Sensitive situations and health professionals

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Please stop.
The moderator has already asked that I not seek help for this here, and had stated that it is not an appropriate discussion for a public forum.
My husband and I, thanks to some of the great advice already given, know how we as a couple are going to proceed.
I already asked up thread for us to abide by forum rules and not share details here from my thread.
I kindly ask again, please NO details from the other thread.
There are a lot of people here at CAF who are having flashbacks and being triggered by the talk, and nothing that I described even rose to the level of abuse.
Please stop.

Thank you and God bless all of you.
 
Sorry I didn’t see your other post on this thread…if I could delete my above post I would but can’t.

Once again apologies…😦
 
Sorry, Mommamaree.

Back to the more general subject. It is very true that you can’t just say “see a counselor” because there are both good and bad counselors. There’s a long-running marriage thread from the past few months where the longer it’s gone on, the clearer it has become that the marriage counselor was committing malpractice. The counselor was comparing the OP to her own ex-husband and letting the OP’s husband turn their joint sessions into free-form gripe fests for emotionally beating up on the OP, while not offering any kind of focused, explicit program for the OP and her husband moving forward. Nobody needs to be paying $100 an hour for that.

I think that caveat emptor has to be the rule when dealing with professionals. I would compare it to the situation with mechanics. The average person badly needs help keeping their car on the road, but the field is full of bad actors and the average person needs a competent, honest mechanic, not just a mechanic.
 
mommamaree said:
I appreciate your asking these questions. For my own part, the question that started the thread was more than sufficiently answered. I will not speak to any authority about this, because they are legally required to report it, and so far, I only had a creepy feeling that possibly was from PTSD. I have worked with counselors in the past and they have done more harm than good. My sister says the same thing.
Speaking to counselors or medical professionals should not be the first thing that a person does, especially if it is just a question about boundaries and propriety. I will respect forum rules, and not bring up any details from the locked thread, and I would appreciate if everyone else avoids details as well.
But it is rather frustrating sometimes to see “go to counseling” or “talk to your priest” for questions that are seeking information or clarification so that a person can be helped to make an informed choice on their own. On the other hand, some people can freak out and imagine more than is being asked and get an OP worked up unnecessarily. But I think that for the most part, there is a good balance here.
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I can definitely vouch for professionals doing more bad than good. The only therapist I ever had was quite possibly the worst therapist in the history of therapists. She actually told me that I was at fault for my abuse because I didn’t tell anyone. I told my friends who majored in psychology that, and they were baffled and appalled. They wanted her license to be taken away, but she has thankfully retired, so there was no need. But her saying that briefly did a lot of damage to me that my friends had to help me fix all over again. I would have been better off just confiding my problems to my friends and working on it by myself, but everyone told me how the precious professionals do so much more good than your friends.

I definitely don’t hate therapists, and I know there are lots of good ones out there, but people put blind faith in them, as if there’s no such thing as a bad one and you can never go wrong with them.
 
ATeutonicKnight said:
I definitely don’t hate therapists, and I know there are lots of good ones out there, but people put blind faith in them, as if there’s no such thing as a bad one and you can never go wrong with them.
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There is something vaguely disturbing to me about psychological counseling. Here is a person who is willing to help me, but only for money. They’re willing to show love to me, but when the clock dings, they move on. Some psychologists aren’t like that, I know. And it’s understandable when psychologists are like that.

Sometimes I think Americans go to shrinks because we are afraid of each other. It’s kind of like how we go to restaurants because it’s so more convenient than home cooking.

But love is home-cooked. That’s the only way it can be.

(Sorry, OP, if this is off-topic. Oh, wait, I AM the OP.) 😊
 
Prodigal_Son said:
There is something vaguely disturbing to me about psychological counseling. Here is a person who is willing to help me, but only for money. They’re willing to show love to me, but when the clock dings, they move on. Some psychologists aren’t like that, I know. And it’s understandable when psychologists are like that.

Sometimes I think Americans go to shrinks because we are afraid of each other. It’s kind of like how we go to restaurants because it’s so more convenient than home cooking.

But love is home-cooked. That’s the only way it can be.

(Sorry, OP, if this is off-topic. Oh, wait, I AM the OP.) 😊
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And frequently Americans go to therapists to save their lives. Had it not been for my amazing therapist, when I was at my lowest, I would have ended it.

They don’t “show love” to you. They make it clear that they are not your friend, and they don’t provide hugs, comfort, or advice.

If you can’t afford their services, frequently they will work with you on a sliding scale. If they can’t or won’t do that, they bend over backwards to refer you to a place that can meet your needs.
 
ATeutonicKnight said:
I can definitely vouch for professionals doing more bad than good. The only therapist I ever had was quite possibly the worst therapist in the history of therapists. She actually told me that I was at fault for my abuse because I didn’t tell anyone. I told my friends who majored in psychology that, and they were baffled and appalled. They wanted her license to be taken away, but she has thankfully retired, so there was no need. But her saying that briefly did a lot of damage to me that my friends had to help me fix all over again. I would have been better off just confiding my problems to my friends and working on it by myself, but everyone told me how the precious professionals do so much more good than your friends.

I definitely don’t hate therapists, and I know there are lots of good ones out there, but people put blind faith in them, as if there’s no such thing as a bad one and you can never go wrong with them.
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Yes
 
Prodigal_Son said:
There is something vaguely disturbing to me about psychological counseling. Here is a person who is willing to help me, but only for money. They’re willing to show love to me, but when the clock dings, they move on. Some psychologists aren’t like that, I know. And it’s understandable when psychologists are like that.

Sometimes I think Americans go to shrinks because we are afraid of each other. It’s kind of like how we go to restaurants because it’s so more convenient than home cooking.

But love is home-cooked. That’s the only way it can be.

(Sorry, OP, if this is off-topic. Oh, wait, I AM the OP.) 😊
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Yes
 
ProdigalSon said:

“Sometimes I think Americans go to shrinks because we are afraid of each other. It’s kind of like how we go to restaurants because it’s so more convenient than home cooking”

It can be very helpful to talk to a neutral 3rd party that you don’t have to see all the time. Let’s say you are having some weird sexual problem or embarrassing marital issue with your spouse–who are you going to go to, if not a counselor or priest? It’s very important to have the well-founded belief that what you say in the office stays in the office, and it’s not going to wind up gossiped around your circle of friends or your family circle. You don’t really want to be passing the cranberry sauce at Thanksgiving, knowing that your mom knows that your husband hasn’t had sex with you this decade–that’s Too Much Information.

Also, bear in mind that some people simply have no friends at all. We certainly have a number of posters in basically that situation. Do they need friends? Of course. But if they are terrible socially and have been so for decades, how are they supposed to get friends without some friendly coaching from a pro?

A neutral 3rd party is just very useful in dealing with interpersonal stuff. For instance we have a mildly autistic child who can be a handful at school (and it’s private school, so she could very easily get expelled). At the beginning of every school year, we pay $140 out of pocket for a psychologist who has a doctorate and who is a specialist on the autism spectrum to give a little talk on the autism spectrum and our daughter’s history to half a dozen teachers and then take questions. It’s expensive, but doing this is way more convincing than attempting to communicate the same information ourselves.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
And frequently Americans go to therapists to save their lives. Had it not been for my amazing therapist, when I was at my lowest, I would have ended it.

**They don’t “show love” to you. They make it clear that they are not your friend, and they don’t provide hugs, comfort, or advice. **

If you can’t afford their services, frequently they will work with you on a sliding scale. If they can’t or won’t do that, they bend over backwards to refer you to a place that can meet your needs.
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That has not been my experience with therapists. The one I am currently seeing, who is very, very good, offers comfort and advice in plenty. But she is a Christian so that may very well affect the way that she practices. She definitely shows love, not in a mushy, sentimental way, but she treats me as a person with dignity. That is Christian love.

I’ve had plenty of awful therapists who did little more than assure me I didn’t have a “real” problem and ask me “So what do you think about that?” If they were expecting me to be able to let down my guard, that wasn’t the right strategy, for sure. :rolleyes:
 
pensmama87 said:
That has not been my experience with therapists. The one I am currently seeing, who is very, very good, offers comfort and advice in plenty. But she is a Christian so that may very well affect the way that she practices. She definitely shows love, not in a mushy, sentimental way, but she treats me as a person with dignity. That is Christian love.

I’ve had plenty of awful therapists who did little more than assure me I didn’t have a “real” problem and ask me “So what do you think about that?” If they were expecting me to be able to let down my guard, that wasn’t the right strategy, for sure. :rolleyes:
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My first therapist was awful. I was 14 and told her about my abuse at home. It was a small town, and little did I know that she knew my stepfather (my abuser) pretty well. She told me that she had known him for years and that there was no way that what I was saying could be true. That was a bad therapist.

But I’m not saying that there aren’t bad ones. Bad employees and bad people are in every vocational and professional position in existence. You definitely need to find a good one.

I’m glad that she treats you with respect and dignity. That’s her job, Christian or not. But your therapist is not your friend, and she shouldn’t be giving you the impression that she is. She could in fact lose her licence if she developed a personal relationship with you while continuing the professional one.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
My first therapist was awful. I was 14 and told her about my abuse at home. It was a small town, and little did I know that she knew my stepfather (my abuser) pretty well. She told me that she had known him for years and that there was no way that what I was saying could be true. That was a bad therapist.

But I’m not saying that there aren’t bad ones. Bad employees and bad people are in every vocational and professional position in existence. You definitely need to find a good one.

I’m glad that she treats you with respect and dignity. That’s her job, Christian or not. But your therapist is not your friend, and she shouldn’t be giving you the impression that she is. She could in fact lose her licence if she developed a personal relationship with you while continuing the professional one.
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I’m sorry you experienced a therapist who didn’t believe you about abuse. That is really horrible. 😦

I know my therapist not my friend, but she’s also not cold and distant, which is the way every other therapist I’ve had has acted. Of course, when you’re incredibly anxious in social settings and suspect you have an addiction, you don’t open up to people who seem cold and distant. :o So, her being friendly and warm was really important for me to feel like I could trust her, rather than feeling I was like some kind of lab rat being examined.
 
It’s a common mistake to think that a counsellor will be like a medical doctor who can give objective advice regarding an ailment and cure it. Counsellors though, are really there to help you face or solve your problem or dilemma yourself. They feed you the ideas that help you have greater perspective on your situation because real healing in your life comes from you experiencing your own wisdom and trusting in your own maturity to deal with the life you are given to live.

Counsellors do often relate examples within their own lives as a way of helping someone see their situation from different angles. It’s a very common method in counselling. But you should go into sessions ready to step up to the reigns of your life and to practice challenging your own beliefs that have been keeping you trapped and helpless in living the life you’ve been given. It’s not going to work if one thinks that they will get specific instructions on how they should act or what they should specifically do. A lot of us don’t realise it but in some ways due to an event, we lock a part of ourselves away from hurt and live from a childish perspective always fearing hurt or loss of power over our own life. That’s what keeps us helpless and thinking someone else has to save us from the dilemma. A good counsellor won’t be your ‘saviour’. That’s Christs job.
 
I appreciate a lot of the balance of the comments here. My previous comment wasn’t meant to say that psychologist don’t do a lot of good – they can be quite helpful, even godsends. But the Christian community is supposed to be providing a lot of these services to people, for free. And we are supposed to ALL be experts on how to show love to one another.

Personally, I think that there is nothing too embarrassing to share with a good friend – and, trust me, I have some embarrassing stuff in my life. But when I share it, I receive compassion and understanding. And a shrink would give me this too, but there are strings attached.

So psychologists are needed, but they are also overused. In my ever-so-humble opinion! 😉
 
🤷 I’ve never met someone who went to counseling because they needed to talk to someone but was too embarrassed to go to a friend.

Counselors and friends serve two completely different purposes.
 
“But the Christian community is supposed to be providing a lot of these services to people, for free.”

Isn’t that like expecting that Christian plumbers and gardeners and carpenters and cooks should be plumbing, gardening, building and cooking for free? Everybody has to make a living, and a well-trained psychologist may have spent the better part of a decade getting a doctorate. An experienced psychologist will have that education, plus a decade or so of practice. They know how to give psychological exams properly, evaluate patients for particular psychological issues and learning disabilities and make a treatment plan, they know and observe the ethics of their profession, plus a bunch of other stuff. We can’t really expect that to be done by non-experts, any more than we expect to get safe pharmaceuticals on dark street corners.
 
Best answer on this thread.

These are mental health professionals, not friends for hire. They do not serve the same purpose. One buys you a beer, the other does things like cognitive behavioral therapy.
 
Telling someone to consult a professional on a discussion board is a way of letting them know that the person needs more up close and personal help than can be accomplished in an anonymous setting like this.

How can anyone expect decent advise from strangers on the internet after writing a few paragraphs? It’s like the calls we get in the ER where someone describes a few symptoms and wants an evaluation over the phone.

It doesn’t mean that professionals are all great. Especially in the psychology field, there is a whole lot of grey areas, and also politicizing of illnessess, and a lot of the psychological professionals seem a bit touched in the heads themselves.😉
 
Country_Gal said:
Telling someone to consult a professional on a discussion board is a way of letting them know that the person needs more up close and personal help than can be accomplished in an anonymous setting like this.
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This person needs a wise friend they can trust, in most cases. Only rare cases require an actual specialist.
 
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