Okay, I am addicted to masturbation. I’m not so sure it’s porn necessarily. I really don’t even have sex with my wife anymore. This is horrible and I want to stop, but it’s like this. My wife has gained a lot of weight, and I find it hard to be attracted to her. Any suggestions? Prayers would be welcomed as well! Thanks in advance.
Excellent question! First of all, unless your wife’s weight gain is less than a dozen or so pounds, let me tell you that you are not “shallow”. Men who expect their wives to look at 40 just like they did at 20, are indeed shallow and in need of help themselves!
The fact that you posted this indicates that you know that there is a problem. The vast majority of men (and a fair number of women) find obesity to be an extreme turn off and a cold wet blanket on sexual attractiveness. Obesity is actually a physical deformity of the human body usually due to the disease of compulsive eating. On rare occasions the obesity can be caused hormonal problems such as thyroid.
Most people are still able to go through with love making despite all of the excess flesh, but deep down inside, they know that the experience is not nearly as enjoyable as it could be if both partners were in good physical health. How does one tell the spouse that they really do love that they are a little bit grossed out by the sight and feel of obesity? Sadly, I have no good answer. Most people probably suffer in silence. If anyone has a good approach, perhaps they would like to share.
Sadly, the multi-billion dollar diet industry manipulates these poor folks into thinking that their physical state is a moral problem or a lack of self control. This is false! Obesity is a symptom of addication, much like alcoholism the food addict absolutely lives in denial, but can begin to heal with the help of a good 12 step program for compulsive overeaters. These groups do not advertise simply because they rely on attraction rather than promotion to bring their message to people who want recovery from their addictions.
Never ever berate your wife for being fat. She needs encouragement and love. She probably knows that her condition is keeping her from enjoying life to it’s fullest. Deep down inside, she also knows that something is wrong in the bedroom but is too ashamed to acknowledge it. She needs your unconditional love and understanding if she is to recover from her condition.
I suggest you talk to a good spiritual advisor about what you can do about the masturbation issue. A good start would be for you to simply dim the lights and make the best of it… never ever tell her that you find her appearance to be a turn off. It would devastate her to hear that from you. Don’t conclude that her obesity is the cause of your masturbating though. Strip clubs and porn shops are full of men who are married to slim, and attractive women. There are often other forces at work. It can be complicated.
Ladies… I know there are a few of you out there that are grossed out by hubby’s excess blubber too. Is honesty on this issue the best policy?
Thoughts anyone?
