Dear Terry, it does require balance to work out what Jesus meant when He said, "Love others as yourself’ e.g in (Mark 12:28-31).
You may have noticed that if you don’t love yourself in the right way, not just a self-centered love, then you find it very hard to be loving towards others.
I already wrote some stuff when trying to work it out for myself, as I do have a tendency to turn against myself sometimes, especially when I make mistakes or my husband is angry with me.
‘Love others…as yourself’
Jesus when You command us to love others as ourselves, You require something more challenging than simply to “love others.” The embedded touchstone in that command is “love your self.” Help us therefore not to be uncharitable to ourselves.
Many people lack proper self-esteem, making it difficult for them to genuinely value others. However, Scripture exhorts, “value yourself at your proper worth. Who can justify a man who runs himself down, or respect a man who despises himself.”[Ecclesiasticus 10:28-29] If we do fail to love ourselves correctly, we cannot accept God’s love. Let us never imagine ourselves hidden from Your mercy*: ‘“Can anyone hide in a dark corner without my seeing him?’ asks the Lord.” *[Jeremiah 23-24]
The concept of rightly loving oneself in order to love others as God’s precious children may be confused with the selfishness that ruins unselfish self-love. It requires us to reject negative self-talk and responses. “If a man is mean to himself, to whom will he be good?” [Ecclesiasticus 14:3].
Growth in Christian self-love is facilitated by *“filling your mind with everything that is true, everything that is noble, and everything that is pure and good” *[Philippians 4:8] and serving “in works of love.” It is allowing the Spirit to direct your life and then “you will be in no danger of yielding to self-indulgence. What the Spirit brings is…love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control.” [Galatians 5:13, 16, 26, 22-23]
Jesus, help us to fittingly love ourselves as loved child of God. Our value is in You alone. You do not wish us to disparage ourselves but to see ourselves as loved, forgiven children of God. A poor self-image may compare to our perception of ‘clouds’. To observers, clouds appear to be impressive, substantial and tangible. However, within themselves the clouds seem damp, insubstantial and misty.
Jesus, let us not belittle ourselves in comparison to others because of our personal uncertainties and inadequacies. Let us live in sincere acceptance of self, that unique gift of Your creative love. help us to see ourselves as loved children of God. Jesus, help me to know that You really love me so that I can love You and love others truly.
Another effort to deal with trying to find the balance:
Confidence in God’s merciful love
Our God, we praise and thank You who loves each person into existence. I thank You for loving us, loving me.
Our God, You command that I forgive and rightly cherish myself. Like many people in human history, I often find it difficult to sincerely and consistently love the ‘self’ that I find mirrored in my consciousness. I know that You can bring me to appreciate the miracle and privilege of my existence!
How can I refuse to love what God loves! You treasure me, as You love and treasure each unique, human person that You create. Yet I need much grace to love this betrayer of my true being and purpose, myself! I betray Your loving creation of me by failing to be fully ‘the person I am created to be’ , and by failing in gratitude for God’s gift of myself.
You love each person so much that it led to the incarnation of Your divine Son, and to His redemption of humankind. Jesus is Your response to my betrayal of my destiny and me. Yet frequently I am unconvinced or indifferent before these astounding gifts of divine love for me and for every person!
Please give me grace to value each person, and my own life, as Your beloved and eternal gift. Inspire me with faith and gratitude for the gift of myself, for the lives of dear ones and of all people. Grant that these human gifts are shaped by Your love to become everlasting gifts to You, and through You, eternal gifts to each other person.
Through Jesus, You taught us that cheerful, loving mutual service of others leads to fulfilment of Your creative will. Therefore, give me grace to faithfully say ‘yes’ to Your loving purpose by active respect and charity to others and me. Delight Yourself in me by forming me into the unselfish, joyful, helpful and prayerful person You dreamed me to be for You and others’ souls for time and eternity. 1999
And:
Jesus, self-awareness gives me a great gift. With its desires and attachments, it teaches me how much caring and blessing I desire, and therefore, I better understand others’ needs. Even my selfishness renders me better equipped to help others in their needs. Help me, then to grow more generous and serving of others in their needs and sorrows.
I desire all good, no less for ANY person than the most that God’s love can give anyone.
My life, prayer, Masses and all my Communions are equally, totally, given to and shared with each of my family, with each soul in Purgatory, and with EVERY person however unknown or “unworthy” from all ages, races or religions. For each, I desire all blessing. To each I give ALL that God gives to me.
.