Senior can't marry or I lose my Social Security

[GraceSufficient]

Hi and thank you for taking the time for this. It is a very current issue for me. My fiance and I found out that if we marry before I am 65 (now both 59) I will lose my Social Security based on my late husband. I was a stay at home mom. My Fiance is already retired on disability Social Security and his will not go up if he marries. He can barely make it each month with all the prescription and medical co pays. What do we do? Be celibate best friends? He won’t go for that much longer so please tell me what the church would advise.
Thank you,
Grace

 

[Kendy]

Is it possible to get married in the church without getting a legal marriage license? I don’t know how that works and hope I don’t get yelled at. I am just thinking out loud.

 

[roanoker]

In the catholic church marraige is a blessed sacrament. It is not a tool to further materialistic interests. I think to not marry for those reasons is disrespectful of that sacrament. Pray on it earnestly, then go ahead and marry. You will be happier, and things will work out. Have faith…

 

[LilyM]

Hi and thank you for taking the time for this. It is a very current issue for me. My fiance and I found out that if we marry before I am 65 (now both 59) I will lose my Social Security based on my late husband. I was a stay at home mom. My Fiance is already retired on disability Social Security and his will not go up if he marries. He can barely make it each month with all the prescription and medical co pays. What do we do? Be celibate best friends? He won’t go for that much longer so please tell me what the church would advise.
Thank you,
Grace

The best way to find out what the church would advise would be to speak to your priest about it. Most of us here are laypeople who don’t know the details of yourself or your situation, not moral theologians, so we can’t really speak to the issue as well as he could.

 

[beeliner]

When you reach a certain age you will not lose those benefits if you re-marry.

The age, I believe, is either 60 or 62. You need to verify this with SS, but I think it’s 60, in which case you should just wait it out.

Then if your new husband should eventually predecease you, you would have your choice of keeping your first husband’s benefits or switching to your second husband’s. You can’t get both, though, that would be TOO good a deal!

In any case, good luck and much happiness!

 

[beeliner]

Is it possible to get married in the church without getting a legal marriage license? I don’t know how that works and hope I don’t get yelled at. I am just thinking out loud.

The Episcopal Church will bless such a relationship with no legal ramifications whatever.

Don’t expect that in the RCC any time soon.

 

[beeliner]

When you reach a certain age you will not lose those benefits if you re-marry.

The age, I believe, is either 60 or 62. You need to verify this with SS, but I think it’s 60, in which case you should just wait it out.

Then if your new husband should eventually predecease you, you would have your choice of keeping your first husband’s benefits or switching to your second husband’s. You can’t get both, though, that would be TOO good a deal!

In any case, good luck and much happiness!

Here’s the situation, straight from the horse’s mouth:socialsecurity.gov/ww&os2.htm

In general, you cannot receive survivors benefits if you remarry before the age of 60 unless the latter marriage ends, whether by death, divorce, or annulment. **If you remarry after age SIXTY (50 if disabled), you can still collect benefits on your former spouse’s record. When you reach age 62 or older, you may get retirement benefits on the record of your new spouse if they are higher. **Your remarriage would have no effect on the benefits being paid to your children.

Have a great wedding and a long, happy marriage!

 

[kage_ar]

If the man in question will not respect you enough to remain celibate best friends, then perhaps you should reconsider marriage.

Please, speak to a good Priest, find someone who shares your faith and morals.

 

[newbetx]

The Episcopal Church will bless such a relationship with no legal ramifications whatever.

Really? Hmm. Either that wouldn’t be a real marriage or it’s saying that it’s OK to cheat the government. You sure that church is OK with that?

I’m glad the RCC has it’s standards!

 

[beeliner]

Really? Hmm. Either that wouldn’t be a real marriage or it’s saying that it’s OK to cheat the government. You sure that church is OK with that?

I’m glad the RCC has [its] standards!

And other denoms have theirs also - sometimes those standards align with those of Roman Catholicism and sometimes not.

If I understand it correctly, the position of the Episcopal Church is that the bond or union is established by the couple themselves when they make the mutual commitment, and the Church respects this and is willing to acknowledge that commitment with an official blessing if the couple seek one.

It is a religious rather than a civil commitment, the latter having no intrinsic religious component. Of course, the Church certainly offers no objection to the couple eventually marrying civilly.

If I have misstated anything, I hope an Episcopalian will correct me.

Personally, I don’t see it as cheating the government at all, as the couple would not be eligible for any of the civil benefits of marriage such as joint income tax filings, survivors’ benefits, etc.

In any case, it appears that the couple who began the thread need only wait a few months and then can marry without any loss of benefits.