self-love

  • Thread starter Thread starter withwind
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
W

withwind

Guest
This is something that I have to deal with every day. Self-love is very prideful. Through reading some spritiual books, I am starting to identify things that are considered to be self-love. Maybe we can discuss further about this and how to recognize our actions, thoughts, deeds, and behaivor as self-love.

Some examples:
  • sometimes, one is worried about what people think when s/he says certain things.
  • will people make fun of him/her because s/he cannot speak well.
  • One is sometimes hard on oneself because s/he made mistakes, and s/he focus on himself instead of focusing on God’s mercy.
There are more …, could you give some examples?
Thanks!
 
good thread…

I think:

feeling insulted
constantly irritable at everyone
great expectations of other people
great expectations of ones own spiritual progress
in some cases, discouragement

…as you can see, something I’m dealing with too 😉
 
withwind said:
This is something that I have to deal with every day. Self-love is very prideful. Through reading some spritiual books, I am starting to identify things that are considered to be self-love. Maybe we can discuss further about this and how to recognize our actions, thoughts, deeds, and behaivor as self-love.

Some examples:
  • sometimes, one is worried about what people think when s/he says certain things.
  • will people make fun of him/her because s/he cannot speak well.
  • One is sometimes hard on oneself because s/he made mistakes, and s/he focus on himself instead of focusing on God’s mercy.
Click to expand...
Withwind, this is a problem all of us face . . . a real interior battle. 🙂 In my opinion, all of this begins with thought . . . actions flow from that. So the battle against self-love begins in the mind . . . with maintaining constant vigilance over the purity of our thoughts.

For what it’s worth, here’s some basic principals I “try” to apply to myself:
  1. Pray: In all times and in all ways. There’s no surer way to take one’s mind off oneself than to put it on another: God or our neighbor. A very wise theologian once said “the perfect man talks to God all the time (dialogue); the imperfect man just thinks he does when he’s really just indulging self (monologue). So invite Him to participate in all your thoughts, words and actions. Soon you will see Him moderating self-love tendencies in your thoughts - which will naturally flow toward more peaceful, loving and “other-focused” actions.
  2. Listen: Ah, the hard part. 🙂 Here’s a simple experiment. Try to spend just one day being quiet; interiorly by stilling the seductive pull of our minds that naturally gravitate to all manners of self-concern; and exteriorly by being very careful about what we say (and how we say it) to others. Then simply watch your surroundings and all that is going on within it. Perhaps we might be given some glimpse into the joys of living entirely in the present moment. Instead of mentally dwelling on the types of things in your original post (which we all do), maybe we might begin to see a whole new world going on all around us. Right under our very noses. Things our constant mental introspection (monologue) blinds us to. Things like:
  • The look of quiet satisfaction on a young girls face when she finally gets her math homework.
  • The preening of a coworker starving for a bit of attention
  • The pensive, quiet anguish of a neighbor with severe family problems
  • The quiet rage of a teenagers stink eye when denied his just dues
  • The joyful exuberance of a couple of friends sharing a good laugh
  • The wordless solitude of the old couple sitting next to you at the restaurant who’s love for each other transcends the need to talk.
My point in this laundry list is simple: the more aware we become of the needs in our immediate surroundings, the less likely we’ll find ourselves dwelling on self. And when we “see” - which is the fruit of listening - we will almost intuitively “know” how to act. In my opinion, this “knowing” is pure, mystical living.
  1. Act: Very simple advice here. If we listen, really listen, we will soon learn to “hear” all sorts of spontaneous thoughts to simple acts of love just pop into our mind, seemingly from nowhere. Act upon these impulses: promptly, cheerfully, generously. And don’t worry about outcomes – leave that entirely in his hands in simple TRUST. Worry just feeds the self-monologue that causes all of the problems cited in your original post. It places us in the past (which is gone forever): “Did I do or say the right thing? Was my action well received? Or it places us in the future (which might never come): “What if, what if, what if.” The goal, quite simply, is to spend our entire lives in loving awareness of all the present moments that come to us each and every day. That’s where He will be found . . . and where we can learn to lose ourselves in Him or others.
Well, for what it’s worth, there it is. Easier said than done, of course. 🙂 But it seems to make sense to me. Hope it helps

Dave 🙂
 
My dear friend

Good topic. I have a quote from St Josemaria Escriva below, but I would say that the answer to this and all problems is to become another Christ yourself. We become like Christ by listening to Him, studying all His words and actions, meditating on His whole life, really getting to know Him and by allowing His love which is grace to come into our souls evermore and transform us as we cooperate with the love of God we receive in grace. This eliminates self love.

Christ is passing by > Finding peace in the Heart of Christ > Number 167http://www.escrivaworks.org/images/misc/pixtrans.gifhttp://www.escrivaworks.org/images/misc/pixtrans.gif167http://www.escrivaworks.org/images/misc/pixtrans.gifIf we don’t learn from Jesus, we will never love. If, like some people, we were to think that to keep a clean heart, a heart worthy of God, means “not mixing it up, not contaminating it” with human affection, we would become insensitive to other people’s pain and sorrow. We would he capable only of an “official charity,” something dry and soulless. But ours would not be the true charity of Jesus Christ, which involves affection and human warmth. In saying this, I am not supporting the mistaken theories — pitiful excuses — which misdirect hearts away from God and lead them into occasions of sin and perdition.

On today’s feast we should ask our Lord to give us a good heart, capable of having compassion for other people’s pain. Only with such a heart can we realize that the true balm for the suffering and anguish in this world is love, charity. All other consolations hardly even have a temporary effect and leave behind them bitterness and despair.

If we want to help others, we must love them — I insist — with a love clothed in understanding, dedication, affection and voluntary humility. Then we will understand why our Lord summed up the whole law in that double commandment, which is really just one: love of God, and love of one’s neighbour, with all our heart.

Maybe you are thinking that sometimes Christians — not just other people, you and I — forget the most elementary applications of this duty. Perhaps you bring to mind all the injustices which cry for redress, all the abuses which go uncorrected, the discrimination passed on from one generation to the next with no attempt to find permanent solutions.

I cannot propose to you a particular way to solve problems of this kind, there is no reason why I should. But, as a priest of Jesus Christ, it is my duty to remind you of what sacred Scripture says. Meditate on the scene of the judgment which Jesus himself has described: “Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels; for I was hungry and you gave me no food; I was thirsty and you gave me no drink; naked and you did not clothe me; sick and in prison and you did not visit me.”

A man or a society that does not react to suffering and injustice and makes no effort to alleviate them is still distant from the love of Christ’s heart. While Christians enjoy the fullest freedom in finding and applying various solutions to these problems, they should be united in having one and the same desire to serve mankind. Otherwise their Christianity will not be the word and life of Jesus; it will be a fraud, a deception of God and man.

God bless you:thumbsup:🙂
John
 
Good topic for discussion, yes.

It seems that “self-love” can also be (one) result of a badly formed conscience. And should this continue, unchecked… for years and years in the raising of children; the result can be disasterous. The Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) says this:
(1783) Conscience must be informed and moral judgment enlightened. A well-formed conscience is upright and truthful. It formulates its judgments according to reason, in conformity with the true good willed by the wisdom of the Creator. The education of conscience is indispensable for human beings who are subjected to negative influences and tempted by sin to prefer their own judgment and to reject authoritative teachings."

And…

(2342) Self-mastery is a long and exacting work. One can never consider it acquired once and for all. It presupposes renewed effort at all stages of life. The effort required can be more intense in certain periods, such as when the personality is being formed during childhood and adolescence.
“withwind” you asked for examples. My own difficulties with “self-love” have primarily revolved around my desire to be independent and self-reliant. I don’t like the feeling of being “tied-down”. Which may be one reason, I have never married. This is the way that my sisters and I were raised. Our parents both displayed pronounced independent streaks. Sometimes, to the detriment of our family life. 😦

As my mother began to age… and experience declining health… it became more and more apparent… that Our good Lord was calling me to a period of real service… (taking care of her). I humbly admit, that I resisted His call… for a long, long time. I was very disobedient. He had to practically INSIST… (although, He did so… quite gently)… that I take up this cross.

And that even now, several years into it… I struggle constantly, with my own selfish “need” to be free.

Sorry this is so long-winded. 😊 I guess my point, is that another form of “self-love” is resistance to service of others. The constant “going against the grain” of what YOU want at the moment. Not what is NEEDED by those around you. Please pray for me.

God bless.
 
I am very thankful for all your responses and advices; it is very useful and powerful. I make sure I am suscribed to this thread. Pray,Listen, and Act - powerful words.

John, it happened to me that today I’ve been meditating on the passage on the scene of the judgment - Mathew 25:31-46, in particularly the words “the least of these”. Perhaps, this must be something for me to really meditate on.

Marie Veronica, thank you for sharing and it is wonderful that you are taking care of your mother. I pray for you and your mother.
 
Some examples:
  • sometimes, one is worried about what people think when s/he says certain things.
  • will people make fun of him/her because s/he cannot speak well.
  • One is sometimes hard on oneself because s/he made mistakes, and s/he focus on himself instead of focusing on God’s mercy.
Click to expand...
withwind, the self-love you mentioned is all rooted in our self-centeredness. When we are self-centered, we become self-conscious.

Following Jesus is all about moving from self-centeredness toward Christ-centeredness.

When the focus is shifted from self to God, one will become a God pleaser instead of a people pleaser. He will care more about what God think about him, less about what people think about him. Since he has God’s total forgiveness and total acceptance, he will not be easily disturbed, not so self-conscious.

The “prayer”, “listen”, and “act” Dave explained all direct one to Christ. When one constantly stays in the presence of God, or as often as he intentionally does so, he will engage himself the two-way conversation with God. Instead of focusing on himself, his mind and spirit will be full of God (LOVE) and God’s teachings (love one another). Then it becomes unavoidable that he will worry less about himself and care more about his neighbors. All these will help one better release himself from self-love.

Hope this makes sense.
 
Interesting thread and one which raises a number of thoughts/issues for me. Look forward to the continuing discussion,

First one is that we all do not have the same meaning for a word or that the word has different meanings in different stuations.

While I consider self-absorption to be generally detrimental to the person who practices it and to others, I don’t have the same feelings about self-love especially when I compare it with self dislike/hatred. I think we have to have a degree of self-love if we are to treat ourselves well and have time and energy for other people.

I also doubt we can love others warmly and generously and give them the help they need if we do not love ourselves.
Marie Veronica:
My own difficulties with “self-love” have primarily revolved around my desire to be independent and self-reliant. I don’t like the feeling of being “tied-down”.
Click to expand...
I don’t see that the desire to be independent and self-reliant as intrinsically wrong. Taken to an extreme yes and I also see the other end (totally dependent and requiring others to do everything for them or to do things they can do for themselves) also wrong.
40.png
withwind:
the self-love you mentioned is all rooted in our self-centeredness. When we are self-centered, we become self-conscious.
Click to expand...
Maybe “self-centered” has different meaning to different people. For me being self-centered – following my real values – is one of the things that stops me being self-conscious. And when I am self-conscious I find it hard to concentrate on another person let alone their needs.
 
Salonika said:
Interesting thread and one which raises a number of thoughts/issues for me. Look forward to the continuing discussion,

First one is that we all do not have the same meaning for a word or that the word has different meanings in different stuations.

While I consider self-absorption to be generally detrimental to the person who practices it and to others, I don’t have the same feelings about self-love especially when I compare it with self dislike/hatred. I think we have to have a degree of self-love if we are to treat ourselves well and have time and energy for other people.

I also doubt we can love others warmly and generously and give them the help they need if we do not love ourselves.

My dear friend

Love is a confusing word. We must love ourselves, but loving ourselves means we are to try and become the person we were always meant to be - a Saint. The perfect models are our Blessed Lord and Blessed Mother but we can often be encouraged by the Saints the church holds up as models for us to imitate because they achieved the goal of loving oneself as you should. We are very good and loved by God and if baptised true children of God. We have an immense dignity and value and muast love ourselves. Loving ourself is a divine commandment. But our love needs to be completely selfless , and this is divine love. A love that leads to sacrificial love which is the greatest love. Loving ourself can take many forms!

God bless you:thumbsup:🙂
John

I don’t see that the desire to be independent and self-reliant as intrinsically wrong. Taken to an extreme yes and I also see the other end (totally dependent and requiring others to do everything for them or to do things they can do for themselves) also wrong.

Maybe “self-centered” has different meaning to different people. For me being self-centered – following my real values – is one of the things that stops me being self-conscious. And when I am self-conscious I find it hard to concentrate on another person let alone their needs.
Click to expand...
 
Salonika said:
I don’t see that the desire to be independent and self-reliant as intrinsically wrong. Taken to an extreme yes and I also see the other end (totally dependent and requiring others to do everything for them or to do things they can do for themselves) also wrong.
Click to expand...
Thank you, “Salonika” for your clarifying thoughts. And I do, in the generic sense… agree. Certainly, being independent and self-reliant is not intrinsically wrong. If it were… then no one would ever “grow up” and leave home! 😃

No, I was speaking more of my personal experience. And through “self-love”, how I got something “good” so very, very WRONG. I was ready to do what others had done to me, so many times in my life; abandon my poor mother to the care of others. It was an extreme attitude of “self-love” on my part.

Our Lord has mercifully showed me the error of my ways, though. :o

Isn’t it amazing, how He will often do this? He will take our worst area of “self-love” and show us… clearly… how offensive our actions are. And it may be the thing, that will cause us to struggle the most… for the rest of our lives. I know it WILL be, in my case. This is where perseverence in the Catholic Faith… becomes so vital. Because we can not overcome our deficiencies without the grace God grants, through the Sacraments.

May He bless all of us.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top