not to talk about them with others when they’re not around, but it’s exceptionally difficult and has been the bulk of my confessions for some time.

Does anyone have any advice on how to help this, to gain greater control over my mind and feelings? If my question is too unclear, please say so and I’ll try to clarify or elaborate. Any help would be greatly appreciated, especially as it will be some time before I can gain any distance from these people, and the skill could be useful in the future anyways. God bless.

Pray hard-I mean it. For courage, wisdom, patience, love, for the Holy Spirit to bring truth to bear in your situation. People can be mean-and they don’t even know exactly why-we’re just free to do so even though we have no moral right. Pray for *them.*There’s pride and ignorance involved and as Christians we should know better at least but even then it’s not easy to deal with. Stand up against it but don’t repay in like kind-resist stooping to their level. But, “Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” James 4:7 All of these challenges are a test in their own way. God is in it and will provide a solution, even if it’s no more than your finding peace in the midst of the storm.

 

[venite_adoremus]

An old-school solution was to recite the Divine Praises silently.
Blessed be God.
Blessed be His Holy Name.

…and so forth. Look them up in an older prayer book or on Google. I found they worked wonders with bureaucrats.

 

[MrsAngelala]

Ignoring something that’s bothering you without substituting a replacement thought or action is exceedingly difficult. You’re working much harder than you have to! I second the idea about the Divine Praises. It’s a pretty long prayer, too, so the mental effort to remember will alone be a pretty big distraction.

Another thought – have you tried committing to a purpose of amendment? I’m not 100% sure how this is supposed to work, but this is how I manage it: First, I picked a fault. I’m easily irritated, which is a root-cause for a large majority of my sins, so that was an obvious one.

Then I created a purpose of amendment: *So that I may love God above **all **else, when I recognize that I’m getting irritated, I will picture the tabernacle and say the Jesus Prayer. * And subsequently did it.

Then: During my prayers before confession, I recommited to my purpose of amendment. In my examination of conscience I looked particularly for sins that could be traced back to my inappropriate handling of irritation, and they were the bulk of my confession. In this way, I appropriated the graces of the sacrament for this particular fault.

It seems to be pretty effective. You might try something like it for your situation?

Actually, it worked so well for me that I started slacking off and have noticed the problem cropping up again… time to refocus…

 

[Mary_Estelle]

There are such an instances of Just Anger. Sometimes you must take a stand against bullies and that seems to be what they are, and not be intimidated. When they start look- said person(s) right in the eye and ask, “Why would you say that” or ‘do that’ or be that way toward (me-others-the church)? You can follow it up with a gentle prayer or smile of reproach. It is the stuff of saints and mryters to look the devil in the eye and confront evilness for what it is. Turning the other cheek is often just that; another slap in the face or bow to the Id. What is the worst that these bullies can do to you…call you a nerd? So be a Godly nerd for all the right reasons. Praying for you

 

[alcuin18]

I greatly appreciate all your responses, they’re all very helpful and appreciated. God bless.