Self-esteem vs high esteem

[Robert_Sock]

I’m a psychologist and a Catholic and I tend to think that self-esteem is evil. Think about it: self-esteem is introverted and caters to the self. Contrast that with simple esteem that is directed outward instead if inward; for example, esteem towards life, esteem towards friends, and esteem toward religion. This is what it means to be a true extrovert.

Want emotionally stable individuals; promote high esteem as opposed to high self-esteem.

The media, of course, is extreme with self-esteem, and psychologists will tell you that self-esteem is very healthy and necessary for proper development. I say hogwash! In psychology, if someone is having problems, self-esteem is the first place psychologist look. Raise self-esteem and you will diminish negative behaviors. The problem is that we are addicted to self-esteem. Let something bad happen to self-esteem and look out, the individual crashes emotionally. Self-esteem leads to pride and other sins; esteem leads to LOVE and other virtues.

“We know that our old self was crucified with him so that the sinful body might be destroyed, and we might no longer be enslaved to sin.” –Romans 6:6

Any thoughts?

 

[Veritas248]

I’m no psychologist, but here is what I think:
Jesus has an excellent answer to the issue of self-esteem in one of the beatitudes:

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be fulfilled.”-Matthew 5:6

In other words, the blessing is not on those who are content with themselves, but on those who are discontent with themselves. It is the hunger and thirst for righteousness that brings true self esteem, i.e. fulfillment.

Related is this quote, though I forget its origin, “We are not at peace with ourselves because we are not at peace with others, and we are not at peace with others because we are not at peace with God.”

So in this, as in all other areas, the answer is
“Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and all other things will be added onto you.”-Matthew 6:33

 

[Robert_Sock]

I’m no psychologist, but here is what I think:
Jesus has an excellent answer to the issue of self-esteem in one of the beatitudes:

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be fulfilled.”-Matthew 5:6

In other words, the blessing is not on those who are content with themselves, but on those who are discontent with themselves. It is the hunger and thirst for righteousness that brings true self esteem, i.e. fulfillment.

Related is this quote, though I forget its origin, “We are not at peace with ourselves because we are not at peace with others, and we are not at peace with others because we are not at peace with God.”

So in this, as in all other areas, the answer is
“Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and all other things will be added onto you.”-Matthew 6:33

Maybe I’m missing something, but how is the beatitude related to self-esteem? Can’t fulfillment be the outcome of high esteem?

 

[Veritas248]

Well, to tell you the truth, I didn’t get this connection myself. I got it from the following Peter Kreeft audio tract:

peterkreeft.com/audio/06_happiness.htm

I’d rather not risk butchering Kreeft’s excellent explanation.

 

[meltzerboy]

I’m a psychologist and a Catholic and I tend to think that self-esteem is evil. Think about it: self-esteem is introverted and caters to the self. Contrast that with simple esteem that is directed outward instead if inward; for example, esteem towards life, esteem towards friends, and esteem toward religion. This is what it means to be a true extrovert.

Want emotionally stable individuals; promote high esteem as opposed to high self-esteem.

The media, of course, is extreme with self-esteem, and psychologists will tell you that self-esteem is very healthy and necessary for proper development. I say hogwash! In psychology, if someone is having problems, self-esteem is the first place psychologist look. Raise self-esteem and you will diminish negative behaviors. The problem is that we are addicted to self-esteem. Let something bad happen to self-esteem and look out, the individual crashes emotionally. Self-esteem leads to pride and other sins; esteem leads to LOVE and other virtues.

“We know that our old self was crucified with him so that the sinful body might be destroyed, and we might no longer be enslaved to sin.” –Romans 6:6

Any thoughts?

I’m also a psychologist, and I differ with your view of what self-esteem is. Although it has been defined in various ways, my understanding of self-esteem is self-knowledge which leads to an honest self-evaluation or appraisal of one’s thoughts, emotions, drives, and behaviors. Thus one is able to become aware of one’s strengths as well as one’s limitations, and one can learn to take responsibility for improving oneself, while at the same time not taking blame for everything that goes wrong in situations which are beyond one’s control. People who lack self-esteem tend to blame themselves for everything bad in their life and often are unable to distinguish between what they can and cannot change. They also fail to differentiate their strengths from their weaknesses, and instead simply resign themselves to the course of events rather than actively participating to influence those events. Self-esteem does NOT mean a sense of superiority or a prideful arrogance which pays no attention to the needs of others. In fact, it means just the opposite. Sometimes the term low self-esteem is used to denote people who exhibit such arrogance, when, in reality, such people have no self-knowledge or self-appraisal understanding, rather than low self-esteem.

 

[mary_bobo]

I’m also a psychologist, and I differ with your view of what self-esteem is. Although it has been defined in various ways, my understanding of self-esteem is self-knowledge which leads to an honest self-evaluation or appraisal of one’s thoughts, emotions, drives, and behaviors. Thus one is able to become aware of one’s strengths as well as one’s limitations, and one can learn to take responsibility for improving oneself, while at the same time not taking blame for everything that goes wrong in situations which are beyond one’s control. People who lack self-esteem tend to blame themselves for everything bad in their life and often are unable to distinguish between what they can and cannot change. They also fail to differentiate their strengths from their weaknesses, and instead simply resign themselves to the course of events rather than actively participating to influence those events. Self-esteem does NOT mean a sense of superiority or a prideful arrogance which pays no attention to the needs of others. In fact, it means just the opposite. Sometimes the term low self-esteem is used to denote people who exhibit such arrogance, when, in reality, such people have no self-knowledge or self-appraisal understanding, rather than low self-esteem.

I agree with much of your definition of self-esteem. I think it also includes ones knowledge of the talents and gifts one has been given without arrogance or feelings of superiority (as you said). Many people, I believe, who seem arrogant and full of self-esteem, are, in fact, not as sure of themselves as they might seem and are shy and lacing in that which might be perceived as high self-esteem.

 

[PeterGStanley]

Self esteem is not evil - ego is evil - self-esteem is an internal job. It is you telling you how good you are; while always maintaining a firm grip on reality. Ego is you telling everyone else how good you and inflating yourself falsely and is often driven by fear of rejection and can be smashed with a few words - true self esteem - internal self worth cannot be taken away from you by others.Your self esteem my become wounded by life but can be found again and self esteem feeds off nothing, On the other hand ego is a false substitute for self esteem and feeds off of pride and false pride .Esteem is a innate human attribute whereas ego is a man made psychological construct .A self-esteemed person’s sense of self-worth is mostly determined by internal conditions like attitude, compassion, belief, passion and personal vision. Self esteem also tends to have a direct relationship with divinity. Ego is how we want to be seen.Our self esteem can be taken from us at an early age by parents and cruel people and we may never have it due to other people which is sad - its like murdering a person.

 

[RosaryFan]

I’m a psychologist and a Catholic and I tend to think that self-esteem is evil. Think about it: self-esteem is introverted and caters to the self. Contrast that with simple esteem that is directed outward instead if inward; for example, esteem towards life, esteem towards friends, and esteem toward religion. This is what it means to be a true extrovert.

Want emotionally stable individuals; promote high esteem as opposed to high self-esteem.

The media, of course, is extreme with self-esteem, and psychologists will tell you that self-esteem is very healthy and necessary for proper development. I say hogwash! In psychology, if someone is having problems, self-esteem is the first place psychologist look. Raise self-esteem and you will diminish negative behaviors. The problem is that we are addicted to self-esteem. Let something bad happen to self-esteem and look out, the individual crashes emotionally. Self-esteem leads to pride and other sins; esteem leads to LOVE and other virtues.

“We know that our old self was crucified with him so that the sinful body might be destroyed, and we might no longer be enslaved to sin.” –Romans 6:6

Any thoughts?

I am certainly no psychologist, but I am having a very difficult time trying to figure out how on earth having self-esteem can be evil. What is wrong with liking oneself? So you’re saying that if you hate yourself (and need a psychologist), that’s okay. But if you are satisfied with yourself and like the way you are, that’s evil??

I consider myself to have high self-esteem. I don’t obsess over the imperfections of my physical appearance; I am not jealous of those who have more or better material possessions than I; and I have confidence enough to speak up when someone says something that’s offensive. Isn’t low self-esteem the cause of eating disorders, shyness, and even suicide? How can having self-esteem be evil? I think it’s healthy. Unless you’re confusing self-esteem with arrogance and pride. But there is a difference.

Having self-esteem is being happy with yourself, but knowing that all you have and all that you are is from God. Having arrogance and pride is being happy with yourself, period.

How can one realize their full potential and utilize the gifts given to them from God if they don’t have the self-esteem to put it to use?

 

[Robert_Sock]

I’m also a psychologist, and I differ with your view of what self-esteem is. Although it has been defined in various ways, my understanding of self-esteem is self-knowledge which leads to an honest self-evaluation or appraisal of one’s thoughts, emotions, drives, and behaviors. Thus one is able to become aware of one’s strengths as well as one’s limitations, and one can learn to take responsibility for improving oneself, while at the same time not taking blame for everything that goes wrong in situations which are beyond one’s control. People who lack self-esteem tend to blame themselves for everything bad in their life and often are unable to distinguish between what they can and cannot change. They also fail to differentiate their strengths from their weaknesses, and instead simply resign themselves to the course of events rather than actively participating to influence those events. Self-esteem does NOT mean a sense of superiority or a prideful arrogance which pays no attention to the needs of others. In fact, it means just the opposite. Sometimes the term low self-esteem is used to denote people who exhibit such arrogance, when, in reality, such people have no self-knowledge or self-appraisal understanding, rather than low self-esteem.

As a psychologist, I view self-esteem as the internalization of the self-mastery over one’s environment. For me, self-esteem is borderline with pride.

As a psychologist, how do you perceive high esteem relative to high self-esteem? Would you rather a child have high self-esteem or high esteem towards people, life, and religion? An extroversion of esteem rather than an introverted self-esteem. A building of LOVE instead of self-mastery. (Did you ever notice how seldom LOVE is mentioned in psychology and psychological theories relative to that in religion?)

It’s my contention that with high esteem, one does not need self-esteem at all.

With my experience, self-esteem can lead to pride, although I agree that self-esteem does not refer tho pride or self-superiority per se. I also contend that this differs between individuals.

Again, this is just my own rant on self-esteem, which I despise. I would expect that most psychologists would disagree with my contentions.

 

[Robert_Sock]

I am certainly no psychologist, but I am having a very difficult time trying to figure out how on earth having self-esteem can be evil. What is wrong with liking oneself? So you’re saying that if you hate yourself (and need a psychologist), that’s okay. But if you are satisfied with yourself and like the way you are, that’s evil??

I consider myself to have high self-esteem. I don’t obsess over the imperfections of my physical appearance; I am not jealous of those who have more or better material possessions than I; and I have confidence enough to speak up when someone says something that’s offensive. Isn’t low self-esteem the cause of eating disorders, shyness, and even suicide? How can having self-esteem be evil? I think it’s healthy. Unless you’re confusing self-esteem with arrogance and pride. But there is a difference.

Having self-esteem is being happy with yourself, but knowing that all you have and all that you are is from God. Having arrogance and pride is being happy with yourself, period.

How can one realize their full potential and utilize the gifts given to them from God if they don’t have the self-esteem to put it to use?

Liking oneself is an introversion compared to the liking of others, an extroversion! I’m saying one should have high esteem for life, people and religion, and not high self-esteem per se.

See my definition of self-esteem in post number 9.

 

[meltzerboy]

As a psychologist, I view self-esteem as the internalization of the self-mastery over one’s environment. For me, self-esteem is borderline with pride.

As a psychologist, how do you perceive high esteem relative to high self-esteem? Would you rather a child have high self-esteem or high esteem towards people, life, and religion? An extroversion of esteem rather than an introverted self-esteem. A building of LOVE instead of self-mastery. (Did you ever notice how seldom LOVE is mentioned in psychology and psychological theories relative to that in religion?)

It’s my contention that with high esteem, one does not need self-esteem at all.

With my experience, self-esteem can lead to pride, although I agree that self-esteem does not refer tho pride or self-superiority per se. I also contend that this differs between individuals.

Again, this is just my own rant on self-esteem, which I despise. I would expect that most psychologists would disagree with my contentions.

Well, yours is an original hypothesis. I understand what you’re saying, and I would admit that an excessive focus on the self can be harmful. However, I also think statements such as “Charity begins at home” and “Love thy neighbor as (thou would love) thyself” have some validity. In other words, wouldn’t it be difficult to love other people, life, religion or anything at all if one doesn’t love oneself? I don’t mean being narcissistic but at least having a modicum of self-worth and self-respect. I don’t entirely agree with Bill Maher, who also dislikes instilling self-esteem in children. He has said that society rewards even bad performance for fear of damaging children’s self-esteem. He may have a point in that parents and teachers sometimes go overboard in their praise, which may lead to persistent unrealistic expectations. But, on the other hand, not providing children with the foundational means of valuing their dignity as human beings, including having respect for their own effort and performance, can be equally as harmful.

The only theory of love in psychology I can recall is the social psychological theory which distinguishes between passionate love and compassionate (or companionate) love. Psychologists prefer the term “interpersonal attraction,” which also includes friendships and other intimate relationships. So I agree with you there.

 

[PeterGStanley]

I consider high esteem and self esteem as the same thing - we are born with it - its that sense of being happy with who we are and not thinking or worrying what others think of us like when we were children and just felt good about ourselves with no outward thought of what others think or comparing ourselves with others. a complete internal good and satisfying feeling and we lose this as we grow older because we start comparing ourselves with others and seeing our superiority over others which is pride or the opposite low self esteem because we don’t believe we measure up to others or others steal this feeling from us by the cruelty of constantly pointing out our flaws until we have destroyed the person and they have no good feeling of themself anymore and we are taught this by or parents and our peers and our competitive world - what you call self esteem I call pride.

 

[RosaryFan]

Liking oneself is an introversion compared to the liking of others, an extroversion! I’m saying one should have high esteem for life, people and religion, and not high self-esteem per se.

See my definition of self-esteem in post number 9.

You are complicating a very basic and common-sense idea. If you think self-esteem is evil, then how should one think of oneself? According to your notion, it sounds as if we shouldn’t be thinking of ourselves at all. That’s just not possible. Every human being is either going to be satisfied or dissatisfied with themselves.

 

[Robert_Sock]

You are complicating a very basic and common-sense idea. If you think self-esteem is evil, then how should one think of oneself? According to your notion, it sounds as if we shouldn’t be thinking of ourselves at all. That’s just not possible. Every human being is either going to be satisfied or dissatisfied with themselves.

All one needs is LOVE! No need to pass judgment on oneself, for that is the job of God alone. Be humble and experience God’s LOVE!

 

[RosaryFan]

All one needs is LOVE! No need to pass judgment on oneself, for that is the job of God alone. Be humble and experience God’s LOVE!

Being humble does not mean you cannot have self-esteem. And having self-esteem does not mean you’re passing judgment on yourself. You can be humble and have self-esteem at the same time. Being humble simply means you are aware that all you have and all you are comes from God and that God is the Supreme Being.

If you do not have self-esteem, then you cannot see the good God has done in your life. Therefore, having self-esteem cannot be evil. Quite the contrary, it is necessary.

“Love is all you need” is nothing but a Beatles song. I need the sacraments, too.

 

[JaneGrey]

I am certainly no psychologist, but I am having a very difficult time trying to figure out how on earth having self-esteem can be evil. What is wrong with liking oneself? So you’re saying that if you hate yourself (and need a psychologist), that’s okay. But if you are satisfied with yourself and like the way you are, that’s evil??

I consider myself to have high self-esteem. I don’t obsess over the imperfections of my physical appearance; I am not jealous of those who have more or better material possessions than I; and I have confidence enough to speak up when someone says something that’s offensive. Isn’t low self-esteem the cause of eating disorders, shyness, and even suicide? How can having self-esteem be evil? I think it’s healthy. Unless you’re confusing self-esteem with arrogance and pride. But there is a difference.

Having self-esteem is being happy with yourself, but knowing that all you have and all that you are is from God. Having arrogance and pride is being happy with yourself, period.

How can one realize their full potential and utilize the gifts given to them from God if they don’t have the self-esteem to put it to use?

Well said. I m proud to say that at this point of my life I have high self-esteem and everyone wins. In my experience, it is the people with low self-esteem who inadvertently or otherwise, end up hurting those around them.

 

[Robert_Sock]

Being humble does not mean you cannot have self-esteem. And having self-esteem does not mean you’re passing judgment on yourself. You can be humble and have self-esteem at the same time. Being humble simply means you are aware that all you have and all you are comes from God and that God is the Supreme Being.

If you do not have self-esteem, then you cannot see the good God has done in your life. Therefore, having self-esteem cannot be evil. Quite the contrary, it is necessary.

“Love is all you need” is nothing but a Beatles song. I need the sacraments, too.

What is your definition of self-esteem? I view self-esteem as the internalization of the self-mastery over one’s environment. For me, self-esteem is borderline with pride and is introverted. Self-esteem is an unnecessary psychological concept. High esteem is superior in that it is extroverted and promotes humility. High esteem allows one to fully incorporate religion into one’s life.

God is LOVE!

 

[RosaryFan]

What is your definition of self-esteem? I view self-esteem as the internalization of the self-mastery over one’s environment. For me, self-esteem is borderline with pride and is introverted. Self-esteem is an unnecessary psychological concept. High esteem is superior in that it is extroverted and promotes humility. High esteem allows one to fully incorporate religion into one’s life.

God is LOVE!

My definition of self-esteem is the same as every other non-psychologist’s definition of self-esteem. In other words, the English definition: * i.e.* One’s evaluation of their own self worth.

And yes, God is LOVE, but what does that have to do with the price of tea in China?

 

[Robert_Sock]

My definition of self-esteem is the same as every other non-psychologist’s definition of self-esteem. In other words, the English definition: * i.e.* One’s evaluation of their own self worth.

And yes, God is LOVE, but what does that have to do with the price of tea in China?

What would you find to be more valuable: A person having self worth or a person who truly values people, life, and religion? This is where I’m at odds with the field of psychology. You tend to value self esteem, an introversion, and I value high esteem. I can see where self-esteem borders on pride and where the field of psychology might eventually see things my way. A person with high esteem is not a troubled person in any sense of the word. Contrary, the person with high esteem is well adjusted and fits into the world well. Too much can go wrong with self esteem. Let something bad happen to self-esteem and look out, the individual crashes emotionally. Self-esteem leads to pride and other sins; esteem leads to LOVE and other virtues.

 

[sw85]

A healthy self-love can be very Christian. We are called to love all men, and that includes ourselves.

It is true that healthy self-esteem rises to the level of sin when it is excessive: then it becomes pride. But it is just as much a sin when it is deficient: for to hate yourself is to hate God’s work, the work He is sustaining in every single moment. It is an act of rank ingratitude.

Think of in terms of Aristotle’s golden mean. As usual, the virtue is situated somewhere between two vices, although generally more to one side. I think in the case of self-esteem it is healthier to be somewhat deficient than somewhat excessive.