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gmarie21

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I’m not trying to get into a debate here about schooling choices. Reading up on the latest regarding the tragedy in Mass. regarding the girl who killed herself after being bullied, I am very saddened. I know that suicide is absolutely terrible and that it is extremely high for adolescents. I know that I struggled with suicidal thoughts in my youth (though my mom was proactive and took everything very seriously and got me help for my depression) and worry about my own children during such a transitory time in their lives (and pray that they do not struggle and suffer like I did.

Now here’s my question, have there ever been any studies to see the percentage rates of suicides among students who are home educated vs. students who are educated in a brick and mortar setting?
 
I know, what a sad story.

I went to Catholic school…and was bullied. Years later(25) I came across one of my bullies. Her son was in school with mine. She acted non-chalant, I was nervous around her, and had to keep repeating, “I’m not 12 anymore, I’m not 12 anymore.” I was actually worried that her son would take after her, but he actually seemed like a nice little child.

To answer your question, I personally haven’t seen any studies regarding home-schooling - away schooling and suicide. But personally,I feel bullies don’t ever go away.

You find them when you get a job, when you get in-laws, when you join a club of some sort.

I think many never evolve past junior high. 😦
 
I know, what a sad story.

I went to Catholic school…and was bullied. Years later(25) I came across one of my bullies. Her son was in school with mine. She acted non-chalant, I was nervous around her, and had to keep repeating, “I’m not 12 anymore, I’m not 12 anymore.” I was actually worried that her son would take after her, but he actually seemed like a nice little child.

To answer your question, I personally haven’t seen any studies regarding home-schooling - away schooling and suicide. But personally,I feel bullies don’t ever go away.

You find them when you get a job, when you get in-laws, when you join a club of some sort.

I think many never evolve past junior high. 😦
Very true that they don’t always grow up. I’ve been fortunate that one of the bullies I experienced in Catholic high school apologized to me after college for his behavior. Then again, many bullies I had encounters with in high school (and grade school) are now FB friends and we agree on many things. My husband always asks why I would even want to know how their lives are, and I respond by letting him know that I just want to know if they are at peace with their lives (which I hope for their sakes). I truly wish them well. Then again, I’m pretty optimistic and I also went to a small school where we all are somehow informed of each others lives even without networking sites.
 
that’s a truly sad story 😦 i had a very close friend with severe depression who tried to kill herself.

I went to a catholic school for 9 years and i was bullied so badly about my body and racial heritage and being smarter than the other kids i turned to bulimia from the age of 12 to the age of 16. and self harm. and a half assed suicide attempt.

kids are kids where ever you put them, the best you can do is all you can do. i’m sure with a mother with experience like yours your child will be fine.
 
I know, what a sad story.

I went to Catholic school…and was bullied. Years later(25) I came across one of my bullies. Her son was in school with mine. She acted non-chalant, I was nervous around her, and had to keep repeating, “I’m not 12 anymore, I’m not 12 anymore.” I was actually worried that her son would take after her, but he actually seemed like a nice little child.

To answer your question, I personally haven’t seen any studies regarding home-schooling - away schooling and suicide. But personally,I feel bullies don’t ever go away.

You find them when you get a job, when you get in-laws, when you join a club of some sort.

I think many never evolve past junior high. 😦
So true. The games on the playground just never really go away.

I went to a public school, and bullying was there as well. Fifth grade was the absolute worse.

I would love to see some statistics myself. My niece attends a public high school, my old high school, and they’ve had 4 suicides within past two years, one was cyber bullying. My old high school is now HUGE, there were 374 kids in my graduation class, this year’s graduation class will have 1000. I think kids get lost in a school that big, especially the ones that might be having troubles.

Just my opinion, I would think that maybe if a child that is home schooled is having suicidal thoughts, that the parent might pick up on in more just because I would think if you’re homeschooling, you’re pretty involved in your child’s life on a more intense level on a daily basis than one that goes to a brick & morter school.
 
Parenting, that is teaching your child from day one, is the best way to prevent your child from being victimized. Two keys, first is to eliminate the victim mindset. There are many great resources out there.

Second, be very involved in your child’s school, whatever type it is.
 
I
. But personally,I feel bullies don’t ever go away.

. . .
I think many never evolve past junior high. 😦
one of the cruelest thing about the whole issue of bullying is that almost nothing in the policies of the schools, or the law, ever acts to stop the bully and treat his problem. Even if there is punitive action or efforts to stop the abuse, it means the victim has to act, like changing schools and seldom forces the bully or his family to change. these are damaged kids who act out their problems at the expense of other weaker “target” kids who are going to suffer. But the bully is a child who is suffering as well, and for a lot of reasons, because parent and school are in denial for instance, he never gets help. You state it very well. they never evolve out of Jr High. Just watched Pay it Forward last night so this is in my mind.

You are right I have had bosses, coworkers, neighbors, fellow parishioners, parents of our children who have stepped right out of 7th grade and reawaken every nightmare you ever had.

If your child is a “born victim” act on his behalf right away, to build confidence, strength, coping strategies, self esteem, be proactive in meeting his needs before he is victimized.

the worst cases of bullying I have seen have been in Catholic school settings, and both situations were institutionalized and hallowed as “traditions.” in My HS my class was successful in ending the tradition for good when we became seniors. My children’s school was not so fortunate, as admin and parents supported the situation and enabled the bullying. We went to the diocese on behalf of the victims (including one of my children) and got a principal and several teachers removed, that is what it took. This was 1988 and dioceses were already waking up to the potential of lawsuits.

in both those cases nobody addressed the bullies at all and I assume they are still out there making hell hotter for someone
 
Now here’s my question, have there ever been any studies to see the percentage rates of suicides among students who are home educated vs. students who are educated in a brick and mortar setting?
Sucide isn’t the end all be all of a healthy mind.

Less than a year ago in NH three boys were bored and committed a murder in cold blood. They picked a house tied up a girl and killed the mother in her own bed in front of little girl.

They had all been homeschooled at some point. One had attended a fancy private school but dropped out, another was a homeschool dropout ( actually the media never was clear whether he stopped school at the compulsory age or he graduated), the ring leader was a mormon, eagle scout who’d been homeschooled his entire life.

And anacdotilly there are homeschool bullies. There are Catholic HS groups these days but I know many people who are adults now who faced HORRENDOUS bullying from “straight edge” protestants. Catholic, mormon, agnostic/athiest children bore the brunt of it while parents stood by and said that they were homeschooled so it “couldn’t be bad.” They faced all sorts of abuses, verbal, physical and yes, even sexual.

Kids can be, and are, cruel.

There are bullies everywhere.

Praying IS a way to handle it, although it should be far from the only thing and WILL not prevent bad things from happening.

I disagree on the “victim mindset” being the reason behind the tragedy. If you look at the life of the girl in question you see that she was truly a victim. There was nothing she could humanly do to stop them. This was also not typical bullying, there was severe verbal violence, physical violence and sexual violence at play.

No where is really safe and you can’t prevent life. The homeschoolers that I knew who were more isolated even from fellow homeschoolers were like reeds in the wind, completely CRUSHED when they were made fun of in college. The others went absolutely WILD. And some were happy. But I knew my uni became reluctant to accept HS’ers because they were such a gamble. (either they were A+, 4.0, civically engaged or they dropped out after two weeks) HS’ers tend to do better at HS geared uni’s…Magdalen, Steubenville, Ave Maria (I don’t know the prot ones)

I think the best thing is to encourage honesty and communication and to ACT if action needs to be taken. So many people today are so afraid of being labeled “hillicopter parents” that they let their children be mistreated.

Infact, I just had a talk with my co-woker who is dealing with an abusive, bigoted teacher and expecting her 11 son to toe the line because she wants him to ‘obey authority’ and dosn’t want to hover. She refused to act and wondered why her son was getting withdrawn and mean to his siblings. Finally, she spoke to the other parents and found out that the teacher was using racial slurs in place of children’s names, humiliating children for mistakes, punishing special needs kids, and other horrible things. The teacher was fired, and rightly so.
 
I think the best thing is to encourage honesty and communication and to ACT if action needs to be taken. So many people today are so afraid of being labeled “hillicopter parents” that they let their children be mistreated.

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exactly. it begins with establishing a family climate where your children feel free to ask you about anything, ask for help, can rely on you to set firm guidelines, but are not afraid to bring problems to you. when your child asks for your time, give it. drop everything. Just as you get to know what a baby’s cry means, get to know what each of your children means when they ask for your attention. For preteens and teens, when they say, it’s no big deal, it is usually a very big deal indeed. listen, listen, listen, and don’t talk until they ask for your (name removed by moderator)ut. you cannot protect children from everything and everyone out there, but you can teach him skills and appropriate reactions, and how to defend himself and to stand up for those who are weaker.

one benefit of homeschooling ought to be that you are more available to your children, but it may get so hectic that it works out the opposite–if it is not part of a lesson they don’t interact or communicate with you at all.

listen, listen, listen, if you are homeschooling, don’t always be playing teacher, instructor, tutor

if your child is the bully, there is something going on that needs immediate attention
 
I believe we encounter bullies throughout our lives.

When I was in college I had a prof that made life very difficult on any student that held religious beliefs (especially Catholic) or had a conservative mindset.

I also encountered bullying when I was teaching at a middle school for 3 years. My vice-principal made my job very hard. He took pleasure in his type of administrative methods with some teachers. Mainly those of us that were caucasion females. It is hard to teach children not to be bullies, when the very people that are running the schools are bullies themselves.

Thank goodness those are all in my past. I have a wonderful life now and don’t have to deal with such individuals.

Having been a teacher in the public schools, and with my husband still teaching in public high schools, we are praying that our granddaughter will be homeschooled like her parents are considering doing.
 
I think we’re also forgetting that kids also commit suicide for reasons other than just being bullied. Two of the four students that committed suicide at my niece’s high school would never have been the kind of kid you would have thought would ever consider suicide. One was a star athlete and had just received a full scholarship to one of the select few colleges he applied to. Highly liked kid, popular, good grades… its just not always the victim type kid that can be showing all the signs of depression or for being an outcast.
 
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